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#1
Old 10-20-2009, 11:09 AM
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I think I got the strangest "pick-up" line EVER this weekend ...

really. Big tall Scottish guy at a party, wearing a kilt and all that. "You know, I'm really a 567-year-old druid whose purpose in life is to worship women. When was the last time you were properly worshipped?"



Second best is one my best friend got when we were in high school. "I'm a sexual energy vampire. If I don't have sex every [X number of] days, I'll die!"
#2
Old 10-20-2009, 11:30 AM
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The best one I heard was "I wanna knock the stuffin' out of your dirty muffin"
#3
Old 10-20-2009, 11:35 AM
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If only all men were so creative. Not that I'd take them up on those offers, but they'd certainly get a laugh rather than a snub. I might even find a nerdier friend and introduce them.
#4
Old 10-20-2009, 11:46 AM
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A friend used this one:

He was in some sort of department store and he asked a cute clerk about some luggage. "Actually, I'm 50% interested in the luggage and 80% interested in you."
#5
Old 10-20-2009, 11:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Avarie537 View Post
really. Big tall Scottish guy at a party, wearing a kilt and all that. "You know, I'm really a 567-year-old druid whose purpose in life is to worship women. When was the last time you were properly worshipped?"
That one is pretty damned cool.
#6
Old 10-20-2009, 12:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tdn View Post
A friend used this one:

He was in some sort of department store and he asked a cute clerk about some luggage. "Actually, I'm 50% interested in the luggage and 80% interested in you."
I think I'd direct him to the Early Learning aisle at that point. There have to be some really simple math books over there he can study...
#7
Old 10-20-2009, 12:32 PM
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Originally Posted by jayjay View Post
I think I'd direct him to the Early Learning aisle at that point. There have to be some really simple math books over there he can study...
Apparently she did give him a lesson in numbers -- as in which ones to dial.
#8
Old 10-20-2009, 12:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Cat Fight View Post
If only all men were so creative. Not that I'd take them up on those offers, but they'd certainly get a laugh rather than a snub. I might even find a nerdier friend and introduce them.
Hey, baby, ever had someone play the theme from Star Wars on a fifteen-foot-long alpenhorn resting on your thighs?*




Based on an actual incident.
#9
Old 10-20-2009, 12:45 PM
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Originally Posted by tdn View Post
Apparently she did give him a lesson in numbers -- as in which ones to dial.
*shakes head*

Some girls' standards...
#10
Old 10-20-2009, 12:48 PM
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Originally Posted by jayjay View Post
*shakes head*

Some girls' standards...
You'd have to know the guy. He's not some slobbering moron that doesn't understand basic math. He comes off as quite intelligent.

I think that she got that he was making a joke.
#11
Old 10-20-2009, 12:53 PM
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Originally Posted by tdn View Post
You'd have to know the guy. He's not some slobbering moron that doesn't understand basic math. He comes off as quite intelligent.

I think that she got that he was making a joke.
I forgot MY smiley on that one. Sorry! I wasn't entirely serious. I did get that he was joking about the percentages.
#12
Old 10-20-2009, 01:02 PM
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Originally Posted by jayjay View Post
I forgot MY smiley on that one. Sorry! I wasn't entirely serious. I did get that he was joking about the percentages.
Ah.

I'm 50% interested in this thread and 97% interested in where the "I can tell em' but I can't detect em'" remedial class is.
#13
Old 10-20-2009, 01:03 PM
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When I wear glasses, I frequently get "I'll bet you're very pretty without your glasses." That is not a compliment, morons! Please stop telling me this when you're attempting to pick up on me.
#14
Old 10-20-2009, 01:08 PM
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Originally Posted by MeanOldLady View Post
When I wear glasses, I frequently get "I'll bet you're very pretty without your glasses." That is not a compliment, morons! Please stop telling me this when you're attempting to pick up on me.
If you're pretty without your glasses, you'd be a knockout with them.
#15
Old 10-20-2009, 01:18 PM
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I think the weirdest pick up line I ever got was, "Damn girl, I could carry your ass around in a bucket!"



Needless to say my ass and I stayed bucket free and well away from that weirdo.
#16
Old 10-20-2009, 01:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Robot Arm View Post
If you're pretty without your glasses, you'd be a knockout with them.
Hmm, I've never received the "I'll bet you're very pretty with glasses" line. I can assure you, with or without glasses, I look pretty much exactly the same. Whether or not that is "pretty" is highly subjective.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pbbth View Post
I think the weirdest pick up line I ever got was, "Damn girl, I could carry your ass around in a bucket!"



Needless to say my ass and I stayed bucket free and well away from that weirdo.
My all time favorite is "Damn girl, you look like you got a job." Wtf?
#17
Old 10-20-2009, 01:26 PM
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Originally Posted by pbbth View Post
I think the weirdest pick up line I ever got was, "Damn girl, I could carry your ass around in a bucket!"



Needless to say my ass and I stayed bucket free and well away from that weirdo.
Maybe he was trying to say he wanted to have your ass close to him at all times?

I haven't ever used a pickup line, but my wife gets a few when I'm not with her. I think the best one she ever told me about was a long, drawn out "Damn!" as she was walking by. I guess it wasn't the most creative thing ever, but it got the point across.
#18
Old 10-20-2009, 01:59 PM
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Originally Posted by MeanOldLady View Post
My all time favorite is "Damn girl, you look like you got a job." Wtf?
Did he check your pulse right before he said it?

Last edited by Ichbin Dubist; 10-20-2009 at 01:59 PM.
#19
Old 10-20-2009, 02:07 PM
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Originally Posted by MeanOldLady View Post
When I wear glasses, I frequently get "I'll bet you're very pretty without your glasses." That is not a compliment, morons! Please stop telling me this when you're attempting to pick up on me.
The best response to this is "I'll bet YOU'RE good-looking without my glasses."
#20
Old 10-20-2009, 02:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Translucent Daydream View Post
The best one I heard was "I wanna knock the stuffin' out of your dirty muffin"
That sounds like it should be a Frank Zappa lyric.
#21
Old 10-20-2009, 02:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Avarie537 View Post
really. Big tall Scottish guy at a party, wearing a kilt and all that. "You know, I'm really a 567-year-old druid whose purpose in life is to worship women. When was the last time you were properly worshipped?"
Considering I just finished Echo in the Bone, this one might actually work on me.
#22
Old 10-20-2009, 02:12 PM
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*takes copious amounts of notes*

There's some good stuff in here! I'm seriously tempted to just wander around the town over the coming weekend trying these out just to see the reactions. And besides, if a girl can resist my smile, no pick-up line was ever going to win her over. (See, don't you love that smile?)
#23
Old 10-20-2009, 02:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Ichbin Dubist View Post
Did he check your pulse right before he said it?
No. I don't really think a pulse is all that important to this guy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jayjay View Post
The best response to this is "I'll bet YOU'RE good-looking without my glasses."
Of course! I usually follow it up with something like, "Thanks for telling me I'd be pretty if only I looked different." They always immediately start with the, "No no, you're pretty now, but what I was trying to say was..." Yeah, yeah, yeah, stop talking to me.
#24
Old 10-20-2009, 02:37 PM
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I have to admit, I like the luggage one. Too bad I'm not single enough to try it.

Last edited by Skammer; 10-20-2009 at 02:38 PM.
#25
Old 10-20-2009, 03:01 PM
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Originally Posted by MeanOldLady View Post
When I wear glasses, I frequently get "I'll bet you're very pretty without your glasses."
I am of the opposite opinion in most cases.

Last edited by Cardinal; 10-20-2009 at 03:01 PM.
#26
Old 10-20-2009, 03:09 PM
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Originally Posted by ivylass View Post
Considering I just finished Echo in the Bone, this one might actually work on me.
Ditto -- who else immediately flashed to JAMIE IN A KILT!!!
#27
Old 10-20-2009, 03:15 PM
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There was the dude who sat down beside me on a bench and said, "You have beautiful feet. Can I touch them?" Not only did I not let him touch them, I considered never going out of the house in sandals again.
#28
Old 10-20-2009, 03:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Avarie537 View Post
really. Big tall Scottish guy at a party, wearing a kilt and all that. "You know, I'm really a 567-year-old druid whose purpose in life is to worship women. When was the last time you were properly worshipped?"
So which SCA event did you go to?

Last edited by The Devil's Grandmother; 10-20-2009 at 03:21 PM. Reason: SCA = The Society for Creative Anachronism http://sca.org/
#29
Old 10-20-2009, 03:26 PM
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Back in my single days I had an apartment next door to the bar. (yes, it was sweeet.) One night I was going home and the usual big crowd of people were outside the bar.

Some total stranger guy: "Hi, how are you?"
Me: "Fine."
Him: "What are you doing?"
Me: "Going home."
Him: "Want some company?"
Me: "No."
Him: "Well do you want to come over to my place then?"
Me: "No. I have to work in the morning."
Him: "I have an alarm clock."
Me: (goes inside and double-locks the door.)

I actually got that "alarm clock" line a few times back in the day. :rolls eyes:
#30
Old 10-20-2009, 04:08 PM
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One I've never tried but I'm dying to: If you see her in a supermarket, pick something off of the shelf and ask "Hey, do you know how to cook this?" It works best if what you've picked up is a bottle of shampoo.
#31
Old 10-20-2009, 04:24 PM
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I got a big laugh out of that tdn especially remembering that the last thing someone said to me in the grocery was a little old lady wanting to know where the canned milk was.

"It's right behind you!" I said.
"I knew I'd asked the right person!" she beamed.

Maybe you had to be there.

Anyway, I was once told that looking at me made him growl. "Grrrrrrrrr!" he demonstrated, in my ear. Sheesh! I like to talk to people, not make guttural noises until we fall in the sack!

Well, maybe with my husband, but that's different.
#32
Old 10-20-2009, 04:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Avarie537 View Post
really. Big tall Scottish guy at a party, wearing a kilt and all that. "You know, I'm really a 567-year-old druid whose purpose in life is to worship women. When was the last time you were properly worshipped?"
<snip>
You had me at "big tall Scottish guy wearing a kilt."
#33
Old 10-20-2009, 04:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Ellen Cherry View Post
I got a big laugh out of that tdn especially remembering that the last thing someone said to me in the grocery was a little old lady wanting to know where the canned milk was.
Thanks. I wish I could take credit for it.

I've told women in the cereal aisle that they're looking at the wrong kinds of cereal if they want the really good prizes. That usually gets a smile.

"Ah, you can always tell the health nuts" can work if the woman's shopping basket is filled with candy, Hostess pastries, and frozen dinners. It can be especially fun at this time of year when people are stocking up for Halloween.
#34
Old 10-20-2009, 04:32 PM
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"Ah, you can always tell the health nuts" can work if the woman's shopping basket is filled with candy, Hostess pastries, and frozen dinners. It can be especially fun at this time of year when people are stocking up for Halloween.
This sounds like it has a very large potential to backfire and come across as you being awfully insulting. Best to make sure your cart is filled with a bunch of junk food also. Extra points if you actually are going to eat that junk food and aren't just using it as an ice breaker.

Last edited by Covered_In_Bees!; 10-20-2009 at 04:33 PM.
#35
Old 10-20-2009, 04:36 PM
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Originally Posted by tdn View Post
One I've never tried but I'm dying to: If you see her in a supermarket, pick something off of the shelf and ask "Hey, do you know how to cook this?" It works best if what you've picked up is a bottle of shampoo.

I did something very close to that in an Indian shop when I was much younger and had them laughing themselves silly. I'd selected a bottle of jasmine oil that I thought might make for some interesting cooking (in the manner jasmine tea) and got carefully explained to that it is what Indian women use to make their hair glossy.
#36
Old 10-20-2009, 04:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Covered_In_Bees! View Post
This sounds like it has a very large potential to backfire and come across as you being awfully insulting. Best to make sure your cart is filled with a bunch of junk food also. Extra points if you actually are going to eat that junk food and aren't just using it as an ice breaker.
I'd never use that on someone who isn't in excellent shape. I'd also make sure she knows I'm joking. And it helps if it's something seasonal.

I said it to a cute blonde yesterday who had a bag of candy corn in her basket. She claimed she was only going to use it to decorate.

And yeah, I had a couple of frozen dinners in my basket.
#37
Old 10-20-2009, 04:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Jerseyman View Post
I did something very close to that in an Indian shop when I was much younger and had them laughing themselves silly. I'd selected a bottle of jasmine oil that I thought might make for some interesting cooking (in the manner jasmine tea) and got carefully explained to that it is what Indian women use to make their hair glossy.
Eww, there's a hair in my tea!
#38
Old 10-20-2009, 04:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Soylent Juicy View Post
Him: "Well do you want to come over to my place then?"
Me: "No. I have to work in the morning."
Him: "I have an alarm clock."
Me: (goes inside and double-locks the door.)
I actually think that's pretty funny. That's the kind of shit I would say if I were the kind of guy douchey enough to keep asking a girl to come home with me after she's told me no. That reminds me of a funny story. No wait, the story isn't funny at all. There was some guy at the bar Sunday who pestered flirted with me rather aggressively, and asked me to come home with him about five different times. At one point I even said, "I'm not sure why you think my answer is going to change." I ended up just closing my tab and leaving.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tdn View Post
I've told women in the cereal aisle that they're looking at the wrong kinds of cereal if they want the really good prizes. That usually gets a smile.
If someone said this to me, I'd probably just shoot him a dirty look then walk away. Then again I am mean and old, and have lost much of my patience for pick up lines.

Edit: I should really compile a list of the stuff people say to me. Some of it is funny, but it's usually insipid and annoying.

Last edited by MeanOldLady; 10-20-2009 at 04:48 PM.
#39
Old 10-20-2009, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by MeanOldLady View Post
If someone said this to me, I'd probably just shoot him a dirty look then walk away. Then again I am mean and old, and have lost much of my patience for pick up lines.
The beauty of that kind of line is that it's self-selecting. I can weed out the mean old ladies right away.
#40
Old 10-20-2009, 04:50 PM
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Even if they are only 26.

EDIT: Or 28. I forget what MOL said her age was.

Last edited by Covered_In_Bees!; 10-20-2009 at 04:50 PM.
#41
Old 10-20-2009, 04:51 PM
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You can't tell I'm mean by looking at me. And people almost never guess my age correctly, so Ha! You can't win! <Gives dirty look>

Stupid quick reply window, and people replying more quickly than I do. Feh, I'm not sure why I'm editing this. It's clear who I'm talking to. Maybe I just like typing in the tiny box.

Last edited by MeanOldLady; 10-20-2009 at 04:52 PM. Reason: Hello.
#42
Old 10-20-2009, 04:55 PM
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Originally Posted by schnuckiputzi View Post
Ditto -- who else immediately flashed to JAMIE IN A KILT!!!
Exactly...throw in a Scottish accent and I will be yours to do with as you will.
#43
Old 10-20-2009, 05:34 PM
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Originally Posted by pbbth View Post
I think the weirdest pick up line I ever got was, "Damn girl, I could carry your ass around in a bucket!"



Needless to say my ass and I stayed bucket free and well away from that weirdo.
Huge bonus points if he had a bucket when he said it. God, that out and out slayed me.
#44
Old 10-20-2009, 05:46 PM
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Originally Posted by pbbth View Post
I think the weirdest pick up line I ever got was, "Damn girl, I could carry your ass around in a bucket!"



Needless to say my ass and I stayed bucket free and well away from that weirdo.
Did you walk away quickly? Perhaps he was starting a limerick.
#45
Old 10-20-2009, 05:56 PM
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Y'know, other than having a pretty big beer belly (oh, 50 pounds worth?), he wasn't bad looking. And it wasn't an SCA event, just an annual fall party. It was just an odd thing to hear.
#46
Old 10-20-2009, 06:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Chopper9760 View Post
Huge bonus points if he had a bucket when he said it. God, that out and out slayed me.
No, he had no bucket. I just didn't even get what was supposed to be sexy about that image. Like, did he want to surgically remove my ass and carry it around with him? Did he want to stick me in a bucket ass end up? Did he think he would be able to rub my ass and have it grant him wishes? Men can be really weird.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robot Arm View Post
Did you walk away quickly? Perhaps he was starting a limerick.
I hadn't thought about that!
#47
Old 10-20-2009, 08:09 PM
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Tdn, I hope you are prone to hyperbole. Sometimes flirting at the supermarket works, but it isn't a meat market. It sounds like you do it everytime you're there, sometimes several times per visit which would be disturbing.

As for the OP, a tall guy in a kilt? That is cool despite the odd pickup line. Did you allow yourself to be worshipped?
#48
Old 10-20-2009, 08:15 PM
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Originally Posted by BottledBlondJeanie View Post
Sometimes flirting at the supermarket works, but it isn't a meat market.
Well, it sort of is, actually.
#49
Old 10-20-2009, 08:28 PM
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Damn Robot Arm you just made me snort my beer a bit laughing.

Bad choice of words, but still...
#50
Old 10-20-2009, 08:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Robot Arm View Post
Did you walk away quickly? Perhaps he was starting a limerick.
It has about five syllables too many to be the first line of a limerick.

Last edited by Captain Carrot; 10-20-2009 at 08:30 PM. Reason: period
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