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lezlers
05-20-2006, 05:34 PM
This thread is brought on by a current IMHO thread. In that thread, a girl was getting jealous because a female friend of hers got a boyfriend.

Seems like a typical story. However, there were a couple of posts in that got me curious. The OP and another female poster posted about liking to snuggle with their female friends. The second poster took it a step further, posting about how she missed showering and sleeping with her female friend after said friend got a boyfriend.

The only strange thing about these posts is that they were talking about totally heterosexual relationships. When I was in highschool I had a best friend that I was very close to. When I spent the night at her house we'd sleep in the same bed and shower together in the morning, but it was more for convienence sake. We never snuggled or anything like that. When she subsequently ditched me for her boyfriend I was jealous, but not because I missed sleeping and showing with her, it was because I never saw her for months on end. I just missed hanging out with her. It would never occur to me to miss the physical aspects of our friendship.

But these posters specifically mentioned being jealous because they could no longer "snuggle" or become otherwise physically close with their friends, due to their new relationships.

From this, my curiosity arose. How many female posters on here routinely get physically intimate (not sex, just snuggling, sleeping together, showering together) to the point that they'd get jealous of that friend's new boyfriend, not because they didn't get to see their friend anymore, but because they couldn't do those particular things anymore?

I guess this is a kind of poll.

Again, save the homophobic remarks and such because that is so not where this post was going. I'm just curious about the extent of physical activity between females that is routinely considered heterosexual and common.

Guinastasia
05-20-2006, 05:37 PM
I'll hug my friends, or hold them if they're crying, (literally let them cry on my shoulder), but cuddle? Nope. I have showered with friends, but only with our bathing suits on. (Trying to warm up after getting out the pool and wash our hair). Or I've had to share beds with friends.

But cuddle? Nope, why would I?

Anaamika
05-20-2006, 05:38 PM
I sleep with a couple of my girlfriends but not snuggle and never shower with them. I was surprised and a little envious to read the other posters' words...I've always been hungry for more affection, but I never had that kind of relationship with them.

Of course as a result it's not the physical snuggling with the boyfriends that used to get me envious, it was the loss of time with them. However, at this age I'm more inclined to be happy they've found someone to be happy with, as our relationship can only fill each other's hearts so far.

Alice The Goon
05-20-2006, 06:02 PM
I found the whole snuggling thing to be kind of strange. I've never had that kind of relationship with a female friend. Nor would I wish to. I have slept in the same bed with a girl friend, and I find even that to be somewhat disconcerting. But then I'm not a real touchy-feely person, except with my kids. I snuggle them a lot. Even my 13- and 15-year-olds don't mind. Or they mind, but they know they can't escape it, so they go along with it.

Looking back on my high school and college years, I don't recall any of us wanting to snuggle with each other. Maybe it's a recent trend?

Guinastasia
05-20-2006, 06:07 PM
I do admit to getting annoyed when hanging out with other friends and the one who had her boyfriend tag along was constantly snuggling and making out-but that was more, "Hello, there are other people here, get a fucking room, gah!"

Anastasaeon
05-20-2006, 06:18 PM
I can be a touchy-feely kind of girl; an arm/back/shoulder toucher, a friendly hip bumper, a hugger, a grab your hand and "come on let's go dance"-er.

But I have never showered with a woman who was not my actual girlfriend (as in dating girlfriend), nor cuddled and snuggled up with a woman casually. The closest I can think of barely counts, because it was a friend of mine who was grieving after we got news of one of her friends dying (note: the girl who died was from our school, who, though I didn't know well, many did, and she died of cancer. The prinicpal announced her death over the PA, and allowed us all to just talk to each other for the rest of the day, consoling one another, go home if we wanted to, or stay and wait for the bus if we had no other way home), and I allowed her to quite literally cry on my shoulder as I consoled her, and then later, to help take her mind off of things, we watched a movie in a classroom, and she rested her head on my chest as I stroked her hair. It was very strictly a comfort thing, and I felt more motherly than friendly.

I did have a friend once who loved to play with my hair and run her fingers through it because she liked that it was so soft, and it felt damn nice, and I would never tell her to stop... however, that's as far as that went. It would never have occurred to me to snuggle with her, or take showers with her. I've spent the night at her house many times, and always slept on the floor.

I love affection, damn right. But I save the snuggling/showering/cuddling for dating (or, as the case may be, such as today, married) relationships only.

Hostile Dialect
05-20-2006, 06:25 PM
Heterosexual girls sleep in the same bed and snuggle? Then they shower together?

Boy, would I love to be a fly on the wall!

Kalhoun
05-20-2006, 06:30 PM
I'm a hugger and a hand-holder with a couple friends, but never the sort of thing that would make me jealous if she spent time with a man. It's more of an "I love you, Sis!" kinda thing.

I think that the poster in the other thread's reaction to her interaction with her boyfriend was so upsetting that I suspect she may have stronger feelings for this girl than a simple gal-pals relationship would have. That's the kind of reaction I'd get when I saw an ex-boyfriend with a new girl. YMMV.

Revtim
05-20-2006, 06:38 PM
Heterosexual girls sleep in the same bed and snuggle? Then they shower together?

Boy, would I love to be a fly on the wall!I'll be in my bunk...

Wolfian
05-20-2006, 06:59 PM
Hmm. The title of the thread + the OP's name= a buttload of views.

lezlers
05-20-2006, 07:07 PM
Hmm. The title of the thread + the OP's name= a buttload of views.

har har. My screenname is actually a real life nickname. Given my actual name, I've been getting lesbian jokes thrown my way before I even knew what a lesbian was. Haven't gotten any for quite a few years though, thanks for bringing me back!

Anyhoo, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought those comments in that thread were a little....strange.

Jayn_Newell
05-20-2006, 07:27 PM
Some of us just tend to be more physical than others. I'm a little screwed in that I'm very physical (I like hugging all my friends), yet most of my friends are not. This doubly sucks now that I don't have a BF to snuggle with. If I had a female friend who wouldn't mind snuggling, I'd be (literallly) all over her.




Alright, hand up--how many men here got nosebleeds over the imagery in that last sentence?

Manda JO
05-20-2006, 09:07 PM
We were a pretty snuggly group in high school, but it was always in groups, never two people alone. Two people alone would have been weird. But five of us would heap onto a bed together to watch TV, or give each other backrubs, or lay in each other's laps and play with each other's hair. It was usually, but not always coed-but-more-girls-than-boys, but our group was like that. I think it served a valuble purpose, in that there is a need for affection that is quite seperate from libido, and by being openly affectionate, there was less of a need to rush into romantic relationships. We kind of grew out of it as we aged .

Misnomer
05-20-2006, 10:13 PM
I found the whole snuggling thing to be kind of strange. I've never had that kind of relationship with a female friend. Nor would I wish to. I have slept in the same bed with a girl friend, and I find even that to be somewhat disconcerting. But then I'm not a real touchy-feely personDitto.

Also, I've only had a handful of close female friends in my life -- I'm not really the "girlfriends" type.

elfkin477
05-20-2006, 11:05 PM
Although I'm not bipolar (http://boards.academicpursuits.us/sdmb/showthread.php?t=372051), I don't like to be touched. I'll endure hugs, but more than that, from female friends? No thanks.

Kythereia
05-20-2006, 11:29 PM
I hug my friends. We air-kiss on both cheeks if we're feeling silly. I touch their shoulders sometimes, or their hands. Sometimes I'll even kick them in the ankle ("Shut up!" "You shut up!")

Cuddling is more of a romantic thing for me, so, really, no. They're my friends.

AntaresJB
05-20-2006, 11:38 PM
I'm an extremely physicaly affectionate person -- all of my friends get hugs whenever we say goodbye, and my closer girl friends and I do tend to snuggle quite a bit, while watching movies or just hanging out. We don't shower together and don't usually sleep together (although I'd be fine with that if there was only one big bed available), but we do snuggle. In sillier moods, we've been known to do some boob-grabbing and ass-smacking for the hell of it.

This has never caused me to be jealous of a friend's boyfriend, though. It just doesn't go to that extent.

Grrr!
05-21-2006, 12:54 AM
My ex had one of her friends sleep in our bed one night to snuggle. Nothing sexual happened that night. I was still cool tho' because I got to brag to all my friends I slept with two women last night.

I'm currious though, isn't this something [u]hetro[u] women are more likely to do when they're younger like say preteen to young teen age range?

amarinth
05-21-2006, 01:31 AM
From this, my curiosity arose. How many female posters on here routinely get physically intimate (not sex, just snuggling, sleeping together, showering together) to the point that they'd get jealous of that friend's new boyfriend, not because they didn't get to see their friend anymore, but because they couldn't do those particular things anymore?No.
I hug a few friends. And when doing the "save on hotel room" thing, I've split a bed with some, but we each had a side. It wouldn't occur to me to snuggle with a friend. Nor to shower with one (except at a public pool with the shower wall set-up or a similar situation). Not even when I was a young teen.

I have gotten pissed off at some friends (and some former friends) when they disappear because they've just met their soulmate-of-the-month. But that's because of the loss of time and their inability to have a conversation that didn't revolve around their relationship.

SurrenderDorothy
05-21-2006, 04:34 AM
I've never heard of girls showering together in a heterosexual way.

Other than that... I've slept (clothed) in a bed with a girl (like in hotels, when one of us spends the night at the other's house, that sort of thing, or zipped two sleeping bags together at a cold sleepover party) and I've hugged girls and tend to be physically close with those who are more like sisters than friends.

My dance group, for example, tends to be pretty close and uninhibited. I think part of it is that, while we're more than aware of the existence of homosexuals (and have some in our group) it's just not a big deal. We don't really make jokes about it or have wild parties where the girls kiss each other just for the hell of it... we're sisters and brothers and that's all there is to it. We've seen each other change (even seen each other's boobs), we've roomed together and slept in the same beds, we lay on each other's shoulders and laps when we're exhausted, we sit one ach other's laps when there's a chair shortage...


we don't patt each other on the butt to congratulate each other for a job well done, though.

kimera
05-21-2006, 04:37 AM
I'm actually bisexual. My bisexual female friend and I used to have a relationship together and were friends with benefits until her new boyfriend came along. But she wasn't my first snuggle partner.

The first snuggle partners I had were two of my siblings. My younger sister and I still snuggle together and play with each other's hair while watching movies, although we don't do it nearly as much as we used to (especially now that we live on the opposite sides of the country). I no longer snuggle with my younger brother, and the idea of doing it now does not appeal to me. In high school, I met my first non-relative snuggle partner, a gay male friend. He was like a teddy bear and we'd often fall asleep in bed together while watching movies. Together we met two females that joined in for snuggling. One of them convinced us all to go skinny dipping together and after that, I was fine with showering with them. When I moved out to California, I met up with a new group of friends and we'd skinny dip/shower together in coed company. I'm a bit of a nudist, which is not as sexual as most people think it is.

I love to snuggle, it's so warm and comfortable. I like the feeling of being held or having someone massage my back. I don't have a romantic interest and I am too sex scared to do one night stands or anything of that sort. To me, the touch of another person, the feeling of sleeping next to another is far more important than sex.

When I was younger, I used to snuggle/back-rub a lot more. I went to an all-girl's high school and we were constantly giving each other back rubs, sitting right next to one another, and hugging all the time.

I'm not very affectionate with most people. I hate random hugs - especially people who hug you when you first meet them. I have a select group of friends - about 10 or so - with whom I am close enough to snuggle with only one of these people is in close proximity to me now, I have since moved away from the rest, although we will still snuggle whenever we have the chance to. Not all of my snuggle partners are girls or gay men, one of them is a straight male. I don't snuggle with him as much as I used to because his last two girlfriends haven't approved of it and I respect that.

Snuggling is very theraputic for me. My depression sometimes comes with random anxiety attacks and being with my friend is very calming for me. My advisor is trying to convince me to go to Cornell for my degree, but they'd have to offer me a lot for me to move to a place where I don't have a snuggle buddy.

For those of you who can't imagine having a snuggle buddy - have you never had one or did you just out grow it?

elfkin477
05-21-2006, 12:10 PM
For those of you who can't imagine having a snuggle buddy - have you never had one or did you just out grow it?

Never had one. Not wanting to be touchy-feely isn't something that sprung up as I got older, I wasn't very physical as a little kid, either.

lezlers
05-21-2006, 01:43 PM
For those of you who can't imagine having a snuggle buddy - have you never had one or did you just out grow it?

Never had one strictly in the snuggle buddy sense. Whenever I've just "snuggled" with someone, it's been a man and it's been a prelude to some more intimate activity.

To me, snuggling is sexual in nature (at least the laying down type), no matter how platonic your relationship with your snuggle buddy is.

Given your past relationship with your current snuggle buddy, I'm very suprised her boyfriend is cool with the two of you continuing to snuggle (unless he's hoping to get into the action at some point in the future). I know if my boyfriend wanted to snuggle with his ex twice a week, I would so not be cool with that.

But hey, to each their own!

Guinastasia
05-21-2006, 02:15 PM
I'm not a really touchy feely person, either. I like to snuggle in the sense that I like curling up in my nice, warm bed with all my blankets and pillows and stuffed animals around me, and maybe a cat or two.

See, to me, a "snuggle buddy"=cat.

Hostile Dialect
05-21-2006, 02:23 PM
I honestly wouldn't mind having a female snuggle buddy without sex benefits, BTW. I agree with kimera that the snuggling and drifting to sleep while holding someone important to you are far better than sex.

Misnomer
05-21-2006, 02:52 PM
For those of you who can't imagine having a snuggle buddy - have you never had one or did you just out grow it?Never had one. Wouldn't anyone who could "out grow it" be able to imagine it? ;)

I agree with lezlers that snuggling is a sexual thing: to me, it implies either the presence or the possibility of a physical relationship. I'm not saying it can't be different for others, just that I, personally, can't imagine wanting to cuddle with a girlfriend or strictly platonic male friend. If I'm snuggling with a guy, I'm either sleeping with him or wishing I could. Snuggling/cuddling can be a benefit of sex, but it's no substitute.

(I seem to recall a long-ago thread about whether we could date someone who wanted to sleep together regularly but not necessarily have sex ... I was one of the "hell no" responders.)

Neidhart
05-21-2006, 06:33 PM
I'm with fetus. There are studies that show that the affectionate touch of other human beings is important for mental health. I haven't had that since I was a kid.

alice_in_wonderland
05-21-2006, 06:51 PM
I used to be pals with a gal that used to snuggle me all the time - spoon right up when we were watching TV, stroke my hair, put her hand between my knees (I thought to keep it warm - I'm a walking furnace). I always assumed it was just innocent girl snuggling.

Then she asked me to join she and her BF in a threesome. Suddenly the snuggling wasn't so innocent anymore. :)

So I don't snuggle with girls anymore.

However, my girlfriends and I regularly put on teddy's and have pillowfights...

Hostile Dialect
05-21-2006, 08:04 PM
Then she asked me to join she and her BF in a threesome. Suddenly the snuggling wasn't so innocent anymore.

Eh...you can be in a threesome with a girl and guy and not have it be homosexual. My last ex did (only before she went out with me, AFAIK) although she actually was turned off a bit by the fact that the girl, a friend of hers, sort of tried to get in on some of her action too. But it can be done, anyway.

alice_in_wonderland
05-21-2006, 09:45 PM
Eh...you can be in a threesome with a girl and guy and not have it be homosexual.

Well, she wanted to get up close and personal with my bippy, so this was pretty homosexual.

Least Original User Name Ever
05-21-2006, 11:52 PM
Well, she wanted to get up close and personal with my bippy, so this was pretty homosexual.

Hello, bippy! How are you?

How are the kids?

Last I heard, you were lamenting the weather. Things looking up for you?

If you had an entrance song, what would it be?

Tell me about your childhood....

Do you like that? I bet you do. You do, don't you?













What?

delphica
05-22-2006, 12:12 AM
My girls friends in high school tended toward being very touchy-feely. We would spawl on top of each other watching TV, or during sleepovers, I guess you could call it snuggling. I don't recall ever showering together, but I do remember sitting four -in-a-row along the side of the tub, shaving our legs. We would do the kind of thing where we would leave the water running in the shower and take turns hopping in and out -- everyone stayed in the bathroom do manicures, put on make-up, etc etc.

I would characterize it as:
1. being very heterosexual
2. in large part necessitated by having a lot of girls who took two hours to get ready for a date sharing one small bathroom

Once I recall one of the girls dating a boy who expressed his desire that she not behave that way with her girl friends, and the response was along the lines of AS IF!

Loopydude
05-22-2006, 12:20 AM
In sillier moods, we've been known to do some boob-grabbing and ass-smacking for the hell of it.

OK. That got my attention.

lezlers
05-22-2006, 10:40 AM
My girls friends in high school tended toward being very touchy-feely. We would spawl on top of each other watching TV, or during sleepovers, I guess you could call it snuggling. I don't recall ever showering together, but I do remember sitting four -in-a-row along the side of the tub, shaving our legs. We would do the kind of thing where we would leave the water running in the shower and take turns hopping in and out -- everyone stayed in the bathroom do manicures, put on make-up, etc etc.

I would characterize it as:
1. being very heterosexual
2. in large part necessitated by having a lot of girls who took two hours to get ready for a date sharing one small bathroom

Once I recall one of the girls dating a boy who expressed his desire that she not behave that way with her girl friends, and the response was along the lines of AS IF!

I wouldn't characterize this as snuggling. Snuggling, in my mind is like spooning in bed. I can invision what you're talking about and it sounds like typical teenage girl behavior.

theunfounddoor
05-22-2006, 10:49 AM
I snuggled with my best friend for years throughout school. It was very innocent to begin with. Eventually we both got bi-curious and things went alittle farther. But I've never showered with a girl unless there was more intimate activity there. On the other hand I had other female friends that would snuggle with me when watching tv or sleep overs in a hetero context. Sharing the same bed is on the same lines as snuggling, it can be completely hetero and innocent or it could be a prelude to something more. Mostly in my experience though it has been more for comfort than anything else. Back rubs are the same. I've had completely innocent back rubs from female friends. Yet for me they tend to lean on the more intimate side of the scale unless they're just the shoulder-rub over the shirt kind. But the backrubs don't (for me) end up leading to anything they're just a little more than just friendly. It does sound to me that the jelousy in the other thread was caused by more than missing.

RickJay
05-22-2006, 11:12 AM
I honestly wouldn't mind having a female snuggle buddy without sex benefits, BTW. I agree with kimera that the snuggling and drifting to sleep while holding someone important to you are far better than sex.
No offense meant, but that's the call of someone who isn't getting good sex.

Loopydude
05-22-2006, 12:28 PM
Try having sex be a scheduled event twice a day, for about a week, each month, every month, no matter how you're feeling. There can be too much of a good thing.

Spooning to sleep can sometimes feel like a blessed reprieve, I tells ya.

Hostile Dialect
05-22-2006, 03:20 PM
No offense meant, but that's the call of someone who isn't getting good sex.

Well, I'm not getting any sex at all. But I really do miss the snuggling as much as I miss the sex.

Cyn
05-22-2006, 04:49 PM
In college we'd all pile on the couch and watch movies, 4 or 5 girls. We'd go to the drive-in and park the truck and throw pillows and sleeping bags in the bed of it and snuggle in. My best friend grew up in a tiny apartment in Brooklyn and slept with her sisters until she was 15, three in a bed. I now work with women who massage your shoulders if your back hurts at work or run their hands though your new haircut to see how soft it is. Some women are just cuddly and huggy.

My husband wants me to film some of this at work, but he's just a perv.

norinew
05-22-2006, 06:56 PM
Like some others here, I consider snuggling to be a sexually intimate thing. Sometimes hubby and I snuggle when there's not even any intention of sex for whatever reason. Hell, when we're in the same bed, we never don't snuggle. But platonic girlfriends? No. I'm pretty affectionate. Hugs are okay. Arm or hand touches are okay. Snuggling would just be weird, though.

Celyn
05-22-2006, 07:04 PM
It seems odd to me, well "odd" in the sense that I can see the appeal but I'm another non-touchy-feely (except within a sexual relationship) person. Perhaps I should get a dog to cuddle., stress relief for the use of. :)

ShelliBean
05-23-2006, 11:02 AM
I had a friend in HS that wasn't a "snuggler" but we did shower together. We also uhh, how do I say this? Groomed each other. Intimately.
I sure do wish I had a close friend that I could do that with now. I grew out of it, but damn, it sure is hard to shave certain places by yourself!
I think you just move on and when you meet someone at 25 or 30 it's a lot harder to get to that comfort level again - you lose they shyness, but you do get the worries of "Am I being too much/too forward?" "How bad are my stretch marks and rolls compared to hers?"

seoulsoul
05-23-2006, 12:21 PM
Just an observation:

In Korea, women commonly hold hands, not just in grade school, but through their 20's, 30's, and 40's etc. It's never thought of in terms like homosexual/heterosexual.

I have been recently playing in a band (in seoul) that has 4 rather beautiful female singers. It's not unusual for them to spend a night talking, grooming, and then all sleeping in a bed together.

Yes, I had some fantasy about this, but upon attending one of their night sessions, I found myself utterly bored as they talked about their family, hair, music style etc.

corkboard
05-23-2006, 01:26 PM
<snip.
I have been recently playing in a band (in seoul) that has 4 rather beautiful female singers. It's not unusual for them to spend a night talking, grooming, and then all sleeping in a bed together.

Yes, I had some fantasy about this, but upon attending one of their night sessions, I found myself utterly bored as they talked about their family, hair, music style etc.
But that's only because you were there ;) .

Dervorin
05-23-2006, 03:50 PM
From my experience of working in a boarding school, I've discovered that teenage girls are all over each other in the most... um.. uninhibited fashion, at any given time of day or (I presume) night. It seems to be entirely affectionate and without sexual intent, but it can be distinctly disconcerting to have a pillow fight turn into a wrestling match between four or five 16-year-old girls, in the middle of the sitting room.

At the risk of sounding like an anthropological report, the following behaviour patterns seem to be common:

Hugging
Snuggling
Grooming (hair, face)
Stroking, caressing (non-sexual, again)
Kissing (not mouth-on-mouth)
Sleeping on each others' laps, legs, arms, stomachs, backs.

It's not uncommon in winter to find piles of students huddled on the cushions in front of the fire, lying around chatting.

So I'd say that at that age in the UK, between close friends, there's a lot of physical contact between female friends. I'm not sure how it affects other relationships, and I'm not about to ask, so I'm going to let that part of the question pass. ;)

AngelicGemma
05-23-2006, 05:02 PM
I hug my female friends, sometimes we'll kiss on the cheek. I've also shared beds with them, but no snuggling. We may cuddle up on the sofa or stroke hair, but that's usually only if someone is upset. Groping breasts is not unknown either, put it’s only in a playful way.

The only time a new partner has been an issue was when the new girlfriend was jealous of me, and told him to stop spending time with me. It's never been an issue with my female friends.

kushiel
05-23-2006, 07:05 PM
As the OP of the thread this OP was referring to, I didn't meant snuggling in the spooning sense. But say, curling up and laying against someone like a cat would do is rather awkward when said someone has a boyfriend with an arm around her and is holding hands with him.

I've never done the shower thing with my friends - they are almost all not touchy feely at all. They've just learned to put up with me. :D

Guys are physical through sex, but as all guys know, girls need physical affection outside of sex. For those of us who don't have significant others to get that affection from, we get it from those close to us - our friends. Guys will masturbate while single, girls will cuddle.

Misnomer
05-23-2006, 07:33 PM
Guys are physical through sex, but as all guys know, girls need physical affection outside of sex. For those of us who don't have significant others to get that affection from, we get it from those close to us - our friends. Guys will masturbate while single, girls will cuddle.Speak for yourself!

saoirse
05-23-2006, 09:24 PM
Speak for yourself!

What? Are you suggesting that guys don't masturbate?

lezlers
05-23-2006, 09:32 PM
Guys will masturbate while single, girls will cuddle.

As this thread evidences, that is not really true. You might want to check the size of that brush you're painting all women with.

Hostile Dialect
05-23-2006, 10:35 PM
And the one you're brushing men with. I need affection outside of sex, too. Does that make me a woman?

Misnomer
05-23-2006, 11:22 PM
What? Are you suggesting that guys don't masturbate?Yes, I decided to generalize about the opposite sex while chastising someone for generalizing about mine. :p

John Carter of Mars
05-24-2006, 01:19 AM
lezlers and Misnomer both posting in the same thread.....A thread about cuddling, no less!

Be still my throbbing,,,uh,,, heart. ;)

Misnomer
05-24-2006, 11:21 AM
Be still my throbbing,,,uh,,, heart. ;)You smooth-talker, you! :D

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