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The Great Sun Jester
08-21-2005, 10:19 PM
All day long I'va had this Army cadence running through my head. It makes me giggle spontaneously, but I will not explain myself--my friends would not understand.

But I'll share here. This is a cadence that works well for quick time or double time. But use it sparingly and NOT within earshot of the brass. To the tune of "The Candy Man Can"

Who can take a puppy
grab it by the ears
smack it 'gainst the wall and count the little puppy tears?
The S & M Man. The S & M Man because it takes a lot of love to make the hurting feel good.





I am sooooo sorry.

pinkfreud
08-21-2005, 10:21 PM
I think you're a swell guy, Inigo, and I've enjoyed many of your posts, but I just don't think this is funny.

Rhiannon8404
08-21-2005, 10:35 PM
Yep, kinda makes me wanna puke. I'm sorry it makes you giggle. It's just sick.

RandMcnally
08-21-2005, 11:19 PM
When I went to basic, we had some pretty tame ones. The only one I can remember that could even remotely consider close is one about a little bird sitting on a window sill. That's all I can remember, but it was lame though.

And now the one you posted is stuck in my head.

John Carter of Mars
08-22-2005, 12:31 AM
I remember several cadence calls that were very, very bad. Somehow, I don't think they'd go over at all well on the SDMB. (For starters, note above posts)

Maybe you just had to be there; catch the ambiance and alla that.

Padeye
08-22-2005, 01:53 AM
During my last few months at NATTC Memphis in the spring of '80 all the students had to pass in review for the CO once a month. We joined the fucking navy so we wouldn't have to do this marching around shit. Our barracks unit had a couple of hundred guys and someone started softly chanting and pretty soon everyone picked it up and it got louder and louder. "oh-wee-oh, wee-ohhhh-ohhhh." The guard's (http://ftp.sunet.se/pub/pictures/tv.film/Wizard_of_Oz/Guards.1.jpg) chant from The Wizard of Oz. It made us feel a bit better about our task until the barracks chief came running back screaming that he was going to tear us all new assholes if we didn't shut the fuck up. I don't remember being in any serious trouble over it so we all felt pretty good about pissing everyone off so much.

Askia
08-22-2005, 02:10 AM
My friend told me one long time ago that had a haunting echo/refrain of "bodies, bodies, bodies." Anyone here know what I'm talking about?

Ellis Dee
08-22-2005, 03:32 AM
Who can take a puppy
grab it by the ears
smack it 'gainst the wall and count the little puppy tears?
The S & M Man. The S & M Man because it takes a lot of love to make the hurting feel good.Wow are there some prissy people in this thread.

Your example reminds me of my childhood, in that we had all sorts of "bad" songs we used to sing. (In another thread I posted the Suffocation song lyrics, which others seemed to know as well.)

The version of the S&M Man that my friends and I knew was:

Who can take a bicycle?
Take off the seat?
And make a...

You know what? I just realized I was in happy huggles land. Better not to finish the lyric, IMO.

The Great Sun Jester
08-22-2005, 06:58 AM
My friend told me one long time ago that had a haunting echo/refrain of "bodies, bodies, bodies." Anyone here know what I'm talking about?

Maybe:

Load another magazine,
in my trusty M16.
Cuz all I ever wanna see!
Is bodies, bleeding bodies.

Throw another hand grenade!
Should have seen the mess I made.
Cuz all I ever wanna see,
Is bodies, broken bodies.

Stab em with the bayonet!
If he squirms you're not done yet!
Cuz all I ever wanna see,
Is bodies, cut-up bodies.

Call some more TACAIR.
On that bunker over there.
Cuz all I ever wanna see,
Is bodies burnin bodies!

Askia
08-22-2005, 07:10 AM
That's it!

The Great Sun Jester
08-22-2005, 07:28 AM
Yep, kinda makes me wanna puke. I'm sorry it makes you giggle. It's just sick.
but I just don't think this is funny.
Y'know, I recognize that they're bad (I didn't put the other verses in there for a reason!). But one thing that has always facinated me about the military is the grisly morgue humor that runs pretty much throughout the working-class ranks. Most of it does fall under the heading, "You had to be there," and I can see how it would be difficult not to judge someone who thinks the words are funny. I think the humor just lies in the "wrongness" of it all, especially considering most of the folks you work with day to day are decent puppy-owning people who clearly would not enjoy acting out the cadences they snicker at when they're at work. That, and humor is probably your best enemy against the psychological horror (horror? well, at least it's a lot different from happy huggles land I recall from 3rd grade) that is the warzone and the job of the government-sponsored killer.

That "bad" humor crosses all kinds of lines (homophobia, misogyny, cannibalism...) and is perpetrated by some of the kindest and best people I've ever met. The contrast is interesting. True, there are some real buttheads, both in and out of the military, who actually do get off on torture and mutilation but they are universally regarded as psychopaths. I'm nuts, but I'm not one of those.

Caller: "My son got hit by a mortar round"
Formation: "Dooh dah, Dooh dah"
Caller: "There's bits of him that'll never be found"
Formation: "Oh, Dooh dah day, Momma don't you stress, your son's a bloody mess, we'll send him home in a body bag, oh, Dooh dah day"

aruvqan
08-22-2005, 07:59 AM
I got in serious trouble at work discussing antipersonnel boobietraps with another military brat/military spouse. We had both just seen the remake of night of the dead and were discussing finding outselves barracaded into a lonely farmhouse.

Some stupid twat not in our private office was apparently evesdropping outside and got her panties in a bunch. I think the 'hardest' boobytrap we discussed was that swinging paintcan thing from the home alone movies. We were discussing using it to slow down the zombies to make it easier to blow their heads off.

The shrink was exmarine, and thought it was distressing that someone would be so twitchy that discussing a movie beng treated as a what-if situation upset her. We had a lovely discussion about boobie traps and home made explosive and antipersonnel devices. He didnt know about recuring fiberglass with sulfuric acid to make a nice concertina substitute. I got some nice tips on setting up enfillade situations=)

Booker57
08-22-2005, 08:34 AM
Parris Island Summer 1975

I've got a girl with a 40 inch bust .
love to see her bend and thrust.

I know a girl who lives on a hill.
She won't do it but her sisiter will.


I know a girl all dressed in pink.
She's the one who made my finger stink.

These were double time cadences. I dont remember standard marching ones.

Exgineer
08-22-2005, 09:04 AM
Her momma said, "baby, don't you go into town,
there's too many paratroopers hangin' around."
She didn't listen and she went anyway
Didn't come home 'til the very next day
Three months later all was well
Six months later she began to swell
Nine months later out he came
Ass-kickin' paratrooper swingin' a chain

RandomLetters
08-22-2005, 09:30 AM
From 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army (http://skippyslist.com/skippylist.html) list:

58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

velvetjones
08-22-2005, 09:46 AM
I thought it was pretty funny. I don't know that I'd want it running through my head all day but funny, damn funny.

Clothahump
08-22-2005, 12:58 PM
Our barracks unit had a couple of hundred guys and someone started softly chanting and pretty soon everyone picked it up and it got louder and louder. "oh-wee-oh, wee-ohhhh-ohhhh." The guard's (http://ftp.sunet.se/pub/pictures/tv.film/Wizard_of_Oz/Guards.1.jpg) chant from The Wizard of Oz.

For years as I was growing up, I thought they were chanting "OREO, NABISCO".

I was quite disillusioned to find otherwise.

Sierra Indigo
08-22-2005, 06:46 PM
As an ex-airforce brat and ex-cadet, these all make me giggle. Even the puppy one. And I'm a hardcore puppy lover, to the extent that even talking about hurting a puppy (normally) will upset me. But that's just funny in the context of a marching cadence.

One of my favourites was always this one (apologies for length):

Johnny joined the airforce coz he liked the uniform.
Johnny joined the airforce coz he liked the uniform.
Johnny joined the airforce coz he liked the uniform,
And he ain't gonna jump no mo-o-ore.

*Glory, glory what a helluva way to die.
Glory, glory what a helluva way to die.
Glory, glory what a helluva way to die,
And he ain't gonna jump no mo-o-ore.

He bailed out of a tigermoth at 40,000 feet.
repeat x2
And he ain't gonna jump no mo-o-ore.

He remembered to pack the parachute, but forgot to pack the strings.
Repeat x2
And he ain't gonna jump no mo-o-ore.

* Repeat Chorus

He landed on the tarmac like a blob of rasp'bry jam.
repeat x2
And he ain't gonna jump no mo-o-ore.

They scraped him off the tarmac with a bread and butter knife.
repeat x2
And he ain't gonna jump no mo-o-ore.

* Repeat Chorus

They packed him in a jam jar and they sent him home to mum.
repeat x2
And he ain't gonna jump no mo-o-ore.

She put him on the mantlepiece for all his friends to see.
repeat x2
And he ain't gonna jump no mo-o-ore.

PoorYorick
08-22-2005, 07:11 PM
For years as I was growing up, I thought they were chanting "OREO, NABISCO".

I was quite disillusioned to find otherwise.
And I always thought it was OLEO MARRRGERINE

Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor
08-22-2005, 08:04 PM
During my last few months at NATTC Memphis in the spring of '80 all the students had to pass in review for the CO once a month. We joined the fucking navy so we wouldn't have to do this marching around shit. Our barracks unit had a couple of hundred guys and someone started softly chanting and pretty soon everyone picked it up and it got louder and louder. "oh-wee-oh, wee-ohhhh-ohhhh." The guard's (http://ftp.sunet.se/pub/pictures/tv.film/Wizard_of_Oz/Guards.1.jpg) chant from The Wizard of Oz. It made us feel a bit better about our task until the barracks chief came running back screaming that he was going to tear us all new assholes if we didn't shut the fuck up. I don't remember being in any serious trouble over it so we all felt pretty good about pissing everyone off so much.

Scroll down & find info on this song.

Also, they discuss many items Cecil has mentioned.
http://imdb.com/title/tt0032138/trivia

Sleel
08-22-2005, 09:59 PM
From 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army (http://skippyslist.com/skippylist.html) list:

Jeebus Jumping Christ on a cracker! I would absolutely hate to be this guy's CO. This also makes me glad I never joined the military; I probably would have been Skippy's enabler. Poor guy is smart and mischievous, which is probably a bad combination for the military. If he's lucky, someone will get his butt transferred to someplace where his creativity is useful, but I have a feeling he'll just get reprimanded often.

"Sir, may I ask why Calvin Ball is not an acceptable PT activity?"

Tripler
08-22-2005, 11:36 PM
Inigo, there are some that get it, and some that don't. I'd venture to say that those that don't get it, don't fully appreciate the macabre humor we military guys have.

That being said,

"My girl's a vegetable,
She lives in a hospital.
I'd buy her anything,
to keep her alive, yeah!

One day, I pulled the joke,
I pulled the plug and watched her choke,
but I'd buy her anything
to keep her alive, yeah!"

-or-

"Your left, your right, your left, your right, your left, your right to kill!
Your left, your right, your left, your right, your left, your right to kill!

I went to the pool,
where all the kiddies swim.
I plugged in a toaster,
and then I kicked it in!

Your left, your right, your left, your right, your left, your right to kill!
Your left, your right, your left, your right, your left, your right to kill!"

To those that think we're sick for singing songs like that . . . the hell with you. We do have a morbid sense of humor. But we've earned it.

Tripler
I've learned dirty, and I've shared it. Happily. And it brought my flight together, thankyouverymuch.

MadPansy64
08-22-2005, 11:51 PM
Courtesy Mr. Pansy, USMC circa 1974, Naples:

Navy, Navy, don't feel blue
The Army and the Air Force
Are fucked up too

Apparently, Navy Captains objected quite strongly. And some AF officer who was just wandering by, too. :D

Glory
08-23-2005, 01:34 AM
My dad was in the military (air force, who served a cross group tour in the army 82nd Airborne) and he used to sing the cadences for us kids (obviously, the clean ones):

C130 goin down the strip
Air Force Daddy going to take a little trip (wait, he might have just sang Daddy for us? Ha, I don't know!)
Stand up sit down shuffle to the door
Jump on out and count to four

If that chute don't open wide
I've got another one by my side
If that chute don't open too
Tell St. Peter I'm a comin' thru

Tell the sarge I've done my best
And bury me in the leanin' rest (As a child, dad explained this was push up position, also don't know if it's true!)

cabdude
08-23-2005, 09:06 AM
Some people need to chill out and be reminded that singing a song about something is not the same as doing it, or even agreeing with it. As unpleasant as it sounds, the armed forces are full of people trained to kill :eek: Someone else here might talk about the necessity of indoctrination.

My favourite would be Napalm Sticks to Kids (http://sniff.numachi.com/~rickheit/dtrad/pages/tiNAPALM.html).

RyJae
08-23-2005, 09:44 AM
My dad was in the military (air force, who served a cross group tour in the army 82nd Airborne) and he used to sing the cadences for us kids (obviously, the clean ones):

C130 goin down the strip
Air Force Daddy going to take a little trip (wait, he might have just sang Daddy for us? Ha, I don't know!)
Stand up sit down shuffle to the door
Jump on out and count to four

If that chute don't open wide
I've got another one by my side
If that chute don't open too
Tell St. Peter I'm a comin' thru

Tell the sarge I've done my best
And bury me in the leanin' rest (As a child, dad explained this was push up position, also don't know if it's true!)

C130 heading down the strip
Airborne soldier on a top secret trip
Mission top secret destination unknown
We don't know if where coming home
Stand up hook up and shuffle to the door
Jump on out and count to four
If my first chute don't open wide
I've got a reserve by my side
If that one should fail me too
Look out below I am coming through
Pin my medals upon my chest
Bury me in the front lean and rest

---------------------------------------------------

Little bird with a yellow bill was perching on my window sill
Lured him in with crumbs of bread
Then I crushed his little head
(More to this one I forget most of it)
--------------------------------------------------------

They say that in the Army the chow is mighty fine
A chicken jumped off the table and killed a friend of mine
O lord I wanna go home but the drills won't let me goooooo hey
They say that in the army the pay is mighty fine
they pay me 100 dollars and take back 99
O lord I wanna go home but the drills won't let me goooooo hey
they say that in the army the women are mighty fine
they look like phylis diller and march like Frankenstien.
O lord I wanna go home but the drills won't let me goooooo hey

Lots more to this one as well
------------------------------------------------------------

See that lady dressed in black
She made her living on her back
See that lady dressed in blue
She made her living that way too
See that lady dressed in red
She made her living giving head

See that commie dressed in black
I knifed him in his fuckinh back
See that commie dressed in blue
I needed to kill that one too
See that commie dressed in red
I shot him in his fucking head.

-------------------------------------------------------




Ahh the glory of cadence, we had some foul ones in my day, I went to a graduation from bootcamp a few years ago in Ft. Knox and couldn't believe the "clean" cadence they seem to do now.

Of course I cannot remember many of my cadence songs from my youth but I recall a real dirty one with a woman in the tub, coming home and shooting someone oh heck the mind fades fast.

The Great Sun Jester
08-23-2005, 09:54 AM
That C130 one...we MI types knew we had it good...

747 rolling down the strip
MI daddy on a TDY trip
Sit down buckle in order up a drink
Say "Hey stewardess what do you think!?

What do you think about you and I
Joining a club they call Mile High?
Mile High is a club renowned
For rockin' and rollin' above the ground!

We had a female drill sergent. She hardly ever spoke (she was quite an effective visual communicator) so it wasn't until maybe 2 weeks into Basic that she let us hear her for the first time:

Roll me over, in the clover,
Put your belly next to mine
drive it on down the line
When he gave me inch one, I said Boy this is fun
When he gave me inches two, he said this one's for you
etc....on up to 12!

She had a sweet voice. She owned us for the next 6 weeks.

Captain Amazing
08-23-2005, 10:03 AM
Little bird with a yellow bill was perching on my window sill
Lured him in with crumbs of bread
Then I crushed his little head
(More to this one I forget most of it)

Little bird with a yellow bill
Perching on my window sill
Lured him in with crumbs of bread.
They I crushed his little head.

The moral of the story told,
one I learned at six years old;
if you want a little head
you've got to have a little bread.

RyJae
08-23-2005, 10:17 AM
Thank you! Rather then hijack this thread I outta start another one with all my one/two liners so people can help me remember the rest.

And thanks Inigo Montoya now I am sitting here working while singing all these old forgotten songs in my head, if they escape my lips some co-workers will get quite offended. :)

Chanteuse
08-23-2005, 11:57 AM
Little bird with a yellow bill was perching on my window sill
Lured him in with crumbs of bread
Then I crushed his little head
(More to this one I forget most of it)


About 20 years ago, my family and I were attending a church dance/talent show. They needed a few impromptu performances (jokes, recitals, etc) while some of the acts got set up on stage. My then-five-year-old sister climbed the stage and began to sweetly recite:

"Sweet little bird with the yellow bill
Perched upon my windowsill"

(The audience was smiling and saying "Awww!!! My mom was burying her face in her hands--she knew the poem!)

"I lured him close with crumbs of bread"

(And at this point, her whole demeanor changed and she gleefully mimed the actions along with this last line.)

"Then I SLAMMED the window and SMASHED his head!!!"

The stunned surpise of the audience quickly gave way to roars of laughter. :D


In about three years, when her daughter is about that same age, and she is burying her face in her hands, I'm going to remind her about this!

butler1850
08-23-2005, 04:55 PM
Her momma said, "baby, don't you go into town,
there's too many paratroopers hangin' around."
She didn't listen and she went anyway
Didn't come home 'til the very next day
Three months later all was well
Six months later she began to swell
Nine months later out he came
Ass-kickin' paratrooper swingin' a chain

Funny, that's a late night drunken fraternity song to me... slightly different lyrics though.

Momma told Sally not to go down town,
Too many <fraternity name>'s hanging around,
Sally got the itch so she went on down,
Came back later with the pleasures found,
Three months later all was well
Six months later she began to swell
Nine months later out he came
Bad ass <fraternity name> swingin' a chain!

The women present when we belt it out don't find it quite as amusing though... don't know why! :D

-Butler
(Fraternity name, rather than mine inserted as I've heard it sung by many different groups... and to protect the "innocent" :D )

Sierra Indigo
08-23-2005, 06:52 PM
I suppose that it makes me a horrible, bad person that the "Napalm Sticks To Kids" cadence made me giggle like a schoolgirl again :D

Askia
08-23-2005, 08:33 PM
From 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army (http://skippyslist.com/skippylist.html) list:Oh, brilliant.

Kaotic Newtral
08-23-2005, 10:09 PM
I'm with the rest of the VETS here.... (assuming the ones that I'm speaking of are vets also). Some of my best memories are the cadences that we sounded off to as we marched or ran. To the folks that are offended by them, remember that we (at that time ) were basically trained to kill, survive and ... um, kill. It was/is a job that many people have done.

They're in jest, in humor and in the invincibility of the mind of the young soldier.

We're not talking about the dodgeball team here! :) I'd love to hear more....I'll start this easy one;

"Mama, mama can't you see..."




-KN

PS... I know there are a TON of variants.

cabdude
08-24-2005, 08:22 AM
Strafe the Town and Kill the People

Strafe the town and kill the people
Let's declare a massacre.
Lay napalm in the square,
So you'll know that Jake was there

Drop the candy in the courtyard,
Let the kiddies gather 'round.
Crank your twenty-millimeter,
Gun the little bastards down.

Come 'round early Sunday morning,
Catch the village unaware.
Drop a bunch of cluster bomblets,
Get 'em while they kneel in prayer.

Tune: Wake the Town and Tell the People
From The Longest Day, Bowen and Fish
Note: Originated in Korea; widely circulated in Vietnam.
RG

I've wondered about this one - can anyone tell me who or what Jake is?

Davida8575
04-29-2016, 04:34 PM
Caller: Ding dong, yo mama don't wear no drawers.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: I was there when she took em off.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em in the air.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now I can't breath no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em in the trees.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now the little birdies don't sing no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em in my car.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now the engine don't run no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em in the lake.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now the little fishies don't swim no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em on my head.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now my dann hair don't grow no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em at the wall.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now the paint don't stick no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em on the ground.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now the grass don't grow no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em at my balls.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now I can't get laid no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

nightshadea
04-30-2016, 02:21 PM
my favorite is the old "youre in the army now " one ............

Chefguy
04-30-2016, 02:24 PM
Caller: Ding dong, yo mama don't wear no drawers.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: I was there when she took em off.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em in the air.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now I can't breath no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em in the trees.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now the little birdies don't sing no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em in my car.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now the engine don't run no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em in the lake.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now the little fishies don't swim no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em on my head.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now my dann hair don't grow no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em at the wall.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now the paint don't stick no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em on the ground.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now the grass don't grow no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Took em off and threw em at my balls.
Platoon: Ding dong.

Caller: Now I can't get laid no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.

You revived an eleven-year old thread for that?

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