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#1
Old 10-28-2011, 11:56 AM
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Straight guy with a Lesbian Buddy

Why is it OK for a woman to have a gay best friend that she spends time with and even share a bedroom with and nothing is expected to happen and it is seen as OK.

But when I (a single straight guy) and my Lesbian friend spend time together and share a bedroom its seen as weird? Why the double standard.

I have a load of female friends and a few really good male friends but my best friends is a gay woman - tell me why this is weird.

My daughter who is gay has a gay guy best friend and I think nothing of it if they sleep in the same room (both are 19+) but she thinks its weird about me also.


WHY!!!

[SIZE="2"]Double standards.......[email protected]%#......[/SIZE]
#2
Old 10-28-2011, 12:05 PM
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'Cause all men are hotbeds of hormones and the fact that she's not into you (or other men) won't stop you jumping her at the first opportunity...

It's also why women have to stop dressing like sluts...

So I've heard
#3
Old 10-28-2011, 12:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hogfather65 View Post
Why is it OK for a woman to have a gay best friend that she spends time with and even share a bedroom with and nothing is expected to happen and it is seen as OK.
I wouldn't say that it is not OK, but I think the sharing a bedroom part is weird. Even outside of sex, the bedroom is a private place in which one would want to do private things. There are non-sexual forms of intimacy beyond basic friendship and IMO sleeping in close proximity is one of them.

Of course different people and different cultures have different expectations of privacy, so some people don't have any problem with it. But I can see how it's a person-to-person thing.
#4
Old 10-28-2011, 12:13 PM
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Because a straight man will hit on the lesbian. The gay man will not hit on the straight woman. The women don't hit on anything ever. At least, that's what they say.
#5
Old 10-28-2011, 12:14 PM
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I'd think it was a little odd if a gay man and a straight woman shared a bedroom together. I don't want to share sleeping quarters with anyone I'm not involved with. I suppose if it were a situation where there were a limited number of bedrooms it would make sense, but in general it seems strange.
#6
Old 10-28-2011, 12:15 PM
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Who sees it as weird? I'm a gay guy and have shared a platonic bed with straight folk of both genders and don't see anything odd about it.
#7
Old 10-28-2011, 12:41 PM
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The only thing weird I find about this is all the sharing of bedrooms. lol Why?
As far as sharing friendship...I don't get how somebody's sexual preference has anything to do with interests, hobbies, intelligence and sense of humor...things that usually get a friendship going in the first place. And as far as somebody else having a problem with it (hitches up pants) well, 'Aye God, guess that really is THEIR problem, isn't it?
#8
Old 10-28-2011, 12:52 PM
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I don't think I even know any straight women who've shared a bedroom with a gay man, and I've known straight women who lived in the same apartment as (unrelated) gay men.
#9
Old 10-28-2011, 01:03 PM
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I don't think a straight man sharing a bedroom with a lesbian is any weirder than a straight woman sharing a bedroom with a gay man, but I think they are both pretty weird. Why can't you sleep in your own bedrooms?
#10
Old 10-28-2011, 01:06 PM
bup bup is offline
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Is she hot?
#11
Old 10-28-2011, 01:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hogfather65 View Post
Why is it OK for a woman to have a gay best friend that she spends time with and even share a bedroom with and nothing is expected to happen and it is seen as OK.

But when I (a single straight guy) and my Lesbian friend spend time together and share a bedroom its seen as weird? Why the double standard....
WHY!!!

[SIZE="2"]Double standards.......[email protected]%#......[/SIZE]
Can you tell us more about your relationship? Is she your sister or a sister-like figure, or more like a casual friend?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chessic Sense View Post
...The women don't hit on anything ever....
Not true.
#12
Old 10-28-2011, 01:17 PM
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Originally Posted by miss elizabeth View Post
I don't think a straight man sharing a bedroom with a lesbian is any weirder than a straight woman sharing a bedroom with a gay man, but I think they are both pretty weird. Why can't you sleep in your own bedrooms?
I think we need clarification on if this is an occasional thing or does he mean they actually live together and share a bedroom all the time.
#13
Old 10-28-2011, 01:20 PM
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In my experience, what the OP descibes isn't necessarilt true. I seem to attract lesbians (in a Platonic, non-sexual way), and I've had several lesbian friends. Of course, whenever I've gone out and done anything wuith them, they generally took their lesbian girlfriend with them, so maybe that's why I got a pass.
#14
Old 10-28-2011, 01:33 PM
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I don't know anything about the bedroom thing, but when Rene and Tracy are visiting, Rene sits in the living room with me, we watch TV and talk about science fiction shows. Tracy is in the kitchen with my wife cooking.
Usually.
Unless it's summer and a cookout. Then Rene and I are grilling while our wives sit around drinking wine and gossipping.
It is none of my damn business how much they divide their other chores or activities along "traditional" gender role lines, but Rene is definitely the butch one in that couple. All of our daughters like that we get along.
#15
Old 10-28-2011, 01:51 PM
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Iím guessing this is like sharing a hotel room? Not weird at all. Iím a married man and Iíve done that with straight female friends.
#16
Old 10-28-2011, 02:09 PM
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Originally Posted by enipla View Post
Iím guessing this is like sharing a hotel room? Not weird at all. Iím a married man and Iíve done that with straight female friends.
That's what I'm thinking. I'm a lesbian and have often shared hotel rooms with straight female friends. A double bed once (it was all the hotel had) - FTR I felt much more uncomfortable with that particular arrangement than my straight friend.
#17
Old 10-28-2011, 02:59 PM
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I have a very dear friend who is a lesbian. More then one person has assumed that we were infact a couple.

FTR, I am also a certified homophobe.Yes, it was not expected.

Last edited by AK84; 10-28-2011 at 02:59 PM.
#18
Old 10-28-2011, 03:07 PM
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There is nothing weird about it at all. I assure you that, for the most part, no one cares and that you spend way more time thinking about it than anyone else.
#19
Old 10-28-2011, 03:07 PM
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Now that you have a lesbian friend, are you still a homophobe?
#20
Old 10-28-2011, 05:47 PM
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I think it is weird for any adult to share a bedroom with another adult they don't have sex with, regardless of sexual orientation.
#21
Old 10-28-2011, 05:51 PM
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Regardless of gender and sexual preference, I think it's weird to sleep in the same bedroom as anybody you're not dating.
#22
Old 10-28-2011, 06:48 PM
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You guys must have thought college was the weirdest place ever.
#23
Old 10-28-2011, 07:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lamia View Post
I don't think I even know any straight women who've shared a bedroom with a gay man, and I've known straight women who lived in the same apartment as (unrelated) gay men.

I'm a straight female, and have or have had friends of all sorts of orientations, but I feel weird sharing a bed with someone I'm not romantically or sexually involved with, no matter who they are.

Wait, I just re-read the OP ....he said shared bedroom, not shared bed. So, separate beds, right?

That would be fine; I don't think that's weird if it's on a need basis, like a hotel or some other temporary thing. As a regular occurence...would be a bit weird to me. Mainly for "sleep hygeine" reasons. I don't like a TV on when I'm trying to go to sleep, like to read myself to sleep with the light on, tend to get up earlier in the morning than most people, etc.
#24
Old 10-28-2011, 07:30 PM
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i have shared a bed with both gay men and women ...i am straight

no sex was involved ...
#25
Old 10-28-2011, 11:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hogfather65 View Post
Why is it OK for a woman to have a gay best friend that she spends time with and even share a bedroom with and nothing is expected to happen and it is seen as OK.

But when I (a single straight guy) and my Lesbian friend spend time together and share a bedroom its seen as weird? Why the double standard.
Probably because many guys see lesbians as some kind of "ultimate challenge" that only the guy with the worlds most awesome moves could ever hope to score with. I had a very good friend who happened to be a lesbian. We both ended up getting badly dumped by our respective S/O's within like a week of each other. We ended up hanging out alot and we were even very affectionate at times including spending a couple nights a week snuggled up sleeping together. We never had sex, or anything much more than kinda kissy cuddly. A mutual friend who had a huge hard on for her showed up at my place sunday morning looking for some tools I had borrowed and totally flipped out when he found her there. He still wont talk to either of us 15 years later because he just knows that we must be screwing each other and that she was lying to him about not dating guys, etc.
#26
Old 10-29-2011, 03:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigT View Post
You guys must have thought college was the weirdest place ever.
I'm not sure 99% of "college students" are what I had in mind when picturing adults.


I seriously am losing interest in this OP unless he comes back and explains the circumstances by which he either has to share a bedroom with someone he is not in a relationship with, or chooses to (the odder one!)

Last edited by rogerbox; 10-29-2011 at 03:14 AM.
#27
Old 10-29-2011, 06:54 AM
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Yes, double standard indeed.

Nobody has ever said anything to me about sleeping with my cats and dogs. And they're not even the same species!
#28
Old 10-29-2011, 05:45 PM
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My bud was thrown out of her flat - private reasons - and had nowere to crash - I live in a 2 bedroom flat with my daughter. We share a room - yes sometimes a bed - and yes she is hot - and has a girlfriend - some distance away and work comitments mean she cant stay there during the week. And her girlfriend is aware of me and our situation - no secrets.

I dont see it as an issue though.

Last edited by Hogfather65; 10-29-2011 at 05:47 PM.
#29
Old 10-29-2011, 07:14 PM
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Because everybody knows the lesbian just needs a good fuck to set her straight.
#30
Old 10-29-2011, 07:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rune View Post
Because everybody knows the lesbian just needs a good fuck to set her straight.
Do They????

That rules me out then
#31
Old 10-29-2011, 07:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hogfather65 View Post
Do They????

That rules me out then
Well now you do. So go get her tiger.
#32
Old 10-29-2011, 09:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Rune View Post
Well now you do. So go get her tiger.
Feel so dumb....

Aint going to happen
#33
Old 11-01-2011, 05:48 PM
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I twice spent what must have seemed "intimate" time to others with lesbian friends. Of course, neither of them was out yet and I was the beard. One was a teacher, and this was in a place that was not exactly gay tolerant. It was OK, however, for her to have an affair with a supposedly married guy.
#34
Old 11-01-2011, 06:35 PM
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Whether straight or gay men are generally seen (fairly or unfairly) as the ones who instigate sexual overtures. A hetero man and lesbian woman sharing a bedroom can be perfectly platonic, but the possibly is there that a man might try someting anyway if they get aroused.

Being snuggle buddies with an attractive lesbian would be test of will for many men even if they know the woman is not likely to be responsive. The little head doesn't always listen to the big head.

Last edited by astro; 11-01-2011 at 06:39 PM.
#35
Old 11-01-2011, 06:58 PM
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Originally Posted by astro View Post
Whether straight or gay men are generally seen (fairly or unfairly) as the ones who instigate sexual overtures. A hetero man and lesbian woman sharing a bedroom can be perfectly platonic, but the possibly is there that a man might try someting anyway if they get aroused.

Being snuggle buddies with an attractive lesbian would be test of will for many men even if they know the woman is not likely to be responsive. The little head doesn't always listen to the big head.
Agree with that but we are in no way snuggle buddies. If and when we share a bed - i sleep on top of the covers - which I do even when i sleep alone - love the cold - window wide even in the winter.... So its just a sleep thing - Yes I was going to say Honest there but realised it looked dodgy...........
#36
Old 11-01-2011, 07:32 PM
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My best friend is a straight man and I'm a lesbian. As far as I know, nobody thinks it's weird. We've shared a hotel room, and shared a bed a couple of times when the other bed-spaces in my house were already taken up. I've also shared my bed with other friends, straight, gay, male and female. You don't snuggle up, you just sleep.

Just about the only person I wouldn't share a bed with now is my ex, because we've done so many other things in that bed, and I don't think her GF would like it.
#37
Old 11-02-2011, 05:00 AM
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Glad for the comments guys good or bad - it helped me with what other people think type of thing.

I never see it as weird but having grown up with 3 sisters and having 3 daughters I always feel comfortable in female company and never saw myself as a Alpha male needing to prove myself all the time - I am comfortable in my own sexuality that nothing fazes me - I grew up with an uncle who was gay and open about it and was my mother’s best friend - he was my father’s brother but my mother’s best friend - so I grew up with no hang ups or such.

I’m just glad I’m not the only one how does not find it as weird….
#38
Old 11-02-2011, 10:39 AM
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I read that title as "Straight guy with a lesbian BODY".
#39
Old 11-02-2011, 11:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rune View Post
Well now you do. So go get her tiger.
She has a tiger? What kind of lesbian is this?
#40
Old 11-02-2011, 12:29 PM
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Just a Kitten really
#41
Old 11-02-2011, 01:16 PM
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Sharing a bedroom with a roommate you're not sleeping with is actually kind of weird, no matter what the gender of the people involved. Hotels, emergency crashes, and college don't count, of course. (I've been assured that college doesn't count for many gay-related questions, actually . . .)

Having a close non-sexual friendship with a member of the opposite sex is not weird at all, but many people think it is. Some people still freak out at mixing men and women as roommates or that a mixed couple could do things as friends.

As a general rule, people (as a group) are always going to assume that everyone is sleeping with everyone, or at least trying to do so, and that men are always trying to expand their personal subset of everyone. You are rarely going to be able to convince people that they are wrong about this, and I've found it rarely worth the effort to try.

--
A 'Lesbian Buddy' sounds like some kind of gadget, not unlike a Pocket Fisherman. Maybe a sort of multitool that combines basic car maintenance tools, a tuner for an acoustic guitar, a collapsible strap-on, and an iPhone-like app that stores recipes and rates even the most terrible poetry as good?
#42
Old 11-02-2011, 01:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigT View Post
You guys must have thought college was the weirdest place ever.
Most people I know weren't choosing to sleep in the same rooms as other people of the opposite sex that they weren't interested in sexually. As I recall, singles were pretty desirable.
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