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View Full Version : How Do They Do Wet Dreams In the Army


Qin Shi Huangdi
08-28-2009, 09:29 PM
What happens when a soldier has a wet dream in the Army or any other branch of the military?

flyboy
08-28-2009, 09:34 PM
Seriously? What happens when you have one?

Slithy Tove
08-28-2009, 09:35 PM
Not the Army, but the first night the Marines were onboard our ship, one of them was heavily kidded for masterbating in his bunk...but only because he didn't bother to wait for lights out.

Pudgy kid with glasses and a stupid-friendly face. I later looked into Drew Carey's service history and was disappointed to not be able say "I knew him when"

Henrichek
08-28-2009, 09:37 PM
The soldier later wakes up and disappointingly realizes it was just a dream.

Leaffan
08-28-2009, 09:37 PM
What the fuck?

In the immortal words of Emerson Lake and Palmer:
Who Knows, Who Cares. For me. C'est la vie.

The Tao's Revenge
08-28-2009, 09:42 PM
Well, in the Navy, Seamen get discharged.

Slithy Tove
08-28-2009, 10:01 PM
We've got submarine veterans here on the dope. Maybe they'll tell what can sometimes occur when "hot-racking" (time-sharing a mattress with two other guys.)

Chez Guevara
08-28-2009, 10:21 PM
What happens when a soldier has a wet dream in the Army or any other branch of the military?A wet dream in the army means a dishonorable discharge.

Alex_Dubinsky
08-28-2009, 11:35 PM
A councelor in camp once told me that when he first joined the army, he didn't masturbate for weeks. Eventually, he got a wet dream for the first time since puberty. After that, he masturbated regularly.

Jerseyman
08-28-2009, 11:41 PM
How would they freaking know - or at least admit to knowing? Sounds like boarding school, you get those that do it and hide it and those that do it and show off about it. it all depends what age you are talking about. Then there's that famous description of Royal Naval tradition as Rum, Sodomy and the Lash. No doubt the Republican American version was Coke, Liberty and the Bible - fat chance :p

Muffin
08-29-2009, 12:24 AM
Well, in the Navy, Seamen get discharged.When I worked on a Canadian freighter, my registration book was titled "Seaman's Continuous Certificate of Discharge." When I first saw the thing, it made me wonder if it was for recording STDs.

Spavined Gelding
08-29-2009, 12:44 AM
How do they do wet dreams? By the numbers, damn it, by the numbers. Ready, one, two, three, four. Rest.

Muffin
08-29-2009, 01:21 AM
How do they do wet dreams? By the numbers, damn it, by the numbers. Ready, one, two, three, four. Rest.Wouldn't they stand at attention?

Toxylon
08-29-2009, 03:20 AM
Army recruits around here use a sock to deposit the ejaculation without making a mess. Some incredibly crusty textiles abound by the laundry day, I hear.

jackdavinci
08-29-2009, 06:07 AM
It's not like there's a lot of fluid in semen. It typically dries within an hour. And men tend to only get wet dreams if they refrain from masturbating for a very long time. Unless they have black underwear I doubt anyone would notice.

Muffin
08-29-2009, 09:07 AM
I always wondered what the term Black Ops referred to. Now I know. Consider ignorance fought.

DrDeth
08-29-2009, 01:01 PM
A wet dream in the army means a dishonorable discharge.

This is not true.

Muffin
08-29-2009, 01:23 PM
This is not true.Cite?

Baron Greenback
08-29-2009, 01:39 PM
This is not true.

:D Read the post again.

Really Not All That Bright
08-29-2009, 01:51 PM
This is not true.
*whoosh*

Muffin
08-29-2009, 01:57 PM
*whoosh*More of a *splort* if you ask me.

Colibri
08-29-2009, 02:03 PM
More of a *splort* if you ask me.

Speak for yourself.;)

Beware of Doug
08-29-2009, 02:04 PM
I would assume that, at least during basic, no opportunity is spared to break down the individual and subject him to punishment, and that this would be an excellent example of such opportunity.

Muffin
08-29-2009, 02:06 PM
A spanking? In uniform? Too bad Otto's gone.

Poysyn
08-29-2009, 02:10 PM
I found it happened a lot during Basic (lots of stress and hot, fit men around). The second most common dream was dreaming about Basic, which sucks.

Alessan
08-29-2009, 02:23 PM
Masturbating in bunks? Please.

That's what watchtowers are for.

Fake Tales of San Francisco
08-29-2009, 03:43 PM
I didn't even know you could have wet dreams after a certain age. Thought they were just a puberty thing. I love learning new things.

Don't know how they do it in the army, but I imagine they'd just use their handy.

Kobal2
08-29-2009, 05:27 PM
Masturbating in bunks? Please.

That's what watchtowers are for.

I wonder if artillery men compute ballistic tables for semen. 65 angle, wind conditions optimal, splooge for effect !

mbh
08-29-2009, 05:36 PM
The first computers were built specifically to calculate ballistics tables.

Your tax dollars at work. :)

FoieGrasIsEvil
08-29-2009, 05:44 PM
I had a wet dream in the Army once. I was out in the tent city portion of the field in Grafenwoehr Germany and had gotten quite drunk.

It was winter, so I passed out in my sleeping bag which was on top of my cot. It started to rain, and apparently there was a leak in our tent which happened to be strategically located right above my general groin area.

So, having gone to bed with a full bladder, coupled with the **drip-drip-drip** in the AO of my gonads, I proceeded to have a dream that I was peeing gelatin, and it felt SO GOOD that I....woke up pissing myself. I was wet. Wet dream.

True story.

Camus
08-29-2009, 07:32 PM
I wonder if artillery men compute ballistic tables for semen. 65 angle, wind conditions optimal, splooge for effect !

That's danger close right there.

DrDeth
08-29-2009, 08:48 PM
:D Read the post again.

Yes, there might be a joke there. But dishonorable discharge has a real meaning, and for things like getting caught with another soldier, it can be a dishonorable discharge. So, assuming the OP is asking a serious question, the answer given may well mislead him.

TheFatKid
08-29-2009, 09:28 PM
I didn't even know you could have wet dreams after a certain age. Thought they were just a puberty thing.

I've only had one in my life and I was in my 20s. Renting a room in a family's apartment in Madrid, didn't feel comfortable tossing off. The pisser was that the dream was about this girl from high school that I couldn't stand. :mad:

Baron Greenback
08-29-2009, 09:34 PM
Yes, there might be a joke there. But dishonorable discharge has a real meaning, and for things like getting caught with another soldier, it can be a dishonorable discharge. So, assuming the OP is asking a serious question, the answer given may well mislead him.

Seriously? For fucks sake, there's no might be there.

DrDeth
08-29-2009, 09:39 PM
Seriously? For fucks sake.

If dudes thought the Op wasn;t asking a serious question (which I think it can be) then it should be reported, not use it as an excuse to spread misinformation.

It would be amazing to some that having consensual sex with another soldier- even hetero sex- can be grounds for a discharge at times. The Military is strange, so why is it impossible that evidence of masturbation could lead to a discipline issue during basic training?

Of course, maybe you know it's a joke- that's nice. Maybe the poster didn't mean it as one (can you speak for him) and maybe someone might take it seriously.

JRDelirious
08-29-2009, 10:00 PM
Seriously seriously, what happens is that the individual has to do his laundry earlier than expected or has to put in more things than he expected. I mean, really, what in the world does the OP think would happen?

Baron Greenback
08-29-2009, 10:01 PM
If dudes thought the Op wasn;t asking a serious question (which I think it can be) then it should be reported, not use it as an excuse to spread misinformation.

It would be amazing to some that having consensual sex with another soldier- even hetero sex- can be grounds for a discharge at times. The Military is strange, so why is it impossible that evidence of masturbation could lead to a discipline issue during basic training?

Of course, maybe you know it's a joke- that's nice. Maybe the poster didn't mean it as one (can you speak for him) and maybe someone might take it seriously.

*bangs head repeatedly off desk*

Divided by a common language....:dubious:

Dude, it was just a joke that you spectacularly missed.

Larry Borgia
08-29-2009, 10:02 PM
Yes, there might be a joke there. But dishonorable discharge has a real meaning, and for things like getting caught with another soldier, it can be a dishonorable discharge. So, assuming the OP is asking a serious question, the answer given may well mislead him.There is absolutely no one on God's green earth who is so stupid that they could not recognize that that comment is a joke. No one.

DrDeth
08-29-2009, 10:07 PM
*bangs head repeatedly off desk*

Divided by a common language....:dubious:

Dude, it was just a joke that you spectacularly missed.

No, I saw it as a poor attempt as a joke. But do you have much interaction with dudes of average intelligence? They are very stupid. I have found I can't go very wrong by under-estimating the intelligence of the average person or the masses.

Rucksinator
08-29-2009, 10:12 PM
I was 19 when I entered Basic (2 months) and AIT (2 more months) for the Army Reserves. I'm sure I was a once or twice a day jacker at that age. I was about halfway through AIT before I ever felt the urge to spank. And no wet dreams. Those uniforms don't do much to flatter the figures of the few girls that we saw. I always assummed that this was so common that the saltpeter UL arose.

Baron Greenback
08-29-2009, 10:13 PM
No, I saw it as a poor attempt as a joke. But do you have much interaction with dudes of average intelligence? They are very stupid. I have found I can't go very wrong by under-estimating the intelligence of the average person or the masses.

Good Lord, you are serious about this! Well, it takes all sorts I suppose.

Rucksinator
08-29-2009, 10:19 PM
JMHO - If the joke had been a pun or something, like "Genital Discharge", then I'd be with Struan, Larry et al. Since there wasn't, I tend to lean towards DrDeth on this one. [I've always felt that joke posts should be indicated with a smiley or something. Sometimes it's hard to tell.]

Also, if you've been reading this thread, then you'll realize that you can't assume too much about the OP. http://boards.academicpursuits.us/sdmb/showthread.php?t=529735

Malleus, Incus, Stapes!
08-29-2009, 10:24 PM
And men tend to only get wet dreams if they refrain from masturbating for a very long time.

Really? That's interesting. Now I'm wondering about laundry day at a monestary.

Rucksinator
08-29-2009, 10:25 PM
I should answer the OP since I'm here. He's probably wake up, grab a clean pair of underwear (do they still issue the brown "whitey-tighties"?), go to the latrine and clean himself up, then go back to his bunk.

Muffin
08-29-2009, 10:29 PM
statsman1982's I pit the intentionally obtuse! (http://boards.academicpursuits.us/sdmb/showthread.php?t=529655)

Raguleader
08-29-2009, 11:39 PM
There is absolutely no one on God's green earth who is so stupid that they could not recognize that that comment is a joke. No one.

Uhm, I'm pretty smart, and I didn't think it was a joke. Hell, I'm in the Air Force, and didn't think it was a joke. Then again, I've heard lots of things that weren't jokes that were still wrong or misinformed, so I didn't take it as gospel either.

Malleus, Incus, Stapes!
08-29-2009, 11:45 PM
Okay, okay. It's a joke, DrDeth didn't get it. Issue resolved. Let's get on with the thread.

DrDeth
08-30-2009, 01:03 AM
Okay, okay. It's a joke, DrDeth didn't get it.

No, I got that it was likely supposed to be a joke. It wasn't funny, and could have lead to dudes taking it serious.

Rucksinator- you're right. Now if it had been "A wet dream in the army means a dishonorable (wait for it) discharge. (rimshot) :D But seriously folks...." Then it'd have been obvious. And even a little funny.

ToeJam
08-30-2009, 02:43 AM
No, I got that it was likely supposed to be a joke. It wasn't funny, and could have lead to dudes taking it serious.

Rucksinator- you're right. Now if it had been "A wet dream in the army means a dishonorable (wait for it) discharge. (rimshot) :D But seriously folks...." Then it'd have been obvious. And even a little funny.

So in the Army they don't get discharged, but apparently in the Navy, Seamen do get discharged.
Got it. Thanks, Jack.

Chez Guevara
08-30-2009, 03:24 AM
Of course, maybe you know it's a joke- that's nice. Maybe the poster didn't mean it as one (can you speak for him) and maybe someone might take it seriously.I stole this from Wikipedia:

In the 18th and 19th centuries, if a patient had ejaculations outside of marital intercourse, or released more semen than is typical, then he was diagnosed with a disease called spermatorrhoea or seminal weakness. A variety of drugs and other treatments, including circumcision and castration, were advised to treat this "disease".Now, I'm not arguing that castration has ever been prescribed by army doctors anywhere in the world to cure wet dreamers in their ranks. But, it's just possible. There's simply no way of knowing. We also recognise, or at least I do, that the army is steeped in tradition. It often clings on to the 'old values', eschewing modern methods in favour of historical precedent.

So, it's not totally impossible that a wet dreamer gets his dick chopped off by an army medical officer. I can't be too dogmatic about this because I don't have any sources, reputable or otherwise, to support me. If anyone does have a cite, please let me know.

Many thanks.

Muffin
08-30-2009, 07:51 AM
could have lead to dudes taking it serious. The world would be a safer place if such people were not in the military.

FoieGrasIsEvil
08-30-2009, 07:58 AM
Of course, nobody had any sex drive during basic training in the USAR, because they routinely put saltpeter in the chow....

Chronos
08-30-2009, 03:27 PM
Quoth Fake Tales of San Francisco:I didn't even know you could have wet dreams after a certain age. Thought they were just a puberty thing. I love learning new things.It's impossible for a healthy adult male to go without ejaculation for very long (more than about a month or so). If a man isn't ejaculating any other way, it'll happen in his sleep. If they're less common after puberty, that's just because post-pubescent guys generally find adequate opportunities for waking ejaculation.

sich_hinaufwinden
08-31-2009, 04:23 PM
how is babby batter formed?

how boy do wet dreme?

Alex_Dubinsky
08-31-2009, 04:41 PM
If a man isn't ejaculating any other way, it'll happen in his sleep. If they're less common after puberty, that's just because post-pubescent guys generally find adequate opportunities for waking ejaculation.
I wonder what that meant (means?) to all those highly-religious people who believed almost any kind of ejaculation is wrong.

Chronos
08-31-2009, 04:57 PM
My guess is that they don't like to talk about it much.

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