View Full Version : Profanity: What are the best five unusual curses, (cuss-words)?

02-13-2003, 09:15 PM
Profanity: What are the best five unusual curses,( cuss-words)?
I just learned fucktard here on the sdmb. I like it alot. I'd like to have more ignorance abolished.
Please post your five, (or so), cursing words or phrases that are unusual. By unusual I mean besides the ones in George Carlin's famous skit. You know, ones I may not have heard of, like fucktard.

The Mermaid
02-13-2003, 09:20 PM
Otter sniffing cum guzzler?

02-13-2003, 09:21 PM

02-13-2003, 09:22 PM
I predict this goat felcher of a thread is pit bound...

Green Bean
02-13-2003, 09:24 PM

so sorry. I couldn't resist!

02-13-2003, 09:29 PM




?I might be all out for now?

02-13-2003, 09:37 PM
I like to give equal time and substitute "cuntlapper" for "cocksucker" when I remember to do so.

Other than that, I tend to string stuff together, "You God-damned cock sucking mother fucking piece of shit son of a bitch bastard!", like that.

If you want to go all time all cultures, probably "incestuous kinslaying oathbreaker", but religion sex and excrement are the foundations of the Western canon of cursing.

I've experimented with other languages, but aside from the cultural problems ("Why did you just say "tabernacle"?") there is something about the short hard sharp feel of the Anglo-Saxon stuff that just fits. I mean, "Leche moi le cul, typette", or "Me caga in (la? el?) puta de su madre" are great imagery but the words just flow together too well for my tastes. Russian's pretty good overall, but French, Spanish, Italian, they're all too musical.

Apparently I've given this way too much thought over the years.

02-13-2003, 11:00 PM
For some reason I have taken to loudly commanding "Silence Hermaphrodite!". Although it may not be relevant it sure startles the other party into a stunned/confused silence.

02-13-2003, 11:18 PM
Well, not one word, not even five, but people who really piss me off get a nice sentence I got off the Alternative Dictionaries Online, usually in the original Afrikaans. It translates to "stick your head in a cow's vagina and wait until the bull fucks you in the ass".

I also use "Perkele" (Finnish) and "chyort vozmi" (Russian) quite a lot for general expletives. I usually just stick to Swedish, though.

02-13-2003, 11:42 PM
my favorites are:
Man craver
and waiter

King Friday
02-13-2003, 11:58 PM
One I made up...mofutisu. Short for MOther FUcker TItty SUcker

02-15-2003, 05:57 AM
one of the best languages to swear in is afrikaans:
poes : cunt
slet : slut
hoer : whore
moeder-fokker : mother-fucker:

when someone cuts in front of you on the road, string 'em all together with appropriate hand gestures and you actually feel much betta ;)

calling someone fart-knocker sends my MIL into a fit of giggles too
swearing is sooooo much fun *lol*

Will Repair
02-15-2003, 06:15 AM
In rapid succession when something goes wrong --

Shit Fuck Fire

02-15-2003, 08:14 AM
Fucko off!

02-15-2003, 12:37 PM
Fucknut. Slunt. Shitlick.

02-15-2003, 01:04 PM
Being Finnish, I tend to appreciate "Vittusaatana" ('cuntsatan').

02-15-2003, 03:15 PM
I'm using "cocksmooch" alot lately...I find it very satisfying.

I think I just channeled Kay-Kay. She says hi.

02-15-2003, 03:24 PM

I'd say Ass Pickle. Don't know what it means, I just blurted it out one day.

02-15-2003, 05:15 PM
My father once called a TV announcer a "fuckbubble." I like that one. And I love my dad, he's awesome. :)

Other than that... I can't really think of much. I do use "fucktard" a lot, though.

Oh, I have on occasion told someone to "lick my scrotum." I'm female, so this just confuses the hell out of them while I walk away.

02-15-2003, 06:38 PM

I think Spanish provides fulfilling swears - 'pinche cabron' is great, and joder and all its permutations - que te jodas, with the throaty 'j'...tis a thing of beauty. Plus, you've got the literally dozens of expression about cojones (they're square, cold, blue, bigger than El Cid's...)

02-15-2003, 07:26 PM
Pinche puto cabron, pendejo!

Strung together and shot out rapidfire.

02-15-2003, 07:35 PM
Dick breath

Cunt face

Cock face


Ass captain
...I think that's it.

02-15-2003, 07:43 PM
I like to hear someone calling someone an old douche bag

Badtz Maru
02-15-2003, 08:24 PM
Some I use with great frequency...

Choad Smoker - my wife never heard this before marrying me, now she still uses it.

Ass Monkey - well, basically any expletive sounds better with 'monkey' added after it.

Sucker at the teat of a syphilitic camel - if I really mean it when I say it I usually end up stuttering and laughing, so it's a good one to use.

02-15-2003, 09:12 PM
colostomy bag.

I heard someone say this once - I cracked up so hard I had to copy it.

02-15-2003, 10:23 PM
1-shit stain
3-you motherfucker
4-blood stain
5-ass wipe

No particular order of preference. Depends if i'm talking to someone I respect or someone in my circle of close friends.

02-15-2003, 10:35 PM
Ladies and gentlemen... I give you:


Best. insult. ever.

02-15-2003, 11:25 PM
Wow there are some good ones out there. My life being enriched. I"ve quite a vocabulary of regular words but I've not been exposed enough to some of these wonderful words of cursedom.
One that my mom used once that made me have to supress giggles when I was a kid was nitshit
Ones that I use that aren't exactly cuss words are slack-actin'-crack-captain and crack-monkey.
Badtz, I agree that monkey lends that extra certain something to to an otherwise drab and overused cuss.

02-15-2003, 11:28 PM

02-16-2003, 02:03 AM
1) Cuntflap

2) Cum Sponge

3) Ass Munch

4) Vaginal Blood Fart

5) Fuckstool or Fuckcake

02-16-2003, 05:03 AM
Blood clot.

02-16-2003, 03:29 PM

02-16-2003, 03:47 PM

02-16-2003, 04:20 PM
Knobstick (works much better spoken than written)

02-16-2003, 05:06 PM
fuck nut
stupid no good motherfucking cheese

02-16-2003, 06:39 PM
Dog-nasty cross-eyed scumiferous bark-weasel

Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor
02-16-2003, 06:55 PM
Unca Cecil wrote an article on curses in other languages. Unfortunately, I can't find it in the archives.

02-16-2003, 07:29 PM
I really love "ratfucker" which is sort of odd since I think rats are great.

02-16-2003, 08:18 PM
My friend always says "That pumpsucks!" I always found that funny.

02-16-2003, 08:25 PM

Scunt (the area between the ass and cunt).




02-16-2003, 09:50 PM
cunt fuckula

02-16-2003, 09:52 PM

02-17-2003, 06:27 AM
Ahhh, it wouldn't be the SDMB without this sort of thread :)

1. Cock-knocker
2. Fuck-knuckle
3. Fuckstick
4. Cock-knob
5. Cuntbag

Hee hee :)

02-17-2003, 07:13 AM

02-17-2003, 07:24 AM
Pempslider (http://geocities.com/mmemym/bits2/fal0106.htm)

02-17-2003, 08:32 AM
My all-time favorite for when I'm really pissed is fuckface.

I don't know why I like it so much; it just rolls off the tongue.

02-17-2003, 08:34 AM
Oh yes, and my "whoops I dropped something on the floor and it splattered everywhere" sort of expletive is "suck a monkey". Picked that up from my charming roommate.

02-17-2003, 02:48 PM

02-17-2003, 06:09 PM
In a fit of road rage, my friend growled, "Prickface!" and the curse has stuck. He had just made it up out of the blue, but it doesn't seem that difficult, since many curse words are just parts of people's nether reigons followed by face/head/sucker.

My friend and I also established our own lignuistic rules for expletives. For example, we consider it a no-no to say "That is a big ass fucking bruise" because it implies ass fucking, while individually "big ass" can mean really big and "fucking" can mean "very/really/extremely" but the two combined together don't work.

02-17-2003, 07:20 PM
While in Quebec with a friend years ago, a frenchman inappropriately touched Mary. Her French was poor, and his English poorer, and she levelled a fierce gaze on him and shouted, "Conshohocken!"

He looked as if he'd been bashed with a 2 x 4, not knowing that it's the name of a suburban Philadelphia borough.

We laughed our asses off at her flawless delivery, and his shocked expression. Truly a Kodak moment.

02-17-2003, 08:07 PM
Moderator's note:

Ah, I don't think so.

Off to the Pit...

IMHO mod

02-17-2003, 09:24 PM
When a guy I knew got cut off on the freeway, he rolled down the window and yelled

" LICK SACK!!! "

I liked it.

02-17-2003, 09:58 PM
My grandmom, then later my mom always say the same thing when something goes wrong,

"Son of a bitchin Bastard"

I started saying that a few years ago, every now and then it'll get you some strange looks.

02-17-2003, 09:59 PM
I'm a big fan of "assclown," "asshat," and "fuckwit," myself. But Badtz Maru?

Choad Smoker - my wife never heard this before marrying me, now she still uses it.

What's a "choad smoker"?

something tells me I am SO going to regret asking...

02-18-2003, 12:39 AM
Originally posted by Persephone
I'm a big fan of "assclown," "asshat," and "fuckwit," myself. But Badtz Maru?

What's a "choad smoker"?

something tells me I am SO going to regret asking...

A more inventive way of saying cocksucker, I do believe. Derived via "Lick my choad" and cocksmoker, as near as I can tell.

Got no idea where the word choad came from, though. I don't recall hearing it prior to the mid-eighties.

Eureka, the everhelpful internet provides (http://houghi.org/jargon/choad.html).

02-18-2003, 02:56 AM
"Choda" is also, I believe, the name of the part of a knife between the start of the edge and the start of the handle. On a sword it's the ricasso, I think. I have a book somewhere... anyway, it's all about the big long hard thing in your hand, so the metaphors are going to fly and nobody's going to be able to prove that it didn't come into either vernacular from the other. It's just a dick reference, okay?


"Cum Dumpster".

There's probably a trademark issue, but it's pretty disgusting and I think worthy of notice.

02-18-2003, 04:53 AM
Dog-fucking little shitstain
Melonhumping jizzmonkey
Syphillitic Coprophage

02-18-2003, 07:30 AM
Wankstain !!

02-18-2003, 09:38 AM
Sperm burping slut

Sperm gurgling ass munch



Mr Jim
02-18-2003, 09:42 AM
I like fuckery and craptastic.

02-18-2003, 02:56 PM
I think fuckwit is great. Other faves are butt-munch and ass-bite.

My all-time favorite (for now) has got to be ass-clown. The only problem I have with that one is, I find it SO funny that any time I want to use it I end up busting out laughing. (But since that usually cures me of whatever I was mad about, maybe that still makes it a good one.)

And come on, guys, I can't believe nobody has mentioned the unmentionable, that most appropriate of inappropriate curses,

I shudder even to offer it,

-- wait for it!! --


:: D&R ::

02-18-2003, 03:31 PM
Originally posted by Incubus


My friend and I also established our own lignuistic rules for expletives. For example, we consider it a no-no to say "That is a big ass fucking bruise" because it implies ass fucking, while individually "big ass" can mean really big and "fucking" can mean "very/really/extremely" but the two combined together don't work.


1) + [fucking] + [bruise] = BIG ass FUCKing BRUISE

has a completely different stress pattern (and interpretation) than

2) [big] + [ass fucking] + [bruise] = BIG ASS fucking BRUISE

With the first case, you get a primary stress on big and a secondary stress on ass (English generally assigns a primary stress on the first element of a compound noun/phrase i.e. White House [primary + secondary] vs. white house [primary + primary]) and primary stresses on fucking and bruise.

With the second case, you get a primary stress on big, a primary stress on ass, a secondary stress on fucking (the second element of the phrase 'ass fucking'), and a primary on bruise

Only case 2 implies any sort of backdoor lovin'.

As for myself, I prefer a hearty [b]God Damn but have been known to dabble with Christ on a pony and ass-munching cum-dribbler.

02-18-2003, 03:38 PM

Twenty-four inch double-dong.

Both taste best when served out a car window shortly after being cut off.

02-18-2003, 03:42 PM
Slot off Frag-Face!!!

02-18-2003, 03:47 PM
I am partial to "fish-faced enemy of the people". (Zero Mostel in The Producers).

"Conshohocken" is good too.

02-18-2003, 04:04 PM

'Tis my word of choice for days like today.

02-18-2003, 05:55 PM
i love assclown too!. i have seen a porno called 'Ass Clowns'!. it has girls dressed up with red clown noses and face paint while getting jizzed on. the makers proclaimed that 'it's some funny shit to jerk off to'. personally, i think annexing 'clown' onto simple expletives is going to be the future of clever curse words.

for example, how about DOUCHE-CLOWN? or u might wish to refer to a ditzy little slut as a Cum-clown.

02-18-2003, 06:26 PM

something I learned in Korea.

"$10 for a beer???! BULLSHITTIE-DA!!!!!!!"

pretend my name is witty
02-18-2003, 06:38 PM
1) Fuckpig
2) paedohomonecrophile - work out what it means
3) Ass clown
4) Vegan!
5) Nobulon the third (dont ask, it was made up by a friend and i, and we've found it funny since)

black rabbit
02-18-2003, 07:43 PM
These might not count, because they tend to be phrases rather than single-word insults, but I like to be specific. I've actually said these to people at one time or another:

- Itdon'tmatterjustdon'tbiteit, motherfucker!!!

- I bet you're sitting on a chair in an empty room, with nothing but your social security check, a bottle of cheap vodka, and a telephone, determined to piss all over the world because nobody's looked at your gnarled cunt in forty years.

- Do us all a favor and quit eating the paint chips, pigfucker.

For contractions, though, you just can't go wrong with "jiveass motherfucker."

02-18-2003, 08:07 PM
I like:



I don't know what either of them mean.

The Weak Force
02-18-2003, 08:31 PM
I once called someone a cockbroker. She didn't take it very well, though. I mean, you'd think she could take a little joke from her grandson, but no...


Jack Batty
02-18-2003, 08:44 PM
My current favorite is ...


It has the classic ambiance of "Asshole", but it just goes that extra step. And it rolls trippingly off the tongue.

02-19-2003, 02:43 AM
Syphalated Side Effect of a Southern Siberian Grudge-Fuck! Contributed by my friend Gary, circa 1978. A REALLY fancy way to call someone a bastard (I think).

Holy Sheep-shit! - Much used. I say Sheep-shavings in polite company.

Crap on Toast - E..

And a little poem from my Dad. I have been known to fix an evil glare on someone and hit 'em with the whole thing, but it only works if they stand still for a few minutes.

When bleeding piles torment you,
And corns upon your feet.
When crabs as big as horsefleis
Upon your meat do eat.
And when you're old and feeble
And a syphiletic wreck
I hope you fall through your asshole
And break your bloody neck!

After recitation, run like hell!

Fox in the Snow
02-19-2003, 04:46 AM
Get ta Fuck, ya wee horse wankin' gobshite.

02-19-2003, 06:04 AM
tee hee

How about butt pirate, neanderfuck, and Fundamentalist.

Lynn Bodoni
02-19-2003, 06:23 AM
Originally posted by TVeblen
Moderator's note:

Ah, I don't think so.

Off to the Pit...

IMHO mod

Actually, my rule is not to be vulgar just for vulgarity's sake. If a thread is too crude to be in the other forums, but it's not really a rant, I just close it. Like I'm gonna do NOW.


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