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#1
Old 08-01-2005, 12:19 PM
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Ladies - do you ever sexually tease your men with infidelity?

Two reasons why this thread popped into my head.


1) Watching Straw Dogs, where Dustin Hoffman's character is teased by his wife (in the movie) about his bookish spinelessness. She does this in numerous ways by flirting with the local lads (one of whom was her ex). It's all skillfully portrayed, and in a way kind of disturbing, since she is raped by two of the dudes later on. More disturbing still, she seems to enjoy it, or at least when its Charlie (her ex) that's doing it. It's like the quintessential two-fingered salute to her husband, rewarding his (percieved) "wimpiness".



2) A friend of mine has a wife who acts similiarly around myself, friends and strangers. She doesn't do it normally, just when he's watching. And he's so stiff and formal, her man just doesn't do anything about it. But you can tell by the greasetraps accumulating on his forehead, he ain't too happy about it.

It's wierd to be there. She'll do things like slide her skirt up and down in direct view of us. When she comes to greet us at the door, if he's standing there watching us all she'll plant a real big corker of a kiss on all of us (lips). The women (our wives) just laugh it off, but I think it's a little different for Izzy. He's not happy at all when some of our other cruel-minded friends tease him about it.

It's not like any of us invite it or anything, she just... well, does it. The other day I was sitting on the couch at Izzy's and she walks in, takes off her shoes and demands, "rub my feet" wearing nothing but a pair of hot pants and bra.

Curiously though, she will NEVER act like this if Izzy's absent (if she did, I'd be over there more often -- I kid, I kid).



I can only take it to mean it's kind of the same situation as in the movie. She teases him sexually with other men by flaunting herself in front of him. However I don't think she'd go all the way with it or anything - I think she does it coz she feels he's sorta weak and won't push back against her.


Do any Doper ladies do this or know anyone who does? Have any Doper dudes experienced this with the women in thier lives? What's the story here and why did they do it?

I remember watching an episode of the Sopranos I have on tape. The one where Ralphie gets whacked (or sorta killed in any case) over that fight with Tony. Chrissie comes over to dispose of the body.

While he was cutting up Ralphie into bits I turns to the missus and says,

"see that? If you ever start acting like Izzy's missus that's what you're gonna end up like"

She laughed.

"Oh you think I'm joking?"

Needless to say, I was a really depressed guy at the time. But it sort of conveys my sentiments. I think the behaviour is inappropriate, but maybe others don't. I'd like to hear your opinions.
#2
Old 08-01-2005, 12:30 PM
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Perhaps it adds to their sexual fantasy play when they are alone?

#3
Old 08-01-2005, 12:49 PM
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I've dated a couple of women like that. Ex-model types, and when it bothered me, that supposedly made me a "jealous" type. Hoo boy, was glad to be out of those relationships.

But it does almost sound like maybe this guy mght like it. Funny, I insisted to these women I mentioned that they could probably find men like this. And they'd be better suited as partners.
#4
Old 08-01-2005, 12:54 PM
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That's a bitchy thing to do. I can't imagine doing that to my guy.
#5
Old 08-01-2005, 01:01 PM
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I don't tease him with infidelity and he doesn't tease me that he'll chop me into bits if I do so I guess that makes me even stephen.
#6
Old 08-01-2005, 01:02 PM
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I briefly dated a woman who acted similarly. We were out one night at a "bottle club" and she spent the whole time flirting with some other guy. Finally, I went over to her and asked if she still needed a ride home. On the drive back I asked why she would ask me to take her out somewhere and then flirt with someone else the entire time. She said that sex could be great if I was angry (not my natural mode by a long shot). She was right, but needless to say the relationship was very short lived.
#7
Old 08-01-2005, 01:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pokey
I don't tease him with infidelity and he doesn't tease me that he'll chop me into bits if I do so I guess that makes me even stephen.

Hmm, I never tease Stonebow with infidelity, but he's forever threatening to chop me into bits. I must be missing something...

#8
Old 08-01-2005, 01:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Indygrrl
That's a bitchy thing to do. I can't imagine doing that to my guy.
Yup. I suppose it's possible HE gets a charge out of his friends "wanting" her (though it doesn't sound like any of you actual do), but I doubt it. It sounds like she does it to try to make him jealous, which is never cool
#9
Old 08-01-2005, 01:05 PM
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Why would I do that?

I know that's not really an answer, but it's the only one I have. I am crazy about my SO, so why on Earth would I flirt with other men???
#10
Old 08-01-2005, 01:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Indygrrl
That's a bitchy thing to do. I can't imagine doing that to my guy.
But didn't you admit to a lack of impulse control on multiple occasions in the past?


Or is it bad form to bring up other posts?
#11
Old 08-01-2005, 01:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QuickSilver
But didn't you admit to a lack of impulse control on multiple occasions in the past?


Or is it bad form to bring up other posts?
I wouldn't overtly do anything to hurt my partner.

Plus, my past indiscretions have absolutely nothing to do with my current relationship.
#12
Old 08-01-2005, 01:23 PM
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What a rotten thing to do. She must not have very much respect for him, to treat him with such contempt. Unless it is some weird thing that he gets a kick out of, but it doesn't sound like it to me.
#13
Old 08-01-2005, 03:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QuickSilver
Perhaps it adds to their sexual fantasy play when they are alone?

This was my thought when I read the post.
#14
Old 08-01-2005, 04:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QuickSilver
Perhaps it adds to their sexual fantasy play when they are alone?



Well, I guess you can never be too sure.


But FWIW, I don't think he particularly enjoys it. Or at least so the expression on his face tells me.
#15
Old 08-01-2005, 04:39 PM
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Absolutely not.

I'm a great big flirt, or I would be, if I had the courage to be one. Online, i am. In person, like most people I'm much more reserved and almost never flirt.

But I would never do that in front of my SO, deliberately to play. I know it would hurt him deeply. He knows I flirt online, he knows my online persona is flirty & chatty & light (most of the time), and he doesn't mind that, so I continue doing it. If it bothered him, I would tone it down severely.
#16
Old 08-01-2005, 06:04 PM
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No, I don't.

I don't even flirt with others when my boyfriend is not around.

Oh hell... I don't even flirt when I'm single.

I guess I'm just a big prude.
#17
Old 08-01-2005, 06:45 PM
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An old friend of mine does this constantly. Every time she goes out, she's got to handle everything she sees. Her man of the hour, an even older friend, knew she did this when they started going out, and understands it's just her way of working a room. I wouldn't say it works, since they've stopped seeing each other twice in maybe four months, but it's not necessarily a game.
#18
Old 08-02-2005, 08:06 AM
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Eh, I wouldn't mind if she were doing this to my close friends. That is to say, friends where all parties involved know each other and have a genuine repore with each other.

But if she were to act like this in front of people we didn't know like in ShibbOleth's example; I'd pimp slap that bitch all the way to Crack Town.
#19
Old 08-02-2005, 08:18 AM
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I wouldn't. I wouldn't hurt hubby in that way, unless it was a really close friend (both of our friend) and he knew it was all in jest.

But we don't have friends, so that's not a problem.

I understand jealousy play comes into some relationships, and if Hubby asked for it I would do it, but only if I was sure he really wanted it. And I don't even know that I could do it well. I'm not a good flirter, and I'd be too nervous that I'd crossed the line and pissed him off.
#20
Old 08-02-2005, 09:22 AM
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:: Slowly. Backing. Out. Of. The. Thread. ::
#21
Old 08-02-2005, 09:51 AM
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I used to be one of the worlds best (worst?) flirts. It didn't seem to bother my ex husband. However, like Indygrrl, my past behavior is about 180 degrees from what I would do today. I only have eyes for my husband now. Even something resembling flirting with another man makes me feel creepy now.
#22
Old 08-02-2005, 09:56 AM
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Just imagine how the guy feels.
#23
Old 08-02-2005, 10:53 AM
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The behavior described in the OP seems vicious and manipulative to me. I think if you have to manipulate one another to get what you want, the relationship probably isn't very good.

Hubby does have a couple of close friends who are flirts; they flirt with me, I flirt back. But it's all play and everyone involved knows it. If I every got the slightest hint from hubby that it bothered him (and he's not the type to keep something that's bothering him bottled up), I would stop immediately, out of respect for him.
#24
Old 08-02-2005, 01:55 PM
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There are pretty much only two ways to consider this situation
1. There is an elaborate sexual game at foot. The fact that he looks uncomfortable signifies nothing. Humiliation and power games play a significant role in some people's sexual lives.
2. She is a heinous mega-bitch.
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