#1
Old 09-11-2014, 12:33 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: The Nekkid Pueblo
Posts: 19,285
Are you a Turtle?

You bet your sweet ass I am!

Those of you who have read "The Right Stuff" will know about the Turtle Club, (or The Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles). For those who don't, the Turtles started as an informal drinking club among pilots during WW II, self-described as "an honorable drinking fraternity composed of ladies and gentlemen of the highest morals and good character, who are never vulgar."

Turtles identify each other by wearing lapel pins. When one Turtle sees another member, he can say, "Are you a turtle?" The other Turtle must reply, "You bet your sweet ass I am!" in an audible voice. Otherwise, he owes the other Turtle a drink. During initiation, a Turtle must answer questions which suggest dirty punchlines, but he can only reply with clean answers. Some examples are:


What does a woman do sitting down, that a dog does on three legs, and a man does standing up?

SPOILER:
Shake hands.


What does a cow have four of and woman only two?

SPOILER:
Legs.


Every man has one of these. Some men's are longer than others and the Pope doesn't use his. What is it?

SPOILER:
His last name.


What is it on a man that is round and hard, and sticks so far out his pajamas that you can hang a hat on it?

SPOILER:
His head.


What others can you come up with?

I didn't know whether to post this here or in the Game Room. It's not really a game, but the mods can move it if they see fit.

Last edited by cochrane; 09-11-2014 at 12:36 AM.
#2
Old 09-11-2014, 12:33 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: NoWA
Posts: 57,700
You bet your sweet ass, I am.
#3
Old 09-11-2014, 12:41 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Riding my handcycle
Posts: 32,397
What's brown and sticky?
SPOILER:
A stick
#4
Old 09-11-2014, 01:51 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: on your last raw nerve
Posts: 17,818
How do you make a Cop come?

SPOILER:
Dial 911

Last edited by Gatopescado; 09-11-2014 at 01:52 AM. Reason: I'm more of a Catfish
#5
Old 09-11-2014, 01:55 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 7,411
I haven't heard of the Turtle Club since 1965, when my sister (the cute one who married a big, strong man to take care of her (didn't work out in the end)) thought it was the cutest thing she had ever heard.
She loved sexual double-ententes.

Last edited by usedtobe; 09-11-2014 at 01:56 AM.
#6
Old 09-11-2014, 01:57 AM
Charter Member
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: NC
Posts: 4,843
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

SPOILER:
Dr Dre
#7
Old 09-11-2014, 02:04 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 14,602
What takes 5 minutes and lasts 9 months?
SPOILER:
Johnson's Wax
#8
Old 09-11-2014, 05:04 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: The Nekkid Pueblo
Posts: 19,285
What's six inches long, has a head on it, and women love to blow it?

SPOILER:
A $100 bill.
#9
Old 09-11-2014, 06:57 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 4,819
Quote:
Originally Posted by cochrane View Post
What's six inches long, has a head on it, and women love to blow it?

SPOILER:
A $100 bill.
What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out grandpa's pyjamas?

Grandma
#10
Old 09-11-2014, 07:13 AM
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 2,444
This one doesn't work nearly as well in print, but:

What's long and hard and full of seamen?

A submarine
#11
Old 09-12-2014, 12:47 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 682
I hadn't thought about being a turtle in years, but did remember some of the jokes. I worked for the Navy, tho, and was told a turtle was a sailor who had crossed the Equator or the International Date Line. Can't remember which. It was a lot of years ago.
#12
Old 09-12-2014, 03:01 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 5,008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whatever4 View Post
I hadn't thought about being a turtle in years, but did remember some of the jokes. I worked for the Navy, tho, and was told a turtle was a sailor who had crossed the Equator or the International Date Line. Can't remember which. It was a lot of years ago.
That's a shellback. Crossing the equator is another excuse for a day of humiliation and homoerotic hazing fun bonding rituals.
#13
Old 09-12-2014, 07:12 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 682
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just Asking Questions View Post
That's a shellback. Crossing the equator is another excuse for a day of humiliation and homoerotic hazing fun bonding rituals.
Thank you. I hate buying drinks.
#14
Old 09-12-2014, 07:34 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,729
Quote:
Originally Posted by running coach View Post
What's brown and sticky?
SPOILER:
A stick
What's a foot long and slippery?
SPOILER:
A slipper.
#15
Old 09-13-2014, 06:29 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Tel Aviv
Posts: 22,430
No, I have no armor.
#16
Old 09-13-2014, 09:33 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2003
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Posts: 6,263
Cowabunga dudes! Where's the pizza?
#17
Old 09-13-2014, 08:17 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: The Nekkid Pueblo
Posts: 19,285
Sorry, you must be of legal drinking age. No teenagers permitted.
#18
Old 09-13-2014, 08:57 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 837
Turtle Here. But I don't know any other turtles except y'all Dopers replying to this thread
Reply

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