#1
Old 02-26-2000, 07:34 AM
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Location: Saint Paris, Ohio
Posts: 982
According to a certain country-western songwriter, one of the "3 biggest lies in the world" is:

* This will only hurt for a little while


What's your take on some of the biggest lies in the world?

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Krispy Original - I survived the SDMB outage
#2
Old 02-26-2000, 07:40 AM
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Posts: n/a
First thing that jumps to mind is
"read my lips, no new taxes".

Course there was the whole "Contract for America" that numerous people signed and still has not been fulfilled.

Or for the less cerebral maybe its
"I promise I won't come in your mouth".
#3
Old 02-26-2000, 07:42 AM
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Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Toronto
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"The cheque's in the mail."

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"I thought: opera, how hard can it be? Songs. Pretty girls dancing. Nice scenery. Lots of people handing over cash. Got to be better than the cut-throat world of yoghurt, I thought." - Seldom Bucket
#4
Old 02-26-2000, 08:37 AM
Member
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Maryland
Posts: 34,059
The standard three I've always heard are:

"I love you."
"The check is in the mail."
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help you."

I'm sure there are numerous variations, though.

I've also heard "I love you" and "I promise I won't come in your mouth" paired as the two lies men most frequently tell to women.

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"Living in this complex world of the future is not unlike having bees live inside your head." - F. Scott Firesign
#5
Old 02-26-2000, 08:55 AM
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Join Date: Oct 1999
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 2,455
My favorites are:

"This is going to hurt me worse than it hurts you"

"Trust me"

"I love you"

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I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.
#6
Old 02-26-2000, 09:02 AM
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Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Toronto
Posts: 1,169
Or how about "It's not you, it's me."

Of course it's you. Why else would I be dumping your sorry ass?
#7
Old 02-26-2000, 09:39 AM
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Location: Chicago, IL, USA
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"I can quit anytime"

"You're the best I've ever had"

"I love the gift"
#8
Old 02-26-2000, 12:13 PM
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Location: 'burbs of Cincinnati, OH
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"This message board is down temporarily while we perform routine maintenance."
#9
Old 02-26-2000, 02:18 PM
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Posts: 5,768
Of COURSE I'll warn you when I'm about to cum, honey...

------------------
Yer pal,
Satan
#10
Old 02-26-2000, 03:28 PM
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Location: Pacific Grove, Calif
Posts: 17,493
'Let me be honest with you.'

Cuz, shucks, what were they before that?
#11
Old 02-26-2000, 03:56 PM
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Join Date: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,345
"No Honey - I don't think that dress makes you look fat."
#12
Old 02-26-2000, 04:03 PM
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Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 776
Windows 98 is over 25% faster!

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http://madpoet.com
Clerks - Just because they serve you doesn't mean they like you.
#13
Old 02-26-2000, 04:08 PM
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Join Date: May 1999
Location: northeast Florida USA
Posts: 1,407
This is the way I heard it:

1. The check's in the mail
2. No I won't come in your mouth
3. Black is beautiful
#14
Old 02-26-2000, 04:12 PM
Guest
Posts: n/a
"All the news that's fit to print."

Dr. Watson
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." -- Benjamin Disraeli
#15
Old 02-26-2000, 04:39 PM
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Location: far away from the SDMB
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"I didn't mean it!"

"I'll return/repay it right away."

"Truth in advertising."

Veb
#16
Old 02-26-2000, 05:00 PM
Member
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: Bohemia. A seacoast.
Posts: 6,225
"Honey, that has never happened to me before."

"I'm breaking up with you, but I still want us to be friends."

"Men are simple creatures."
#17
Old 02-26-2000, 05:03 PM
BANNED
Join Date: Dec 1999
Posts: 372
"It's only a cold sore." D:

"I'm from the IRS and I'm here to help you."



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"I drive way too fast to worry about my cholesterol."
#18
Old 02-26-2000, 05:09 PM
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Posts: n/a
The check is in the mail.

I'll respect you in the morning.

The new Boston album will be released soon.


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"A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a cross?" -- Bill Hicks
#19
Old 02-26-2000, 05:12 PM
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Join Date: Oct 1999
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Posts: 982
"I'll only stick the head of it in."

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Krispy Original - I survived the SDMB outage
#20
Old 02-26-2000, 05:34 PM
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Location: London, Ontario
Posts: 12,912
'You are more mature right now, but the boys will catch up in a few years!"----NOT,----EVER.

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"Patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings." Bob Dylan
#21
Old 02-26-2000, 07:57 PM
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The checks in my mouth and I promise I won't come in your mailbox
#22
Old 02-26-2000, 08:16 PM
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Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Houston Texas
Posts: 2,770
Sure I'll respect you tomorrow.

I would never lie to you.

No, there's never been anyone as good as you.

------------------
Ayesha

_________________________

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.
#23
Old 02-26-2000, 08:22 PM
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Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Toronto
Posts: 1,169
Of course size doesn't matter.



------------------
"I thought: opera, how hard can it be? Songs. Pretty girls dancing. Nice scenery. Lots of people handing over cash. Got to be better than the cut-throat world of yoghurt, I thought." - Seldom Bucket
#24
Old 02-26-2000, 08:29 PM
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Join Date: May 1999
Location: Somewhere in the Middle.
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It's not you, it's me.

We can still be friends.

(Your construction job on the house) will be finished in two weeks.
#25
Old 02-26-2000, 08:31 PM
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Location: Somewhere in the Middle.
Posts: 21,387
I'm just happy to be here and help out the team any way I can.

I love my job

No, honey, that dress makes you look skinny.
#26
Old 02-26-2000, 09:28 PM
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Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Ishpeming
Posts: 33
ex to the recently dumped => "I will always love you"

"hard work will get you everywhere"
"flattery will get you everywhere"

The golden rule is a half-truth as well

Instead it should be:
Do unto others before they do unto you OR
He who has the resources makes the rules
#27
Old 02-26-2000, 10:05 PM
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Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Wisconsin USA
Posts: 16,843
#1. I only had two drinks at the bar.
#2. I had no idea that I was speeding.
#3. No mom, we haven't had sex. We're waiting until we get married.

------------------
I'm only your wildest fear, from the corners of your darkest thoughts.
#28
Old 02-27-2000, 08:43 AM
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"Krispy is original". <Ho-Hum>

------------------
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
#29
Old 02-27-2000, 10:29 AM
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Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: East of the great White N
Posts: 848
I'll bring you back the change.


I'll tell you when I'm going to cum....


It's not you.... it's me.

------------------
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
#30
Old 02-27-2000, 10:45 AM
BANNED
Join Date: Dec 1999
Posts: 372
For musicians: If you do the tour, you'll be on the album.

In general: Respect you in the morning? Hell, I don't respect you NOW!

------------------
"I drive way too fast to worry about my cholesterol."
#31
Old 02-27-2000, 11:50 AM
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Location: Pacific Grove, Calif
Posts: 17,493
'You have the biggest penis I ever saw.'
'I love your breasts.' 'You're the best lover I have ever been with.' 'Ill always love you, heatherlee.'
#32
Old 02-27-2000, 12:02 PM
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"Yes, I know we've had a few before, but this is definately going to be the real Rolling Stones Farewell Tour."

------------------
Coldfire
________________________________
"You know how complex women are"
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
#33
Old 02-27-2000, 12:30 PM
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Join Date: May 1999
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 1,223
"It isn't about the money, it's the principle of the thing."

"It was like that when I bought it."

"That's a great idea, boss."

"I only use my internet connection at work for business purposes."

"Don't worry, my parents really like you."
#34
Old 02-27-2000, 12:42 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: Deep in the heart of TX
Posts: 2,426
1.Of course, I think you're very sexy, dear. Now, turn out the lights.

2.It doesn't matter to me, you're sexy no matter how much you weigh. Now go to sleep, I have to work tomorrow.

3.I have a headache/backache/my little pinky hurts.......


------------------
Life is teaching you some painful lessons. But it is from adversity that strength is born. You may have lost the inning, but I know you'll win the game.
#35
Old 02-27-2000, 07:26 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2000
Posts: 874
I'll call you...definitely!

Ha!
#36
Old 02-27-2000, 10:21 PM
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Join Date: Aug 1999
Posts: 4,542
Here's a quick dirty-dozen countdown of some of my favorite lies:

12) "I'm not like everybody else."
11) "I don't listen to popular music."
10) "I was into it way before it was popular."
9) "The thing I look for most in a man is a sense of humor."
8) "I don't believe everything I read."
7) "I don't watch much television."
6) "I am not over-reacting!"
5) "I'm an informed consumer."
4) "It's empowering."
3) "I know exactly how to fix your car."
2) "I read it somewhere."

And finally, the number one lie, the one that brings a smile to my face everytime I hear it:

1) I can prove it.
#37
Old 02-28-2000, 12:28 AM
Mod Rocker
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Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: N E Ohio
Posts: 40,421
I witnessed this exchange:

1) Hi! We're here from corporate (HQ) and we're here to help.

2) And we're glad to see you.




------------------
Tom~
#38
Old 02-28-2000, 05:35 AM
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Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Back in California.
Posts: 9,237
The cable man will be there between 9 to noon.

The taxi will be there in less than 30 minutes.

The bus comes every half hour. (At least this was a lie in L.A. in the 80s, when I took the bus!)

Said to a somewhat accomplished and dedicated musician, artist, writer, in a bragging and dismissive tone: "Oh, I used to (write/paint/play the piano) as good as you, but I stopped doing it." (What a load of crap. If you were that frigging good to begin with, you probably would be still doing it!)
#39
Old 02-28-2000, 09:38 AM
Guest
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Inside the Pale.
Posts: 8,144
"I'm spending a weekend in Amsterdam on Business"

"Of course you dont look fat in that dress."



------------------
J
Because Fido ate the Hand Grenade for me,
When the Tans came round to search the house at tea,
I said, "Take this, dog, and eat",
He thought it was a can of meat,
It was the hand grenade that Fido ate for me.
#40
Old 02-28-2000, 02:25 PM
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Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 6,316
"I'm not working this part time job for the money, I love dealing with people."

New and Improved
Enright3
#41
Old 02-28-2000, 02:36 PM
Nen Nen is offline
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Posts: 856
"No dear, she's not prettier than you..."
#42
Old 02-28-2000, 02:50 PM
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Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Cincinnati, Oh
Posts: 658
No, it doesn't hurt that much.

Of course I'm 21, I just left my ID in the car.

Of course I've done this before, I'll be done in five minutes.

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"People must think it must be fun to be a super genuis,
But they don't realize how hard it is
to put up with all the idiots in the world."
-- Calvin and Hobbes
(__)
_\/_
#43
Old 02-29-2000, 04:21 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2000
Posts: 125
One of the largest lies around is the one where Satan (not the SDMB regular) has convinced the world that he does not exist.

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"If we submit everything to reason, our religion will have no mysterious or supernatural element. If we offend the principles of reason, our religion will be absurd and ridiculous." Blaise Pascal
#44
Old 02-29-2000, 08:39 PM
Guest
Join Date: May 1999
Location: 35.9 N, 78.9 W
Posts: 198
The five biggest lies in the English language are (in no particular order):

1.) The check is in the mail.
2.) This won't hurt, I promise.
3.) Some of my best friends are _____ (fill in your own ethnic group)
4.) Trust me.
and
5.) I promise not to cum in your mouth.
- - -
At least, that is what I've always told people whenever I hear them say one of the above.

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"Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore.'"
E A Poe
#45
Old 02-29-2000, 10:28 PM
Guest
Posts: n/a
Guns don't kill people.
Reply

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