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#1
Old 11-13-2015, 11:49 AM
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The three seashells, or, How do bidets work and not end badly?

So, apparently, there's an alternative device for the whole getting poop smear off your ass crack. The problem with toilet paper is it just smears it around, leaving a residue that is most definitely still there. (easy test - with a clean finger, scratch your asscrack. Sniff. If it smells like poop, you didn't clean it all up)

The flushable wipes ameliorate this.

Now, the bidet is supposed to be the end all be all solution. The problem is, I just don't see how a spray of water doesn't send fecal particles every which way, or leave your bum dripping when you put your pants back on. It just doesn't make sense. How do bidets work?
#2
Old 11-13-2015, 12:33 PM
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I am kind of right there with you on this. I still have difficulty figuring out how this processes really works, especially with the bidet being a separate fixture.

So lets say I have completed my business and have done some cursory wipes with toilet paper. I now have to hobble over to the bidet with my pants around my ankles (don't fall over and crack your skull open on the bidet seat!)? After I get everything wet, (use COLD water or wait two minutes for hot water?), then I have to hobble BACK over to the toilet to dry myself off with the toilet paper. But after I get my butt wet and stand back up, the water will run down my leg...

I just don't' see how this process is worth it.
#3
Old 11-13-2015, 12:36 PM
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I'm sure it takes a lot of practice.
#4
Old 11-13-2015, 12:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermitian View Post
I am kind of right there with you on this. I still have difficulty figuring out how this processes really works, especially with the bidet being a separate fixture.

So lets say I have completed my business and have done some cursory wipes with toilet paper. I now have to hobble over to the bidet with my pants around my ankles (don't fall over and crack your skull open on the bidet seat!)? After I get everything wet, (use COLD water or wait two minutes for hot water?), then I have to hobble BACK over to the toilet to dry myself off with the toilet paper. But after I get my butt wet and stand back up, the water will run down my leg...
You can upgrade to a seat with a blow dryer:

http://amazon.com/Feel-Fresh-HI-.../dp/B001HOO1FS
#5
Old 11-13-2015, 12:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermitian View Post
don't fall over and crack your skull open on the bidet seat
I'm with you all in your puzzlement. But this is also an issue that I see: bidets don't HAVE seats. I understand you're supposed to squat over them. But I don't see how you stabilize yourself in the squat position while using your hands to wash.

It might be just me, though. I have some physical issues and can't squat anywhere without holding onto something for support.
#6
Old 11-13-2015, 01:06 PM
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Ever have really bad diarrhea and just decide to use the shower for clean up instead of TP?

Thats the only situation where I'd think a bidet would come in handy.
#7
Old 11-13-2015, 01:14 PM
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I've used them overseas and have always wanted one for my home. The ones I've used were built-in to the toilet and not a separate vessel. They are divine, simply divine.

Yes, your bum gets wet. That's water for you! It wasn't a firehose blast of water, just a nice soft stream that rinses your behind. A quick tap-tap-tap with toilet paper afterwards and you're good to go.
#8
Old 11-13-2015, 01:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DCnDC View Post
You can upgrade to a seat with a blow dryer:

http://amazon.com/Feel-Fresh-HI-.../dp/B001HOO1FS
Guys, do NOT include the TRS option.

*sings* Ah, bidets are here again.*/sings*
#9
Old 11-13-2015, 02:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeanJoe View Post
I've used them overseas and have always wanted one for my home. The ones I've used were built-in to the toilet and not a separate vessel. They are divine, simply divine.

Yes, your bum gets wet. That's water for you! It wasn't a firehose blast of water, just a nice soft stream that rinses your behind. A quick tap-tap-tap with toilet paper afterwards and you're good to go.
Isn't it cold though?
#10
Old 11-13-2015, 03:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Zsofia View Post
Isn't it cold though?
You can get fancy heated versions. And if you're American getting a bidet, I figure you might as well go all out on the fancy .
#11
Old 11-13-2015, 04:38 PM
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I'm not sure I understand the question. The bidet power washes the fecal matter off and it (the dirty water) drips off your ass and into the bidet. You need a wad of toilet paper just to dry off. It's not hard. Plus the bidet is usually right next to the toilet so it's easy to transfer.

As for temperature, most bidets that I've seen have both a cold and hot water knob. Just turn both on simultaneously.

Last edited by Bonaventure; 11-13-2015 at 04:38 PM.
#12
Old 11-13-2015, 04:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by running coach View Post
Guys, do NOT include the TRS option.

*sings* Ah, bidets are here again.*/sings*
I can't help but run with this...

Ah, bidets are here again
You can have a nice clean rear again
Don your undies without fear again
Ah, bidets are here again!
#13
Old 11-13-2015, 04:52 PM
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How to use a bidet.

There are various kinds, but they're not that mysterious.

If the spray of water "sends fecal particles every which way," you've opened the tap too much. Just open it enough for a gentle stream.

Afterwards you use toilet paper to dry yourself, or a towel. (Since you're supposed to be clean by the time you dry off, this shouldn't be any more squicky than drying your butt after a regular shower.)

You adjust the temperature of the stream the same way you would a shower or tap.
#14
Old 11-13-2015, 05:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colibri View Post
Very detailed and helpful. The "Warnings" section towards the end even includes a recommendation that the bidet should not also be used as a drinking fountain.
#15
Old 11-13-2015, 06:17 PM
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Second the towel. You've just washed yourself, you'd dry with a towel after a shower or bath. TP would just make a soggy mess.

I'm of the man persuasion, but I understand they're also useful when women want a quick wash after sex or when menstruating.
#16
Old 11-13-2015, 07:46 PM
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I don't have a bidet, but the toilets in my apartment here in Panama have a hose arrangement that allows you to rinse off after using it. It's much more comfortable and much cleaner to wash afterward than just using dry paper. When I travel to the US I look forward to coming back here in part for that reason.
#17
Old 11-13-2015, 09:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colibri View Post
I don't have a bidet, but the toilets in my apartment here in Panama have a hose arrangement that allows you to rinse off after using it. It's much more comfortable and much cleaner to wash afterward than just using dry paper. When I travel to the US I look forward to coming back here in part for that reason.
I have one of these in my toilet, or at least something similar, if I'm understanding right. One of these spray bidets. I bought a similar one at either Home Depot or Menard's. Love the thing. I've saved a shitload of toilet paper and feel so much cleaner afterwards! I just have it hooked up to the normal toilet plumbing, so the water isn't heated or anything, but it doesn't bother me at all.

Last edited by pulykamell; 11-13-2015 at 09:44 PM.
#18
Old 11-13-2015, 10:08 PM
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I have a separate bidet right next to my toilet. It has hot and cold taps. After using the toilet I wipe a few times then slide over to the bidet. Turn on the water and relax for a minute. Wipe with paper which is tossed into the unoccupied toilet. Flush and pull up my pants.
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#19
Old 11-13-2015, 10:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pulykamell View Post
I have one of these in my toilet, or at least something similar, if I'm understanding right. One of these spray bidets. I bought a similar one at either Home Depot or Menard's. Love the thing. I've saved a shitload of toilet paper and feel so much cleaner afterwards! I just have it hooked up to the normal toilet plumbing, so the water isn't heated or anything, but it doesn't bother me at all.
That looks like a good alternative to me, other than no warm water.

I'd consider one for my guest bath.
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#20
Old 11-13-2015, 10:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pulykamell View Post
...I've saved a shitload of toilet paper and feel so much cleaner afterwards!...
This not only does your description of the amount not need an "as it were," you would be hard pressed to find more juste a mot.

Last edited by Leo Bloom; 11-13-2015 at 10:21 PM.
#21
Old 11-13-2015, 10:32 PM
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The three seashells, or, How do bidets work and not end badly?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TSBG View Post
I'm of the man persuasion, but I understand they're also useful when women want a quick wash after sex or when menstruating.

I think this is a critical thing to understand. A bidet is useful for men who want to clean up after defecating. But that is not it's only use. A full bidet is less an accessory to the toilet, and more a specialized type of shower that people use any time their lower half needs some attention- before or after sex, freshening up when skipping a full shower, rinsing off before going to sleep, etc. People from bidet-using countries are accustomed to rinsing off that area several times daily, and they'd consider hopping in the shower for that to be as overkill as taking a shower because you have to wash your hands.

Last edited by even sven; 11-13-2015 at 10:33 PM.
#22
Old 11-13-2015, 11:14 PM
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I'm an expat in Thailand and every toilet here has a "bum gun". A flexible hose with a spray head and a trigger to control pressure which reaches to the toilet seat. This is necessary because a lot of toilets here (which are western ones not squat ones) cannot have toilet paper put down them because the the pipes are too thin.

After 2 years of being here I'm a total convert, much faster, easier and more hygenic than toilet paper alone.
#23
Old 11-13-2015, 11:54 PM
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Yeah, so what about Siam Siam? I'd like to hear a second opinion.
#24
Old 11-14-2015, 12:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pulykamell View Post
I have one of these in my toilet, or at least something similar, if I'm understanding right. One of these spray bidets. I bought a similar one at either Home Depot or Menard's. Love the thing. I've saved a shitload of toilet paper and feel so much cleaner afterwards! I just have it hooked up to the normal toilet plumbing, so the water isn't heated or anything, but it doesn't bother me at all.
That's similar. Mine has hot and cold faucets, but since I'm in the tropics there's never any need to use the "hot" one. The "cold" is lukewarm anyway.
#25
Old 11-14-2015, 01:20 AM
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I developed the habit of pre-wetting toilet paper (in office-type restroom) and taking it with me into the stall.
At home, I just reach over and moisten a pad of TP - much cleaner and quicker than dry wiping.

I've only seen one bidet in my life. A sad commentary on the American Experience.
#26
Old 11-14-2015, 03:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leo Bloom View Post
Yeah, so what about Siam Siam? I'd like to hear a second opinion.
Bumgun vs toilet paper is indeed a source of spirited debate amongst expats here and I too am intrigued to hear the opinion of the esteemed Siam Sam

Article here:
http://womenlearnthai.com/index.php/...-and-bum-guns/

Just have to note that while Squat toilets might be still found in rural Thailand (with bumguns) they are pretty rare in Bangkok.

Last edited by coremelt; 11-14-2015 at 03:25 AM.
#27
Old 11-14-2015, 04:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Habeed View Post
, or leave your bum dripping when you put your pants back on. It just doesn't make sense. How do bidets work?
Many women have to dry themselves after urinating... So whats the diff.
#28
Old 11-14-2015, 05:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Zsofia View Post
Isn't it cold though?
Your house doesn't have hot water?
#29
Old 11-14-2015, 01:07 PM
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All in all, it does seem like it would be a better overall design to have a hot water jet attached to the regular toilet. You're already sitting on it with your pants down. Youv'e already got access to toilet paper to dry off with.
#30
Old 11-14-2015, 01:21 PM
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Originally Posted by AHunter3 View Post
All in all, it does seem like it would be a better overall design to have a hot water jet attached to the regular toilet. You're already sitting on it with your pants down. Youv'e already got access to toilet paper to dry off with.
Thats exactly what Japanese toilets have. They spray a soft jet of warm water onto you with adjustable aim and temperature in the pricier models. Easily available in the US through Amazon.

http://amazon.com/SW2034-01-Elon...D1ZJAKK7TWGAMH
#31
Old 11-14-2015, 07:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coremelt View Post
I'm an expat in Thailand and every toilet here has a "bum gun". A flexible hose with a spray head and a trigger to control pressure which reaches to the toilet seat. This is necessary because a lot of toilets here (which are western ones not squat ones) cannot have toilet paper put down them because the the pipes are too thin.

After 2 years of being here I'm a total convert, much faster, easier and more hygenic than toilet paper alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leo Bloom View Post
Yeah, so what about Siam Siam? I'd like to hear a second opinion.
Well, for what it's worth, I don't like those hoses and never use them. It's true they are ubiquitous over here. But I never could master using them without spraying water and shit all over the place. And it's not just because I'm an old codger, I first came here in my 20s but never could get used to that. I stick with toilet paper. Have not yet met a toilet in Thailand that really cannot handle paper.

Bidets in Japan are something else. I love those. Electronically controlled, they have different water speed and temperature settings. Wonderful!
#32
Old 11-14-2015, 07:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coremelt View Post
Just have to note that while Squat toilets might be still found in rural Thailand (with bumguns) they are pretty rare in Bangkok.
Just to note, my house in the North had a squat toilet, and I mastered it with efficiency. But that was a long time ago, and I doubt my creaky old bones could handle it these days. Both the restrooms in our condo here in Bangkok have Western toilets, and I've since upgraded in my travels from the type of cheap accommodation upcountry that would include a squat toilet.

It's not impossible to find a squat toilet in Bangkok. Many of the older public buildings will often have a mix of squat and Western styles such as Hua Lamphong train station or Chulalongkorn Hospital. But modern shopping malls and department stores will be all-Western.
#33
Old 11-14-2015, 08:09 PM
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I've got a bidet attachment similar to this, and I'll never go back. Although it's not heated, the water isn't the shock to the system like one could imagine. The water just bounces off and goes into the bowl. After a spray, I just sit for a couple of seconds, and then press 2 squares of tp up there, and it's kinda joyful to see them come back spotless
I consider it God's gift to people who poop.
#34
Old 11-14-2015, 08:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Son of a Rich View Post
Although it's not heated, the water isn't the shock to the system like one could imagine.
Yeah, maybe I'm just used to it, or I just have an insensitive rear end, but the comments on "isn't the water cold" are something that just never occurred to me. It's not at all, to me, shocking in the least. Even if I had the option, I wouldn't bother with warmer water.

Last edited by pulykamell; 11-14-2015 at 08:57 PM.
#35
Old 11-14-2015, 09:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pulykamell View Post
Yeah, maybe I'm just used to it, or I just have an insensitive rear end, but the comments on "isn't the water cold" are something that just never occurred to me. It's not at all, to me, shocking in the least. Even if I had the option, I wouldn't bother with warmer water.
Seems like, even with the heated units, the water in the line between the heater and the sprayer would be at the same temp as the unheated units. Or are they designed to spray down until the warm water arrives?
#36
Old 11-14-2015, 10:10 PM
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I'm just reminded of a random SDMB poster here...

He referred to related issues using such words as "shag carpet" and "peanut butter"...

enough said one hopes....
#37
Old 11-15-2015, 09:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AHunter3 View Post
All in all, it does seem like it would be a better overall design to have a hot water jet attached to the regular toilet. You're already sitting on it with your pants down. Youv'e already got access to toilet paper to dry off with.
I haven't seen the word "soap" used. Unless this involves soap I don't see how a bidet is better than a clean wipe.
#38
Old 11-15-2015, 10:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Magiver View Post
I haven't seen the word "soap" used. Unless this involves soap I don't see how a bidet is better than a clean wipe.
The bidet doesn't use a fine mist- it has a concentrated jet, and what it blasts off is "fresh" fecal matter, not some kind of dried on residue. It's even easier if you give it a short blast just prior to evacuation. I'll just say in my case, when I used tp, if I missed one molecule of poop I'd get itchy later in the day. No more.
#39
Old 11-15-2015, 10:54 AM
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The Pedants can't live without our bidet, and it freshens up the nether world for more purposes than defecation, and more fully than wet wipes.

It's nothing more than a gentle upside down warm fountain. It is not a high pressure shower that sprays detritus everywhere.

We recognize most of the world live with, and get used to, filthy personal parts--not to mention dingleberries.
We are not those people.

Last edited by Chief Pedant; 11-15-2015 at 10:56 AM.
#40
Old 11-15-2015, 12:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Son of a Rich View Post
Seems like, even with the heated units, the water in the line between the heater and the sprayer would be at the same temp as the unheated units. Or are they designed to spray down until the warm water arrives?
We had a TOTO version at the last place I worked. Heavenly! Anyway, it had a reservoir that held warm water. The sprayer wand extended (kind of like an antenna) so the section that contained room temp water was only a couple of inches.
#41
Old 11-15-2015, 01:59 PM
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I've used both a "tub" bidet and a "shower" bidet, in Paris and in Japan. The shower bidet was built into the toilet, and had two jets, one in the front and one in the back. The tub bidet looked like a very shallow toilet, except it was designed so you sat in the water and washed your nether parts.

I liked both. Both left me feeling fresh and clean. The tub bidet was in a cheap hotel that only had one shared shower for the whole floor, (but a toilet, sink, and bidet in the room) and on most days, that was enough, and I didn't feel the need for a shower. The shower bidets in Japan was heated and especially nice when I had tourist tummy. Not only did it clean me up, the warm water felt really good on my aching muscles. I seriously considered buying a Japanese toilet when I returned home, but it was going to be hard to buy, hard to install, and I had a bad feeling that if anything went wrong, the plumber and the electrician would each point at the other and say "his problem".

Speaking of Japanese plumbing, am I the only westerner who likes squat toilets? I used them in Japan. They were clean ceramic affairs that flushed, and I found them very comfortable. (No bidet, though. ) I liked both that my cheeks were farther apart, so I didn't get as dirty, and also that I didn't need to touch anything. And squatting feels very natural for defecating, at least to me.
#42
Old 11-15-2015, 03:29 PM
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Originally Posted by pohjonen View Post
I can't help but run with this...

Ah, bidets are here again
You can have a nice clean rear again
Don your undies without fear again
Ah, bidets are here again!
A tune ruined by the Glenn Beck program.
#43
Old 11-15-2015, 05:58 PM
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One of our local doctors invented an attachment for toilets called the Biffy, and they have them on display at all their clinics, due to their alleged medical benefits. You attach it to the side of the toilet, plug it in to the water supply, and an arm swings out into the toilet to give you a nice spray clean. I tried it out, but unlike other posters, I definitely found the cold water to be highly unpleasant, so I upgraded to a model that has a tiny water heater and spray hose attached. Sadly, the water heater coil has been burned out for years now, so I don't really like it now. Still much cleaner and faster than toilet paper, in my experience.
#44
Old 11-15-2015, 06:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Magiver View Post
I haven't seen the word "soap" used. Unless this involves soap I don't see how a bidet is better than a clean wipe.
Have you used one?
#45
Old 11-15-2015, 06:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Colibri View Post
Have you used one?
No. do you take showers without soap?
#46
Old 11-15-2015, 07:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magiver View Post
I haven't seen the word "soap" used. Unless this involves soap I don't see how a bidet is better than a clean wipe.
I was thinking that, actually. They should totally mount one of those soap dispensers on toilet stall walls.
#47
Old 11-15-2015, 07:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Magiver View Post
No. do you take showers without soap?
Not regularly, but I don't wash myself by wiping myself with a paper towel, either.

Is this really that difficult to understand? Pretend you are covered in shit. What do you think will get you cleaner, hosing yourself off or wiping yourself off with paper towels? Soap really isn't that necessary.

Last edited by pulykamell; 11-15-2015 at 07:18 PM.
#48
Old 11-15-2015, 07:46 PM
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Originally Posted by pulykamell View Post
Not regularly, but I don't wash myself by wiping myself with a paper towel, either.

Is this really that difficult to understand? Pretend you are covered in shit. What do you think will get you cleaner, hosing yourself off or wiping yourself off with paper towels? Soap really isn't that necessary.
I was responding to a challenge that a bidet was better than a cleansing wipe. Pretend you read the thread.
#49
Old 11-15-2015, 07:50 PM
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Originally Posted by pulykamell View Post
Not regularly, but I don't wash myself by wiping myself with a paper towel, either.

Is this really that difficult to understand? Pretend you are covered in shit. What do you think will get you cleaner, hosing yourself off or wiping yourself off with paper towels? Soap really isn't that necessary.
Butt (heh) if you think about it the answer depends (heh) on how MUCH water or paper towels (or toilet paper) you use to attack the problem.
#50
Old 11-15-2015, 07:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magiver View Post
I was responding to a challenge that a bidet was better than a cleansing wipe. Pretend you read the thread.
It's less wasteful for me. If using paper or wipes only, I go through quite a lot of them. With a bidet or spray, just one at the end, if I even bother.
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