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#1
Old 09-15-2012, 12:53 AM
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Want to surprise him with a ring, but don't know his size. Suggestions?

Title pretty much says it all. My boyfriend and I have talked about wearing rings for a while now (even though we can't get a legally recognized marriage, yet), and it's an idea we are both into. It's been several months since we first talked about it, and he has brought it up a couple times since then, hinting that he's really wanting to do the ring thing.

In the traditional world of opposite gender relationships, the guy buys an engagement ring for the gal, and then eventually they exchange wedding rings at the wedding.

Obviously there aren't really engagement rings for guys, so instead, I was just wanting to get a couple simple bands that we could wear until whenever we get married, then we can get new ones or just keep wearing the same ones. So for his birthday, I was planning on surprising him with two rings... one for him, and then one for me at the same time. And I'd probably ask him to marry me, like an engagement too... possibly even get down on one knee and all that Hahaha, I don't know. What do you guys all think?

I want this to be a surprise for his birthday though, I don't want to bring it up beforehand, and I don't want to screw up the moment of surprise either with a wrong-sized ring.

Is there ANY way I can figure out what his ring size is without measuring? If I showed you guys a photo of him (or his hands), is anyone here able to estimate it with any reasonable accuracy? If I got my own ring size (don't even know my own yet), and could estimate how much smaller it is from that?

Any suggestions or tips would be greatly appreciated.

He's about 110 pounds, about 5'4'' or so, very thin, and his hands are proportionately small.
#2
Old 09-15-2012, 01:00 AM
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The easy way is to get a ring of approximately the right size, erring on the side of too large, then have him take it to a jeweler to size it (adjust the size). Jewelers usually (in my experience) will do the sizing for free. But if you're trying to save money something like a sale at Macy's is the thing to look for, but I don't know what they'd do about sizing. You can still take it to a jeweler but if you didn't by ring from him you might have to pay to have it sized. If the ring is too big they should give you back the extra gold, or if it's too small you'll have to pay for more.
#3
Old 09-15-2012, 01:02 AM
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What kind of ring?
#4
Old 09-15-2012, 01:16 AM
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How do I know what "approximately the right size" is? I have 0 experience with rings or ring sizes <_<

I was thinking just a simple tungsten band or something like that. Nothing flashy or with gems or anything like that.

Here's a picture of him with his hands clearly visible. They look kinda big because of the perspective but maybe this will help.

Last edited by drewtwo99; 09-15-2012 at 01:18 AM.
#5
Old 09-15-2012, 01:21 AM
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Originally Posted by drewtwo99 View Post
How do I know what "approximately the right size" is? I have 0 experience with rings or ring sizes <_<

I was thinking just a simple tungsten band or something like that. Nothing flashy or with gems or anything like that.
Compare his ring finger to your pinky. If your pinky is not much larger go with that. If it's a lot larger compare his ring finger to the size of a ball point pen. I don't know what's involved in sizing tungsten though. It might be much more difficult than gold.

ETA: Seeing the picture now. Get a good idea how big the cell phone is and take that picture to a jeweler.

Last edited by TriPolar; 09-15-2012 at 01:23 AM.
#6
Old 09-15-2012, 01:26 AM
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Even if you had a perfect model of his hand - you couldn't be sure as some people want it tighter than others. If you have an existing ring he wears - you could tell from that (assuming he'd wear it on the same finger). Tiffany has an app that you could lay the ring on and see the size (or you could take it to a jewelry store and they can tell you the size - assuming he wouldn't miss it).

However - you are making this more complicated than it needs to be. There are basically two types of rings - those that can be resized - and those that can't. Pretty much any ring that has plain gold on the back part of it can be resized. A ring with a pattern (or stones) 360 degrees around the ring has to be ordered in that size.

Almost all rings that fall under the first category only come in one size. There are the sized/resized by the jeweler. I think all stores do this for free (if the one ou are shopping at doesn't - pick another). You simply by the ring - give it to him as is - then brig him and the ring back to the store - they will have a bunch of rings on a keychain in different sizes - he picks one that feels right. You leave the ring there - and in a couple of days it will be resized for you.

If you pick one with a pattern - or stones all around - it will have to be ordered in his size. Buy the ring - and then exchange it for the size he needs.

I know you want it to fit out of the box, but without a ring - you can't be sure - even if he has an identical twin. Even with a ring - the thickness and curvature can play a part.

If you pick the first type of ring - It will be the same ring you gave him - just with gold added or subtracted (sounds like subtracted in your case).
#7
Old 09-15-2012, 01:30 AM
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Just saw your post about tungsten. I don't think that can be resized - you can order it off amazon for dirt cheap. Looks close to my size - maybe a 9.5.
#8
Old 09-15-2012, 01:32 AM
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I think that's really sweet! It sounds like you're both on the same page about this relationship as well if you've already discussed it, he's hinted, etc. But if you're waiting till SSM is legal in Texas you may as well plan a destination wedding to HI or NYC now while you're young.

Is he a heavy sleeper? You can print out a ring sizer from the internet and carefully try it on him while he's asleep.

You might make an educated guess based on his glove size, but if you can't get his exact ring size stick w/ a gold band of some karat or color as the other materials are harder to size and would probably have to be exchanged. It's hard to exchange the first ring for sentimental reasons; I wear a corroded tungsten ring I could freely exchange for new under warranty but can't bring myself to.

I've seen guys wear 'promise' rings and not in a creepy, Promise-keeper, daughter-pledging way. The promise ring is one color/material while the wedding band is another.
#9
Old 09-15-2012, 01:43 AM
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Guys are dense. I should know, I am one. Just go and look at rings sometime you are out, preferably at one of those kiosks with the garish silver stuff and goofily try on rings. Then insist on him doing it too. "I'm a five! C'mon, I want to see what size YOU are!" Then go and do something far more interesting, and let him forget about it; which he should do in fairly short order.
#10
Old 09-15-2012, 01:50 AM
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My brother did that with his now-wife and she didn't have any rings he could "borrow": his gift to her in her first birthday that they were together was matching silver bands. He guesstimated her size based on how their hands fitted, but still got the rings from a place where they could exchange hers if it was too big.

If he'd tried to get her into trying jewelry she would totally have freaked out, she freaks out easily.

I'm very picky for rings, my hands seem to grow and shrink along the day... I pity anybody trying to buy me a ring that's not open!

Last edited by Nava; 09-15-2012 at 01:52 AM.
#11
Old 09-15-2012, 02:07 AM
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Fabric metric tape measure and a ring sizing guide. Copious amounts of booze on measuring night if he's normally a light sleeper.
#12
Old 09-15-2012, 02:18 AM
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That's really sweet, but I come bearing an opinion you didn't ask for: Don't do it on his birthday. One thing I really regret is marrying my ex three days before Christmas. It's crappy having that anniversary come around at Christmas time. I didn't think anything of it at the time because I knew we'd be together forever. It turned out that forever wasn't as long as I'd envisaged. Between that and our break up being centred around my birthday... I wish it had been a random any other day of the year.

Also, if you want to be able to celebrate the anniversary of your engagement in years to come, be aware that other people will be expecting to catch up with him for his birthday on that date. Makes it hard to get together for an intimate dinner for two. I realise many people wouldn't bother celebrating their engagement as a separate date once they got married, but if you want to keep that option open...
#13
Old 09-15-2012, 04:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drewtwo99 View Post
He's about 110 pounds, about 5'4'' or so, very thin, and his hands are proportionately small.
You're dating a halfling?

Maybe easier than a ring sizer or a measuring tape, just use a piece of string or thread or even a twist-tie, sneakily measure his finger while he's sleeping, measure the string against a ruler, and then compare it to this list or a similar one. (Scroll down below the ring sizer they have for sale and you'll see the chart.) That site says their most commonly purchased men's ring size is 9, for whatever that's worth. (My husband wears a size 13, but he's a giant.)

Good luck with your stealth sizing and congratulations in advance.
#14
Old 09-15-2012, 04:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Acid Lamp View Post
Guys are dense. I should know, I am one. Just go and look at rings sometime you are out, preferably at one of those kiosks with the garish silver stuff and goofily try on rings. Then insist on him doing it too. "I'm a five! C'mon, I want to see what size YOU are!" Then go and do something far more interesting, and let him forget about it; which he should do in fairly short order.
Or get one of those crappy adjust a size rings, put it on yourself, show it to him, and insist that he put it on and adjust it to his size.

More seriously, though, I'd say to take him out on a date and tell him that you want to go ring shopping on that date. I find that I really do have to try rings on to see if I like how they look on me, let alone pick out a ring for someone else. Surprising someone with a ring works well in movies, but as with many things, movies don't reflect real life.
#15
Old 09-15-2012, 04:42 AM
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Be careful... if you surreptitiously measure his finger, remember that the ring must fit over the knuckle!
#16
Old 09-15-2012, 06:57 AM
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A lot of people have taken to giving their intended a toy plastic ring, then take them ring shopping for the real thing
#17
Old 09-15-2012, 10:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Corcaigh View Post
A lot of people have taken to giving their intended a toy plastic ring, then take them ring shopping for the real thing
Particularly if you're planning tungsten this is a good idea. Fit is so relative, I have two fingers that measure exactly the same but for me to be comfortable one ring is half size larger. There's no obvious reason for it, its just not comfortable anyway.

Besides, this is one tradition that should die anyway. Someone else, no matter how much they love you, is picking out the one piece of jewelery that you're going to wear for the rest of your life. Ugh, so many ways it could go wrong and since they love you and don't want to hurt your feelings they don't speak up.
#18
Old 09-15-2012, 10:39 AM
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I had heard that a good rule of thumb was that ring size and shoe size were roughly in the same ballpark. Is there any truth to that?
#19
Old 09-15-2012, 10:47 AM
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Rings made of tungsten and titanium can't be resized, so I would not try to estimate!
If it's essential to you to have the actual ring for the surprise, your best options would probably be to try to sneakily measure his finger while he's asleep, or get a friend to find out his ring size in a way that he won't suspect you're up to something.

However, you might want to consider using some other ring to stand in for the real thing.
When my fiance proposed to me, he made a ring out of paper clips to stand in for the real ring (mostly because he knew that I wanted input in what my ring looks like, but he also didn't know my ring size ).
#20
Old 09-15-2012, 11:50 AM
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Yeah after hearing everyone's suggestions, and how difficult it would be to actually get his size measured accurately without him knowing... and the fact that he might not even *want* to be surprised with it, I guess it's better if I just shop it with him together.

Thanks for the tips everyone... you're the best!
#21
Old 09-15-2012, 12:09 PM
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Which finger? Put that finger in your mouth, and then keep that mouth "o" shape, run down to the jewelers and write, "I need a ring this size"
#22
Old 09-15-2012, 01:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drewtwo99 View Post
Yeah after hearing everyone's suggestions, and how difficult it would be to actually get his size measured accurately without him knowing... and the fact that he might not even *want* to be surprised with it, I guess it's better if I just shop it with him together.

Thanks for the tips everyone... you're the best!
This doesn't mean you can't make the proposal something just AWESOME, though And yeah, don't do it on his birthday Do it after, or before; hell, wait until one minute after midnight

Find something corny like a cigar band or a pop-top from a soda can, or a piece of string, anything...double points if it's something that actually means something to you guys. Do the whole thing, and then go look at rings online AFTER you find out, for sure, his ring size. I have bought at least a dozen rings for MrTao with no success, when I was trying to guess. He's in the process of losing weight so it never fits right for long, lol.

I always loved the idea of having multiple rings to wear whenever, and he does too; the tungsten rings, especially, are affordable enough to mix and match and have fun with different styles.

Oh, and congratulations in advance

Also, at his size and weight...I'm going to guess a size 6-7. I'm his height, with more weight, and I'm a 6-6.5. So we'll give him a half size for man-knuckles

Last edited by Taomist; 09-15-2012 at 01:28 PM.
#23
Old 09-15-2012, 02:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drewtwo99 View Post
Yeah after hearing everyone's suggestions, and how difficult it would be to actually get his size measured accurately without him knowing... and the fact that he might not even *want* to be surprised with it, I guess it's better if I just shop it with him together.

Thanks for the tips everyone... you're the best!
I know you're sure he'll say yes and all, but keep us posted and tell us how it goes; I don't know about the others but I'm a sap for that romantic stuff!
#24
Old 09-15-2012, 08:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shoeless View Post
I had heard that a good rule of thumb was that ring size and shoe size were roughly in the same ballpark. Is there any truth to that?
So you know your ring size and are thinking about buying some shoes?

Extra points for the "rule of thumb" mention.

In answer to your question, the only ballpark is that shoe sizes and ring sizes more or less cover the same numbers. My shoe size is the same as the ring size for my index finger.
#25
Old 09-15-2012, 09:18 PM
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I really would not buy him a ring as a surprise. You may hit gold, but a lot of people are super particular about what they wear re jewelry and would want some input. Plus resizing a ring can be expensive and a big PITA.

Surprise him with the "gift" of a ring but have it be a trip to the jewelry store etc.
#26
Old 10-09-2012, 05:33 AM
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An update, for those who were interested:

We opted for the completely unimpressive route of simply just shopping together online. We printed out one of the ring-sizers, verified it was the right size, and measured our fingers. We then each picked out the rings we liked for ourselves, and are waiting to get them in the mail.

So, no I didn't have the special "moment" or anything like in the movies, but he was really happy when I pressed that "submit" button and I'm sure he'll be doubly happy when we are putting the rings on once they get here.
#27
Old 10-09-2012, 09:30 AM
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Did you know that most people's shoe size is also their ring size?
#28
Old 10-09-2012, 11:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drewtwo99 View Post
So, no I didn't have the special "moment" or anything like in the movies, but he was really happy when I pressed that "submit" button and I'm sure he'll be doubly happy when we are putting the rings on once they get here.
Ugh, gay marriage is so boring these days!!

Congrats - on the engagement (I call it engagement, dangit!) and for both of you getting correctly sized rings you both liked!
#29
Old 10-09-2012, 11:31 AM
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Originally Posted by ZipperJJ View Post
Ugh, gay marriage is so boring these days!!

Congrats - on the engagement (I call it engagement, dangit!) and for both of you getting correctly sized rings you both liked!
Congragulations, and best of luck locating 'Both Of You Getting Correctly Sized Rings You Both Like' announcements
#30
Old 10-09-2012, 11:32 AM
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Originally Posted by osme View Post
Did you know that most people's shoe size is also their ring size?
My partner and I must be exceptions. I wear a 6 men's shoe and a 7 ring. He wears a men's 9 1/2 and around a 5 ring.
#31
Old 10-09-2012, 11:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Corcaigh View Post
A lot of people have taken to giving their intended a toy plastic ring, then take them ring shopping for the real thing
More or less this. If you want it to be a surprise, just get a plastic or really cheap ring for the "surprise" part, then go shopping together. When I got engaged years ago, as much as I thought it might be romantic to have a final ring when I did it, I thought actually getting to pick out the ring together would be more fun and more romantic, and it was, and then we could also have a more formal engagement where other people could be present for that as well, and she was still surprised because, despite designing the ring together, she didn't see the final product until then. So it worked out the best of both worlds.

In your situation, if you're both going to wear rings, I'd think it'd be important to make the decision of what they look like together.
#32
Old 10-09-2012, 11:40 AM
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Congratulations on findiing nice rings that you liked! And you can do this as often as you like with different rings for different occasions, too. I never liked the idea of being tied down to one ring, bleargh. Then again it took me until 44 to tie myself down to one guy, too, so maybe that's just me.
#33
Old 10-09-2012, 12:26 PM
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Huh? I wear a 6 ring and a 9-1/2 shoe!


(I'm sure the world was waiting for that information.)

Last edited by Ellen Cherry; 10-09-2012 at 12:27 PM. Reason: typoed the wrong word
#34
Old 10-09-2012, 03:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shoeless View Post
I had heard that a good rule of thumb was that ring size and shoe size were roughly in the same ballpark. Is there any truth to that?
Quote:
Originally Posted by osme View Post
Did you know that most people's shoe size is also their ring size?
Size 9 shoe, size 5 ring. If you bought me a size 9 ring, it MIGHT not fall off my thumb. Shoes are sized by length and rings by width; it's like guessing somebody's waist size by how tall they are.
#35
Old 10-09-2012, 03:47 PM
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Congrats to you both! May you wear them a long time and in good health *drinks*
#36
Old 10-10-2012, 05:35 AM
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So, drewtwo99, are you planning to make a momentous occasion out of the first time y'all put on the rings? Or go to a restaurant or something?
#37
Old 10-10-2012, 05:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drewtwo99 View Post
An update, for those who were interested:

We opted for the completely unimpressive route of simply just shopping together online. We printed out one of the ring-sizers, verified it was the right size, and measured our fingers. We then each picked out the rings we liked for ourselves, and are waiting to get them in the mail.

So, no I didn't have the special "moment" or anything like in the movies, but he was really happy when I pressed that "submit" button and I'm sure he'll be doubly happy when we are putting the rings on once they get here.
I'm pretty sure you have to give back any accumulated Gay Toasters for such an un-fabulous proposal. But congratulations!

(I've been engaged four times, hitched twice and never got a "moment" proposal, myself.)
#38
Old 10-10-2012, 02:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by osme View Post
Did you know that most people's shoe size is also their ring size?
I don't think this is true for anyone. My shoe size is 8.5, my ring size is 5.25.


For anyone out there that wants to buy me fabulous heels or a stunning rock anytime soon.
#39
Old 07-05-2013, 08:22 AM
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Zombies can't spell. Oh, ha! They edited the post to correct spelling! Reported anyway.
#40
Old 07-05-2013, 09:51 AM
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Sad to see this thread bumped, IIRC they split up
#41
Old 07-05-2013, 11:20 AM
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Yes, this was bumped by a spammer. I'm closing it.
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