#1
Old 11-12-2005, 09:24 PM
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Location: Quantum foam
Posts: 24,261
My penis is so big...

... it has its own zip +4 code.







Due to the increase in threads and/or posts bragging (directly or indirectly) about penis size, I offer all of you the opportunity to post your 2¢ about your own ding-a-ling, wang, dick, one eyed trouser snake, beef torpedo, whatever you want to call it...
#2
Old 11-12-2005, 09:39 PM
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Nothing to see here folks.

D & R
#3
Old 11-12-2005, 09:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Epimetheus
Nothing to see here folks.

D & R
That's unfortunate.
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#4
Old 11-12-2005, 09:45 PM
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Posts: 20,187
My Dick is so big you need a fishing license to take a sperm sample.
My Dick is so big I'm not supposed to operate it after taking NyQuil.

My Dick is so big it started its own record label.
My Dick is so big it’s registered by the Dep’t of Interior as a "Geological Feature used Primarily for Recreation".

My Dick is so big Spielberg is filming "Jurassic My Dick"
My Dick is so big the doctor used a backhoe to give me a vasectomy.
My Dick is so big it was banned by the SALT2 treaty.
My Dick is so big David Copperfield made it disappear.
My Dick is so big it seats a family of six.
My Dick is so big there's a show on Fox, "When My Dick Attacks"


My Dick is so big it has an entourage.
My Dick is so big it fought Godzilla.
My Dick is so big The Stones open for it.
My Dick is so big it won’t share top billing.
My Dick is so big that the US Dept of Justice tried to break it up into smaller dicks.

My Dick is so big the tip dials 10-10-321 when it calls my balls.
My Dick is so big it molested Michael Jackson.
My Dick is so big Suzanne Somers wants me to endorse her ‘Dickmaster’.
My Dick is so big Melville’s original title was "Moby My Dick".
My Dick is so big it won’t host Saturday Night Live, even though it was on the cast for 6 years.
My Dick is so big primitive cultures worship it as a deity.
My Dick is so big it has it’s own climate.
My Dick is so big a Starbucks opened in my scrotum.
My Dick is so big it has stadium seating.
My Dick is so big they found George Mallory’s frozen corpse on it, with two dead Sherpas.

My Dick is so big it did stunt work in the movie 'Anaconda'.
My Dick is so big it took a team of lumberjacks to circumcise me.
My Dick is so big if I put a hat on it I can drive in the HOV lane.
My Dick is so big my Home Owner's Association's won't let me get a hard-on.
My Dick is so big it takes the Army Corps Of Engineers to clean up after I jack off.

My Dick is so big it has it's own Congressman.
My Dick is so big it changed its name to "The organ formerly known as My Dick".
My Dick is so big I can fuck the hole in the ozone.
My Dick is so big that when I tap it after I piss, it registers 9.6 on the Richter scale.

My Dick is so big that the shaft and each ball are their own independent sovereign states. It takes a trade agreement for me to come.
My Dick is so big NORAD goes to DEFON 4 every day when their radar picks up my morning wood.

MDISB it has a permanent dark side.
MDISB they race my sperms in Mexico.
MDISB it does "stupid My Dick tricks" on the Letterman show.
MDISB it has it's own currency.
MDISB that the only man-made structure that can be seen from space is my erection.
MDISB it bends light.
MDISB it joined NATO.
MDISB it has a snow cap.
MDISB it bought Microsoft.
MDISB I can splooge satellites into orbit.
MDISB the natives on Skull island sacrifice virgins to it.

MDISB there’s a new show on FOX, “Who wants to marry My Dick?”
MDISB that when I announced that I was going to the Mustang Ranch in Nevada, all the girls that work there quit and became nuns.

MDISB the phrase "meat is murder" was originally about me.
MDISB when I do porn it has to be on IMAX.
MDISB I needed to get a license to operate heavy machinery before I could legally masturbate.

MDISB the UN classified it as a “weapon of mass insemination”.
MDISB I have to ejaculate in shifts.
#5
Old 11-12-2005, 09:46 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 11,403
Mine is in another room of the house, having a shower.

Well, OK, technically it isn't "mine" but I do have a marriage certificate that transfers part-time ownership

No measurements, postal statistics, etc. here, sorry!

Hey, Papa Zappa, c'mere. Grab that ruler from the kids' school supplies. I need to measure something. ::chases PZ around the house::
#6
Old 11-12-2005, 09:56 PM
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Quote:
MDISB they race my sperms in Mexico.
That was my favorite.
#7
Old 11-12-2005, 10:01 PM
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Location: United States of Leifholm
Posts: 2,962
My dick is so big that in 1997 it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now the Democratic Peoples Republic of My Dick.

My dick is so big it's in the other room making me a drink right now.

MDISB it doesn't return the president's phone call's

MDISB you're standing on it.

MDISB it has a part time job dropping bombs on Iraq.

MDISB it's SNEAKING UP BEHIND YOU!

MDISB I need a whole seperate universe in my pants just so it'll fit in them.

And finally: My dick is three inches... from the MOON!
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#8
Old 11-12-2005, 10:11 PM
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Posts: 2,567
My dick is so small ... the first time a girl saw it, she asked for a side of cocktail sauce.

What?! It's bigger than Enrique's, so I don't care.
#9
Old 11-12-2005, 10:12 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: In the hot tub.
Posts: 2,567
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeterWiggen
My dick is so small ... the first time a girl saw it, she asked for a side of cocktail sauce.

What?! It's bigger than Enrique's, so I don't care.
Also, I'm liking this guy tonight:


#10
Old 11-12-2005, 10:14 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2003
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Posts: 1,976
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeterWiggen
Also, I'm liking this guy tonight:
Truly? And I thought you guys only liked ...


: d&r :
#11
Old 11-12-2005, 10:15 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: United States of Leifholm
Posts: 2,962
My dick is so big that terrorists plotted to blow it up, but were thwarted when they couldn'y climb up my scrotum.

MDISB there's a show in Japan about giant robots fighting it.

MDISB there is an entire branch of physics dedicated to figuring out how things work on it.

MDISB it makes Mt everest jealous.

MDISB my testicles have been mistaken for binary stars.

MDISB I've had sex without even seeing it.
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#12
Old 11-12-2005, 10:17 PM
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Hey Revtim, I heard you got a big dick. How big is it?
#13
Old 11-12-2005, 10:19 PM
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Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: Florida, USA
Posts: 20,187
Quote:
Originally Posted by RandMcnally
Hey Revtim, I heard you got a big dick. How big is it?
MDISB when I fly it counts as a carry-on.
#14
Old 11-12-2005, 10:30 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Quantum foam
Posts: 24,261
Quote:
Originally Posted by Revtim
MDISB when I fly it counts as a carry-on.


Mine has to get runway clearance from airport traffic control.
#15
Old 11-12-2005, 10:40 PM
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Join Date: Jul 1999
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Posts: 33,150
My penis is so big it belongs in the GQ "uncountable infinity" thread!
#16
Old 11-12-2005, 10:45 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Western New York
Posts: 75,025
My dick is so big I've had sex with women I've never met
My dick is so big it turned down its Oscar
My dick is so big it goes by only its first name
My dick is so big it was the Fifth Beatle
My dick is so big it goes out on nights when I stay home
My dick is so big the dark is afraid of it
My dick is so big that Ann Coulter and Al Franken agree that my dick is big
My dick is so big that future versions of this joke will start my dick is so my dick
#17
Old 11-12-2005, 10:46 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: United States of Leifholm
Posts: 2,962
MDISB I've had sex with black holes.

MDISB that if all it's mass were to be condensed it would form a star.

MDISB if Hal Briston had one the same size, entire pastures would be at risk

MDISB if the whole thing hit the ground at once, the world would be knocked out of orbit.

MDISB surgeons need a drydock and drilling equiptment to operate on it.

MDISB no one has been able to get to the top without oxygen.

MDISB that Einstien had a theory about it.

MDISB it takes thirty days for the whole thing to get hard.

MDISB that if I were to move in one direction for long enough I would keep end up back at the tip.
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#18
Old 11-12-2005, 11:13 PM
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Posts: 2,112
I can't compete with the gentlemen upthread, but mine is big enough that when I press it up against the bus window people point and yell in foreign languages.
#19
Old 11-12-2005, 11:23 PM
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Join Date: May 2001
Location: In another castle
Posts: 18,988
My dick is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to my dick.

Dear Mr. Adams, I'm so very sorry.
#20
Old 11-12-2005, 11:49 PM
The Turtle Moves!
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Location: SoCal
Posts: 48,550
Hah! I've got you all beat. When I walk across campus, I hear people say "There goes the biggest dick in the world!"
#21
Old 11-13-2005, 12:11 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Corn country
Posts: 3,417
My dick (if i had a dick) is so big that

--no one ever feels the need to cry, "Cite?" when I talk about how big it is.
--parts of it lie yet undiscovered
--even Yo Mama bows down to it
--when I go to the beach people think a new species of whale has washed ashore
--I take it to the desert to sell shade
#22
Old 11-13-2005, 12:43 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 14,546
I've never measured mine. I prefer to "estimate".

SPOILER:
Of course I also "estimate" that a tooth pick and a cucumber are around abouts the same size as well.
#23
Old 11-13-2005, 01:06 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Kentuckiana
Posts: 718
My dick is so big that Stephen Hawking has a theory about it.

In all seriousness, the ladies comment on its splendid girth
#24
Old 11-13-2005, 01:49 AM
Charter Member
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Lower half of CA
Posts: 13,908
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoClueBoy
... it has its own zip +4 code.







Due to the increase in threads and/or posts bragging (directly or indirectly) about penis size, I offer all of you the opportunity to post your 2¢ about your own ding-a-ling, wang, dick, one eyed trouser snake, beef torpedo, whatever you want to call it...
My dick is....non-existent. But I can still pee standing up. In a straight line.
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#25
Old 11-13-2005, 03:33 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 5,724
MDISB that I've got Vietnamese prostitutes servicing me as we speak.
#26
Old 11-13-2005, 03:37 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Palm Coast, FL
Posts: 2,605
MDISB that it drives my truck and makes me ride shotgun.
MDISB that it has it's own dick; and THAT dick is bigger than your dick.
MDISB that it casts a shadow... on the MOON!
MDISB that it's featured in The Guiness Book of My Dick
MDISB that it's photographed with a wide-angle lens... from orbit!
MDISB that the Alaska Pipeline is nervous.
MDISB that it jumped into the ocean near San Diego, and caused a tsunami to hit Australia.
MDISB that it has a seat on the U.N. Security Council.
MDISB that my wife had to train by climbing K2 before assuming the reverse-cowgirl position.
MDISB that it's gravity affects the orbit of the earth.
MDISB that the distance from the earth to the sun will now be known as one "My Dick".
MDISB that "The sun never sets on My Dick".
MDISB that even Vic Mackey is afraid of it.
#27
Old 11-13-2005, 04:14 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: United States of Leifholm
Posts: 2,962
MDISB that if it was destroyed life as we know it would come to an end.
MDISB I cause eathquakes by slapping it on the ground.
MDISB when I blow my load, air raid sirens go off in china.
MDISB philosophers have been debating for ages wether or not it truly ends.
MDISB you need a helmet on to have sex with me.
MDISB the last lady I had sex with still hasn't gotten down.
MDISB it contains within it multitudes of peoples, animals and plants. Entire civilizations have risen and fallen within it.
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#28
Old 11-13-2005, 04:48 AM
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Join Date: May 2001
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 17,676
My dick is so big that sometimes condoms are too tight....not always but sometimes.
#29
Old 11-13-2005, 04:55 AM
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Paris Hilton said, "Ouch".
#30
Old 11-13-2005, 04:58 AM
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Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 17,676
"I felt that," would have been enough.
#31
Old 11-13-2005, 05:20 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 3,200
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayn_Newell
My dick (if i had a dick) is so big that

--no one ever feels the need to cry, "Cite?" when I talk about how big it is.
Cite?

My dick is so big that New York requested I lay on my back rather than build a new skyscraper.
#32
Old 11-13-2005, 06:02 AM
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Posts: 1,652
I've got no dog in this fight, but I wonder if, in Soviet Russia, your dick has you.
#33
Old 11-13-2005, 09:37 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Quantum foam
Posts: 24,261
Quote:
Originally Posted by Revtim

MDISB I have to ejaculate in shifts.




#34
Old 11-13-2005, 09:46 AM
Member
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 17,676
My dick is so big that the woman I had sex with tonight called out "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT MONSTER?!?!?"



















when a Rottweiler burst through the window.






















I beat it into submission with my dick.
#35
Old 11-13-2005, 10:14 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2000
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Posts: 27,179
MDISB it went into the Marianas Trench and I was in the surface ship.
MDISB it deflects 1920's-style death rays.
MDISB Opal says hi to it.
MDISB it had sex with your dog and the ejaculation burnt it.
MDISB that afterward it cooled itself off in the Rio.
MDISB it smashes Og.
MDISB old inside jokes about it don't make it look small.
#36
Old 11-13-2005, 10:48 AM
Member
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: NH
Posts: 21,828
My penis is not so big. Only about three inches. At first I thought those ads were silly, but it turns out to be as useful for hiking as I thought. On the plus side, misplacing it is much less tramatic to me than the guys in King Missle.
#37
Old 11-13-2005, 11:08 AM
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Location: Right behind you!!!
Posts: 3,935
This thread strangely reminds me of this song by Da Vinci's Notebook... and it describes me precisley!
#38
Old 11-13-2005, 11:39 AM
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Well, I have never told anyone this, but in high school, the other boys gave me the nickname 'Tractor,' because I have a really Massy-Furgeson. Children can be so cruel.
#39
Old 11-13-2005, 05:34 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Deep Space
Posts: 41,636
MDISB that when I come you can measure the cosmic background radiation.
MDISB that it is laughing at the other posts in this thread.
#40
Old 11-13-2005, 07:11 PM
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Join Date: May 2001
Location: England
Posts: 56,724
I don't normally participate in dick-measuring contests like this, but that's mostly because mine is so large that it warps the fabric of spacetime.
#41
Old 11-14-2005, 10:47 AM
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Posts: 20,673
The largest organ by far is the skin.

The reason it is the largest by far is that it has to go around my dick.
#42
Old 11-14-2005, 12:01 PM
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Posts: 3,380
Strategic Limitations on Wang Size

Quote:
Originally Posted by Revtim
My Dick is so big it was banned by the SALT2 treaty.

...

My Dick is so big NORAD goes to DEFON 4 every day when their radar picks up my morning wood.

...

MDISB I can splooge satellites into orbit.
SALT II was superseded and extended by START, which all five signatories ratified. SALT II covered "strategic" missiles, which, at the time, were pretty small compared to current penis proxies ICBMs. Under START, if the booster section of your dick exceeds the length or girth dimensions of an existing ICBM's booster section, it must be declared as a "booster for intercontinental ballistic missiles" in the START-signatory country of residence, and must be stored at a declared facility. If your dick is covered by SALT II, be sure to let your significant other know -- SALT prohibits "rapid reload" which is defined as 12 hours (if you're stationary) or 4 hours (if you're mobile). Even guys who can't go twice at once can usually go twice in an hour...

AFAIK, NORAD only changes DEFCON for START- and SALT II-covered missiles if you do not file a NOTAM and a START notification before launch. On the other hand, a SALT II prohibited system would result in a much more vigorous response from NORAD. Simply erecting the missile for launch is not enough to get the missile noticed by radar, since primary detection is usually done with infrared sensors that can see the superheated plume of propellant (this goes beyond a "painful burning sensation"). If your dick has a superheated plume of anything, see your doctor.

As for launching satellites into orbit, I hope your mattress can take the recoil. My mom always had to wash stains out of my sheets, but scorch marks... man, those never come out.

Oh, and while I'm here:
* MDISB that Han Solo took 20 minutes to realize he'd flown the Millenium Falcon right inside it.
* MDISB that the Vikings and the Chinese still argue about who discovered it first.
* MDISB that forty-five women have been killed trying to reach the summit, and the seven who made it still suffer vertigo.
#43
Old 11-14-2005, 01:57 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 1,335
My dick is so big it has its own screen name.
My dick is so big it co-signed my lease.
My dick is so big you can see it coming a mile away.
#44
Old 11-14-2005, 02:01 PM
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Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: IL, USA
Posts: 5,209
- - - My dick is so big, I teach my sperm tricks and sell them to Sea World.
~
#45
Old 11-14-2005, 02:08 PM
Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: On the level, if inclined
Posts: 13,233
Yeah? Well mine tears holes in the fabric of spacetime...so it appears to be only about 10 inches long.
#46
Old 11-14-2005, 02:11 PM
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Location: The tropics
Posts: 6,736
My balls each have their own event horizon. When I come, an entire universe comes into being. That's why they call it "The Big Bang".
#47
Old 11-14-2005, 02:16 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Lair
Posts: 20,890
MDISB that when I go to bed at night, I have to run Christmas lights up it so aircraft won't crash into it if I get an erection.

MDISB black holes can't escape from IT.

MDISB that the one time I let it trial on the ground a bit, the Grand Canyon was formed.
#48
Old 11-14-2005, 02:16 PM
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 8,333
MDISB my 3 yo son, who saw my penis the other day when I got out of the shower, said to my wife "Mommy, Mommy, did you know Daddy has a big penis? I mean really big!"

So, compared to a 3 year old, my penis is freakin' humongous; even with post-shower shrinkage.

Somehow, I'll find a way for that to boost my ego; I'm still searching...but not for my penis, because it's huge.
#49
Old 11-14-2005, 02:45 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: United States of Leifholm
Posts: 2,962
MDISB we're all inside it right now.
MDISB if you want to see it just look out the window.
MDISB no one is sure wether or not sentient life exists at the tip.
__________________
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#50
Old 11-14-2005, 03:08 PM
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Location: Anderson, IN,USA
Posts: 14,584
"My dick is a Harley,
You kick it to start." --Frank Zappa

If you're big enough, it's all tight.
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