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Markxxx
12-27-2008, 02:44 AM
First of all sorry if I mispelled Schmaltzy, I Googled it and that was one of many spellings

:)

I heard Charlene's song from the early 80s I've Never Been To Me, pure schmaltz if you ask me. I also recall the Supremes I'm Living In Shame.

My big time winner of all time is Bobby Goldsboro's Honey.
I at one time like both songs, but now...

Anyway other nominations for the most schmaltzy songs

For those who don't know:

Schmaltz: (Courtesy Wordnet @ Princeton)

Excessive sentimentality in art or music, bathetic: effusively or insincerely emotional.

Ranchoth
12-27-2008, 04:31 AM
Daniel Bedingfield's "If You're Not the One."

It is the..."Twilight" of pop music. It is a love ballad, sung by a man—and, to my surprise, according to the lyrics, it's explicitly directed towards a human woman. If ya catch my drift.

Kinda pretty, though.

GuanoLad
12-27-2008, 05:00 AM
Mistletoe and Wine by Cliff Richard.

Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle. And somewhat creepy.

catflea12
12-27-2008, 08:02 AM
Angel of the Morning, Marianne Faithful Made me want to slap however wrote it (I was a teenager at the time I first heard it)

Zsofia
12-27-2008, 08:48 AM
Christmas Shoes. What do I win?

don't ask
12-27-2008, 09:58 AM
For diabetic readers I warn that following is a portion of the lyrics of Good Morning Starshine.

Behold:

Good morning starshine
The earth says hello
You twinkle above us
We twinkle below

Good morning starshine
You lead us along
My love and me as we sing
Our early morning singing song

Gliddy glub gloopy
Nibby nabby noopy
La la la lo lo
Sabba sibby sabba
Nooby abba nabba
Le le lo lo
Tooby ooby walla
Nooby abba naba
Early morning singing song

supervenusfreak
12-27-2008, 10:08 AM
I see your "The Christmas Shoes" and raise you a "Wind Beneath My Wings"!

elmwood
12-27-2008, 10:08 AM
This video.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=-M1sXj4FgOI

No, it's not a rickroll. It's a performance by a very popular feelgood acapella group (I think that's what such music is called) from Buffalo in the 1980s. They specialized in schmaltz, ad the were everywhere in the Buffalo of the 1980s.

1980s hair? Check.
Handicapped and retarded children? Check.
Sappy Christmas song? Check.
Earmworm? Check.
Schmaltz? Oy vey is mir, check.

Zsofia
12-27-2008, 11:50 AM
I see your "The Christmas Shoes" and raise you a "Wind Beneath My Wings"!
But I, um, really like that song. :shame:

Tangent
12-27-2008, 12:23 PM
Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle. And somewhat creepy.

I came in here to post this one. When it came out, the Christian radio station I listened to back then (:smack:) played this song about once every 30 minutes.

Markxxx
12-27-2008, 01:39 PM
For diabetic readers I warn that following is a portion of the lyrics of Good Morning Starshine.



Now see for my tastes this is way too catchy too be schmaltzy. The lyrics are sweet but the music counteracts it

as_u_wish
12-27-2008, 01:43 PM
I had never seen the lyrics to Good Morning Starshine written out--made me laugh out loud. Thanks.

ExTank
12-27-2008, 02:13 PM
For all the people voting for "Wind Beneath My Wings," I heard a hilarious parody on The John Boy & Billy Show some years back.

I won't torture you with the actual song on YouTube (you could probably find it on your own if you really want to; I advise against it), but will just post the lyrics:

It smelled pretty rank there in your shadow,
when you let one rip right in my face,
you were content to let me find out, the hard way,
one step behind your big ol' fat behind.

But you never said "Hey, pull my finger!"
And what in the hell did you have to eat?
You'd knock the feathers off an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my sheets.

kunilou
12-28-2008, 10:03 PM
Not quite as bad as Honey, but bad enough. I just heard it today for the first time in not enough months.

Precious and Few by Climax.

panache45
12-29-2008, 05:00 AM
FEELINGS

Feelings, nothing more than feelings,
trying to forget my feelings of love.
Teardrops rolling down on my face,
trying to forget my feelings of love.

Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you, girl; you'll never come again.

Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,
wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms.

chowder
12-29-2008, 07:21 AM
Every thing I do (I do it for you)

Bryan Adams.

What a load of tosh

Karyn
12-29-2008, 09:57 AM
FEELINGS

Feelings, nothing more than feelings,
trying to forget my feelings of love.
Teardrops rolling down on my face,
trying to forget my feelings of love.

Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you, girl; you'll never come again.

Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,
wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms.


I was just about to post that as the most schmaltzy song of all time. Is anyone old enough to remember The Gong Show and that set of shows where every single contestant sang that song? It was hilarious in a painful kind of way.

MsRobyn
12-29-2008, 10:51 AM
"Honey" is, of course, pure crap.

"The Straight Life", also by Bobby Goldsboro, is worse. The lyrics imply that the narrator is fantasizing about running away with a man, although women are still invited to go down on him:

Sometimes my thoughts may find me in Mexico,
Drinkin' tequila goin' out of my mind.
Havin' a ball on a couple 'a bob,
Treatin' the ladies to corn on the cob,
Leavin' the straight life behind.

The lyrics can be found here (http://lyricstime.com/bobby-goldsboro-straight-life-lyrics.html).

Alternatively, you've got "Seasons in the Sun" by Terry Jacks. This song is so awful that even I can't listen to it, and I've read all of the Left Behind series. It's based on a French song that is even more morbid, if you can imagine. The lyrics are here (http://lyricsondemand.com/onehitwonders/seasonsinthesunlyrics.html), but cinch up your gorge before you click. It ain't pretty.

Robin

Finally
12-29-2008, 11:32 AM
Last Kiss anyone? Both the 70's and the 07-ish versions. Sheesh.

ElvisL1ves
12-29-2008, 11:59 AM
If you're going to mention that, you have to mention "Teen Angel".

Cluricaun
12-29-2008, 12:56 PM
Robert Preston's "Chicken Fat" if we're going for a literal interpretation of the thread title. :)

Biffy the Elephant Shrew
12-29-2008, 01:09 PM
Angel of the Morning, Marianne Faithful

I assume you mean Merrilee Rush.

beowulff
12-29-2008, 01:32 PM
Another Auld Lang Syne

Gatopescado
12-29-2008, 01:34 PM
So much Schmaltz, so little time.

ElvisL1ves
12-29-2008, 01:59 PM
That old wedding reception classic, "Daddy's Little Girl".

Zebra
12-29-2008, 03:38 PM
The Living Years

Seasons in the Sun (it killed a part of my soul to type that, I hope you're happy)

The Blind Man in the Bleachers

Billy Don't Be a Hero

The Night Chicago Died

can't type more... mind weakening...

Ferret Herder
12-29-2008, 04:25 PM
The song "Last Kiss" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Last_Kiss), most recently covered by Pearl Jam. A teenage couple goes out for a drive, they get in a wreck, and the guy wakes up just in time to hold and kiss his girlfriend before she dies. So he sings about how he has to be good so that he can see "my love, my life" after he dies someday.

Charlie Tan
12-29-2008, 05:05 PM
It's based on a French song that is even more morbid, if you can imagine.

Belgian, actually. Here's a youtube (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacques_Brel)link of the original by Jacques Brel, including English subs.

My contribution: Dreamweaver by Gary Wright (http://youtube.com/watch?v=zk4qeCT-RFk) or All By Myself by Eric Carmen. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=D3j_fdSpkmE)

Drain Bead
12-29-2008, 07:40 PM
There's a Celine Dion song (I think) that has the absolutely odious message of "I'm everything I am because you love me."

Chanteuse
12-29-2008, 08:24 PM
I was just about to post that as the most schmaltzy song of all time. Is anyone old enough to remember The Gong Show and that set of shows where every single contestant sang that song? It was hilarious in a painful kind of way.

Funny you should mention that, because that's the FIRST thing I thought of when I saw the lyrics posted!

It was painful, in a hilarious kind of way! ;):D

MoodIndigo1
12-29-2008, 08:40 PM
Years ago, I read in a Philip K. Dick book that his character (can't remember what book or character) who works in a music store mentions that if one more person asks him for the Bluebird of Happiness, he's going to do something drastic. I can't remember what, but I remember being curious enough to find the cd that was remastered from the original.

It was all that, and worse.

Then I met a man who had fond memories of his grandmother who loved the song. I gave him the cd, but then I married him. Karma sucks.

(verse)
The beggar man and his mighty king are only
diff'rent in name,
For they are treated just the same by fate.
Today a smile and tomorrow tears,
We're never sure what's in store,
So learn your lesson before too late, so

(refrain)
Be like I, hold your head up high,
Till you find a bluebird of happiness.
You will find greater peace of mind
Knowing there's a bluebird of happiness.
And when he sings to you,
Though you're deep in blue,
You will see a ray of light creep through,
And so remember this, life is no abyss,
Somewhere there's a bluebird of happiness.

Life is sweet, tender and complete
When you find the bluebird of happiness.
You will find perfect peace of mind
When you find the bluebird of happiness.
Two hearts that beat as one,
'Neath a new found sun,
We are in a world that's just begun,
And you must sing his song, as you go along,
When you find the bluebird of happiness.

God, I can hear it in my head even now.

Kozmik
12-29-2008, 09:55 PM
Something Stupid - Frank Sinatra

MsRobyn
12-29-2008, 11:12 PM
Belgian, actually. Here's a youtube (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacques_Brel)link of the original by Jacques Brel, including English subs.

My contribution: Dreamweaver by Gary Wright (http://youtube.com/watch?v=zk4qeCT-RFk) or All By Myself by Eric Carmen. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=D3j_fdSpkmE)

"French" meaning "French language". I know Brel was from Belgium.

In fact, I think I just earned the Award for the Most Gratuitous Use of the Word Belgium. I think I need to eat a waffle or a Brussels sprout or something to purify it.

Robin

MsRobyn
12-29-2008, 11:16 PM
Seasons in the Sun (it killed a part of my soul to type that, I hope you're happy)


See post #18.

I'd also like to add any song by the Captain and Tennille and pretty much all of Barry Manilow, but those two are too easy.

Robin

Zebra
12-29-2008, 11:40 PM
No


When someone else writes it, I don't see it.


My Way is pretty damn schmaltzy if anyone but Frank sings it.

thirdwarning
12-30-2008, 12:03 AM
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you..

Dickie Lee

How could any list of schmaltz not include things like Rocky, Strange Things Happen, and Tell Laura I Love Her?

I'm trying to remember if he also did Blind Man in the Bleechers.

Ponch8
12-30-2008, 12:08 AM
"Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle is the sappiest, hokiest, vomit-inducingest song ever written. Add in the Jesus references, and it makes it the worst song ever recorded.

Marlitharn
12-30-2008, 12:12 AM
********

Marlitharn
12-30-2008, 12:15 AM
"Town Without Pity" by whoever-the-hell-they-were.

When you're YOUNG and so in LOVE as weeeeee....
And beWILdered by the world we seeeee...
How can we keep love alive
How can anything survive
When these little minds tear you in two...

Sung by a very distraught man who, if he was on stage, would be holding his microphone in both hands and bending over it in emotional agony while he sang.

It's kind of fun to sing it drunk at a kareoke bar, though.

Rhubarb
12-30-2008, 12:15 AM
See post #18.

I'd also like to add any song by the Captain and Tennille and pretty much all of Barry Manilow, but those two are too easy.

Robin

Then you'll have to add the entire Neil Sedaka catalog as well.

Also, Olivia Newton-John "Please, Mister, Please (Don't Play B-17)"

... huuurrkkk ...

fifty-six
12-30-2008, 12:27 AM
On the Wings of Love

chowder
12-30-2008, 03:15 AM
Summer of 48 or summink.

Also Bobby Goldsboro I think

Kobal2
12-30-2008, 04:26 AM
The song itself is ludicrous enough, but it's really the video that makes Hammerfall's Glory to the Brave (http://youtube.com/watch?v=InPCajp0ERU&feature=related) so dear to my heart. I dare you to watch the whole thing without cracking up. I double doggy dare you.
There is not a single musical, lyrical nor visual cliché missing. It's just... perfect.

Cicero
12-30-2008, 06:12 AM
Softly Whispering I Love You by The English Congregation.

chowder
12-30-2008, 08:55 AM
Candle in the Wind.

The one Elton sang at Dianas funeral.

::vomits copiously::

ElvisL1ves
12-30-2008, 10:54 AM
French songs count too, huh? Okay, then Edith Piaf and Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien - "Aujourd'hui, ca commence avec toi!"

Pitter Patter
12-31-2008, 02:12 AM
I've mainly been lurking lately, but I just HAD to throw this one in....Check out Scott Walkers "Montague Terrace In Blue" on youtube, and be sure to have a bucket handy. Happy New Year!:)

Markxxx
12-31-2008, 03:18 AM
French songs count too, huh? Okay, then Edith Piaf and Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien - "Aujourd'hui, ca commence avec toi!"

Of course ALL songs you think are schmultzy count.

French songs count double because there are not good French songs besides "Dominique." And that was Belgium French :D

FairyChatMom
12-31-2008, 08:01 AM
Schmaltzy and spoken - a double whammy:

Mike Douglas - The Men in my Little Girl's Life. (http://ntl.matrix.com.br/pfilho/html/lyrics/m/men_in_my_little_girls_life.txt)

Snickers
12-31-2008, 09:24 AM
My contribution: Dreamweaver by Gary Wright (http://youtube.com/watch?v=zk4qeCT-RFk) or All By Myself by Eric Carmen. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=D3j_fdSpkmE)

Hee - I read the second one as being by Eric Cartman. Kind of changes things totally. I don't think he does schmaltz.

My contribution: Rose, by Johnny Cash.

MacTech
12-31-2008, 09:53 AM
FEELINGS

Feelings, nothing more than feelings,
trying to forget my feelings of love.
Teardrops rolling down on my face,
trying to forget my feelings of love.

Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you, girl; you'll never come again.

Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,
wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms.


Actually, I like Beaker's rendition (http://youtube.com/watch?v=Jt8Q7Fsa_Vs) of the song, other versions are far too saccharine/schmaltzy

tattman40
12-31-2008, 10:38 AM
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Vaa0BJtt9jk&feature=related

Barrels
12-31-2008, 10:51 AM
Taylor Swift- Romeo & Juliet.

I hate this song! I think she is a cute kid and she can sing, but come on! The local stations seem to have the thing on repeat which does not help.

jayjay
12-31-2008, 11:00 AM
Tell Laura I Love Her?


Dammit, man! I was SURE I was going to be the first person to post that!

Zebra
12-31-2008, 11:03 AM
Pretty much anything that can be described as a 'Power Ballad' is pretty damn schamltzy.

Babe

Keep on Loving You

Oh Sherri

I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore

Beth

dropzone
12-31-2008, 11:10 AM
Schmaltzy and spoken - a double whammy:

Mike Douglas - The Men in my Little Girl's Life. (http://ntl.matrix.com.br/pfilho/html/lyrics/m/men_in_my_little_girls_life.txt)That didn't have my favorite verse. It began, "Hello Daddy, this is Chuck."

That was primo material in sixth grade.

Jake
12-31-2008, 11:20 AM
"I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus"
Nuff said

jayjay
12-31-2008, 11:26 AM
I still don't think any general season song can beat some of the Christmas songs going around, especially country-western or Christian-contemporary Christmas songs.

The Christmas Shoes
The Gift
A Baby Changes Everything
Dear Mr. Jesus

I could go on...

bmoak
12-31-2008, 04:08 PM
No


When someone else writes it, I don't see it.


My Way is pretty damn schmaltzy if anyone but Frank sings it.

Sid Vicious?

chowder
12-31-2008, 04:50 PM
How much is that doggy in the window?

Woof fucking woof

jayjay
12-31-2008, 04:54 PM
My Way is pretty damn schmaltzy if anyone but Frank sings it.

Even her? (http://http://youtube.com/watch?v=vZKDqDA5pf0)

chowder
12-31-2008, 05:11 PM
I just thought of another one.

"Tammy"

huurkk

Kobal2
12-31-2008, 06:13 PM
Of course ALL songs you think are schmultzy count.

French songs count double because there are not good French songs besides "Dominique." And that was Belgium French :D

Pistols. At dawn.

MsRobyn
12-31-2008, 07:59 PM
I don't think novelty songs count as schmaltz. I think schmaltz needs to be limited to serious songs.

Robin

Greg Charles
01-01-2009, 11:13 AM
"Happy New Year" by Abba. It doesn't help that I've been hearing it 20 times a day since before Christmas. For some reason, it's fantastically popular in Viet Nam.

Gail
01-01-2009, 11:18 AM
Candle in the Wind.

The one Elton sang at Dianas funeral.

::vomits copiously:: OP by chowder

Oh come on--Elton's Your Song is much more schmaltzy than Candle.

I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world...

chowder
01-01-2009, 01:00 PM
Candle in the Wind.

The one Elton sang at Dianas funeral.

::vomits copiously:: OP by chowder

Oh come on--Elton's Your Song is much more schmaltzy than Candle.

I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world...

I reckon it's a tie

Vox Imperatoris
01-01-2009, 11:56 PM
One Man in My Heart (http://youtube.com/watch?v=L960Cr06iZs) by The Human League.

That song came up on Pandora for me, and I just couldn't take it (plus I instantly thought of this thread). Objectively, it's not that bad of a song, but GAH!

Valete,
Vox Imperatoris

Aquila Be
01-02-2009, 03:45 AM
Noel Harrison did a version of a Charles Aznavour song “Une enfant” in 1967 called “A young girl of 16”.

“… He needed fresh new meat to carve
and left her heart, soul and mind to starve…”

That's enough for a teaser: Youtube - A young girl (http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=YK2wfs33trk).

The complete French lyrics and the not completely accurate English lyrics are available

at this link (http://boudewijndegroot.nl/bdgnh.htm) so if you want you can gather your friends and family around and have a community sing along.

Just a thought.:)

BigBertha
01-02-2009, 04:00 AM
My Way is pretty damn schmaltzy if anyone but Frank sings it.Except Sid.

BigBertha
01-02-2009, 04:03 AM
Hee - I read the second one as being by Eric Cartman. Kind of changes things totally. I don't think he does schmaltz.

.But he would do it well.

Vox Imperatoris
01-02-2009, 05:28 AM
One Man in My Heart (http://youtube.com/watch?v=L960Cr06iZs) by The Human League.

That song came up on Pandora for me, and I just couldn't take it (plus I instantly thought of this thread). Objectively, it's not that bad of a song, but GAH!

I just wanted to add that the video for that song could be a coffee commercial.

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