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#1
Old 02-08-2011, 03:55 PM
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Is thinking about suicide all THAT uncommon?

I would never do it so long as I have a family, but I think about suicide, (or just dying), a lot. Even when I'm at my happiest, I would sometimes daydream about it. It makes me wonder if other people aren't, (to a lesser extent), the same way.

It's kind of morbid for people to admit you daydream about suicide every now and then, which makes me wonder if it's not just something people may casually think about, but never talk about.

(BTW -- I mean it, I would never kill myself with my family around; It's not fair to them. And if any of you are concerned about my "dark" thoughts... just know I'm seeing someone in the next few days, and trying to be a little less gloomy).

All I want to know is... do "every day people" really not fantasize about it from time-to-time, just as they would about winning the lottery, or getting the opportunity of doing something heroic?

Last edited by MyFootsZZZ; 02-08-2011 at 03:57 PM.
#2
Old 02-08-2011, 04:12 PM
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I never do anymore. But back in my depressed days I thought about it all the time.

When I was a senior in high school I took a class in psychology. One day we had a guest speaker, a guy that worked as a suicide worker. He talked people down from ledges and stuff like that.

He asked the class if anyone in the room had ever thought about suicide before. Everyone but one girl in the class raised their hands.
#3
Old 02-08-2011, 04:30 PM
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tdn When you were depressed, did you ever wonder the same thing I'm wondering now? That perhaps most people think about it, because for you it was "normal"?
#4
Old 02-08-2011, 04:33 PM
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Oh hell no. My problems were unique in the world and no one would ever truly understand me.

Those were some really sad years.
#5
Old 02-08-2011, 04:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tdn View Post
Oh hell no. My problems were unique in the world and no one would ever truly understand me.

Those were some really sad years.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that pain.

But I'm glad you're better.
#6
Old 02-08-2011, 04:52 PM
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Originally Posted by MyFootsZZZ View Post
I'm sorry you had to deal with that pain.

But I'm glad you're better.
Thanks! I'm happier now than I've ever been.
#7
Old 02-08-2011, 04:53 PM
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Well, I've had thoughts to the effect of "Maybe if I wasn't here, my family would appreciate me more", but suicidal thoughts? No. I like living too much.

To the OP (I always grin at your username, btw), I'm glad you're scheduled to see someone, and hope you can get some resolution.

Best of luck!
#8
Old 02-08-2011, 05:08 PM
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Originally Posted by norinew View Post
Well, I've had thoughts to the effect of "Maybe if I wasn't here, my family would appreciate me more", but suicidal thoughts? No. I like living too much.

To the OP (I always grin at your username, btw), I'm glad you're scheduled to see someone, and hope you can get some resolution.

Best of luck!
Thank you... I didn't want to make this about me. I REALLY do wonder about this. To be honest I really expected some people to say 'yes' to the question.

I have thoughts about never existing too. Whenever I'm having a good day, (even today isn't treating me bad), I would always ask myself, as a whole; 'Would I trade in the good times, for just never being born?', the answer is always yes. I think I would be better off being nothing and the world would be better off without me. Even my family.

Part of the reason I asked too, was because a friend admitted to me she thinks about it a lot as well, but only as a fantasy.

Thanks again for wishing me well. I really hope It's exclusive to me and a handful of others. I'm glad to see people respond; "no" to the question.

Last edited by MyFootsZZZ; 02-08-2011 at 05:11 PM.
#9
Old 02-08-2011, 05:25 PM
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I have never seriously contemplated killing myself - ever. It's just a thought that doesn't come up. The idea of "fantasizing about suicide" is just way out in left field for me.

Last edited by Glory; 02-08-2011 at 05:26 PM.
#10
Old 02-08-2011, 06:19 PM
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I think about it occasionally, but know that it's random-speculation along the lines of "What if cats had wings?".

Wouldn't be surprised if it was more common then people were willing to admit.
#11
Old 02-08-2011, 06:23 PM
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I think it's normal to think about it from time to time. Probably most people have an instant notion of how they'd do it if they had to whether they admit it or not. Actually writing out a letter or buying the means or thinking of it more than occasionally is probably a signal to get help.

A quote from my mother (who threatened suicide more often than most try out new recipes):

Quote:
My entire life I thought that suicide was the only thing that could give me any relief or end my sufferings. But I could never talk your damned father into it.
#12
Old 02-08-2011, 06:30 PM
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When I was a teenager I thought about it quite a bit, not explicitly but more along the lines of "if I didn't exist." Also when i had undiagnosed hypothyroid in my early 30s I used to think things like "If I were dead things would just be so much easier!"

I haven't thought anything like that in a while, but then again, lately I haven't felt like I've had time to think what-ifs at all really (you know, what if I won the lottery, etc.), so that's probably part of it.
#13
Old 02-08-2011, 06:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sampiro View Post
I think it's normal to think about it from time to time.
Addendum to above: "think about" is different from "contemplate".
#14
Old 02-08-2011, 08:40 PM
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I think it matters how you're defining "thinking about suicide." Anyone who has seen the movie It's a Wonderful Life has contemplated what the world would be like without them. As to whether non-depressed people think about suicide often, or whether the thought occurs to them unprovoked by fiction or by hearing about someone who committed suicide? I seriously doubt it.

I, like you, have never considered following through with, or even threatened to actually kill myself--I've always been too chickenshit of pain and the finality of death to actually do it. But I've been depressed for most of my teen and adult life as a result of sex shit that happened when I was 11, and I have cycled through phases of what is called "suicidal ideation" (and which it sounds like you are engaging in). But even I don't idealize suicide very frequently. Only in my darkest moments.

I don't think you belong on a suicide watch or anything like that. But I do suspect your depression is worse than you seem to think. I do not think it's normal to think about suicide randomly on a daily or even weekly basis. (IANADr)
#15
Old 02-08-2011, 09:25 PM
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Add me to the yeah, I think about it gang.

My life is very lonely and unfulfilling,and I guess a day doesn't go by that I don't think about it. The only thing keeping me around is my pack of silly dogs that love me and need me and wouldn't understand if Mama wasn't here any more.
#16
Old 02-08-2011, 10:50 PM
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I thought about it when I was a teen but never seriously and never since.
#17
Old 02-09-2011, 01:16 AM
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I have contemplated suicide for about 40 years. For much of the past decade or so it's been a daily thought. I have even made some half-assed weak-assed attempts and I have it penciled in my day planner, but will probably have to rescheduled it as there is some prep work that I need to do that I have done yet.

Of course the doctors believe that I have suffered from some form of depression nearly all my life.
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#18
Old 02-09-2011, 02:12 AM
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Before prozac, during my worst bouts of depression, I would often experience a longing for death. But it was more of a wish to fall asleep and not wake up. I never fantasized about actually shooting myself or swallowing pills or whatever.

I guess that still counts though.

I don't do that anymore. My life still sucks, but I don't wish to die. Progress, not perfection is my goal.

Last edited by Two Many Cats; 02-09-2011 at 02:12 AM.
#19
Old 02-09-2011, 02:25 AM
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I recall from my psych nursing days that the belief was that more people at some time have suicidal thoughts than never have them. Worse yet, amongst the people I trained with it was almost universal.

This site says:

More than 50 % of all people are considering suicide at some time during their life.
#20
Old 02-09-2011, 02:37 AM
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All the time, since I was a teenager. Some times more than others, but it's never that far from my thoughts.
#21
Old 02-09-2011, 03:00 AM
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Talk about it with your doctor.
#22
Old 02-09-2011, 05:25 AM
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I think about it daily. Sometimes it's more like a whimsical daydream that I know I would never follow through with. Sometimes it's like something to look forward to, with a half-assed plan and everything.

I don't think my fixation with it is exactly normal, but I don't know if it absolutely positively points to depression.
#23
Old 02-09-2011, 05:36 AM
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I think about it several times a day. I am a miserable git by nature. I am however highly unlikely to ever attempt it for two main reasons:

1) Quite the opposite of the "they'd be better off without me" mindset, I am all too aware that I have a wife and young child who would be emotionally (and financially) devastated if I died; and

2) Things might get better. I can always die tomorrow if they don't, and if I wait until enough tomorrows go by the point will become moot anyway. Or, to put it another way, what Chesterton said.

Last edited by Gyrate; 02-09-2011 at 05:38 AM.
#24
Old 02-09-2011, 05:50 AM
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I remember when I first went to a mental health centre they made fill out a questionnaire about depression and, I felt better for while because most of the questions I could chose the middle box. But a friend explained that when given the choices:

I think about ending my life....
  • all the time
  • most of the time
  • a lot
  • sometimes
  • never
........the middle anwser is not always the average answer

Oh and all my suicide plans are rejected for being too unoriginal or too unpractical...
#25
Old 02-09-2011, 05:58 AM
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Originally Posted by willthekittensurvive? View Post
Oh and all my suicide plans are rejected for being too unoriginal or too unpractical...
I just wanted to note the (presumably) unintentional black comedy in both your username (in the context of this thread) and in the idea that you can only kill yourself if you come up with a suitably original way to do it.
#26
Old 02-09-2011, 05:58 AM
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extra post to add

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gyrate View Post

2) Things might get better. I can always die tomorrow if they don't, and if I wait until enough tomorrows go by the point will become moot anyway. Or, to put it another way, what Chesterton said.
thanks for that link Gyrate, made me feel better
#27
Old 02-09-2011, 07:15 AM
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I don't think it's that abnormal.

I never think about suicide when I'm in a good mood or just generally content. The thought doesn't even cross my mind.

But I tend to fantasize about it briefly, usually after a really big fight with someone or when I get really pissed off at someone. And it's usually like "If I jumped out the window now, they'd probably be really sorry they acted that way, and they should be sorry" and for a few seconds, depending on how angry I am, it even feels like a legitimate idea - but I know I could never do it. I'm scared of death 100% of the time.
And after I few hours I usually feel a lot better and wonder what the hell was I even thinking.

Last edited by phantom lamb; 02-09-2011 at 07:15 AM.
#28
Old 02-09-2011, 07:41 AM
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I have often thought about it, but in a fairly detached kind of way, and always ending with "no way I could ever do that, or would want to". If my parents taught me anything (and actually they have taught me a lot), it is that no problem is so bad that death is the best way out.
#29
Old 02-09-2011, 08:32 AM
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I can't say I've ever given suicide much thought, but I'll admit to having times when thinking that being in a fatal car accident or hit by a bus wouldn't be all bad. And of course, thinking about the consequences of that for my family.

Then again, it's been suggested that I could have a mental health diagnosis of my very own if I cared enough to pursue it. Not by professionals, by family member.
#30
Old 02-09-2011, 08:39 AM
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My answer is remarkably similar to Eureka--I don't think about suicide much, at least not since my teenage years, but every now and then I think it would be much easier if an aneurysm blew and I just dropped dead. And then I immediately think about my husband and daughter and realize that I'm being horribly selfish, and I move on.
#31
Old 02-09-2011, 09:16 AM
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Another depressive checking in here. I don't know why, but no matter how much I circle the drain, I have never ever contemplated suicide. For some reason my default dread setting never gets past "old/alone/poor/sick/cat-pee smell/hovel."

I was baptized but not raised Catholic, yet for some reason my brain trots out this idea that if I were to commit suicide I wouldn't get into heaven, nor get to see beloved relatives/cats/friends waiting for me up there.

I dunno, maybe my brain just puts that idea there as a stop-gap measure, because it works.

I don't for one second buy into that 'suicide is selfish, short-sighted, just-pull-yerself-up-by-yer-bootstraps, by cracky!-preventable' idea. Having said that, I'm very glad you're talking to us here, and are going to see someone. Let us know how things go, ok?
#32
Old 02-09-2011, 09:43 AM
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I find it a little distressing that some of you would consider it if not for the loved ones in your lives. I mean for god's sake, if that's all that's preventing you from doing it, then by all means let that prevent you! But I find it sad that you don't see your value in the world. I hope that you're able to find it.
#33
Old 02-09-2011, 10:02 AM
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I've thought about it a lot as of late. Or rather, the idea of it, but not actually doing it. I just can't get over the inevitable mess that a corpse creates, and my phobia of ghosts. I'm afraid of them enough as it is, imagine if I somehow became one. That's a personal hell right there. And yes, my main motivation for not doing it is I think of the people who'd miss me.
#34
Old 02-09-2011, 10:04 AM
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There is a huge difference between thinking about something and actually doing something.

I think about not being alive a lot, particularly since my life is in the pits now. But thinking about actually killing myself and making plans to do so? No!
#35
Old 02-09-2011, 10:19 AM
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A lot of it is that I don't have a wife, and I don't have children, (thank God). And maybe "suicide" was the wrong word to use; "Death" may be more appropriate.

I believe, (like a lot of people here), that nothing happens to you after you die. 'Nothing' sounds fantastic to me, (nothing against those people who love life -- I really wish I felt that way). But to those who don't exactly like their job, or don't have a job, or are are poor, lonely, depressed, scared to get out of bed, knowing they are going to see loved ones die themselves, or even if you have some of these issues -- Why would it be unusual to daydream of "nothing". I mean... how many people really don't wonder how they would do it? The act is not something I condone. It's selfish. And I hope all the dopers saying that they think about it feel the same way.

What's really sad is how much, I (personally) have; I have a job, (that I hate, and I can only 'handle' working part-time), Parents that are still together, who love me, and tried to provide a good lifestyle for me as a child, And a brother that's willing to help me along after my folks are gone. I don't know "loss" like some people do, (and fear it when it will come). It would be devastating for my parents or my brother if I were to die. But thinking about death doesn't make me feel like I'm thinking about anything wrong.

As to finding purpose;

I don't have much to give the world, I rely on taxpayers to survive because of my learning disability and depression and anxiety. I want to contribute, but I can barely even drive.
:/

I want to be a good person! I want to save a life, or volunteer, give to those who have less than me.

Last edited by MyFootsZZZ; 02-09-2011 at 10:20 AM.
#36
Old 02-09-2011, 10:35 AM
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No, I don't think about it anymore.

I believe I have value.

I believe that sometimes I'm funny, that sometimes I can bring people smiles, and that sometimes I write rather well. I believe that very few people think the exact same way that I do, which can make my perspective somewhat unique and vaguely interesting.
I believe that I'm good to my friends, great to my kids, that I actually make the offices I've worked in more fun to be at on a daily basis, and that in some small way each and every day, I make the world a better place.

I believe that I have flaws.

I believe that I can be selfish, that I can be self absorbed, that I can be single-minded to my own detriment. I work on overcoming these like some people might work on a classic car. And while some days I fail, I balance those against the days I don't.
And I believe that its my flaws, mixed with my qualities, that make me who I am... and that who I am is worthy of existence. Yesterday. Today. And Tomorrow.
#37
Old 02-09-2011, 10:53 AM
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Originally Posted by Count Blucher View Post
I believe I have value.
I think that that is the key right there. Everyone has value but not everyone can see their own.
#38
Old 02-09-2011, 11:04 AM
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Professionals tend to categorize suicidal thoughts into three levels, with the last being the most serious.
Ideation: fantasies, thoughts that one's life is not worth living, etc.
Plan: well, a plan, obviously.
Intent: another obvious one, I suppose. Having not just a plan, but intending to do it.

Ideation is far more common than having a plan and intent. For lots of people (myself included), thoughts of death or suicide are just where we go when we are really sad. It is a symptom of depression, but it is neither necessary nor sufficient to diagnose depression.
#39
Old 02-09-2011, 11:16 AM
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Originally Posted by The Second Stone View Post
Talk about it with your doctor.
Tried that. Doctors have no solutions.
#40
Old 02-09-2011, 11:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Brynda View Post
Ideation is far more common than having a plan and intent.
That makes sense, since you can't have intent without having a plan, and you can't have a plan without having ideation. It's like building a pyramid. The base is always going to be the widest part.
#41
Old 02-09-2011, 11:27 AM
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I seriously considered suicide for a few months when I was 15, and at a particular low point in my early 40s the thought of suicide briefly flickered across my consciousness, but flickered right back out of my consciousness again. I'm in my late 50s, and that's pretty much all the thinking about suicide I've done in a lifetime.
#42
Old 02-09-2011, 11:28 AM
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Great the OP is planning on talking to someone.

And YES it is UNCOMMON for your average person to be thinking about suicide, ideation, plan or otherwise.
#43
Old 02-09-2011, 11:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Knorf View Post
Tried that. Doctors have no solutions.
Maybe you just didn't find the right doctor?
#44
Old 02-09-2011, 11:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phantom lamb View Post
I don't think it's that abnormal.

I never think about suicide when I'm in a good mood or just generally content. The thought doesn't even cross my mind.

But I tend to fantasize about it briefly, usually after a really big fight with someone or when I get really pissed off at someone. And it's usually like "If I jumped out the window now, they'd probably be really sorry they acted that way, and they should be sorry" and for a few seconds, depending on how angry I am, it even feels like a legitimate idea - but I know I could never do it. I'm scared of death 100% of the time.
And after I few hours I usually feel a lot better and wonder what the hell was I even thinking.
This pretty much describes me. I fantasize about it at times, but I fantasize about a lot of things that I have no intention of doing. It's just the way my mind works... I'm a big daydreamer.
#45
Old 02-09-2011, 11:40 AM
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Hell, I've researched buying a body bag online because it seemed like the most considerate way to do it.
#46
Old 02-09-2011, 11:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Brynda View Post
Professionals tend to categorize suicidal thoughts into three levels, with the last being the most serious.
Ideation: fantasies, thoughts that one's life is not worth living, etc.
Plan: well, a plan, obviously.
Intent: another obvious one, I suppose. Having not just a plan, but intending to do it.

Ideation is far more common than having a plan and intent. For lots of people (myself included), thoughts of death or suicide are just where we go when we are really sad. It is a symptom of depression, but it is neither necessary nor sufficient to diagnose depression.
There is another category above ideation called subtle suicide which isn't active suicide but is more a sense that life's value is so/so at best so people take more risks with their lives. They do dangerous things, ignore medical advice, don't plan for the future, etc.

http://subtlesuicide.com/

That kind is hard to deal with too. It isn't an active attempt as self destruction as much as a belief that life isn't worth fighting for in the face of medical problems, general risks, etc.
#47
Old 02-09-2011, 11:47 AM
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Originally Posted by tdn View Post
I find it a little distressing that some of you would consider it if not for the loved ones in your lives. I mean for god's sake, if that's all that's preventing you from doing it, then by all means let that prevent you! But I find it sad that you don't see your value in the world. I hope that you're able to find it.

See... you're working on the assumption that we HAVE loved ones. Other than my dogs and cats- I don't.

My family is all dead. I have no real friends. I have a job that pays the bills but I detest. I have watched every dream I ever had die a painful death. I cry almost daily, usually several times, especially on work days. I have nothing to look forward to, just one day exactly like the day before it. I have pretty much fucked my life up beyond salvation. I have never accomplished a single thing.

If I died tomorrow, the only creatures on earth that would miss me... hell, even notice, are my dogs and cats. I guess it's why I keep them; it keeps me from offing myself.
#48
Old 02-09-2011, 12:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Knorf View Post
Tried that. Doctors have no solutions.
Knorf I'm sorry you feel that way. Are you sure you don't want to give it another shot? Medication has helped me, (though it may not appear as though it has right now). Without it I would be in a darker depression. Still wouldn't kill myself, but I've gone without my meds before, and it is some real-as-shit PAIN that I suffer. I don't know how you feel or the level of severity of your problems... but I would sure like to hear that you WONT do anything to yourself for reasons that should be obvious. If you ever want to PM me, go for it, I'm a good listener.

Speaking of Medication, I just saw my doctor, he upped my meds.

The problem is, if there are three categories like Brynda said;

"Ideation: fantasies, thoughts that one's life is not worth living, etc.
Plan: well, a plan, obviously.
Intent: another obvious one, I suppose. Having not just a plan, but intending to do it."

... What's the difference? If' I'm unhappy enough to WANT to die, why should I be treated differently than someone who's actually willing to do it. It's not fair that someone who's suffering, but can't truthfully say they intend on going through with ending their lives for whatever reason. It's like saying; "Just don't kill yourself, you're quality of life is of less importance."
#49
Old 02-09-2011, 12:02 PM
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Originally Posted by PapSett View Post
See... you're working on the assumption that we HAVE loved ones. Other than my dogs and cats- I don't.
And it sounds like your pets are your loved ones for these purposes.

For god's sake, talk to a professional, find a better job, and find something that brings you profound joy. Find your purpose!
#50
Old 02-09-2011, 12:12 PM
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Originally Posted by PapSett View Post
See... you're working on the assumption that we HAVE loved ones. Other than my dogs and cats- I don't.

My family is all dead. I have no real friends. I have a job that pays the bills but I detest. I have watched every dream I ever had die a painful death. I cry almost daily, usually several times, especially on work days. I have nothing to look forward to, just one day exactly like the day before it. I have pretty much fucked my life up beyond salvation. I have never accomplished a single thing.

If I died tomorrow, the only creatures on earth that would miss me... hell, even notice, are my dogs and cats. I guess it's why I keep them; it keeps me from offing myself.
How old are you Pap? I would hate to think your life revolves around the life of your pets. I can relate to the part of your post when talking about your dreams. PM me too if you need to talk... I'm really worried I started something with this thread; But maybe it's good people are being open about it. I hope you can find yourself some help.

Please, I didn't want to say that people should act on it. I really wish I could help all of us.
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