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#1
Old 01-23-2006, 12:35 AM
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"You gotta watch out for those quiet ones."

I'm not a talkative person, never really have been. It's a combination of being shy and just flat not feeling like I have much to talk about. I like listening to other people talk, and I'll join in when I have something to add, but its rare that I'll start a conversation....especially with a stranger. If someone wants to talk to me, I try my best to be interested in the topic and converse, I'm not rude - but a lot of time I'm just not into it and its clear that I don't really want to talk. I'm not chatty, and I'm horrible with small talk.

Thing is, this particular trait seems to really piss people off, and I don't understand why. Out of all the things that I could be slammed for, this is the only one where people get downright nasty. I've been accused of being creepy, having no personality, or just being weird...and people are so rude about it. All over the fact that I'm quiet!

Do quiet people freak you out? If so, why?

To my fellow mutes: do you get the same reactions that I do?
#2
Old 01-23-2006, 01:11 AM
Cyn Cyn is offline
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I am, at 43, highly socially skilled.
As a youngster, I felt more comforatble talking to adults. I was considered stuck-up and snotty by my peers. I must think I'm "too good" to talk to other kids and thought I was "better than" they were. This wasn't the impression I was trying to convey, so I started highschool determined to give a different impression. I became a very attentive listener and made eye contact and smiled but always listened more than spoke. Now I'm warm and friendly. Men tell me I'm intelligent and mysterious, women tell me I'm wise and comforting.
Still waters run deep and you got to watch the quiet ones. People will see what they want to see. I have lots of aquaintances and very few close friends. My husband is the only person who really knows me and hears what I don't say.
And I don't say a LOT.
P.S. People hate to think that their every mundane utterance isn't the most riveting thing ever spoken. If you act disinterested, you're being stuck-up. If you pretend to be interested, you're a terrific person.
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#3
Old 01-23-2006, 01:55 AM
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I'm very shy... until I get comfortable around people. Then I can't shut the hell up. But there are a lot of people I never get comfortable around, because they think I'm stuck up for not speaking.

There was a sweet girl I used to work with - she was absolutely gorgeous: never had to wear makeup, she kept herself very neat and tidy, had a faint but very pleasant and clean smell... and she was quiet as a churchmouse. She was always very polite when she did speak to you, but she rarely spoke. Everyone whispered behind her back, saying she was "weird", "snotty", "full of herself", or "thinks she's so gorgeous". No, apparently, those people thought she was gorgeous and were jealous of her. I started speaking to her one day, talking about my cats - that did it. The dam broke. I hit on one of her favourite things: her dear pets. We ended up talking about everything under the stars, once she realised I wasn't judging her. We were very similar. She was an absolute sweetheart, and certainly not full of herself.

But everyone hated her. All because she was so quiet. She just needed to be comfortable, that's all.

I don't know why people are like that. So many seem to believe they are the epitome of perfection, and meeting someone who doesn't act the way they do turns them into nasty, judgemental fiends. People confuse the hell out of me.
#4
Old 01-23-2006, 02:53 AM
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From what I've gathered, people don't listen very well. So when I come across someone who talks non-stop, I also assume they don't listen very well, which makes me also assume that they are very selfish. I feel bad about doing this, because I'm judging them like they judge me. The only thing different is that, more often than not, they end up proving me right.

Now, its not as if I don't like chatty people - most of the friends I have here are very talkative, but these are people that made the effort to get to know me. A few of them thought I was a bit strange at first, but they still made the effort.

I'm really not sure what I'm trying to accomplish with this thread, its been a trying couple of weeks and I just want to make sure I'm not a horrible weird person, and that perhaps I've just been encountering a lot of assholes lately.

Blargh.

Thank you for the responses so far.
#5
Old 01-23-2006, 02:56 AM
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Ack!

What I meant to say was, "from what I've gathered, very talkative people don't listen very well."

I managed to edit that part out without realizing it. Sorry!
#6
Old 01-23-2006, 04:11 AM
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I think people like that are just insecure thus they see a mirror image of themselves when YOU're quite and don't say anything.

I'm pretty sure the thought process goes something like:

"..Why is that guy not talking to me?... He must not like me! Why? dammit why? well I don't like that prick either!" Hmmph!!

It like, gee, you'd think the more probable thought process would be: "This guy probably isn't taking to me because he's shy."

I hate to throw out a cliche Yoda'ism out there but:

People tend to fear the unknown:

"..and with fear comes hate."

and before any Star Wars geeks jump my ass; Yes I know I butchured that quote...
#7
Old 01-23-2006, 04:29 AM
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In my experience, people react negatively to the kind of demeanor you say you exhibit because they are really thinking that you are looking down on them. People react negatively when they feel that they've made the initial friendly contact and it's rejected: kind of like sticking out your hand to shake and the other person ignores it. It makes you look and feel foolish, and anger and resentment are the result.

I don't have much advice to offer as to a solution -- although I think Cyn hit the nail on the head by describing how she became a friendly listener good at looking people in the eye -- but I thought it might be helpful to know that perhaps much of the anger and resentment you see is actually defensive in nature.



P.S.: On preview I see that SHAKES has said pretty much the same thing, but by gosh I spent the time composing this thing and I'm gonna post it!
#8
Old 01-23-2006, 04:53 AM
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Since 7th grade, when all my elementary school friends dumped me, and I was being bullied, I've been extremely socially insecure. I hate to say this, but middle school has scarred me for life. In my mind, I'm still that awkward girl, with a bad overbite and outdated clothes....This was 33 years ago and I'm just trying to come out of it, now.
I am one of those people who is shy, until I feel comfortable. Pair that with a deadpan sense of humor, and I know people don't know what to make of me. I often hear people say, "I can't tell if you're joking or not."
I don't know if people think I'm stuck up or not--I think I am a sweet, caring person and I try to project that.
And yes, I am working on having self-confidence, but when you've given yourself one mental message for over 30 years, it's difficult.
#9
Old 01-23-2006, 06:46 AM
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I know, I had that my whole life. It took me until I was about 43 before I figured out how to use social skills to improve my life. It really worked. Humans have this innate tendency to form social bonds. I didn't really get how it worked... for all the reasons people have given here already... I went through exactly the sort of experience you described. It took years of developing maturity and self confidence to make social skills work for me instead of against me.
#10
Old 01-23-2006, 08:38 AM
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When people point out to me that I never talk, it makes me even less likely to open up to them. I know I should try not to be so quiet, but when saying something is met with "Oh my God, Erin said something!" it doesn't make me want to do it again.

The reaction is even stronger if I happen to curse in a rare moment of talking. I don't think of myself as someone who never curses, because I do in my head and around my friends, but I guess I usually censor myself in public, because people get really surprised.
#11
Old 01-23-2006, 12:08 PM
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I'm considered stand-offish by my husband's co-workers, and I guess they're right. I prefer to spend the evening with a good book. Socializing is a trial for me. I don't have many friends, and I prefer it that way. The only times Hubby and I go out with other people are when his co-workers invite us to gatherings. (Mine know better. )

I'm just not good at small talk, or conversations about work and the kids. Hey, get me going on literature, or history, or science, and I'll talk your leg off, but most people I know don't want to discuss those things.

I have a lot of difficulty pretending interest in conversations about bills and the after-school activities of someone's children. I try to be pleasant, of course, but I know I come off as a fake.
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#12
Old 01-23-2006, 12:17 PM
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pensandfeathers, are you sure they're calling you creepy and weird simply because you don't talk much? I mean, really sure--as in, this is what they've told you, and you very strongly trust their own powers of introspection?

I suspect there's more to it than that. For example:
-Maybe you don't smile very much.
-Maybe you laugh at inappropriate times.
-Maybe you maintain eye contact for too long.
-Maybe you show up in a group and stand there stiffly, peering at people int eh group without saying, "Hi, how's it going?"
-Maybe people ask you questions and, instead of answering them, you decide that they're simply engaging in small talk and that, since you don't do small talk well, you should just stay silent.

If it were only one person accusing you of weirdness, I'd say that's their problem. But if you're getting it from a bunch of people, you ought to decide whether you care about other folks thinking you're creepy; and if you do care, then you need to watch how other folks use body language and social niceties and decide which of them you can adopt for yourself without feeling too weird about it.

Daniel
#13
Old 01-23-2006, 12:44 PM
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It's funny. Sometimes I'll click with somebody and we'll just start talking and talking and never shutting up, and sometimes I'll just back away into a mental corner with somebody else and haul out the polite small talk instead.

I think I've gotten quieter and more reserved--more like my father--as I've gotten older. I don't think anybody needs to be afraid of me, though.
#14
Old 01-23-2006, 01:09 PM
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People always react to extremes in others, be they behavioural extremes or physical extremes: the girl who never says anything gets talked about just as much as the girl who never shuts up; the girl who is never seen eating gets talked about just as much as the fat girl; etc. It's just human nature. And since most of us have something "extreme" about us, we'll feel like we're always being judged for it. Which, in a way, we are, but I don't think it's as personal as we tend to think (or as personal as others may pretend).

Personally, in social situations I'm less comfortable around very quiet people than I am around those who are more interested in social interaction. But I don't think less of anyone for being quiet; at worst I might think that we wouldn't be fast friends.
#15
Old 01-23-2006, 03:54 PM
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It's comforting hearing from so many other quiet people. I've been that way all my life and actually prefer it. I find social interaction tiring unless I really click with a person, like the few friendships I've developed over my lifetime. Motormouths and needy people are exasperating.

It's really only an issue at work. My boss actually makes it a yearly performance review goal for me to talk more. Ugh.

And, Gail, you sound like someone I'd get along with. I like a dry wit.
#16
Old 01-23-2006, 04:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Left Hand of Dorkness
pensandfeathers, are you sure they're calling you creepy and weird simply because you don't talk much? I mean, really sure--as in, this is what they've told you, and you very strongly trust their own powers of introspection?

I suspect there's more to it than that. For example:
-Maybe you don't smile very much.
-Maybe you laugh at inappropriate times.
-Maybe you maintain eye contact for too long.
-Maybe you show up in a group and stand there stiffly, peering at people int eh group without saying, "Hi, how's it going?"
-Maybe people ask you questions and, instead of answering them, you decide that they're simply engaging in small talk and that, since you don't do small talk well, you should just stay silent.

If it were only one person accusing you of weirdness, I'd say that's their problem. But if you're getting it from a bunch of people, you ought to decide whether you care about other folks thinking you're creepy; and if you do care, then you need to watch how other folks use body language and social niceties and decide which of them you can adopt for yourself without feeling too weird about it.

Daniel
I don't get the creepy thing very much, and the ones who do say it are huge assholes.

- I don't stare - like I said, I'm shy....shy people aren't big on eye contact.
- I laugh to myself at times, but everyone does that.
- I don't smile a lot, but I'm friendly to someone who is friendly to me. I'm not rude.
- I don't usually join groups unless I know most of them and are comfortable with talking.
- When people talk to me, I acknowledge them and will respond. I'm not always very into it though. Thats hardly creepy.

No, its the no talking thing, it weirds people out.

Thanks.
#17
Old 01-23-2006, 04:47 PM
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#18
Old 01-23-2006, 04:52 PM
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You're an introvert living in an extrovert world.

If they are talking, and you're not, then chances are that they are sharing their thoughts and opinions and you aren't sharing yours. Which makes the conversation pretty one-sided.

Although small talk can be painful, it's a necessary social interaction in order to get to know other people better. Small talk is really just a sparring ground for people to try out different topics until they find something they are both interested in. That's when the 'real' conversation begins.

Yes, I find it frustrating if I try to engage someone in a conversation and they do nothing to keep the conversation going. I am genuinely interested in hearing other peoples opinions on various subjects, and presumable the fact that you belong to (at least) this message board shows that you are too.
#19
Old 01-23-2006, 06:13 PM
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I've been quiet all my life. It drove my parents a little nuts, but I had good reasons:

My older sister is a non-stop talker (but one who really does listen on those rare occasions when someone else gets a word in). Having such an older sibling led me to not compete, and clam up.

I knew very early I was gay, and so I had this huge secret that I couldn't talk about (I didn't come out until well into my adulthood). This gave me another motivation to be silent.

I know nothing about sports and care less. Any small talk based on sports, therefore, leaves me with absolutely nothing to say. Among men, this can be a drawback. Other small talk (weather, what did I do this weekend, stuff like that) I can handle in small doses.

I also occasionally get launched and can't seem to edit myself or stop at an appropriate moment. One time a fellow from another country asked me what I thought about the "American work ethic" and I started talking about the mix of cultures and how there isn't any one American work ethic, and when I finished, he smiled (sincerely I thought) and said "Thanks for the lecture". Since English was not his native language, he may not have understood how devastating a remark that was.

I have a very hard time making new friends, because I feel like I don't have much to talk about. I am an excellent listener, asking good and perceptive questions, but then they say "but what about you" and I dry up.

However, no-one has indicated they consider me creepy, at least for a very long time. Some people are easy for me to talk to and to be with, but I don't seem to be able to emulate their "easiness" myself with other people. I don't really know why, but I am rather self-absorbed, and maybe I don't care about this as much as I think I do.
#20
Old 01-23-2006, 06:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roderick Femm
I've been quiet all my life. It drove my parents a little nuts, but I had good reasons:

My older sister is a non-stop talker (but one who really does listen on those rare occasions when someone else gets a word in). Having such an older sibling led me to not compete, and clam up.
I have that as well. Also, when her and my father are together, I can't get a word in. They're into the interupting and rising voice game when they talk, so it's difficult for me to get a word in. I think I stopped trying as I grew up.

But also, as I got older I realized that I'm simply an introvert. Lissa about summed up the way I am in her post. I'm the same way, give me a good book and that's all I need. I find crowds to be tiring, and I really don't crave social interaction. I just prefer to go through the word with my mind engaged, not my mouth.
#21
Old 01-23-2006, 06:58 PM
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I just wanted to say hi to all the people who have de-lurked to contribute to this thread, before they go back under the radar. Hello!

I think people who would make a big deal out of someone not talking very much aren't really worth the effort. So if you want to look on the bright side, at least you're weeding out the undesirables. There just happen to be more than you thought.
#22
Old 01-23-2006, 07:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pensandfeathers
To my fellow mutes: do you get the same reactions that I do?
Not I, but I'm really only quiet in groups. It's difficult for me to get into a group converstion because I'm not quick enough on the draw. In large groups, such as Dope the Halls Ginger & Dave's, whenever someone finishes talking, somoene else will start before I can open my mouth. So, I wait for a lull, which usually happens long after the conversation moved away from what I wanted to talk about. Thus, I tend to be quiet unless I manage to get into a small group or a one-on-one conversation.
#23
Old 01-23-2006, 08:03 PM
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Ok, here's a perspective from an extrovert: I don't think quiet people are creepy (hell, I married one!), but damn, you people are a lot of work to talk to. Sometimes I feel like I have to do all the conversational work when I am with someone who is really quiet and it is a pain in the ass. I know that you are just an introvert, you need longer pauses to leap in, you have a higher threshold for censoring yourself, etc, but it feels (rightly or wrongly) like you aren't even trying and instead are making me do all the work.

I don't think it occurs to quiet people to think of the situation this way, so I though I would try to explain it from a talkative person's viewpoint.
#24
Old 01-23-2006, 08:06 PM
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I'm another quiet one, but I never had anyone tell me to my face that I was horrible or weird. Sometimes I feel like its a strain to make small talk with someone I don't know, but I'm fine with people I do know and feel comfortable with.
I have a soft voice too, sometimes I forget to speak up. At times when I'm talking I get interrupted and talked over, so that doesn't help at all either.
#25
Old 01-23-2006, 10:15 PM
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I usually don't talk unless I have something to say, and though I've never been called creepy or weird, I have been called mysterious several times. Then again, that just might be their polite way of calling me creepy and weird.

Pensandfeathers, I agree. In my experience, the talkative people with "great social skills" are terrible listeners. They will ask you the same questions every time you see them, and counter your response with the same same stories. I've always found that a bit rude and obnoxious, as if they don't actually care to get to know me, just need to "network."

I guess it all comes down to a difference in priorities. Networkers seem to prefer having a large social circle so they always have someone to talk to and something to do. I prefer to have a small circle of close friends who know I care about what they say, and vice versa.
#26
Old 01-23-2006, 10:28 PM
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Given an environment in which I don't have to speak, I can go days without opening my mouth for anything but meals. Speaking just isn't something that I feel the need to do unless I actually have a real need to do it. Now, being in a relationship with another person, and working with the public, I do actually have to speak to people. But that just makes me savor the silence when I can retreat into it all the more.
#27
Old 01-24-2006, 09:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brynda
Ok, here's a perspective from an extrovert: I don't think quiet people are creepy (hell, I married one!), but damn, you people are a lot of work to talk to. Sometimes I feel like I have to do all the conversational work when I am with someone who is really quiet and it is a pain in the ass. I know that you are just an introvert, you need longer pauses to leap in, you have a higher threshold for censoring yourself, etc, but it feels (rightly or wrongly) like you aren't even trying and instead are making me do all the work.

I don't think it occurs to quiet people to think of the situation this way, so I though I would try to explain it from a talkative person's viewpoint.
I understand. I'm actually quite the introvert myself (sorry if it sounded otherwise, pensandfeathers), and I often feel guilty or embarrassed about my inability to strike up a pleasant conversation with a stranger.

On the other hand, when you feel like you're doing all the work in a conversation, it might be worth stopping. If you're not liking doing the work, there's a decent chance that the person you're talking to wouldn't mind a little bit of silence, and so you both win! For introverts, we're not trying to make you do all the work: we often don't want that work done, instead wanting some companionable silence.

Daniel
#28
Old 01-24-2006, 09:28 PM
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Yeah, I have to say, if you're trying to make small talk, and I'm not responding, it would be far less painful for all involved if you just stopped talking. It's not so hard. And there's not a damn thing wrong with it. I won't like or dislike you any less for stopping.

Don't force a conversation where there is none. It's not always necessary. Talking to me in tidbits when and if it's important or interesting is fine; if I have something to say, I'll speak.

Sometimes, we have nothing of note to add.

But hey, I've been just as guilty of talking when there's no need than anyone else; sometimes, I'm the hardest bugger in the world to shut up, once I get going. You'd wish I'd stayed silent. I come from a small town of loud folk; if you wanted to be heard, you usually had to be the last one talking. Ugh.
#29
Old 01-24-2006, 10:01 PM
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Perhaps I'm just a bit sadistic, but I enjoy using my quiet nature as a weapon sometimes.

"You're so quiet, why don't you talk?"

"My mother always told me that if I didn't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all."

That shuts 'em up


I've always thought that if someone judges me arrogant because I don't want to talk about the weather or some other trivial facet of their life with them, we wouldn't have gotten along anyway.
#30
Old 01-25-2006, 02:13 AM
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Mr.NVME is one of those "quiet ones" and thats exactly why I married him- because he wasnt going to say no!!

Anyway- right now his quietness is hurting us a bit because he is having trouble finding a job (IT/tech support)- he's so quiet it does creep people out and he doesn't like to promote himself. Sometimes I wish someone would just, say " hmm... a quiet guy that comes to work, does his job, stays in his seat and doesnt bug anyone? You're hired"
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#31
Old 01-25-2006, 05:41 AM
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I'm an introvert. It takes me a while to warm up to people, I grow bored quickly with small talk (bad trait, I know... i do my best to keep it interesting), and I don't tend to talk unless I feel I have something to say. Yes, this does piss some people off. I don't intend it to, it is just how I am.

I've been called rude, and snobby, and boring. Just because I didn't talk enough or I wasn't outgoing enough. I've been shy all my life, so I just accept it. It is who I am, and if you don't like me for that, you can go tuck yourself in.
#32
Old 01-25-2006, 09:20 AM
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I'm not an introvert, or even particularly shy: I just don't have much to say on topics that don't interest me - TV, sports, celebrity gossip - don't know, don't care, not going to talk about it. Talk about something that interests me, and I'll happily engage. My wife is the same, so we can spend a perfectly convivial evening reading or sewing and not exchange six words apart from, "Do you want some tea?".

As far as work goes: well, I'm the boss, so it doesn't really matter. I've been described as "intimidating", "cold" and "scary", when I'm really a pussycat - I just don't talk when I have nothing to say, but I think that so many people are used to the sound of meaningless yap that they think silence must be hostile. Talk about something other than who was on "American Idol" last night and we can have a conversation: otherwise I'm not dumbing down just to make you more comfortable.
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#33
Old 01-25-2006, 12:45 PM
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George Carlin said, "I bet you that 9 times out of 10, when you are watching the quiet one, a noisy one will come up behind you and fucking kill you!"
#34
Old 01-25-2006, 01:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Case Sensitive
I think that so many people are used to the sound of meaningless yap that they think silence must be hostile
There is a DJ on BBC Radio 2 called Johnny Walker. Occasionally he'll be rummaging round for a CD and not immediately be there to talk when the newsreader/traffic gal/whatever finishes their report. It's funny that they ALWAYS comment or try to get him to fill in but his reply is that there is nothing wrong with a little bit of silence on the radio and that everyone will wait. And you know i've never heard of a listener writing in to complain that there was thirty seconds of silence. i very much admire his stance.

Silence can be very restful. i prefer to have conversations in fits and starts so at one time i'll be laughing and joking around and another i'll just be deep in my own thoughts. Some people do seem to find this silence disconcerting though. They keep trying to start conversations with redundant smalltalk. i assume because they are trying to be helpful and make me feel comfortable. At such times i just pop some earphones on and relax in the silence. It's weird that they would let me be silent to listen to noise but not to just be silent.
#35
Old 01-25-2006, 01:36 PM
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please allow me to straddle the fence. i do both. i don't usually talk to people unless i have to, but if i'm bored, i've got no problem with striking up a conversation if need be. i guess i'm "conversation in a can". (now how that conversation got in my can, i'll never know)*

this came up freshman year of college. i left class about an hour before everyone on my floor, and freshmen migrate in packs. i'd go to lunch by myself and come back and already be napping/playing homework/doing what not when they'd be ready to go to lunch. they'd all bitch at me about not waiting, that "i shouldn't eat by myself" like it's a giant sin. so i placated them somtimes. i'm all about the compromise, baby.



*if you want to take my posting privileges after the groucho comment, i won't hate anyone.
#36
Old 01-25-2006, 01:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pensandfeathers
Do quiet people freak you out? If so, why?

To my fellow mutes: do you get the same reactions that I do?
I don't talk much either. Don't much like listening to others talk either. It's my opinion that a lot of people say a lot, without having a lot to say.

I don't really get a bad reaction to my quietness.
#37
Old 01-25-2006, 02:41 PM
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Location: Everett, WA
Posts: 1,238
I hate small talk. I hate going to bars/parties where I don't know anyone, 'cause then I'll be expected to either make small talk, or take the intiative and introduce myself to people. I have yet to meet a person via small talk or parties or whathaveyou that has turned into a lifelong friend. Everyone I know and love is someone I've known over a period of time and with whom I feel comfortable.

I've been called 'snobby,' 'boring,' 'dull,' and (by someone who does not know me whatsoever), 'afraid to LIVE LIFE!'. No...actually, I'm living mine by observing and thinking about it, is all.

And Brynda, I understand that extraverts often feel like they're being forced to carry the burden of the conversation. I'll echo others here when I say that you shouldn't feel as if you have to have a conversation in the first place. Chances are, inside they're breathing a sigh of relief that you're not expecting them to talk and won't think down on them for not doing so. And then later on, when they're going over the event in their minds, it'll probably come out something like "another frigging party where everyone expected me to be a freakin' chatterbox and blather on about nothing in particular. Oh wait. There was that one person who didn't try to force me at all...yeah. She was nice."

The one I hate most?
"SMILE!"
or
"Why don't you smile a little? People won't be afraid to talk to you then!"
#38
Old 01-25-2006, 02:52 PM
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,514
Quote:
Originally Posted by zelie zelerton
And you know i've never heard of a listener writing in to complain that there was thirty seconds of silence.
You ought to work at the station where I do, then! People will complain about anything you can possibly think of, and a whole lot of other things you never thought it would be possible to complain about. Silence is one of the top ten. It's related to the most idiotic question in the universe: "Hey, did you guys know you're off the air?"
#39
Old 01-25-2006, 07:22 PM
Member
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: Nevada, United States
Posts: 1,207

I hate small talk. I hate going to bars/parties where I don't know anyone, 'cause then I'll be expected to either make small talk, or take the intiative and introduce myself to people.


OP by Aguecheek

What are you doing inside my head? This is exactly how I feel. And, before I sound like a boring person, I must say, I love to go out with good friends, people I know well. My close friends think I'm the life of the party.
#40
Old 01-25-2006, 07:55 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Middle TN
Posts: 4,394
Trust me, I may be an extravert, but honestly, I know how to listen, too. In fact, I am a psychologist, so you might say I am a professional listener.

On the other hand, silence that lasts too long between people who don't know each other well--as opposed to the comfortable silence between friends--is darned uncomfortable. It would be greatly appreciated if you introverts would chime in a little more. If you do, I promise to shut up.
#41
Old 01-26-2006, 01:12 AM
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 357
am a quiet person. I just don't have much to say. I can sit for hours without saying anything. If I have a question I will ask, but pointless conversation isn't my thing. I am a little slow with the witty remarks, and if I am not 100% sure someone isn't going to be offended I hold back. I won't talk just to agree with someone in a group. If I have a different opinion then *maybe* I will say something. I like to think I am too polite. I will hold back, and see if someone else is going to say something, and the topic changes. Also my intrests are alot different than most of the people over here. So finding someone that can converse with me on topics I enjoy isn't easy.

I am not interested in sports. Well not interested in the different players etc. I love playing a good game of football, or even watching a game. I reallly don't care who is playing. Just watch the game. If someone asks "Did you see Soandso make that touchdown in the game the other day?" I have no clue who Soandso is, what possition he plays, or even what team he plays for.

I am not big into movies either. Unless it is one of my favorite actors I probably can't place who you are talking about. I know the name, but don't ask what movie they were in, or who they are dating, or whatever. Also quit looking so suprized when I haven't seen some movie. If you don't stop I am going to start looking suprized when you haven't read some book.

I am not really a car guy. I know my diesel trucks, but that is about it. I don't know the imports, muscle cars, etc. I couldn't tell a 60s mustang from a 70s mustang. They look different, they are mustangs, but I wouldn't be able to tell you what decade they were from.

When it comes to music I know the songs I like, but don't ask me who sings them. I don't know, or care, what songs someone has recorded. I don't buy, or download music. I listen to the radio. I listen to classic rock, and country. I don't care if some artist did something. I listen to the music. The rest of the stuff is irrelevant to me.

Now you want to talk computer networking? OK now you got me. I won't shut up about computers/networking. The only problem is that most people around here don't really understand it. They can put a computer together, install software, and connect themselves to the net. Someone says they know networking, and I start talking about TCP/IP, RAID levels, H.323, VoIP, etc I get blank looks. My wife and I were at dinner a few nights ago, and she is trying to learn more about networking. She asked me a question about firewall packet filtering. I was answering her question using our glasses, plates, silverware, and empty sugar packets to help. People at the next table kept giving us weird looks.

I just don't talk about computers and networking. It is just that I want to learn something in a conversation. That something should be useful. I had a friend that had a degree in Astrophysics. I enjoyed talking to her about it. I learned alot about the solar system, how the sun works, interesting therioes on black holes, etc. That is why I love the SDMB. I learn alot about all kinds of different stuff.

This is probably my longest post ever.

-Otanx
#42
Old 01-26-2006, 01:21 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 1,143
Quote:
Originally Posted by fishbicycle
You ought to work at the station where I do, then! People will complain about anything you can possibly think of, and a whole lot of other things you never thought it would be possible to complain about. Silence is one of the top ten. It's related to the most idiotic question in the universe: "Hey, did you guys know you're off the air?"
i double-dog-dare you to reply 'Silence is nothing to be afraid of' and then hang up
#43
Old 01-26-2006, 01:57 PM
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Join Date: Aug 1999
Posts: 6,082
Looking back, it's ironic. During adolescence, every time I opened my mouth, my 'peers' jumped down my throat and gave me shit. Nothing I said was ever right, and every syllable I uttered was just an invitation to make fun of me. When I reacted to this by not saying much outside of class, they said I was being a stuck-up snob who thought she was smarter than everyone else. Riiiiight. It's all because I was rejecting them.


If only.
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