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jaimest
07-10-2001, 07:18 PM
I was watching David Letterman last night, and his stooge announcer Alan Kalter boasted that he was "hung like a mule". Now I'm sure I have never heard "hung" used in that context on broadcast TV before, so a small taboo may have been broken there. But what I am really wondering is would a mule be hung at all? They are sterile right, so why would a mule need a penis for? Other than taking an occasional leak. Or do they have a full set of equipment? Do they attempt to have sex, or are they celibate? I have no mule friends, nor have I ever saw fit to rent "mule porn" videos, so I am clueless here. Would a mule be hung at all, or was that an oxymoronic comment that went over my head?

seawitch
07-10-2001, 08:39 PM
Mules are, indeed, sterile. However, this does not imply sexless - they come in both male and female varieties, both fully equipped. The gun is in place, but it's shooting blanks. Yep, they have sex - and the equipment itself is impressively horselike.

Dang. I knew growing up on a farm would come in handy some day.

Cervaise
07-10-2001, 08:49 PM
In response, a general question: When was the last time a human male used his nipples to nurse an infant?

A more specific response: I've never blown a mule.

samclem
07-10-2001, 09:01 PM
<hijack>
[mechanic voice] "Looks like you blew a seal"[/mechanic voice]
Penguin: "No, I just had a glass of milk with lunch."
</hijack>

Thanks, seawitch. That's what's great about the SD. Real-life experience.

Azazel
07-10-2001, 09:05 PM
Count me among the millions who mistakenly believed that mules had no sex organs at all. I thought Kalter's braggadocious statement was funny because of that.
Here's a pretty informative (Google-found) site on mules.

http://cafnr.missouri.edu/mule/quiz.htm

Sorry, couldn't find any mule porn. :p

johnson
07-10-2001, 10:07 PM
Strikes me that "hung like a mule" is a pretty common colloquialism. If I had to complete the sentence "hung like a [blank]," mule is the first thing that leaps to mind.

jaimest
07-10-2001, 10:13 PM
Originally posted by johnson
Strikes me that "hung like a mule" is a pretty common colloquialism. If I had to complete the sentence "hung like a [blank]," mule is the first thing that leaps to mind.
Thats ironic, because johnson is the often first word that enters my mind when the subject pops up...

jaimest
07-10-2001, 10:16 PM
Thats ironic, because johnson is the often first word that enters my mind when the subject pops up...
[/B]
I meant often the first...or the first that often..well English is not my strong suit.

samclem
07-10-2001, 10:37 PM
johnson in the interest of research, what part of what country were you raised in? And in what type of surroundings? Farm? etc. Were mules a big part of your life? Most people these days don't have close ties to mules(nor to horses, but they encounter horses more frequently).

johnson
07-10-2001, 10:44 PM
Suburbia, Samclem, of the mid-Atlantic variety.

And jaimest, since English is not your first language, are you sure you meant to say when the subject pops up? :)

Dog Wonder
07-10-2001, 10:53 PM
That was a stunt penis. It's all done with computer-generated effects. :)

Gunslinger
07-11-2001, 01:24 AM
I'm inclined to say "Hung like a yak". (From a MAD magazine spoof of the Letterman show, IIRC)

Kaz
07-11-2001, 01:56 AM
Originally posted by johnson
Strikes me that "hung like a mule" is a pretty common colloquialism. If I had to complete the sentence "hung like a [blank]," mule is the first thing that leaps to mind.

...squirrel is the first that pops into my mind.



Was that out loud?

Slithy Tove
07-11-2001, 02:36 AM
Well so what? A mule has maybe a two-foot protuberance when fully tumescent - but then Frances weighs in at what? Half a ton? Can anyone post-in with a better penis-to-total body mass ratio example from the animal kingdom (my WAG - seahorses)

MY funny horse penis story: in 1987 I was at the San Diego zoo. The Prezvalsky's horse was standing on a grassy rise, strong, long and black-peened, showing it off to to successive waves of shepherded school-groups and hand-in-hand couples until a large square gentleman (the living double of Brian Dennehy, for your visualization) stopped and placed arms akimbo and stared him down. The man stood his ground as the horse twitched its neck and humbly folded his tents, and so ended my reminder of the of the Scots Presbyterian minister's decription of his own sermons: "long and vigorous - like the penis of a jackass!" (This same minister published, with the aid of an American psychotic, the 1st ed. of the Oxford English Dictionary)

warmgun
07-11-2001, 03:17 AM
I heard fleas had the biggest shlong to body ratio in the animal kingdom. Hung like a flea?

Barbarian
07-11-2001, 06:07 AM
I have photos of some barnacles breeding. Barnacle is about the size of your thumbnail. Male organ protrudes about 15 cms (umm.. call it 6 inches).

But all it does it wave it around, like the aquatic version of a flasher with a trenchcoat.

Spritle
07-11-2001, 08:17 AM
OMG... a coworker e-mailed me a video of "mule porn". It seemed strangely staged, but a mule was chasing around this field hand who, for some reason, had his pants undone. The mule was... ::looking down:: ... average.

plnnr
07-11-2001, 08:24 AM
Jacks (males) and jennies (female) are sterile, but you better believe they have sex organs. My great-uncle worked with a mule team up into the 1970s (Bill was the jack and Fanny was the jenny). Mules make very good "watch dogs" (as do geese and guinea fowl), and are quite bright. Their reputation for stubborness is only partially deserved - if they won't do something you are asking of them, its because they have a "reason" - stop and won't go further in the field? there's a snake or yellow jacket's nest ahead. Stop work and head for the shade? - it must be lunch time or they're getting too hot. Hung? You bet, but not as impressively as the draft horses that lived across the road where I grew up. Now those boys were endowed.

Lance Turbo
07-11-2001, 11:00 AM
Originally posted by Cervaise
[B]In response, a general question: When was the last time a human male used his nipples to nurse an infant?[/B

According to some whack job. This happens all the time. Link (http://unassistedchildbirth.com/milkmen.htm)

07-11-2001, 07:24 PM
In response to Slithy Tove's inquiry,

Can anyone post-in with a better penis-to-total body mass ratio example from the animal kingdom (my WAG - seahorses)

http://sexualrecords.com/
[quote]

Whale penises, called dorks (yes, when called a dork in grade school you were actually being compared to a whale schlong), are the largest in the world, the blue whale being the champ with phalli approximately 10 ft. long and 1 ft. in diameter.......

If you measure as a percentage of body length things are a little different. Goose barnacles, with inch-and-a-half-long appendages, rate about 150%. Unbeatable, you think, until you learn that a rare species of Alpine banana slugs (Ariolimax dolichophallus) measure 6-inches long and possess 32.5-inch tumescences, or 542% times their body length. Incredible....

I don't know what their sources were.

saepiroth
07-11-2001, 08:40 PM
{hijack}
i've always said "hung like a zebra". because, when you first see one in that state, you think-

"aww, poor mutant animal! you have five... legs... oh."

{/hijack}

sailor
07-12-2001, 01:12 AM
Spritle, if that is the video that I've seen, that's not a mule at all, it's a donkey. If you can't tell the difference between a donkey and a mule we're in trouble. A donkey is much smaller than a mule. A mule (like a horse) doing the same thing would easily kill you.

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