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Simetra
04-19-2001, 09:27 AM
We've all seen the commercials for those allergy drugs and whatnot that seem to cause more side effects than what they actually cure. "May cause nausea, dry-mouth, head-ache, etc..." To any extent, our humor in the office this morning is everyone coming up with a list of potential side effects for our imaginary drug...

May cause...

Inability to breathe
Temporary tooth loss (Think about it)
Severe anal bleeding
Redundancy
Redundancy
Ignorance
Complete collapse of civilization
Puppy kicking

Those are the funniest on our list so far... what can you come up with?

KneadToKnow
04-19-2001, 09:31 AM
testicular inversion
inner-ear euphoria
olfactory hallucinations
toe jam

I'd like to go on record as stating that "Puppy kicking" is not funny

Mr. Cynical
04-19-2001, 09:49 AM
What does the imaginary drug cure? That will help my imagination.

thinksnow
04-19-2001, 10:03 AM
Try these:
rectal-cranial inversion
toe jam football
minor blindness
slight cardiac arrhythmia
a touch of rigor

Mr. Cynical
04-19-2001, 10:11 AM
Spontaneous Ejaculation
Idiopathic Colitis
Ramndo Dylseixa
Sticky Wicket
Bee's Knees

scout1222
04-19-2001, 10:30 AM
Excessive belly button lint

beckwall
04-19-2001, 01:50 PM
excessive nasal mucous
sudden and unexplained onset of cursing in baby voice
eye farts
appearance of extra digits (hands/feet)
uncontrollable obsession with Liberace
swallowing of tongue
intermittent ignorance

barbitu8
04-19-2001, 02:10 PM
Inability to work.

Nen
04-19-2001, 02:40 PM
What I love are ads that say something to the effect of:

"If you suffer from gastrointestinal problems, you should consult your doctor about gastron. Side effects may include diarrhea, heartburn, upset stomach and other gastrointestinal problems. Results similar to that of sugar pill."

Okay, they want me to take something that causes gastrointestinal problems to relieve gastrointestinal problems?! And how does a placebo give someone diarrhea?! Ya just gotta love the pharmaceutical industry.

MrVisible
04-19-2001, 03:25 PM
My favorite actual side effect...

"May cause permanent loss of brain function."

:eek:

Borborygmi
04-19-2001, 03:52 PM
People who are allergic to Imaginary Drug should not take Imaginary Drug. For more information, see our ad in Obscure Magazine.

bughunter
04-19-2001, 04:19 PM
Euphoria
Skeletal Muscle Relaxation
Acute Hyperphasia
Liberal Gynoperception (or Androperception in women)
Public Micturation
Unwanted Pregnancy
Reverse Peristalsis
Rotary Supination
Acute Amnesia
Dehydration
Auroral Hypersensitivity
Death


Name that drug!

bunnymom
04-19-2001, 04:25 PM
Beer?

mobo85
04-19-2001, 11:13 PM
May cause Tourette's syndrome, deja vu, deja vu, deja vu, ejection of the heart from the body, spontanious combustion, growth of extra body parts, Elvis Presley syndrome (deep, Southern voice and invouluntary swiveling of the hips), and/or Emperor Palaptine's syndrome (discharge of lighting bolts from the fingers).

passerby
04-20-2001, 01:16 AM
May cause...

Speaking in a foreign language
Appearance of new religions
Abduction by aliens
Soreness in hair
Loss of ability to use the internet

Do not use if allergic to air, water, or placebos.

Consult your doctor if you drive a red car or voted for George W. Bush.

ghandi5569
04-20-2001, 01:25 AM
may cause:

-projectile vomiting
-projectile bleeding
-delusions of grandeur
-liking the kazoo
-spontaneous growth of nose hair
-odd food cravings
-internal cellular breakdown and bleeding similar to that caused by the Ebola virus
-the ability to attain buddhahood while bypassing the steps to Nirvana

oldscratch
04-20-2001, 01:29 AM
Genital Blating.

Joyfulgirl
04-20-2001, 01:34 AM
May cause Double Posting

Juniper200
04-20-2001, 01:38 AM
"May cause stigmata in Mexicans."

The above was stolen from "Side Effects," a hilarious piece in his book Pure Drivel (http://amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0786864672/o/qid=987745019/sr=2-2/002-5628938-0698411) about this very subject. You should make tracks for the bookstore and purchase it post-haste; it's one of the few times I've trul LOLed at a book.

Dignan
04-20-2001, 02:19 AM
Steve Martin devoted a chapter to this idea in his wonderfully funny book Pure Drivel.

Badtz Maru
04-20-2001, 03:51 AM
The Onion had a list of humorous drug side-effects a couple of months ago. My favorite? "Highness"

Zyada
04-20-2001, 08:50 AM
Originally posted by Nen
Okay, they want me to take something that causes gastrointestinal problems to relieve gastrointestinal problems?!
The key word there is may. I doubt there is a medicine out there that works for all people, and some will have the opposite of the intended effect. Certainly if the medicine is making you worse, you want to tell the doctor.

And how does a placebo give someone diarrhea?!
People who are in drug tests don't magically stop having the normal problems of day to day living. That means that during the test, the subjects may get colds, the flu, headaches, mild food poisoning, etc. Some of them may already be prone to things like diarrhea. Also, medical problems aren't static - a problem or disease will get better or get worse on its own. But they have to report any symptom that happens, so that effectiveness and side effects can be determined. This is one of the reasons for a double-blind study, to filter out the effects of the drug from the effects of everyday life.

Simetra
04-20-2001, 08:59 AM
Soreness in hair.

Bwa hahahahahahah! <snort> :D

That was hilarious... Earl Grey coming out of your nose at 8 in the morning is pretty funny too. ;)

Nen
04-20-2001, 11:41 AM
Zyada, I'm actually quite aware of the details you brought to light, and I thank you for the edification, but I just find that type of thing so damn amusing.

beckwall
04-20-2001, 01:11 PM
I consulted my pharmaceutical expert (Jason, the newly graduated pharmacy tech over at Wal-Mart) and found out about a few more potential side effects:

oozing (generalized)
vague sensation of being alive
crankiness
all-consuming evil thoughts and deeds
90 degree angular defect in penis
fervent punctuality
vociferous syndrome, type 2 (non-gregarious)
feeling better than you ever thought you could (the drug boys really hate that one)
inability to identify Coke vs. Pepsi

Kat
04-21-2001, 01:41 AM
Originally posted by Simetra
Earl Grey coming out of your nose at 8 in the morning is pretty funny too.

Is that another one of the side effects? *innocent look*

How about:
"Side effects may include the desire to watch Mary Kate and Ashley videos."

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