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#1
Old 07-08-2013, 11:58 PM
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Is 6months to early for promise ring?

I want to get my girlfriend a promise ring for our 6 month aniversry this wednesday. i believe that i am truly in love with her but my mom and sister say its to early. is it? im 18
#2
Old 07-09-2013, 12:00 AM
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Your mother and sister are right.
#3
Old 07-09-2013, 12:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ranger Jeff View Post
Your mother and sister are right.
Word.
#4
Old 07-09-2013, 12:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Ranger Jeff View Post
Your mother and sister are right.
Agred. No hurry. Trust us.
#5
Old 07-09-2013, 12:28 AM
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Since the OP is looking for advice, let's move this to IMHO.

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#6
Old 07-09-2013, 12:34 AM
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I agree with your mother and sister. Six months isn't long enough to get out of the starry-eyed feeling that everything she does is cute, and into the part where some of the things she does annoy you, and you have to deal with it. Give yourselves some time to get to know each other.
#7
Old 07-09-2013, 12:39 AM
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Oh, yes, I remember the whole "promise ring" thing, and every single couple I ever heard of who did it broke up within a matter of days.
#8
Old 07-09-2013, 12:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by H_dog_3_13 View Post
I want to get my girlfriend a promise ring for our 6 month aniversry this wednesday. i believe that i am truly in love with her but my mom and sister say its to early. is it? im 18
What is a promise ring?
#9
Old 07-09-2013, 12:58 AM
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aw so cute, yeah do it mate and if it works awesome but if it doesn't remember what doesn't kill you etc....

Why do people feel the need to protect people from making mistakes and feeling pain, go for it mate!
#10
Old 07-09-2013, 01:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opossum View Post
What is a promise ring?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pre-engagement_ring

Quote:
A pre-engagement ring (also known as a promise ring) is a ring given to a romantic partner to signify a commitment to a monogamous relationship, often as a precursor to an engagement ring.[1][2] Promise rings can be worn on any finger, but those symbolizing pre-engagement are generally worn on the left ring finger; sometimes, the left middle finger or right ring finger is used instead to prevent confusion with an actual engagement ring.
#11
Old 07-09-2013, 01:18 AM
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Just as an FYI don't be surprised if she does not take it well. A promise ring after 6 months just stinks of clammy, puppy-like, please love me desperation. Women usually don't like that.

It's not something a self confident man would do.
#12
Old 07-09-2013, 01:21 AM
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I really doubt you should do anything super extra special for your 6th month-iversary, but that's just me. I mean, you can if you both want to, but don't feel pressured into it.

Look, if she likes pretty jewelry, get her a nice not-too-expensive ring. I don't mean $5 claw machine trash -- I just mean don't break the bank on it, no elaborate $400 monstrosities. No silly promises or engagements or strings attached, just as a "I was thinking of you and thought you might like this" present. That's a nice gift and will make her feel happy (IF SHE LIKES JEWELRY and IS NOT TOO PICKY ABOUT IT). But don't attach some weird promise or significance to it beyond "I was thinking of you when I saw this". If you do a "promise ring" at all, I agree with mom and sis, it's too soon. It's not too soon to get her a nice no-strings-attached present, though.

Or hell, just say you'd like to buy her a cute ring as a present some time when you're out together near a ring shop. That way you don't have to move heaven and earth to figure out her ring size, and she gets to tell you before you potentially waste your money on it whether she actually likes it or not.

Basically: if the key is the "promise" part of "promise ring" it's way too soon, and kind of clingy and weird. If the ring is the key part, there's plenty of avenues to go about that that are closer to "sweet" than "clingy and creepy".

Last edited by Jragon; 07-09-2013 at 01:26 AM.
#13
Old 07-09-2013, 01:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by astro View Post
Agreeing to be monogamous is an important step, and if you both want to celebrate it with a ring, go ahead and have that fun. You might want to discuss it first, to avoid any surprises (ie "you want me to be what?" or "we weren't monogamous before?"). Best of luck!
#14
Old 07-09-2013, 01:40 AM
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Too early. Wait until you're 90.
#15
Old 07-09-2013, 01:43 AM
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Just do a pinkie-swear and call it a day.
#16
Old 07-09-2013, 01:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opossum View Post
Agreeing to be monogamous is an important step, and if you both want to celebrate it with a ring, go ahead and have that fun. You might want to discuss it first, to avoid any surprises (ie "you want me to be what?" or "we weren't monogamous before?"). Best of luck!
I'd agree with this. Agreeing that you're "together" is important to clear up, but I think springing a ring out of nowhere and "proposing monogamy" is sort of strange. If you both want to celebrate being official with a gift that's another thing entirely. I was mostly just assuming the OP was going to play some weird "spring a ring on her and ask her to not-marry me".
#17
Old 07-09-2013, 01:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jragon View Post
I'd agree with this. Agreeing that you're "together" is important to clear up, but I think springing a ring out of nowhere and "proposing monogamy" is sort of strange. If you both want to celebrate being official with a gift that's another thing entirely. I was mostly just assuming the OP was going to play some weird "spring a ring on her and ask her to not-marry me".
I assumed the same thing. Bad idea.

ETA: Ambivalid's idea works, as an alternative.

Last edited by opossum; 07-09-2013 at 01:56 AM.
#18
Old 07-09-2013, 02:35 AM
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I know that a promise ring isn't exactly an engagement which isn't exactly marriage. However, let me share some food for thought…

1. Permit me share you a personal anecdote
My wonderful, beloved live-in girlfriend of 6 years is a divorcé, formerly married to her high-school sweetie.

2. An innocent, please-take-at-face-value-question
Do you come from a fairly religious background?

3. Experience
At your age, I have to assume you don't have an immense wealth of sexual and relationship experience. A lot of kids in their 20's and early 30's are hooking up with a number of partners. Typically, it takes people a few tries to make mistakes and learning from them before they're "qualified" for the wealth of challenges of a lasting, monogamous (I'm assuming), life-long relationship.

4. Please avail yourself to this reading list.
I don't mean to trivialize your life experiences, but you've only just begun on what will be a very long road.
#19
Old 07-09-2013, 06:56 AM
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When I was 19, I met and dated a guy who I was so sure was The OneTM. I met his folks and really liked them. I thought about him all the time.

It's 40 years later - he's been married 4 times, widowed once, divorced 3 times, tho never once to me. Moral of my story, such as it is - don't rush it. When it's right for you, you won't be asking for advice on a message board. At 18, there's so much ahead of you - no need settle your future so soon!
#20
Old 07-09-2013, 08:53 AM
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If you're a best looking boy, there's no emergency or s.o.s: you might find April over bread and coffee or in the Sea of Cortez. But later, you might say goodbye good or even "why did we ever meet?"
#21
Old 07-09-2013, 08:58 AM
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Don't listen to them. You're 18. Live for today. I don't speak to the people I exchanged promise rings with back in those days, but I don't regret it either. That was some passion and intimacy that will die as you get older and wiser.
#22
Old 07-09-2013, 09:08 AM
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I can't figure out how big of a deal of a promise ring is supposed to be. You guys are making it sound pretty serious but it doesn't sound like it would have any actual effect.

Anyway, if in doubt, I'd go with a different kind of jewelry that doesn't carry weird ring-implications.
#23
Old 07-09-2013, 09:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackberry View Post
I can't figure out how big of a deal of a promise ring is supposed to be. You guys are making it sound pretty serious but it doesn't sound like it would have any actual effect.

Anyway, if in doubt, I'd go with a different kind of jewelry that doesn't carry weird ring-implications.
I suggest another piece of jewelry that she can wear and think of you but without the implications of a ring. A bracelet with a single meaningful charm, or a chain with some kind of charm (or if y'all are religious, an unusual but pretty cross).

Look here for ideas.
#24
Old 07-09-2013, 09:51 AM
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Shesh people they're 18 and it's not a religious or legal commitment it's a promise ring. It's like a tryout for an engagement, lets not make it more than the sweet sentimental gesture that it is.

However - have you and your girlfriend talked about being monogamous? If you haven't, don't.

Otherwise I'd say go for it. If nothing else it will help trigger the conversations you need to be having before you get to the engagement ring and marriage which please to whatever you believe in take your time for.

Also don't spend more than you can afford on the promise ring. It should be cute and pretty, not something you go into debt for.
#25
Old 07-09-2013, 12:11 PM
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Sorry, but I have to laugh at the idea of a 6 month-a-versary gift. You only started dating in January. You have to make sure you love her rather than the idea of her. Then ask yourself why you want to give her a promise ring. if you can answer those 2 questions honestly and satisfactorily - in a way where you haven't deluded yourself? Even then, i still would advise against it.

It's not that you've got so much life ahead of you but rather you don't really know what it is you want in a life partner yet. You don't know what to look for. You haven't lived it. You haven't seen what a good relationship is like, what a bad relationship is, what a stagnant relationship is, what this relationship looks like when strained, etc.

Get through ALL of that, and you still have to think about the future. What you can afford. What you're willing to give up in the name of love. What delayed gratification could afford the both of you. More money? More opportunities? More happiness, even if it meant you two ending it? More happiness for just her at your expense? Vice versa?

It takes way more than 6 months to answer these questions, so don't go gumming it up with this weird promise ring business.
#26
Old 07-09-2013, 12:57 PM
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18? You have a few good years of sleeping around before even thinking of making that kind of promise. You didn't for some reason get her name tattooed on any part of your body did you?

Last edited by Laggard; 07-09-2013 at 12:59 PM.
#27
Old 07-09-2013, 01:05 PM
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If you want to buy her a nice piece of jewelry I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think promise rings are silly though. Seriously, the very idea of a pre-engagement ring is silly.
#28
Old 07-09-2013, 01:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonlitherial View Post
Shesh people they're 18 and it's not a religious or legal commitment it's a promise ring. It's like a tryout for an engagement, lets not make it more than the sweet sentimental gesture that it is.

However - have you and your girlfriend talked about being monogamous? If you haven't, don't.

Otherwise I'd say go for it. If nothing else it will help trigger the conversations you need to be having before you get to the engagement ring and marriage which please to whatever you believe in take your time for.

Also don't spend more than you can afford on the promise ring. It should be cute and pretty, not something you go into debt for.
Agreed. I think it's a very sweet idea and if it's a mistake, well, learn from it. I mean, at least the OP isn't proposing or looking to get married after six months.

I got a promise ring at 15 from my first love. It obviously never worked out, but it's a good memory.
#29
Old 07-09-2013, 01:19 PM
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I know this is hopelessly pragmatic, instead of the romantic angle that you're looking for, but if you do buy a ring, buy something you can afford. By "afford" I mean that it's something you can pay for from the money you saved up working. And that afterward, you can still pay for your car, your cell phone, your college, etc. For the love of all that is holy, don't finance a ring. Bigger isn't necessarily better. It truly is the thought that counts.
#30
Old 07-09-2013, 02:08 PM
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It sounds like a "promise ring" carries the equivalent expression of what we used to call, "going steady," back in the day. It simply meant that you had committed not to date other people, not that you were promising marriage. Guys when I was young used to have their girlfriends wear their high school class rings to show that they were going steady. I remember girls who would have tape wrapped around the ring to make it stay on their finger because the guys' hands were so much larger than theirs. If that's all a "promise ring" means, then go for it, but if you are suggesting some sort of lifetime commitment to the girl at your age after only 6 months, I fear you may well creep her out. Some here have suggested just buying a ring with no strings attached. Better still might be a necklace, brooch or earrings - something pretty that she will like and appreciate, but that doesn't yet hint of commitment, as a ring might. You're young, don't rush things. Enjoy what you have, and don't ruin it by being overly clingy.
#31
Old 07-09-2013, 02:22 PM
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Six months isn't too early, but 18 years old is.
#32
Old 07-09-2013, 05:06 PM
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Possible spam reported.
#33
Old 07-09-2013, 05:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Sattua View Post
Six months isn't too early, but 18 years old is.



Hella early.
#34
Old 07-09-2013, 06:22 PM
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Promise rings are an actual thing? I thought they were invented as a satire of teenage "love". Poe's Law, I guess.
#35
Old 07-09-2013, 06:28 PM
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Listen to your hart
Yes, listen to your hart.
#36
Old 07-09-2013, 06:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Loach View Post
Yes, listen to your hart.
I'm pretty sure this is the Hart she was talking about.

Last edited by B. Serum; 07-09-2013 at 06:42 PM.
#37
Old 07-09-2013, 06:48 PM
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Originally Posted by NeonMadman View Post
It sounds like a "promise ring" carries the equivalent expression of what we used to call, "going steady," back in the day. It simply meant that you had committed not to date other people, not that you were promising marriage.
I think it might mean different things in different circles. In my circle and time (early-to-mid 90s), a promise ring was more serious than "going steady," although we didn't use the term "going steady." Once you had a "girlfriend" or "boyfriend," it was generally assumed you were exclusive. The closest symbol for "going steady" that I could remember is gifting your girlfriend your high school ring. A promise ring was seen as a bit more serious, although I don't actually know if I remember anyone getting or giving a promise ring.
#38
Old 07-09-2013, 08:46 PM
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First, tell her you love her, and see how that meatball turns out for ya'.
#39
Old 07-09-2013, 09:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonlitherial View Post
Shesh people they're 18 and it's not a religious or legal commitment it's a promise ring. It's like a tryout for an engagement, lets not make it more than the sweet sentimental gesture that it is.

However - have you and your girlfriend talked about being monogamous? If you haven't, don't.

Otherwise I'd say go for it. If nothing else it will help trigger the conversations you need to be having before you get to the engagement ring and marriage which please to whatever you believe in take your time for.

Also don't spend more than you can afford on the promise ring. It should be cute and pretty, not something you go into debt for.

I don't know. Its a PROMISE ring. If one dumps the other after making this PROMISE (and statistically, its likely) there will be this huge PROMISE out there.

OP, what are you promising? Monogomy for the present? An engagement ring at a future point? Six months and eighteen is young for the second, not that it can't work out, but that it isn't likely to - and unless one of you is terminally ill, there isn't a rush.
#40
Old 07-09-2013, 09:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sattua View Post
Six months isn't too early, but 18 years old is.
Really? 18 years old is too young for a promise ring? At what age do you think such things are appropriate? I have always thought of the 'promise ring' notion as a very adolescent one. Something reserved mostly for the teenage years.
#41
Old 07-09-2013, 09:40 PM
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I think a promise ring is romantic no matter the age. If you want to give it to her give it to her! We can't make the decision for you so if you want to go for it you should. It's up to you and only you
#42
Old 07-10-2013, 12:03 AM
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I think it's adorable and, if it doesn't work out, something that will be remembered fondly. I say go for it and enjoy the rush of first love as long as it lasts. Also, the teenage years are the perfect time for a promise ring. What, you think 30 is better?
#43
Old 07-10-2013, 12:23 AM
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I'm just curious how you know if someone is giving you a promise ring or just a regular ring. Also, what the difference even is. But either way, 6 months isn't too soon for it and 18 isn't too young. What are you supposed to do, give one when you're 27 and have been dating someone for 2 years? It would be even weirder to get a promise ring at that point. When you're a teenager, then it's like, oh okay, silly kids, aren't they cute or something.
#44
Old 07-10-2013, 01:25 AM
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6 months isn't too soon in and of itself. My parents were married 6 months after they met. However 18 is generally too young for something like that.
#45
Old 07-10-2013, 01:45 PM
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pulykamell's explanation is exactly my experience. To the letter. Although I'll say that it's generally a high-school, late adolescent thing; never heard of it once I was in college a couple of years.

El SpouseO and I are high school sweethearts (as are my brother and his wife), so these early relationships can go the distance. (We've been married for 13 years, together for 20. Next year our relationship will be old enough to drink, good god.) By and large, though, generally they don't.

Buy her a ring, if you like, but make sure it's something affordable and without any "promise" wording attached to it. Better might be to take El SpouseO's path (and recommeded above): buy her some other jewelry she'd like. A bracelet, necklace, or earrings. El SpouseO never gave me any sort of ring except for the engagement ring. (Well, except the rings out of the quarter vending machines that turned my finger green - we joked that those were our promise rings. I still have them, so these can be sweet, too.)
#46
Old 07-10-2013, 03:47 PM
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Since I know absolutely nothing about the OP or his beloved, I won't offer any absolute "Yes" or "No" answer as to whether he SHOULD offer a gift that speaks of permanence.

I'd just ask him to ask himself:

1) As wonderful as his girlfriend may be, is he sure she's the one he wants to spend his life with? (Forever is a LONG time, kid!)

If so, how soon until marriage is a realistic, practical possibility? How soon until they can get jobs and afford to live together in their own home without massive financial support from their families? If the answer is "Soon," then it may be fine to buy a Promise RIng. If the answer is "It's going to be a few years," you may want to wait.

2) Is he sure she feels the same way he does?

If she's NOT thinking yet of marriage, a Promise Ring may actually scare her off. If SHE wants a Promise Ring and has dropped hints about one, great! If not, you may be jumping the gun.

Last edited by astorian; 07-10-2013 at 03:48 PM.
#47
Old 07-10-2013, 04:24 PM
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Whatever happened to exchanging class rings?
#48
Old 07-10-2013, 04:54 PM
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Class rings are fucking expensive?
#49
Old 07-10-2013, 05:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tequila Party View Post
I think it's adorable and, if it doesn't work out, something that will be remembered fondly. I say go for it and enjoy the rush of first love as long as it lasts. Also, the teenage years are the perfect time for a promise ring. What, you think 30 is better?
There's also a chance she'll freak out and run screaming into the night.
#50
Old 07-11-2013, 12:51 PM
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I was going to say don't do it but then I got to thinking; go ahead, but be aware of the Sunk Cost Fallacy. Basically, don't stay with the relationship if it starts to fail simply because you have invested time/resources/emotions into it and don't want to "waste" them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commitment_bias
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