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Old 12-04-2007, 05:04 PM
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: St. Obamasburg
Posts: 1,352
Is sharing a house/apartment with a friend always a bad idea?

Another poster made this claim- renting with friends can get messy, because petty arguments about whose turn it is to do the dishes can turn into huge fights and then there goes the friendship.

I want to hear others' experiences with renting with friends. I do see potential for problems, but is it universally bad?

My backstory- I have a friend I've known since I was 11 (we're in our early 20s now). Best friends, spent all our time together, her mom was like my mom. I could probably go over to her parents' house right now, let myself in, sit down to dinner, and the only weird thing would be that I haven't done that for several years.

We drifted apart a few years ago because she got into things (read: drugs) that I didn't. She then moved out of state for a while. She's back, going to school, not into the things that made me keep my distance before, and she's looking for a roommate. I might be looking for a roommate, too, (though I prefer to live alone, and have only lived with boyfriends) just because money's tight.

So, if you've shared a house or apartment with a good friend, how did it turn out?
So I saw that train and I got on it,
with a heart full of hate and a lust for vomit,
and I'm walking on the sunnyside of the street.
Old 12-04-2007, 05:11 PM
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: land of soju & kimchii
Posts: 9,274
I'm doing it right now - my current roommate is a friend from grad school. We weren't that close when we decided to live together, actually, but so far it's working out great.

I think it depends on the personalities involved. I can think of a few close friends that if I ever were to live with in the same house, murder would be the result. My current roommate and I are both pretty laidback, so even though we have slightly different lifestyles it ends up being okay.
Old 12-04-2007, 05:26 PM
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 10,579
I've been living with a few friends of mine for two years now, and it's still going just fine. While there have been times that I thought about moving out, it was not over things like who does the dishes or other minor disagreements, it was over lifestyle changes like having a semi-live in girlfriend, and wanting more of my own space. In fact, I can't think of any minor inconvenience that has been left to fester. We have different preferences, but we talk through them and work out a compromise.

Like living with anyone, I suppose.
Old 12-04-2007, 05:27 PM
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Up hieah
Posts: 2,850
I lived for five or six months in a tiny little semi-studio apartment with my best friend - we'd been friends since we were 12 and were in our early 20s and in college at the time. I loved living with her there even though my bed was essentially in a closet and she slept on the futon in the main room. However, I hated living with her slacker boyfriend, who started staying over EVERY DAMN NIGHT. After a couple of months of that, they left and got their own place, leaving me to cover our lease.

She and I are still friends, though, and I'd live with her again should the situation ever come up. She's over thinking slackers are hotties by now, which helps.

Last edited by emmaliminal; 12-04-2007 at 05:29 PM. Reason: props to my peep
Old 12-04-2007, 05:33 PM
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: In my pants.
Posts: 3,999
Originally Posted by HazelNutCoffee
I think it depends on the personalities involved. I can think of a few close friends that if I ever were to live with in the same house, murder would be the result. My current roommate and I are both pretty laidback, so even though we have slightly different lifestyles it ends up being okay.
I agree with this wholeheartedly. Damn near stabbed my college roommates, but had other friend/roommate arrangements that were fine. So long as all parties are fairly responsible (will pay their portions of the rent on time, do their share chores, etc.), it shouldn't be much of a problem.

Last edited by Gozu Tashoya; 12-04-2007 at 05:33 PM.
Old 12-04-2007, 05:54 PM
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: STLMO
Posts: 6,151
I roomed with my closest friend from 1998 until 2001 and it went really well. We irritated each other a lot (especially we had different cleaning habits; mine = clean the dishes after you use them; hers = clean them when they start to smell), but I think it definitely helped us in maintaining our friendship after graduating from college. In fact, I'm certain we would have drifted away had we not roomed together for a while after I graduated.
Old 12-04-2007, 05:57 PM
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Smurf Village.
Posts: 10,597
I lived with friends twice each time was for a year.

The first time there were four of us in a house. All in all we all stayed friendly. When one yahoo left a mess or didn't do the chores the rest of us would bitch at him about it until they did it. At the end of the year we all still liked each other.

The second time was the very next year I moved out with one of the guys from the house. He and I had been friends since 5th grade. After high school we drifted apart and went our own ways but then a year or so before I moved into the house with the other three guys we bumped into each other. In fact he was the one who convinced me to move into the house with him and his other friends.

Well everything was pretty normal roomate stuff but we never got into a fight about anything. The onyl problem was money. A lot of the times he had to borrow money from me to pay for his half of the rent and he usually paid me back within a week. It wasn't that big of a deal to me except a lot of the times he would go out partying with his girlfriend a couple days before rent was due and I would always mentioned that if he hadn't gone out he would have enough for rent. That annoyed me.

Well besides that we were still on good friendly terms until the day came when it was time to move out. He wanted to move in with his girlfriend. Things were fine until we had to pay the moving out fees. He was about $150 short for his half. He only had $20. So I told him I would cover it and he could pay me back.

We move out and a couple of weeks later I call him asking for some of the money and of course he didn't have it. Every couple weeks I would call him asking for money and he never had it. Four months later it was Christmas time and I called him again to ask for some money. It went straight to voice mail like the last couple calls had so I left a message saying he can keep the money as a Christmas present since he apparantly was never intending on paying me back. then I told him to fuck off and to never call me again ( actually he hadn't called since we moved out) unless he had the $150 in hand.

Three years later he has never called.

I'm in a situation now where I have a friend who had to move back home because of roommate problems and he bugs me to move out with him but after living alone for three years I'm not sure that I want to. I think he would be a good roommate and be responsible it's just that I have come to enjoy living alone and I can not afford the moving fees anytime soon.
Old 12-04-2007, 05:59 PM
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Asheville, NC
Posts: 9,895
Living with friends is a bad idea for me because of the emotional involvement with them. Minor squabbles about dishes and such can turn into hurt feelings way too easily. It's too easy to take things personally- "If you were really my friend, you would pay your share of the rent on time!", etc. I find it much easier to live as roommates with someone I'm not emotionally tied to (or I would if I still had to deal with having roommates, which I don't.) It's easier for me to look at things rationally, and to deal with problems without emotions becoming involved.
Old 12-04-2007, 06:06 PM
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Asheville, NC
Posts: 9,895
Plus, if things go horribly awry and you have to sever the housing agreement prematurely, it's much, much easier to do that if you're not friends with them. But that's me- always thinking ahead as to how things could go wrong and what I will do when and if they do.
Old 12-04-2007, 06:56 PM
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: uchic's on 77
Posts: 1,017
I posted this somewhere else, but I had an awful experience living with a "friend".

We rented a 3-bedroom place and sublet the third bedroom. My friend is an insecure gay man and the subletter was a wildly attractive gay bartender. The power dynamic was NOT equal. I found that my friend would often follow along as to what the bartender wanted to do, or thought, but when he was with me, he would have a completely opposite opinion. He tried to be "friends" with both of us, which obviously doesn't work. Especially when you are subletting, the relationship needs to be all business.

My friend would also nitpick about things like, "you crunch really loudly on cereal at night and it keeps me awake", that someone who is NOT your friend would just figure is the price of living with a roommate and forget about it. When you're living with a friend, you think that every petty annoyance is something you can "talk about". This is not the case. Sometimes you just have to ignore things.

In my case, anyway, the subletter/bartender began to destroy my things, and even wrote a letter to my boss's family telling them how awful I was. This ruined my reputation and work and eventually got me canned. When I found out about this, I told my friend, "we need to kick out this subletter, he is NUTS, he threw out my shoes and is writing letters to my boss!". The friend said, "you don't respect my opinions or thoughts about the apartment. You're always messy and your computer makes a lot of noise at night. I'm not going to back you up on this."


The point is, I needed the lease co-signer to help me intervene when a subletter was breaking the rules of the lease. He made it all personal. The reason he wouldn't kick out the subletter was a personal grudge, NOT what was best for our living situation or the apartment.

I wound up hurriedly gathering up my things, breaking the lease, and taking off within a week.

A "real" roommate, one who isn't your friend, doesn't nitpick to that extent- it's a business deal, renting, and nothing else- no one worries about who "hurt" the other and who "respects the feelings" of the other. I will never, ever live with a friend again, nor will I attempt to be friends with my roommates. It has to be a business deal. Otherwise, it WILL become messy.

Last edited by NightRabbit; 12-04-2007 at 06:59 PM.
Old 12-04-2007, 07:04 PM
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 5,989
I'm living in a four-person group house, and one of my close friends from college was a housemate for about a year. She just moved out, but there was no difficulty with her living here - in fact, we rather enjoyed being able to just chill and hang out together as we did in college. Didn't harm our friendship, we're still friends, and I'd live with her again in an instant if the circumstances made sense. (She moved out, BTW, because of personality clashes with another housemate, and also because she found much cheaper housing).

On the other hand, I had another friend who was *going* to move into the house, but she backed out at the last minute, and so we had to scramble to find a new housemate. That wasn't cool. But that wasn't really a living-with-friends issue, so much as a flaky-potential-housemate issue, I think.

Last edited by Mr. Excellent; 12-04-2007 at 07:06 PM.
Old 12-04-2007, 07:10 PM
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Next door
Posts: 1,663

Last edited by Susie Derkins; 12-04-2007 at 07:13 PM. Reason: Dupe.
Old 12-04-2007, 07:11 PM
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Next door
Posts: 1,663
I would make sure you both know what to expect. I'm a loner for the most part, and I was under the impression that my friend and I would share rent and chores but otherwise live separate lives. He thought we were going to be BFFs who did everything together and live together forever. Right now it's so bad that I basically have to ignore him half the time to keep my sanity. I feel like a bitch for doing it, but we got started on the wrong foot for a few different reasons and now everything he says and does annoys me (I know I'm being irrational and I'm working on getting over it). Rent and all that are fine, but he will not SHUT UP. Ever. I get his input on everything from how I discipline my daughter to what I was talking about on a personal phone call, which I do not encourage or appreciate. I obviously didn't know him as well as I thought I did because I never would have signed on for this.

As soon as I start my new job next month, I'm pretty sure one of us is going.
Old 12-04-2007, 08:29 PM
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: St. Obamasburg
Posts: 1,352
I'm still on the fence about it. On the one hand, it would allow me more options since I'd be splitting the cost with someone, and it would be nice to have more space, even if all of it wouldn't be mine. Just to see I looked on Craig's list at some two bedroom places, and I found a lot of houses and apartments well within my/our price range that looked great and were in good locations.

On the other hand, I do like my space and privacy. Since we've been friends for so long, I know she'd understand. If she had some friends over and I didn't want to hang out, I'd probably just stay in my room and I doubt she'd get upset about it.

Susie has a good point, though, I don't know what she expects. Like I said, we were BFF but lost touch a few years ago, I don't know if she's expecting us to be joined at the hip again or not.

But really, thinking strictly practically, I could be paying a little more than half of what I'm paying now for rent, which would mean I'd actually have money to, you know, do stuff.
Old 12-04-2007, 09:47 PM
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,998
I've lived with friends, enemies, and total strangers - my inability to settle down and live a reasonably grown-up life has lead to me having almost 30 roomates in the last 11 years, up to 6 at a time. Sometimes living with friends is great, and sometimes it sucks. Sometimes living with strangers is great, and sometimes it sucks. In my experience either situation can be good or bad and it depends on a lot of factors. A lot of people have only had a handful of roomates and that makes comparison difficult.

I think the best way to tell is to just try to imagine the two of you living together. I mean, we all have those friends that we like when we see them, but secretly think 'damn, I'm glad I don't have to live your life!'. don't live with that person. If you are laid back, try to live with someone laid back, if you are anally clean, make sure they are too, etc.
Old 12-04-2007, 10:06 PM
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 1,042
In college I lived with my college best friend, and it was a disaster, because we were as different as can be, but the same degree of stubborn. I then lived with an acquaintance-- all business, and I hated it. I missed feeling like I had a "home" instead of a place to sleep.

Then I moved to California. I have lived, in the past 5 years, with all but two of the member of my close friend group.

My BFF and shared and apartment, and then a rented house, and then an owned house (hers). It's been nothing but good, but we are highly compatible, and have similar attitudes about everything from cleaning to sleep schedules to activities to which way the toilet paper goes (in that neither of us cares). We'd cook & eat dinner together nearly every day, share laundry, clothes, books, movies, purchases, etc. We functioned a lot like a family, and I've really loved it. There's never been any "labeled milk" in our fridge.

Two years ago, after moving into our current house, a third friend moved in (Call him Roomie 1). What he did was have a "trial" month to see if he'd fit in. And he did, so we had a 3 person faux-family.

A couple month after he moved in, another friend (Roomie 2) had a run of bad luck and we offered him our couch in our den. He did not mesh with the living style of the rest of us. He was far messier, kept crazy hours, and was just. . . not compatible. All little petty stuff, like holding loud conversations with people who were trying to read (you know how non-readers seem to want to "rescue you" from your book?), leaving bottle caps in the sink, turning the thermostat too high/low, not cleaning the toilet (generally not being careful with the house, bad idea when you live with your landlord). He wanted labeled milk. He felt like just some dude renting a room, which I think made us more intolerant of his petty annoyances than we were of each others. It's easier to tolerate people when everyone is invested in making the relationships and living environments work.

Him, we had to evict.

Roomie 1 eventually got his own place, because he wanted more space and to be closer to work. We were all a little sad when he moved out.

This summer another good friend, Roomie 3, moved into Roomie 1's old room. So far it's been absolutely fabulous, no bumps at all. I'm getting married in the spring and moving out, and I can only hope living with my fiance goes as well as living with my BFF and other friends have. I'm going to be bit sad to go-- we have a wonderful, genuine "home" here. It's been the best thing that's ever happened to me.

It doesn't have to be bad-- but it depends a lot on how compatible you and your friend are, and how much compromise you're both willing to make.
Old 12-04-2007, 11:22 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: West Des Moines, Iowa
Posts: 5,928
How well do you know your friend? Do you have similar lifestyles or are you both willing to compromise? Can you both communicate easily on sensitive issues (such as asking them to do things, or financial matters)? Further, I wouldn't ever agree to live with someone that I thought was not a fully responsible and gainfully employed (and likely to stay that way) adult. Are they respectful and considerate of you and others - or are they the type that foists the responsibility to tip at a restaurant on you by undertipping, or who shows up habitually late to social engagements? Do they take responsibility for their actions? I don't want to end up holding the bag for someone who decides that rent is not a priority, or who suddenly wants to move out, so my biggest concern is finding a flake.

I'm living with a sibling, and I've lived with friends in the past. Other than one college roommate, who I hadn't known that long before agreeing to live with him, I never encountered significant issues. I'm messier than most people, but I try really hard never to take it personally when people ask me to do something, and try to be proactive about contributing to the household. It's working for me right now, and I get to stay in a nicer place, have a pet and have someone to talk to sometimes. It'd worked out pretty well for me.
Old 12-04-2007, 11:31 PM
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: R-O-C-K in the U-S-A
Posts: 1,370
My roommate from freshman year is my best friend. Three years later we still live together. What can I say? We clicked.

We work well together; if one of us has a problem, we're not the type to sit and stew over it. If she says "Hey, your dishes are piled so high I can't see out the window" I respond with "Oh, sorry. Didn't notice I had so many, I'll take care of them tonight." Then I do. Same vice versa. If we agree to clean house on Thursday, but I have a paper due and wait to clean until Friday, no harm no foul. Neither of us are neat freaks or total slobs, we don't mind each other's SO's and we're both financially responsible students with jobs and other commitments. More importantly, we understand how it is to get too busy and forget things, as long as it doesn't become a habit.
Old 12-04-2007, 11:38 PM
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: St. Obamasburg
Posts: 1,352
This is my best analysis of the situation- we used to be best friends. Over the past several years we drifted apart. She had shitty friends and boyfriends I didn't like, she got into drugs, while I was trying to go to school and do better. So, we haven't seen much of each other in a while. She moved out of state, moved back, moved out of state, moved back.

From what I gather, she's had her share of partying and shitty boyfriends and is done. She's actually looking for a roommate because she wants to end her current relationship and be on her own (not a shitty boyfriend, just not the one she wants). She's working and going to school.

It's sort of an odd situation for me, because even though she's someone I'd consider a very good friend of mine, I don't feel like I know her very well because we haven't seen each other much for a few years and people can change a lot, especially at our age. In her case, I can't see it being anything but a change for the better, but it's odd still.
Old 12-05-2007, 12:10 AM
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: land of soju & kimchii
Posts: 9,274
It might be easier then. One of the reasons I like living with my current roommate is that we knew enough about each other to know we'd more or less get along, but we weren't close enough that we'd have issues talking about money or dishes or what have you. I think if you live with close friends there's always the potential for resentment to stew because both parties are reluctant to bring up things that could cause conflict. (Plus there could be other issues if your current lives are too closely intertwined - for example, one of my best friends from grad school absolutely despises one of my other close friends, and we're all part of the same social group. If I'd lived with her there would have been major issues.)

Have you seen her place? It might give you a better idea of whether your living styles are compatible or not.

Last edited by HazelNutCoffee; 12-05-2007 at 12:12 AM.
Old 12-05-2007, 12:19 AM
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: St. Obamasburg
Posts: 1,352
She moved back into her parents' place this most recent time moving back from out of state. From what I remember of her room and apartments, I'd say she's about as neat as I am- somewhere in the middle, the occasional laundry or dirty dish build up but nothing gross.

And I know she's gotten into the music, art, and decorating that I'm into (that was another reason for us drifting apart- we both started off as sort of hippies, drifted towards punk, then she did an about face towards rap and pop music while I stayed where I was.) Now we're both into, for example, retro furniture, so she likes the furniture I have, and there won't be any arguments about decorating the living room or anything.
Old 12-05-2007, 12:28 AM
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 393
I live in an apartment with my best friend and then another sort-of friend. Best friend and I get along really well and it's been really fun. It helps though that we lived in the same room during our second year at uni -- which was not that fun -- but we figured out how to deal with eachother 24/7. Now that we have seperate rooms, it's cake.
Old 12-05-2007, 12:32 AM
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Santa Barbara
Posts: 4,318
I've never had a problem with living with friends. I'm kind of a shitty roommate because I'm a slob. I am still close friends with every single roommate who was a friend previously. All my friends were pretty laid back and we kind of knew what we were getting into. I've had 4 sets of roommates that I didn't know that didn't work out well. I've had 4 sets of friend roommates, living together for 1 to 3 years and it was all hunky dory. I've had a bunch of other housemates I didn't know that we tolerated each other without major trauma.
Old 12-05-2007, 12:34 AM
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Denver
Posts: 7,241
I had a real bad experience with this. The girl in question had been my suitemate in the dorm for four semesters so we thought things would work out. We had about the same tolerance for squalor and we liked the same music and had lots of the same friends. But:

First of all she moved into my place, a house I was buying. The rent was half the house payment and it was pretty cheap. She was okay with that.

Four days after she moved in she met A Guy. I'll call him Alaska, 'cause that's where he was from. It is also worth noting that her first month in the house was the month of June, in Oklahoma, that the house had air conditioning, and that I don't mind being hot and I hate air conditioning. My roommate was completely okay with this for four days, until Alaska. He essentially moved in--that's right, right after she met him.

At that point I had all the disadvantages of a roommate (things disappearing out of the fridge that I had specifically earmarked, say) and none of the advantages, since Roomie and Alaska would get home from work and go straight into Roomie's bedroom, and stay there only coming out to raid the fridge.

After only a couple of days, it turned out that Alaska was miserable in the heat, not being accustomed to those climes, so could we run the air conditioning.

I was at the time morally opposed to air conditioning, cars, paper towels, and whole bunch of other stuff that's now becoming once again politically correct. Plus I love hot weather and besides which, running the air conditioning was way expensive, even way back then in the '70s of the last century. But Alaska was just gonna die without it.

So...I taped over all the AC vents in MY room, put blankets under the door so I'd be comfortable, in my own house that I was paying for. And when we got the bill, which was more than the house payment, I thought it was not too fair to split it in half. I didn't even think it was fair to split it in THIRDS, since I hadn't ever, ever wanted the AC on to begin with. Roomie pointed out that the bill probably wouldn't have been so high if it had been the whole house, because after all some of the heat oozed out from under my door, and if I wanted to be hot I could just go outside, but who wanted to be hot, anyway? But she finally, grudgingly said that she and Alaska would pay two-thirds of the electric, even though she didn't think it was fair, and she was in the smaller room anyway. And it was really unfair since she was paying my mortgage (half of it anyway), so she was getting only a temporary benefit whereas I was putting $$$ toward a long-term asset. And also my presence (!) was cramping their style.

So this gist of this was, after inflicting AC on me in my living room and kitchen during two out of three of my favorite hot months of the year, Roomie and Alaska moved out in August to their own place. Leaving me determined to starve, if necessary, to make the payments on my own so's I wouldn't need a roommate.

Honestly, I've had better luck moving in with a complete stranger whose name I got from a college bulletin board.

Last edited by Hilarity N. Suze; 12-05-2007 at 12:36 AM.
Old 12-05-2007, 12:42 AM
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: land of soju & kimchii
Posts: 9,274
I think how your roommates are with those of the preferred gender makes a huge difference. My best friend moved in with a girl from school - the two of them got along perfectly - and then she had to deal with her roomie's boyfriend, who was over a lot and didn't really clean up after himself. Another friend of mine had a roommate - they were fine as well - and then said roomie started dating a guy who hogged the TV and would not leave my friend alone when she just wanted to enjoy some quiet time.

My current roommate and I don't have steady boyfriends, but she did until recently, and they were both very decent about it - I never felt like I had to tiptoe around someone else in my own house.
Old 12-05-2007, 01:35 AM
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 14,292
I did it for the past year and half and it turned into a fucking disaster. But then, that's mostly because of the people that I lived with. It was all fun and games at first - it was a fucking sweet house, amazingly nice for college students. Every night was a grown-up version of a slumber party, with weed, Pabst, and all-night Are You Afraid Of The Dark and Twin Peaks marathons. We'd have jam sessions, cook dinners together - it was fun as hell.

Then the trouble started. First, one of my housemates got in a bike accident and had his jaw broken. The experience left him somewhat bitter and traumatized, and he was very irritable, and this attitude did not leave even after he had completely healed. He eventually got a 10,000 dollar settlement, and quit his job, figuring that he'd be alright on just that money. We told him to invest it but he didn't. So gradually he became more and more stingy.

The other housemate started this experimental-music project that basically consisted of him and his friends coming over and jamming, aimlessly and repetitively and atonally, for literally two or three hours on end. This started to get on my nerves, and on the other guy's nerves, and we had a very nasty argument about it. It led to music-man subletting his room to someone else and moving out. Oh yeah, and he ran out of money too.

The guy who took the sublet was a very cool laid back hippie/technogeek and engineering genius who had an endless supply of amazing music and various psychedelic drugs. Living with him was extremely fun, but then eventually (since he's an electrician) he started bitching more and more about energy costs, hounding us to keep the heat down and turn all the lights off and everything. I thought this was pretty reasonable and even pitched him some money to buy Compact Fluorescent bulbs, but the other guy became very annoyed by this and there was some tension developing. Also, these guys would get into arguments frequently over social issues - on the one hand, there's this hippie technogeek and future Al Gore, and then the other guy is a car-obsessed metrosexual.

Overall, though, this period was alright. But then, the next year, we renewed the lease and a new guy took the hippie's room. This guy was so put off by my other roomate - who really can be a huge prick and difficult to get along with - that he just decided to basically live with his girlfriend and rent storage space in our house. So he was NEVER there, and I was left with the other guy. And this became very awkward. Jobless and school-less, he would go whole days just stuck in his room with the lights off. When I'd bump into him, we'd have tense and uncomfortable conversations. He'd find little things to hound me about, and it got really annoying. There were good conversations and good moments too, but overwhelmingly, it was an awkward situation.

Now the new girlfriend-living-with guy is moving out (predictably) and subletting his room to someone I have not met. The only thing I know about him is that his email address is cubsfan38 or something. Since I am of the opinion that Cubs fans are the most annoying sports fans ever, I'm leery of this, but who knows, he might turn out to be a decent guy once he moves in. But still, it's a total stranger.

In other words, the situation has TOTALLY FUCKING GONE TO HELL!

That's my two cents. Be careful and very foreward-thinking before going into something like this.
Old 12-05-2007, 11:05 AM
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: St. Obamasburg
Posts: 1,352
Originally Posted by Argent Towers
That's my two cents. Be careful and very foreward-thinking before going into something like this.
That's what I'm trying to do. My friend and I haven't really discussed anything other than the possibility- she just mentioned she was unhappy with her current boyfriend and wanted to get a place on her own (the two of them have moved back here from North Carolina into her parents' place to save up money to get their own place). At the time I was in the middle of breaking up with my boyfriend wondering how I was going to make rent when my landlord raises it next month and contemplating potential life with 3 cats in a studio apartment.

So it was more along the lines of, "We should get an apartment together," "That would be cool- I know you like cats." "I love cats." "I have cute furniture." "I love your furniture!" No real plans, no time lines, nothing like that.
Old 12-05-2007, 11:18 AM
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: under a pile of kitties
Posts: 5,940
I have lived with a roommate that I clicked with in a way I have never experienced with any other person. If she had been a dude I would have married her. She was so fantastic and we got along on every possible level. I miss living with her but I moved across the country and she stayed in Texas so that is no longer possible.

I have a roommate now that I spend most of my time wanting to strangle or evict, depending on the day. She and I have been good friends for a long time and as far as rent/cleanliness/etc we are a perfect match, but she is dealing with a lot of crap from her past and is not in the best mental state. She lies to me and hides things from me all the time and because of that I have trouble trusting her with anything which causes me to be on pins and needles anytime we interact, but we truly want to stay friends once we no longer live together so it makes dealing with the problems we encounter awkward at best. We have found that we are excellent friends as long as we don't live together because all the crap that we could ignore about one another and just enjoy each other's company can't be ignored anymore. It follows you home and watches The Simpsons with you on the couch. It invades your home life and you no longer have a comfortable place to escape from the crazy. You can't get in a fight and take a couple of days to cool down without seeing each other because you are always there, all the time, no matter what. Make absolutely sure you are willing to be miserable for the prospect of lower rent before you move in with a friend because it could very well come to that.
Old 12-05-2007, 11:50 AM
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Sweet Home Chicago
Posts: 33,496
Originally Posted by RedRosesForMe
We drifted apart a few years ago because she got into things (read: drugs) that I didn't.

This whole OP could have been written by me when I was in my early 20's. BFF, we'd been out of touch while she went through her drug phase, she came back into town, we got a place together...

...only it turned out she wasn't so over her drug phase. Or she was, but she relapsed. Heroin, among other things. Not good. The problem wasn't so much that she was breastfeeding while doing heroin, so I had to take her drug addicted baby to the pediatrician for her, or that she literally did not a single lick of housework while I was working all day (our agreement was that I would cover 3/4 of the rent while she kept the place clean and made dinner - basically, I rented myself a housewife), or the multiple times I sat with her bringing her cold compresses and caring for her infant while she detoxed on the couch. No, the real problem was her scummy junkie boyfriend and other friends who would come over, steal my stuff and lose my spoons. Seriously, I went through more than three sets of silverware in less than a year because all my spoons kept disappearing. I can only assume they were using them to mix drugs or something. Finally, after she detoxed yet again with my help and begged me never to let JunkieBoy back in our place, he came over and I told him to get lost. Then she laid into me about how it was her place too and I had no right to keep her friends out. That was the final straw for me. I went to the management company, begged to be transferred to a different lease on a different unit and I moved my son and I across the development from her.

We didn't speak for a couple of years, until she got herself good and clean and sober for real. We're good friends again, but she now lives out of state, so we're "phone friends".

So....I dunno. Drug relapses are common among early 20somethings, and I don't think I would take that risk again.
Old 12-05-2007, 02:10 PM
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: uchic's on 77
Posts: 1,017
I would also be careful about getting cats with this girl if you don't have a good idea of how clean she is. Multiple cats in a small apartment are fine and wonderful IF THE OWNER CLEANS REGULARLY. I think we've all stepped into an apartment that immediately smells thickly and disgustingly of cat-stench. I would never be able to live with a cat owner who doesn't mind that sort of smell. The same is true of dogs or even things like guinea pigs. Because of this, I was careful never to move in with someone who had a pet whose pet-caring habits were unknown to me.
Old 12-05-2007, 02:27 PM
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,514
The only person with whom I have lived in a place but never argued or had the relationship end is my wife. I have no desire to see anyone else I've ever lived with again, and probably vice-versa. Due to the distance factor, that's going to come true. Unless you are really, really good friends, you probably don't want to know what new grossness they are likely to come up with, or that they don't know how to clean or pay bills on time, and the rest of that. Tread carefully!
Old 12-05-2007, 02:55 PM
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,888
Originally Posted by NightRabbit
I would also be careful about getting cats with this girl if you don't have a good idea of how clean she is. Multiple cats in a small apartment are fine and wonderful IF THE OWNER CLEANS REGULARLY. I think we've all stepped into an apartment that immediately smells thickly and disgustingly of cat-stench. I would never be able to live with a cat owner who doesn't mind that sort of smell. The same is true of dogs or even things like guinea pigs. Because of this, I was careful never to move in with someone who had a pet whose pet-caring habits were unknown to me.
I had three friends who lived together, any time I talked to one of them they would bitch about the others. The cat was at the top of the list, the owner didn't buy a strong enough vacuum, wouldn't change the litter box enough, left the food out for the roaches, etc. And she wasn't a horrible pet owner just ... not as tidy as her roommates would have liked. I also moved into a craigslist apartment with a cat, once she started puking around the house I gave my 30 days notice and was out the door. Cats are kinda like kids -- other people's are cute at first but not so much when they puke on your stuff.

Anyhow, I would stay away from a friend from the past. With a current friend you know this person's habits -- you've been out to dinner with them enough to know that you can manage paying a bill together without bickering, you been to their place enough to know more or less how they keep it, and in generally you've hung out for enough 4+ hour stretches to know whether or not you can tolerate each other for 4+ hours. With a childhood friend, not so much, people do change. But what's more you actually have to go thru the motions of being that person's friend when you see them every day, as opposed to a convenient roommate you split the bills with. I suppose you could do a proper 'roommate interview' like you would with a craigslist ad, but I would worry that a friend would be uncomfortable talking about lifestyle quirks, since it can feel you're like each judging the other one based on how they keep house and in general live their life.
Old 12-05-2007, 06:30 PM
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: St. Obamasburg
Posts: 1,352
Whynot, it was never anything like that. She'd always smoked pot, which I didn't mind, but she started doing pills like Xanax and Oxys and things like that. Not a hardcore addict, just a recreational user of drugs that I didn't like. Combined with her shitty boyfriends, bad taste in music, and not liking her new friends, I decided I liked the company of my other friends better.

Last edited by RedRosesForMe; 12-05-2007 at 06:31 PM.
Old 12-05-2007, 06:59 PM
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: peoria, il
Posts: 1,184
One of my best friends grew up 5 houses down the street from me. I was 5 months older than him, and in his class from kindergarten through high school. We did everything together and were best friends from before we could even speak.

At age 20, he moved into my apartment. We lived together 18 months and had 1 fight because he'd done the dishes 3 times in a row and I hadn't done them. We yelled for about 10 seconds, then I did the dishes and all was forgiven.

We're age 28 now, and since we moved out of that apartment I was in his wedding and dog/house sit when he's away. We don't see each other often anymore on account of his wife and kids, but I still consider him my best friend.

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