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View Full Version : Would Like An Adult Term for SO, Boyfriend, Girlfriend


sunrise
03-02-2004, 09:31 AM
My friends and I have discussed this before and we're at a stale mate, so I turn to the Dopers to help! :)

We need another term for adults to use when they are dating someone or seriously involved with someone. For crying out loud, I'm almost 42 years old! I don't like calling Kirk my 'boyfriend'. It sounds too temporary. He's not my fiance and who knows how long it will be till we go there....if we go there


So we have: "Significant other" -- makes it sound like we're gay.

"Partner" -- again, used mostly by the gay community

"Boyfriend" -- great if you're 18. He's not a boy, I"m not a girl and he's way more than a friend.

"Consort" -- okay, while I don't mind being treated like a queen, doesn't that just make him a 'stud'?

Any words you can come up with?

Captain Gutgore Blooddrink
03-02-2004, 09:44 AM
Well, I'm assuming you probably don't want to use "FB" so how about:

Companion.

or

Post-coital pre-marital self-sustaining apparatus?

Jervoise
03-02-2004, 09:46 AM
What's so bad about "partner"? I hear plenty of straight folk use it nowadays. Invitations are commonly addressed to me "and partner".

There's also "other half" or "better half" for casual references.

... and you try "Kirk, my biyatch!", if all else fails. :D

Gfactor
03-02-2004, 09:47 AM
Do like Dieter from Sprockets and call him your lover.

Kalhoun
03-02-2004, 10:03 AM
My friends and I have discussed this before and we're at a stale mate, so I turn to the Dopers to help! :)

We need another term for adults to use when they are dating someone or seriously involved with someone. For crying out loud, I'm almost 42 years old! I don't like calling Kirk my 'boyfriend'. It sounds too temporary. He's not my fiance and who knows how long it will be till we go there....if we go there


So we have: "Significant other" -- makes it sound like we're gay.

"Partner" -- again, used mostly by the gay community

"Boyfriend" -- great if you're 18. He's not a boy, I"m not a girl and he's way more than a friend.

"Consort" -- okay, while I don't mind being treated like a queen, doesn't that just make him a 'stud'?

Any words you can come up with?

I used to call my boyfriend (now husband) my " s'pose", as in " s'pose they'll ever get married?"

Incidently, "SO" is universally accepted as OK for gay and straight couples. I hate it (sounds like something out of a relationship contract, fercrissakes) but it does not imply you're gay.

Eve
03-02-2004, 10:14 AM
Do like Dieter from Sprockets and call him your lover.

Or do like Carrie from Sex and the City and call him your "LOV-AH" until your friends go, "oh, will you shut up?!"

LifeOnWry
03-02-2004, 10:23 AM
"Hello! I'd like you to meet Kirk, my person-to-notify-in-case-of-emergency."

twickster
03-02-2004, 10:27 AM
I've always had a certain fondness for "main squeeze."

Homebrew
03-02-2004, 10:30 AM
Or do like Carrie from Sex and the City and call him your "LOV-AH" until your friends go, "oh, will you shut up?!"
"Lover" is good as long as people haven't seen the SNL skit with Will Ferrell and
Rachel Dratch as Professor Klarvin and Virginia. Their creepy "lover" characters spoil any straight-faced use of the world.

AngelicGemma
03-02-2004, 11:21 AM
I don't see why "boyfriend" is so bad. It's just a label.

BobLibDem
03-02-2004, 11:27 AM
How about "studmuffin"?

ponderer
03-02-2004, 11:39 AM
Why not "Co - Star" ?

JohnBckWLD
03-02-2004, 11:56 AM
I'll second co-star or lover.

Either that or: Main squeeze.

It sure beats the gentlemen-friend / lady-friend labels.

Uvula Donor
03-02-2004, 12:11 PM
How about "the ol' ball-and-chain"?

Otto
03-02-2004, 12:28 PM
I think you hit upon the perfect term in your OP: My friends and I have discussed this before and we're at a stale mate "This is Kirk, my stale mate." Perfect!

Skeezix
03-02-2004, 12:37 PM
Well, you could refer to him as your "Pheremone stimulator."

Or mebbe as your "Tesion relief."

Or even just go for simplicity:
"This is Kirk. He's mine."

AngelicGemma
03-02-2004, 12:41 PM
Or even just go for simplicity:
"This is Kirk. He's mine."

I think there needs t be some epmphasis on "mine".

"This is Kirk. He's mine.
:D

cowgirl
03-02-2004, 01:06 PM
I don't think there's anything wrong with 'partner' or 'significant other' - if it makes you sound gay because it's mostly gay people who use these terms, for heaven's sake, let's us straight people start using them too, and then the problem will be solved !

Kalhoun
03-02-2004, 01:58 PM
I have a friend who refers to her SO as her "man". I guess it's alright, but I always wonder when she's going to trot out her "horse" or her "car." Talk about an objectifying term!

Queen Tonya
03-02-2004, 02:32 PM
I'm wagering you wouldn't go for "Kirk, my steady piece" then, huh?

FilmGeek
03-02-2004, 02:41 PM
I went to a party with my boyfriend (we're 25 and 30 respectively) and I introduced myself to a girl there. She shook my hand and looked at my boy and asked "and who do you love?" I thought that was cute.

I refer to him as my boyfriend in real life because the people to whom I'm talking can see how old we are. Online, I refer to him as my SO or as Ardred on these boards. (he doesn't have a username yet, but he will if I can get him addicted). I feel like I'm 13 when I say boyfriend online, but not in person because I'm obviously not prepubescent.

I don't see anything wrong with boyfriend. But you could get engaged and call him your fiancee. (hopefully pronounced like FIE-ANCE). That cracks me up.

FilmGeek
03-02-2004, 02:48 PM
I went to a party with my boyfriend (we're 25 and 30 respectively)

Oh, that's going to get me in trouble. He's 29. 29. 29. Keep repeating it FilmGeek.

:)

(for honesty's sake, I won't be 25 until Thursday.)

kasuo
03-02-2004, 05:15 PM
Call him your "sperm repository;" he can call you his "egg repository."

Or you can both use the term "geneto-mate" interchangeably ala Coneheads-style.

Doomtrain
03-02-2004, 05:37 PM
How about wench?

BraveNewSquirle
03-02-2004, 06:17 PM
Go with the simple "dude." He can call you his "chick."

Short of that, you could use "person I fuck." :)

Maastricht
03-02-2004, 06:20 PM
Same problem in Dutch. I cannot think of an elegant way to solve it either.

"Hello. I'm Sunrise. I'm with Kirk. Kirk, this is whats-her-face. "
"Hello, I'm Sunrise and this is my Kirk."

jackelope
03-02-2004, 06:47 PM
"SO" doesn't suggest gay couples to me, but it does have somewhat clinical connotations. I hear "significant other" and I'm imagining a contract with signatures and wax seals.

I'm 32, and I call the jillelope my girlfriend, for lack of a better term. In the right tone it can be kind of playful and fun. "Main squeeze" works as well.

This discussion reminds of a gal I dated in college. She was the singer in a local band, and I'd go see their shows pretty often. She advised that if anyone asked me who I was, I shold point at the band up on stage and say, "See the singer? I'm nailing her."

This was funnier in concept than in practice.

wonky
03-02-2004, 07:07 PM
I call them "persons."

My sister, for example, has a male partner. He is her person.

"My sister and her person are coming to dinner."

Okay, I'll admit it sounds like he's a pet, but it's the best solution I've come up with!



Julie

Stainz
03-02-2004, 07:42 PM
Any "6 Feet Under Fans" here? I prefer "Fuck Puppet" ... :)

Seriously, IRL I call McDeath my boyfriend. But in here for some reason I call him my SO. IRL he calls me his girlfriend, etc.

I would never actually call him my "Significant Other" IRL. Sounds too pretentious somehow.

Wish I had an answer for you. I don't think there is one. But I know what you mean, I'm 33, he's 28 ... so I've sometimes wished there was a better term too!

How about "beloved"? Oooh - i like that one ... wonder what McDeath will think?

Dangerosa
03-02-2004, 08:16 PM
A friend of mine used to work for a government agency. He wrote a form. On it it had a space for:

Spouse or Spousal Substitute

BTW, not to scare you or anything, but this is how I ended up married. One day, over frozen pizza, my very romantic spousal substitute looked at me and said "We should get married."

"Why?"

"Because I'm tired of referring to you as "that-shameless-hussy-I'm-shacked-up-with." Wife is so much shorter."

Can't argue with that.

Urban Ranger
03-03-2004, 02:48 AM
What's wrong with Significant Other? It's a lovely name.

Grrr!
03-03-2004, 02:57 AM
Here in Texas we call'm the ol' man and the ol' lady. ;)

lavenderviolet
03-03-2004, 04:13 AM
Why not "Manfriend" and "Womanfriend"? :)

When I hear "partner" or "companion", I do tend to associate it more with gay people. I know a few older folks who use boyfriend/girlfriend, and it doesn't seem strange to me. If I were in that position, that's the word I would use.

Empress Jolrael
03-03-2004, 05:39 AM
"Significant other" does sound pretty clinical. "SO," however, seems pretty casual.

Eureka
03-03-2004, 07:53 AM
You can always do what some of my college buddies did. They used SO but pretended it was an abbreviation for something other than significant other. They came up with things like "Sentiant Organism" "salient Obilisk". The bigger the word the better. Of course, I'm not sure that this makes you look more grown-up.

HDS
03-03-2004, 08:07 AM
I always liked knight in shining armour. An elderly teacher refererred to her gentleman friend that way and it was the sweetest thing. Yay for old love!

FairyChatMom
03-03-2004, 08:08 AM
While my friend and I are both married, we tend to refer to our respective husbands as "my sweetie" - is that too cutesy? I'm none too keen on using boyfriend or girlfriend too far beyond high school, but I can't offer a much better suggestion than that.

I called my husband at work once and got to joking with the secretary (he wasn't there so she got the phone.) I told her to leave a message for my stud muffin. In the "Called By" space, she wrote "Your Muffette" - cracked me up!

Knowed Out
03-03-2004, 09:33 AM
I remember an old Doonesbury strip where Joanie Caucus is introducing Rick Redfern to Lacey Davenport. Joanie and Rick were living together and not married yet.

"This is Rick. He's my...um..."

"Your young man, dear."

Kalhoun
03-03-2004, 10:18 AM
Here in Texas we call'm the ol' man and the ol' lady. ;)
Me and the ol' man do that, but folks sure do frown on it. Tough shit, I say.

mlerose
03-03-2004, 01:33 PM
I second jsgoddess's idea, and will say that I've called the superhero my person for quite a while now.

Dogface
03-03-2004, 01:42 PM
If you're already shacking up, then "my old man" or "my old lady" are the traditional terms. If you haven't yet done that, then the following would work:

"Suitor" is acceptable to refer to a gentleman.
"My darling Miss <<name>>" or "Miss <<name>>" would be suitable to refer to a lady. Use of "my darling" would indicate closer than ordinary familiarity.

kniz
03-03-2004, 02:02 PM
Call him SLAVE and he can use DOMINEX. :D Or vis-a-versa

geewhiz
03-03-2004, 11:05 PM
How about just calling him your friend. If introduced in a social situation, most people will guess. Partner is too business and sig. other is too wordy

Your right, I am 31 female and I don't want to be called a girlfriend. Just like I don't like the term boyfriend. I would rather be refered to as "friend". And in the context, I think most people can guess what it means.

Besides, it doesn't matter what you call each other, it is how you treat each other :)

Ellis Dee
03-03-2004, 11:36 PM
There is nothing negative about the terms boyfriend and girlfriend; anyone who dislikes them is reading too much into them or projecting personal insecurities onto them.

Significant Other is a fine substitute. 10 years ago it might have sounded clinical, but nowadays I think most people hear it as a normal term refering to a boyfriend or girlfriend. And SO saves bandwidth on the internet.

This whole thread reminds me of that Cheers episode when Frasier announces that he and Lilith are becoming POSSLQs (pronounced as "posselcues"). Two points for the first person to expand that acronym.

CrazyCatLady
03-04-2004, 02:26 AM
The first part must be "persons of opposite sexes" but damned if I can figure out the rest of it.

Anyway, I've always preferred the term sweetie or sweetheart. It's definitively romantic without getting into the whole status of the relationship thing, and it's neither geriatric-sounding nor juvenile.

Napier
03-04-2004, 06:21 AM
He's your gentleman caller.

yola
03-04-2004, 07:26 AM
What a beautiful, Beautiful Name. :)

lauramarlane
03-04-2004, 07:28 AM
Person of the Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters?

My....Well, Brad and I struggle with this on a regular basis. It's come up more lately since we're in the process of buying a house. Since he's 50 and I'm 36, we feel a little beyond the girlfriend/boyfriend thing. Concubine and consort have been used--but not on any official documents!

Fern Forest
03-04-2004, 07:59 AM
I've always wanted to use paramour after reading it in many old novels. I just like the sound of it. Looking at the definition I see that it's now meant in a bad sense, like in an adultery, which is a shame because it used to be so nice. I'll probably use it anyway since I don't think very many people will hear the bad meaning. Maybe we can take it back.

don't ask
03-04-2004, 08:19 AM
I knew a couple years ago who referred to their partners by the Spanish word "alternativa" as in alternative to a wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend whatever.

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