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Biggirl
09-29-2000, 06:02 PM
The "What do you use instead of T.P." thread reminded me of a parody of the theme song from the old western "Branded". This got me thinking of song parodies I used to sing as a kid. Being a good mom, I have taught my children all of the parodies I know and I need more. So post what you remember!

Here are 2 more to start you off.

I can't get no
Big erection
I can't get no
Big erection
Well I try and I try and I try and I try
I CANT GET NO
No no no.


McDonald's is my kind of place
They serve you rattlesnakes
French fries between your toes
Hamburgers up you nose
The last time I went there
They stole my underwear
McDonald's is my kind of place!

Tigreye007
09-29-2000, 06:17 PM
Why are you teaching your kids about erections?

Anyways, here's one I just remembered:

"My old friend he had some plastic guy,
G-I-G-I-Jooooe
And with a magnifying glass he fried (a),
G-I-G-I-Jooooe
With a torso here,
and a finger there,
Here a head,
There an arm,
Everywhere some dead parts,
My old friend he had a plastic guy
G-I-G-I-Jooooe"

Badtz Maru
09-29-2000, 06:57 PM
This reminds me of something I was thinking about...has anyone ever tried to trace the origin of those goofy songs we sing as little kids? Here's parts of a couple I remember...

I saw <insert name here> floating down the Delaware
Riding with a polar bear
Chewing on his underwear
...something something something...
Poor little baby died.


Then there was that one...

Glory glory hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
We tied up all the janitors and flushed them down the stool
Our truth goes marching on

I wonder if whoever made these up originally realized how far they would spread, and how long kids would keep on singing them.

Johnny L.A.
09-29-2000, 07:08 PM
I still remember a little of Mad magazine's Coke song parody:

I'd like to catch a bus one day
Where I don't lose my mind
To wait forever 'til it comes
With seven more behind

I'd like a rear seat in a car
Built for a family
With leg-room that will fit a kid
Who's more than four-foot-three

But most of all I'd like a song
That doesn't have to be
Just another free plug for
Some soft-drink company.

I don't remember how it started out. Maybe someone has that issue?

relic_11
09-29-2000, 08:07 PM
Comet!
It makes your mouth turn green.
Comet!
It tastes like listerine.
Comet, it'll make you vomit,
So take some Commet, and vomit, todaaaaay!
:)

lawoot
09-29-2000, 08:20 PM
Leprosy!
All my skin is falling off of me!
And I'm not half the man I used to be
Oh Leprosy came suddenly.

Why My Leg fell off,
I don't know,
it wouldn't stay.
I ate something wrong,
now I'm in a colony for
Leprosy!

:D

Ranger
09-29-2000, 09:32 PM
Caviar comes from virgin sturgeon
Virgin sturgeon is a very rare fish
Virgin sturgeon need no urgin'
That's why caviar's a very rare dish.

MaxTheVool
09-30-2000, 12:22 AM
ahhh, youth


There's a place in France
Where the naked ladies dance
But the men don't care
cause they chew their underwear



Jesus Christ, superstar
Got a way with a stolen car
Cops were there, I don't care
Cause I got bulletproof underwear

When I die, bury me
But hang my balls on a cherry tree
When they're ripe, take a bite
But don't blame me if you barf all night



two parodies of "On top of old Smokey":
On top of spaghetti
All covered with cheese
I lost my poor meatball
'cause somebody sneezed


On top of old smokey
all covered with blood
I shot my poor teacher
With a submachine gun

I shot her with glory
I shot her with pride
I couldn't have missed her
She's thirty feet wide

I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
Some people threw flower
I threw hand grenades

I looked in her coffin
She wasn't quite dead
So I took my bazooka
And blew off her head



Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school
We have tortured every teacher we have broken every rule
(??? ???? leads into the "glory glory hallelujah/teacher hit me with a ruler" song)



there's a boy scout camp song to the tune of "yellow submarine" whose words I never knew, but whose refrain is "We all live in a flooded latrine"



-There's a song I used to think was about as clever as could be in 4th grade whose chorus is either "it's a rupture" or "it's erection" (I was never quite sure), in which the verses are always improvised, ie:

person A: When you're running to the party, and you let out a big farty, it's a rupture, it's a rupture

person B: When you get to the door and you slip on the floor, it's a rupture, it's a rupture

person A: When you go in to the teepee and you have to make some peepee, ...

(and so forth)



And finally, for your listening pleasure, every verse I can remember of the Camp Oljato version of "Mary had a little lamb" (which is _not_, oddly enough, sung to the tune of "Mary had a little lamb") (also oddly, "shouting out the battle cry of free-ee-dom keeps being inserted in the middle of verses, although it's not sung to the tune of _Battle Hymn of the Republic_, either)

Verse:
Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in the closet
And every time she let it out
It left a little deposit

Chorus:
Hurrah for the Mary
Hurrah for the Lamb
Hurrah for the Teacher, who wouldn't give a particle
If all the lambs in region twelve went marching off to school, hey!
Shouting out the battle cry of free-ee-dom

Verses:
Mary had a little lamb
She fed it castor oil
And every time she let it out
It fertilized the soil

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it by the heater
And every time it turned around
It burned its little feeter

Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were astounded
And everywhere that Mary went
Gynecoligists surrounded

(on a similar note)
Mary had a little lmab
The doctors were surprised
But when old macdonald had a farm
You should have scene their eyes

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a duck
She put them on the table
To see if they would fall off

Mary had a little car
And it was painted red
And everywhere that Mary went
The cops picked up the dead

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a bear
Now often I have seen her lamb
But I've never seen her bare

Mary had a bathing suit
And it was very airy
It didn't help her much to swim
But it showed a lot of Mary

(and the traditional final verse)
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
So now she takes that lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread



My goodness I'm wasting a lot of brain space on this nonsense :)

Eo Echo
09-30-2000, 02:12 AM
Originally posted by MaxTheVool
-There's a song I used to think was about as clever as could be in 4th grade whose chorus is either "it's a rupture" or "it's erection" (I was never quite sure), in which the verses are always improvised, ie:

person A: When you're running to the party, and you let out a big farty, it's a rupture, it's a rupture

person B: When you get to the door and you slip on the floor, it's a rupture, it's a rupture

person A: When you go in to the teepee and you have to make some peepee, ...

(and so forth)


I heard those as well, but the chorus was, "Diarrhea cha-cha-cha, diarrhea cha-cha-cha (later made famous by Beavis and Butt-head).

To that I'll add: I was walking down the hall and I felt something fall...

I was driving in my Chevy and I felt something heavy...

Some people think it's funny but it's really wet and runny...

Some people think it's gross but it's pretty good on toast...

I was sliding into third when I felt something burn...

MovieMogul
09-30-2000, 09:36 AM
There used to be an animated TV series called Hercules (mid-70s), and I can't believe I remember the first two lines of the spoof, but not the title song itself...

"Hercules--he's a female phoney,
Hercules--he's made of cheese and baloney..."

Kickstart any memories, anyone?

Malarky
09-30-2000, 10:47 AM
Originally posted by JBirdman12
Originally posted by MaxTheVool
-There's a song I used to think was about as clever as could be in 4th grade whose chorus is either "it's a rupture" or "it's erection" (I was never quite sure), in which the verses are always improvised, ie:

person A: When you're running to the party, and you let out a big farty, it's a rupture, it's a rupture

person B: When you get to the door and you slip on the floor, it's a rupture, it's a rupture

person A: When you go in to the teepee and you have to make some peepee, ...

(and so forth)


I heard those as well, but the chorus was, "Diarrhea cha-cha-cha, diarrhea cha-cha-cha (later made famous by Beavis and Butt-head).

To that I'll add: I was walking down the hall and I felt something fall...

I was driving in my Chevy and I felt something heavy...

Some people think it's funny but it's really wet and runny...

Some people think it's gross but it's pretty good on toast...

I was sliding into third when I felt something burn...

When you're sitting on the john and the toilet paper's gone, diarrhea cha-cha-cha diarrhea cha-cha-cha so you take it like a man and you wipe it w/your hand diarrhea cha-cha-cha diarrhea cha-cha-cha

:D

Biggirl
09-30-2000, 12:06 PM
More diarrhea verses:

Gotta run real fast 'cause it's dripping out your ass
(diarrhia cha-cha-cha)

No strain no pain just let it drain
(diarrhia cha-cha-cha)

And Tigerye, my kids are 14 years old. Do you think the talk about anything but erections?

pepperlandgirl
09-30-2000, 12:10 PM
*To the tune of the "Battle Hymn of the Republic"*

I wear my silk pajamas in the summer when it's hot
And I wear my flannel PJs in the winter when it's not
And sometimes in the summer
And sometimes in the fall
I just right in between the sheets with nothing on at all!
Glory glory hallejuah
Balmy breeze is blowing through ya
Glory glory hallejuah
I jump right in between the sheets with nothing on at all!

pantom
09-30-2000, 11:57 PM
From MAD magazine, to the tune of Maria:

Picasso,
I just bought an oil by Picasso.
And suddenly I'm told,
This painting I've been sold
Ain't real!

For the NYers among you 40 and older, we have this one (to the tune of Frere Jacques):

Marijuana, marijuana
LSD, LSD
Rockefeller makes it!
Mayor Lindsay takes it!
Why can't we? Why can't we?

Gabz
10-01-2000, 11:10 AM
All the girls in France
Do a hula hula dance
And they way they shake
Is enough to kill a snake
When the snake is dead
They put roses in its head
When the roses die
They put tulips in its eye
When the tulips die
They make orange pumpkin pie.



(So we were weird as kids!!!!)

I think someone else alluded to this one:

(to the tune of That's Amore)

When your b**** hit the floor
Like a b-54
that's a rupture
when your d*** stands up straight
Like the empire State
That's a boner.

(like I said - we were weird kids)

RickJay
10-01-2000, 11:18 AM
Joy to the world!
The school burned down,
With all the teachers inside!

We're looking for the principal
He's hanging on the flagpole
With a rope around his neck
With a rope around his neck
With a rooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-oooo-ooope
Around his neck!

AM/PM
10-01-2000, 12:15 PM
There's one I picked up lately from my brother's collection, so it was probably playing when I was little.

Homer & Jethro - The Battle Of Kookamonga

Sounds like an oldie the Battle Of New Orleans "In 1814 we took a little trip, along with Colnel Jackson down the mighty Mississip"

In Kookamonga, though, the boys' camp is sneaking down on the girls' camp, and gets into poison ivy and such.

Jeep's Phoenix
10-01-2000, 04:41 PM
Originally posted by JBirdman12

I heard those as well, but the chorus was, "Diarrhea cha-cha-cha, diarrhea cha-cha-cha (later made famous by Beavis and Butt-head).

To that I'll add: I was walking down the hall and I felt something fall...

I was driving in my Chevy and I felt something heavy...

Some people think it's funny but it's really wet and runny...

Some people think it's gross but it's pretty good on toast...

I was sliding into third when I felt something burn... [/B]

I'll add a few more:

When you're climbing up a ladder and you hear something spatter...

When you're playing in the dirt and you hear something squirt...

When you're far from home, and your pants are full of foam...


There's another great song I know, but I don't know the final line:

Stick your buttocks against the window and I'll know that you're home
The view from the sidewalk is a vision all it's own
There's no need to turn out the light
Just stick your buns against the window and today and tonight
???

Jman
10-01-2000, 11:42 PM
Deck the Halls with gasoline,
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Light a match and watch it gleam.
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Watch the school burn down to ashes
Fa la la la la la la la la.
This is why we play with matches
Fa la la la la la la la la.

The last line might be wrong...I can't remember.

Jman

Eo Echo
10-02-2000, 01:37 AM
I heard it as "aren't you glad you played with matches..."

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who found diarrhea so entertaining as a kid :)

yosemite
10-02-2000, 02:17 AM
I used to listen to Dr. Demento as a kid, and he'd play silly songs that were L.A.-specific. The one I still hum (in fragments) goes something like:

"Pico and Sepulvida, Pico and Sepulvida....la la la...(I don't know what comes next)....La Breaaaa - TAR PITS!"

It goes on from there, listing many streets and areas of LA. I just find myself chanting "Pico and Sepulvida" a lot. Does anyone else know this song?

Dr.Pinky
10-03-2000, 03:22 AM
Originally posted by ArchiveGuy
There used to be an animated TV series called Hercules (mid-70s), and I can't believe I remember the first two lines of the spoof, but not the title song itself...

"Hercules--he's a female phoney,
Hercules--he's made of cheese and baloney..."

Kickstart any memories, anyone?

Indeed.

"Hercules, he's a big fat phony
Hercules, made of cheese and baloney
Fighting for his life
With a rubber knife
With the strength of ten
Microscopic men... Oh, Hercules..."

(Repeat until someone whacks you in the head.)

My current operating theory for the longevity and ubiquity of these things is morphic resonance. Morphic resonance or spontaneous combustion. Or perhaps it's the spores.

I wrote that Hercules parody at ten. A thousand kids, with minor regional differences, did too. Memes are the weeds of the brain. An altenative theory, proposed to me by a poet of the female persuasion this evening, is that children, like poets, are attuned to some group mind the rest of us don't have access to. That's as likely, but a lot less... elegant.

_ _ _

Never under estimate the power of denial!
To believe the proven untrue is to
refashion fractious reality
along aesthetic lines.

jesuslynch
10-03-2000, 09:50 AM
This one isn't really any good anymore, with the violence in school and all:

Glory glory hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
Met her at the door
With a loaded .44
She ain't my teacher no more.

Or this one (to Row, Row, Row Your Boat):

Marijuana, Marijuana
LSD, LSD
Scientist make it
Teachers take it
Why can't we? Why can't we?

Or a couple of Christmas ones:

Jimgle Bells, Shotgun Shells
Santa Clause is dead.
Rudolph got a .22 and
Shot him in the head.


We three kings of Orient are,
Puffing on a rubber cigar.
It was loaded,
It exploaded! BAM!

We two kings of Orient are....

jesuslynch
10-03-2000, 09:54 AM
The old Burger King commercial:

Fuck the pickles,
Fuck the lettuce,
Shut up lady,
You upset us,
All we ask is that you let us shove it your way.

JSexton
10-03-2000, 07:10 PM
You know, I used to sing all these songs when I was a kid. Now, a couple decades later, I find myself thinking, "If I heard a child at school singing about shooting his teacher and burning the place down, I'd be surprised if the police weren't contacted."

How times have changed.

Kent4mmy
10-04-2000, 02:41 PM
Strangers in the night
exchanging rubbers
this one is too tight
get me another
this one is too loose
it won't hold my juuuuuice.

Sick.

Munch
10-04-2000, 03:08 PM
Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin laid an egg!
Batmobile, lost a whell,
and Joker got away, hey!

Drain Bead
10-05-2000, 01:11 AM
I've been thinking about starting this thread for months...

Our version of the "Glory, Glory Hallelujah" song had "Met her at the door with a Magnum .44" instead. And yes, I'd imagine nobody can sing that one anymore.

In college (yeah, I know, not exactly childhood, but still) at Ohio State, we have a rather nice version of "Hail to the Victors"--Michigan's fight song.

Hail to the fornicators,
Hail to the masturbators,
Hail, hail to Michigan
the cesspool of the world!

There's more, but I was really drunk when I learned it.

lesa
10-05-2000, 05:14 AM
Hey Conner -

The animated Batman show did a Christmas episode a few years ago. The Joker sang the childhood classic you mentioned (Jingle bells, Batman smells...) I really enjoyed that.

Southpaw
10-05-2000, 10:36 AM
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
Who I killed with the power mower
One leg is missing, another one's gone
The third leg is scattered all over the lawn
No need explaining the last leg remaining
It's rolling on the carport floor
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
Who I overlooked before

What does it say about me that I remember the lyrics to a stupid childhood song, but I can't remember my own phone number?

jesuslynch
10-05-2000, 11:36 AM
Over here in http://boards.academicpursuits.us/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=33699, I posted a parody we used to sing in high school, only tweeked for the board.

Sing the following to the tune of the Notre Dame fight song. If you need the tune, click here (http://und.fansonly.com/trads/nd-trads.html) and then click on victory march.


Beer! Beer for Straight Doper High!
Bring out the whiskey, bring out the rye!
Send Ed Zotti out for gin and don't let a sober lurker in!

We never stumble, we never fall!
We sober up on wood alcohol!
While the Doper faculity lies drunk on their homeroom floor!

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da!

Old Fart
12-04-2011, 09:02 PM
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
Who I killed with the power mower
One leg is missing, another one's gone
The third leg is scattered all over the lawn
No need explaining the last leg remaining
It's rolling on the carport floor
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
Who I overlooked before

What does it say about me that I remember the lyrics to a stupid childhood song, but I can't remember my own phone number?

Old Fart, here...it says long term memory is alive and well - you've got a LOT of company!

Here's my local version of Rover:

I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
Who lies on the kitchen floor

One leg is broken, the other is lame
He got run over by a Cocoa Puffs train

No use explaining the two remaining
'cause he's not alive any more....

I'm looking over my dead dog rover(and there might've been a last verse, but that brain cell's not firing)

Now I was a kid in the early 60s...this is a rhyme my Grandmother told me she and her friends used to say ...probably around 1915 or so:

"Matthew, Mark, Luke and John........hold the horse til I get on."

Then she looked at my brother and I sheepishly and said "maybe I ought'nt have told you that"

Old Fart
12-04-2011, 09:12 PM
WHOA, IS ANYBODY OUT THERE?? i JUST NOTICED THESE POSTS ARE ELEVEN YEARS OLD!!

So, here's our High School theme song:

Cheers, cheers for old Northport High
You bring the whisky I'll bring the rye

Send the Sophmores out for gin
and don't let a sober SEEN-IOR IN!

We never stumble, we never fall
we sober up on wood alchohol

While the loyal faculty lies drunk on the barroom floor

Taomist
12-04-2011, 09:34 PM
Only one I can think of at the moment, that hasn't already been posted:

To the tune of 'Another Brick in the Wall'

We don't need sex education,
We don't need no birth control...


There was a lot more, but we were in, what...5th grade? At that time, mid-70's, parents were still protesting sex education in the schools. We just thought it was funny, probably because we didn't have it until later that year.

BTW, side rail...what's with having sex ed in 5th grade and then never again? I loved the Chicago-area school system, and it was by far a more educational experience than I got anywhere else <moved at 16, continued out West> but geez. I learned all that at 10 years old; by the time I needed it I couldn't remember squat!

Spoons
12-04-2011, 09:42 PM
So, here's our High School theme song:My high school colours were gold and blue, and our school song started off with, "Give a cheer for the good old gold and blue...."

There was also a beer, popular locally, that was called Golden.

So you can imagine what we sang at football games: "Give a cheer for the good old Golden brew...."

It may be an old thread, but it was fun to read!

robert_columbia
12-04-2011, 11:24 PM
Joy to the world,
The teacher's dead!
We barbequed her head!
What happened to her body?
We flushed it down the potty,
And round and round it goes,
And round and round it goes.

Deck the halls with gasoline!
Fa la la la la la la la la
Light a match, and watch it gleam!
Fa la la la la la la la la
Watch the school burn down to ashes!
Fa la la la la la la la la
Aren't you glad you played with matches?
Fa la la la la la la la la

Pai325
12-04-2011, 11:27 PM
On top of spaghetti,
All covered with cheese,
I lost my (true?) meatball,
When somebody sneezed.
It rolled off the table,
And onto the floor.
And then my poor meatball,
Rolled right out the door.
It rolled in the garden,
And under a bush,
And now my poor meatball,
Is nothing but moosh.
So if you love meatballs,
All covered with cheese,
Hold on to your meatball,
And don't ever sneeze.

RedWood
12-05-2011, 12:45 AM
Mad Magazine Xmas Carols!

(to the tune of It Came upon a Midnight Clear)

It hangs down from the chandelier,
We have no idea what it does!
Its' shape is weird and it drips with goo
And lets off a high-sounding buzz.
It grows a couple of feet each day
And wiggles with kind of a twitch.
We keep it 'cause it's a present from
A visiting uncle who's rich...

belltechs
06-16-2012, 10:48 PM
I saw <insert name here> floating down the Delaware
Riding with a polar bear
Chewing on his underwear
...something something something...

I remember the “something something something...” as being “six days later they wish they had another pair and that’s how the polar bear died.”

I was six when my sister told me this little rhyme that was 41 yrs ago and could only remember the last part. Have thought of it for the past 30 yrs and could not find the first part, thanks for the first half.

belltechs
06-16-2012, 10:49 PM
I remember the “something something something...” as being “six days later they wish they had another pair and that’s how the polar bear died.”
I was six when my sister told me this little rhyme that was 41 yrs ago and could only remember the last part. Have thought of it for the past 30 yrs and could not find the first part, thanks for the first half.

matt_mcl
06-16-2012, 10:53 PM
I hate you, you hate me
Let's gang up and kill Barney
With a scream and a splat and a lot of blood and gore
No more purple dinosaur

MissTake
06-16-2012, 11:03 PM
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
throw your teacher overboard
and listen to her scream

Five days later
Floatin' down the Delaware
Chewin' on her underwear
Cain't afford another pair

Eight days later
Eaten by a grizzly bear
and that how the
grizzly bear died

terentii
06-17-2012, 01:34 PM
There's one I picked up lately from my brother's collection, so it was probably playing when I was little.

Homer & Jethro - The Battle Of Kookamonga

Sounds like an oldie the Battle Of New Orleans "In 1814 we took a little trip, along with Colnel Jackson down the mighty Mississip"

In Kookamonga, though, the boys' camp is sneaking down on the girls' camp, and gets into poison ivy and such.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=o0mGFjAySTw :D

terentii
06-17-2012, 01:57 PM
The ones in MAD Magazine were always the best:

School days, school days,
They are hot, not cool, days.
Burning and bombing from hour to hour,
Fighting for Black and for Student Power.
Here come the fuzz in battle dress
Getting their lumps from SDS.
You'd better drop out of school, I guess.
It's worse being dead than unread!


O telephone, O telephone,
At Christmas time we're singing!
'Cause telephone, dear telephone,
Our loved ones you are ringing!
We call Aunt Sue in Portland, Maine,
And get a drugstore in Fort Wayne!
O telephone, O telephone,
Frustration you are bringing!

O telephone, O telephone,
Our call's been misdirected!
Though telephone, dear telephone,
You claim that you're perfected!
We know why you work sloppily:
You're owned by a monopoly!
O telephone, O telephone,
We've just been disconnected!


New, new my heart is new,
Straight from a man in Kalamazoo!
New, new, my kidney's new!
They had a sale,
I could have bought two!

New, new, my liver's new,
If it gives out, a trade-in will do!
New, new, my stomach's new,
It's guaranteed till '72!

Late last year,
When I went insane,
I just shopped
For a slightly used brain!

New, new, my lungs are new,
So is my spleen, my pancreas too.
New, new, I've so much new,
I'm a new man,
But I'm not sure who!

cochrane
06-17-2012, 02:51 PM
Mad Magazine Xmas Carols!

(to the tune of It Came upon a Midnight Clear)

It hangs down from the chandelier,
We have no idea what it does!
Its' shape is weird and it drips with goo
And lets off a high-sounding buzz.
It grows a couple of feet each day
And wiggles with kind of a twitch.
We keep it 'cause it's a present from
A visiting uncle who's rich...

I still remember this one to this day:

White Sheepdog, sung to the tune of White Christmas

I'm screaming at a white sheepdog
Each time he sits upon my chair.
It's a thing I'm dreading
The way he's shedding
And coats everything with hair.

I'm screaming at a white sheepdog.
If he should visit you some night
May his bark be worse than his blight
And may all your furniture be white.

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