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#1
Old 03-26-2013, 12:28 PM
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It's it sad to plan your own Birtday events?

My Birthday is coming up. Usually my birthdays go really bad, much like valentines day..I think it has something to do with like...all the unrealistic expectation or something. Or I could just be bad with sentimental holidays.

Well, the thing is - I would genuinely like to have something for my birthday. But as I am single at the moment, I have no "default" person to plan it. And my friends, though nice people, don't really know each other and...I just don't see them taking the initiative.

To avoid the dissapointment, and perhaps have a reflective birthday, I told people that maybe I would just have a dinner, or take myself somewhere or something. I am consistently met with incredulous looks of shock and horror; "IT's YOUR BIRTHDAY!! You/we should: x,drinks,y,stripclub,z, batting cages...or something like that.

I'm like..yeah, coool .BUT, I don't want to have to plan the $hit.

At the end of the day, I can do whatever I want to I'm aware. But, if you're not a child, is it lame to plan your own birthday events for a group???
#2
Old 03-26-2013, 12:36 PM
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I'm married and I have literally hundreds of local friends, and I still plan my own birthday stuff.
#3
Old 03-26-2013, 12:40 PM
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If I didn't plan my birthday celebration, my family would plan it for me. Since I wouldn't like the results, I prefer to do the planning. It's my party and I'll eat mac'n'cheese if I want to

Last edited by Nava; 03-26-2013 at 12:40 PM.
#4
Old 03-26-2013, 12:43 PM
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I think it is silly as an adult, yeah. Something like, "Hey, let's meet up for drinks/dinner" for your birthday isn't, but there's this annoying trend in my larger social circle to plan these events for their birthday that require guests to PAY to attend. Stuff like laser tag, rollerskating, renting a small indie movie theater for the night, where if you want to attend, you pay your own way. Cuz, yeah, it's expensive and the birthday person can't afford it on their own, I understand that but eesh. I don't follow Miss Manners or whatnot but that seems really tacky to me. We're all in our 30s!
#5
Old 03-26-2013, 12:51 PM
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I plan my own birthday stuff, if I want to do anything. All of my friends do too.
#6
Old 03-26-2013, 12:54 PM
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Hmmm. Well, that helps me not feel so bad. But I do agree with Rasa that I find it whack to invite people to events that they would have to pay to be at.

It's almost like the birthday gift is them showing up and proving that they will spend money to be around you.

I'd rather them just spend their money on me .

Last edited by SleuFeets; 03-26-2013 at 12:55 PM.
#7
Old 03-26-2013, 01:57 PM
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There is nothing tacky about wanting to do some go-karting on your birthday, and not being willing to fork over the cash for all of your homies to join you.

However, the way to be graceful about it, is to tell all of the invited guests "Go-karting is at 7:30, followed by drinks at the Screaming Weasel for those who can't make it."

This gives non-karting well-wishers the opportunity to attend the celebration without the expense.
#8
Old 03-26-2013, 02:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rasa View Post
I think it is silly as an adult, yeah. Something like, "Hey, let's meet up for drinks/dinner" for your birthday isn't, but there's this annoying trend in my larger social circle to plan these events for their birthday that require guests to PAY to attend.
Where do you meet up for drinks/dinner that's free?
#9
Old 03-26-2013, 02:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Really Not All That Bright View Post
Where do you meet up for drinks/dinner that's free?
Oh ho ho, you got me there! Nowhere, of course, but I also wouldn't invite friends out to dinner/drinks for my birthday. But that's because I, personally, think me making a big deal out of my birthday at the age of 37 is silly, and recognize that other people don't see things that way. That's okay, I think those people are silly, they think I'm a hater of fun.

Also, in my hypothetical example, guests can choose how much or if they want to spend themselves rather than me saying, "Come rollerskating with me for my birthday! Oh, and it's $20, to cover renting the place, skate rental, and the cake they provide."

ETA: I don't think planning your own birthday thing is sad or pathetic.

Last edited by Rasa; 03-26-2013 at 02:25 PM.
#10
Old 03-26-2013, 02:51 PM
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Is it sad to plan your own Birthday events?

Not exceptionally so. "Sad" is deciding not to show up because you don't like any of the people you invited...

Last edited by kaylasdad99; 03-26-2013 at 02:52 PM. Reason: splleing
#11
Old 03-26-2013, 02:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nava View Post
It's my party and I'll eat mac'n'cheese if I want to
Catchy.

You should write songs, or something.
#12
Old 03-26-2013, 03:40 PM
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If you're a single adult (and not broke) then every day is your birthday. Do whatever you want. Honestly, and I don't want to be mean, but If you want a pony and some cake then that ship has sailed and those days are behind you. Take yourself out for some personal "me" time and enjoy the day.

Oh, and happy birthday.

Last edited by Magiver; 03-26-2013 at 03:41 PM.
#13
Old 03-26-2013, 03:54 PM
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I've done it, when there was nobody around who grabbed and ran with it. It was along the lines of "It's my b-day so come to my house for lasagna, cheap red wine, and maybe a movie or game. Anyone who wants to bring a nosh to add in is welcome to do so." Ended up having some low-key fun and at least one person will bring a decent bottle of wine. Costs me little, costs my friends no more than they can or want to pay, and everyone has a pretty good time.
#14
Old 03-26-2013, 04:53 PM
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I used to work in a bakery and once in a while an elderly person would order a cake that said 'happy birthday to me'.

Seemed incredibly sad.
#15
Old 03-26-2013, 05:21 PM
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It is sad to plan your own birthday.

My birthday is NYE, and I spent it by myself.
#16
Old 03-26-2013, 06:32 PM
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A co-worker celebrated her birthday last week by baking a cake and bringing it to work.

We enjoyed it, while telling her she shouldn't have.

But if she hadn't brought the cake, there wouldn't have been any--we just don't usually celebrate birthdays at work.
#17
Old 03-26-2013, 07:04 PM
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I often feel sad that nobody cares enough about to me to remember or plan anything for my birthday, but you just have to suck it up as part of adulthood.
In the years I've really wanted a party, I've planned/shopped/made it happen myself. I don't think that's sad.
#18
Old 03-26-2013, 07:22 PM
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Birthdays are just another day to me. Saves me the trouble of being sad.
#19
Old 03-26-2013, 08:42 PM
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Not sad at all. My birthday is the day I get exactly what I want, exactly the way I want it. And who the hell else is going to know exactly what I want or exactly how I want it?
#20
Old 03-26-2013, 11:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chilliwack View Post
There is nothing tacky about wanting to do some go-karting on your birthday, and not being willing to fork over the cash for all of your homies to join you.

However, the way to be graceful about it, is to tell all of the invited guests "Go-karting is at 7:30, followed by drinks at the Screaming Weasel for those who can't make it."

This gives non-karting well-wishers the opportunity to attend the celebration without the expense.
Would you at least be paying for the drinks?!
#21
Old 03-27-2013, 01:15 AM
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I'm a single adult and would love to do things for my birthday. But I've always felt that planning your own party or get together for it is a bit narcissistic. I used to have a roommate who would throw herself a party every year and invite loads of people. I always felt like it was really uncouth and was almost blatantly asking for gifts. I always felt that it was up to friends and family to plan things for your birthday.But this thinking had backfired on med as I haven't done anything for my birthday in over ten years. Clearly none of my friends or family have cared enough to bother. Hell, I'm lucky if they even remember it's my birthday. Because I'm also not the type of person to mention it coming up at all.
#22
Old 03-27-2013, 01:28 AM
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I don't think it's necessarily sad, unless you make a pity-party out of it, or something. I personally, take it as an excuse to buy myself something, or maybe get a new haircut or a manicure, or something I don't normally want to "waste my money on". I just kind of make it a "me" day.
#23
Old 03-27-2013, 01:52 AM
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My birthday is on 12/30. That's sad in itself! I don't even get a cupcake at work.
#24
Old 03-27-2013, 02:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gigi View Post
Would you at least be paying for the drinks?!
It would never occur to me that if someone invited me to a birthday party in that way, ("Activities at such and such time, drinks at a bar afterwards") that the birthday person would be paying for all the drinks! In fact whenever I've gone to a birthday get together at a bar/restaurant, we typically cover the birthday person's meal/buy them a drink.
#25
Old 03-27-2013, 02:09 AM
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From a Dave Berg illustrated article, titled "You Know You're On Your Own When . . ." in Mad Magazine, 40-some years ago:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave Berg
You know you're on your own when . . .

You celebrate your birthday by sticking a candle in a cupcake and having a good cry.
#26
Old 03-27-2013, 03:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magiver View Post
If you're a single adult (and not broke) then every day is your birthday. Do whatever you want. Honestly, and I don't want to be mean, but If you want a pony and some cake then that ship has sailed and those days are behind you. Take yourself out for some personal "me" time and enjoy the day.

Oh, and happy birthday.
That's what I used to do, but now I have nephews. Having a slightly festive meal and a nicer-than-usual table is much easier than trying to explain why Auntie Nava or Dad don't celebrate their birthdays but Mom does and Uncle Jay celebrates it but with his friends and both Grandmas do although that gets complicated because their birthdays are on consecutive days and they have this ongoing contest to see who can produce the better meal - and Og help us if they happen to fall on a weekend, because then both of them have the birthday feast on the exact days, leading to stress and indigestion. And like I said, if I don't plan the meal it will be some sort of super-elaborate shinding which will lead to... stress and indigestion. I'm allergic to indigestion, it gives me bloat.

Last edited by Nava; 03-27-2013 at 03:16 AM.
#27
Old 03-27-2013, 09:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eyebrows 0f Doom View Post
It would never occur to me that if someone invited me to a birthday party in that way, ("Activities at such and such time, drinks at a bar afterwards") that the birthday person would be paying for all the drinks! In fact whenever I've gone to a birthday get together at a bar/restaurant, we typically cover the birthday person's meal/buy them a drink.
I guess to me it depends who is doing the inviting. If a bunch of friends decides that how to celebrate, then yes, they are treating the birthday person. If the birthday person invites everyone, then they are throwing a party and will treat everyone, IMHO.
#28
Old 03-27-2013, 09:48 AM
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Not at all. I did so on my last birthday.

I invited everyone to a bar and paid the first round and brought home-made cake (I checked with the bar if it was okay).

The only thing was that I didn't have that much fun until towards the end, because I was so stressed about making sure everyone was having a good time that I couldn't really relax. But I'm someone who quite likes attention, so to me it was much better than doing nothing on my birthday.
#29
Old 03-27-2013, 01:07 PM
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What I really like about my circle of friends is that there's an understanding that unless otherwise specified, the birthday boy/girl chooses which restaurant they like, we all meet up there, and the rest of us either split the birthday boy/girl's tab among us, or whoever is officially filthy rich will pick it up.

It's usually, but not always, accompanied by an activity of some sort. My last birthday was dinner at a fondue restaurant after an afternoon at the newly opened Perot Science and Nature museum. Twas awesome.
#30
Old 03-27-2013, 01:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magiver View Post
If you're a single adult (and not broke) then every day is your birthday. Do whatever you want. Honestly, and I don't want to be mean, but If you want a pony and some cake then that ship has sailed and those days are behind you. Take yourself out for some personal "me" time and enjoy the day.

Oh, and happy birthday.
Nonsense. As an adult, this is actually the first time in my life that the choice of getting a pony is A) entirely in my control and B) feasible. Finally. I can get that pony. And feed it birthday cake. If I want.
#31
Old 03-27-2013, 02:06 PM
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I don't think it's sad to plan your own birthday events at all. Especially if you're single, who else is going to do it for you? Why should anyone do that for you when you are perfectly capable of inviting anyone you want to do anything you want.

I stopped a couple years ago. It got to be really annoying. I had a couple of friends who would hound me about it every single year. What are you doing on your birthday, do you have plans? Both friends (unrelated to each other and in separate social circles -- they don't even know each other), said to me, "Well, you let us know. Anything you want to do, we'll be there for it!"

Okay. How bout drinks at [bar] and then dinner at [restaurant] on [date] at [time]?

"Oh no, I can't make that, how bout the following Saturday?" Or, "Well, I don't care much for that [bar or restaurant], could you do it [some other place]?

I just got really annoyed. Why the fuck would you make such an open-ended offer to me and then immediately rescind it by negotiating? I found myself, a couple times, eating in restaurants i didn't really like, on a different day than I'd planned, or seeing a movie I didn't choose and didn't care for and hadn't wanted to see, because some people will take any personal interaction and make it about themselves. And I'd be thinking, why did I let this person railroad me into doing something for my birthday that I didn't really want to do, on a day that isn't even my birthday? That's no celebration. I'm just being a doormat and getting pissed off about it.

So I can't be bothered to invite any of those people who make these sweeping open offers and then attempt to hijack the event to make it more palatable for themselves. I just tell them, "Ah, I don't think I'm making any plans this year." And then go take myself out to wherever I wanted to go. Sometimes that means "the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a shitty movie."
#32
Old 03-27-2013, 02:59 PM
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I just turned 40 on Saturday and I had planned my birthday (or Josh-mas as I prefer to call it). My partner and I thought about visiting my mom down in Florida as her birthday is a couple days before mine, but after figuring out all of the logistics of when we were all free and a dog sitter and work and blah blah blah, I decided to rent a cabin on Lake Superior and see my mom next month.

The weekend before I hosted a murder mystery party and served cake and celebrated that way with friends. It's really not sad at all to me, but I will admit that I had removed my b-day from Facebook.
#33
Old 03-27-2013, 03:12 PM
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Adult here, and I plan my own birthdays. Crown years call for a real party, usually a day out for about eight people to go canoeing together or for a walk and then a restaurant or cook-out.
I forbid gifts, though. That makes it easier to invite people as I'm not seem to be gift-grabbing. Besides, I hate 99 out of a 100 gifts I get, so I spare everyone a disappointment by explicitly stating no gifts.

The last two years, I just invited other parents from the neighbourhood and we all went blackberrypicking together and made dozens of jars of jam afterwards. And I treated them to bowls of vanilla ice with hot blackberry jam sauce. Halfway through the day I told the people it was also my birthday, so they felt guilt free for not having agonized whetether to bring a gift.
#34
Old 03-27-2013, 03:47 PM
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My housemate offered to organise my birthday this year- my 30th, but I said I'd rather do it myself.

I reckon most of my friends organise their own, and it certainly makes sense to me- after all, no-one else knows what you'd like to do, and who you'd like to spend a fun day/evening with than you do.

It's extremely sad if you have to organise your own 5th birthday party, but planning your own 30th doesn't seem wrong at all to me.
#35
Old 03-27-2013, 03:53 PM
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Since I am The Person Who Plans Everyone Else's Birthday Party in my social group, I don't get birthdays myself. Which is fine, because frankly it's a lot of work. And my birthday is the day before NYE and nobody wants to do anything around that time anyway (hi Baker!)

OK two times, in a different group of friends, I was given a surprise party. Both times it was amazing, so overwhelming. I loved it.
#36
Old 03-27-2013, 04:16 PM
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Not sad! But if someone else plans it for you, and you know they're doing it, don't let them plan something you know some attendees can't afford. I had a friend whose boyfriend was always planing birthday parties for her and saying, 'Let's all chip in to get her X amazing gift!', then billing people part of the cost for the party at his apartment as well. He wrote, 'The more people able to attend the cheaper it will be!'. He sucked. Friend turned out to be not-so-awesome herself.
#37
Old 03-27-2013, 04:31 PM
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I think it's a tad silly for anyone over 21 to make a huge deal about their birthday. But having people over for drinks or dinner? Sounds like a great excuse to get together with friends.
#38
Old 03-28-2013, 08:13 PM
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When someone expresses sadness about no one planning their birthday party, I always want to ask how many birthday parties they've planned for other people.
#39
Old 03-28-2013, 08:36 PM
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My last birthday party was at my regular cantina (Mexico). I invited all the regulars and paid for the first round of drinks. I also supplied barbeque chicken. Cantinas here don't have real food. We had chicken tacos with pico de gallo, beans and everyone was full. The owner of the cantina was happy because everyone stayed and bought more drinks. There was about 20 friends plus people who happened in. The best part was the total cost to me was about $50. And everyone was happy. I will do it again next year.
#40
Old 03-28-2013, 08:49 PM
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Regarding birthdays

I have had a few birthdays. They would come and go. Some friends remembered my birthday and some didn't. I felt that if they really cared, they would make note of the date. But when they didn't remember the date, I was very sad.
My wife, on the other hand, would begin announcing her birthday a month in advance. At first I thought it as strange. But then I got to thinking about it. Yes, announce it. Then you aren't sad when people don't remember the date. I learned a lot from that woman. I wish she was still with me. She died 28 years ago. Yes, tell the world your birthday is coming. Give them notice. Everyone is happy.
#41
Old 03-28-2013, 09:01 PM
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I don't think it's sad.

I do wish birthdays weren't such a big thing amongst the people I am around because, frankly, I am incredibly uninterested in birthday parties. I just don't get it and I don't feel obligated to go.

So my husband, who is into them, goes. I tend not to.

So, not sad, just not my style.
#42
Old 03-28-2013, 10:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dogzilla View Post
Nonsense. As an adult, this is actually the first time in my life that the choice of getting a pony is A) entirely in my control and B) feasible. Finally. I can get that pony. And feed it birthday cake. If I want.
Great, now I can't get the Seinfeld pony episode out of my head. "My sister had pony, my cousin had pony.... he was a beautiful pony and I loved him."

Here's hoping SleuFeets gets the pony without a lot of planning. I don't want to deny anyone at least one good day a year.
#43
Old 03-29-2013, 12:21 PM
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Not sad to plan your own birthday events.

I expect to have fun on my birthday, but I don't expect the other people in my life to commit the date to memory (except my husband) or to spend a lot of their time figuring out how to give me a good time.

I hate big parties. Usually for my birthday I will plan a nice lunch and a nice dinner at restaurants. I usually invite one friend for the lunch and my family (husband, kids, parents, sister in law) for the dinner.

If you get to be the one friend I invited for lunch that doesn't mean you're my favorite friend, it usually means you're the one likely to be free or like the restaurant I feel like going to.

I really hate going to other people's birthday parties because I never even get to spend time with the birthday person. Usually it's making small talk with people I don't know. Bleah.
#44
Old 03-29-2013, 04:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magiver View Post
Great, now I can't get the Seinfeld pony episode out of my head. "My sister had pony, my cousin had pony.... he was a beautiful pony and I loved him."

Here's hoping SleuFeets gets the pony without a lot of planning. I don't want to deny anyone at least one good day a year.
Cheers!

:: clinks glass ::
#45
Old 03-29-2013, 04:58 PM
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Honestly, it never occurred to me that it would be abnormal to throw one's own birthday party. Unless it's a surprise party, in which case if you're throwing it, you've got your own problems!

My way of inviting: "Hey, I'm gonna be going to X for my birthday (where X is a restaurant, amusement park, lazer tag facility, etc). You wanna come with?" Nobody yet has assumed that I'm paying for their entry/meal; however, if I know the friend is broke, I'll either offer to pay their way or just not mention it so as to not make them feel bad. If I'm throwing an actual party at my house, I'll usually request no presents, but a few people will usually bring them anyway. *shrug* It's all good, and everyone has a good time.
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