View Full Version : Mild insults: Not the ______est _____ in the _____

03-11-2003, 03:54 AM
Not the sharpest tool in the shed
Not the brightest crayon in the box...

I'm looking for more along these lines (but not the closely related "one brick short of a full load" type, perhaps we can do that in another thread)...

03-11-2003, 04:02 AM
Not the quickest of cats at the best of times.

Stolen from Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrells...

03-11-2003, 05:24 AM
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

03-11-2003, 08:29 AM
Not the coldest beer in the fridge.


03-11-2003, 08:32 AM
Not the brightest bulb [in/on] the [box/tree/ Christmas tree/chandelier]
Not the brightest lamp [on/in] the [street/house/store/block].

It's not what you're looking for, but my favorite insult is "a few vermin short of a plague."

03-11-2003, 10:39 AM
Not the brightest candle on the birthday cake.
Not the sharpest nail in the toolbox.
Not the sharpest needle in the pincushion.

03-11-2003, 12:23 PM
Not the swiftest pony in the race.

03-11-2003, 12:29 PM
If only you had started this thread a few hours earlier! I was looking for insults like this just last night, but couldn't think of any appropriate to the situation.

03-11-2003, 02:09 PM
Not the brightest star in the sky.

Not the fastest car in the race.

Not the sharpest pencil on the desk.

03-11-2003, 02:20 PM
Not the brightest bulb in the marquee.

Standup Karmic
03-11-2003, 02:52 PM
Not the crispiest cracker in the box.

Not the yellowest banana in the bunch.

Not the biggest book on the shelf.

03-11-2003, 07:33 PM
not the shiniest coin in the fountain.

03-12-2003, 05:38 AM
Not the swiftest deer in the forest.

MSU 1978
03-12-2003, 08:25 AM
Not the most absorbent tampon in the box.

03-12-2003, 12:58 PM
Not the brightest crayon in the box.

03-12-2003, 01:22 PM
Not the smartest peanut in the turd!

I cant believe that one wasnt posted yet!

03-12-2003, 02:21 PM
Not the brightest penny in the roll.

03-12-2003, 02:40 PM
Not the roundest rock in the box.

03-12-2003, 03:20 PM
Though it doesn't quite make sense, I've always rather enjoyed "Not the brightest pumpkin in the patch." Methinks it kind of captures the idiocy of what one's trying to express.

And along the same lines:
Dumber* than a box of bricks.
Dumber thant a bag o' hammers.
Dumb as a stump/rock/post.

I mean no offense to the mutes of the world.

03-12-2003, 04:04 PM
In the great tool shed of life, that boy's a mallet.

03-12-2003, 04:14 PM
Not the cleverest insult in this thread!

03-12-2003, 04:20 PM
Grrr.. hamsters ate my post yesterday.

Not the fastest server in the cluster.

Not the slickest shark in the cards.

Not the freshest apple in the barrel.

03-12-2003, 09:35 PM
If you are not too bright I might call you " five watt".
If someone does something really stupid I might make a snide remark like " you are my hero".

03-12-2003, 10:00 PM
Not the sharpest tack in the drawer.

Not the stickiest PostIt on the pad.

Not the sharpest quill on the porcupine.

03-13-2003, 12:40 AM
Originally posted by Avarie537
Not the brightest crayon in the box.

If I point out that this one was in the OP, what crayon does that make you :D ?

I does that make me the biggest prick in the thread? :D :D

03-13-2003, 04:21 AM
A Foghorn Leghorn quote mentioned in another thread:

"... about as sharp as a sack full of dead mice."

And some of my personal favorites:

"Kid's about as sharp as ten pounds of wet leather."

"Kid's about as sharp as a bowling ball."

Some other all time (though off topic) winners:

Someone shot the dots off his dice.

Not all of his dogs are barking.

Dark Brown
03-13-2003, 11:03 AM
How about:

....ten pounds of dumb in a five pound bag.

03-13-2003, 12:30 PM
From "the green mile:"
"That boy's cheese done slid off his cracker"

03-17-2011, 02:11 AM
Not the swiftest crayon in the box.

03-17-2011, 04:00 AM
Not the highest card in the deck
Not the freshest loaf on the shelf

03-17-2011, 06:05 AM
not the deadest zombie in the graveyard...

03-17-2011, 07:48 AM
Not the quickest bunny in the forest.

Not the hardest penis in the Porn.

Jimson Jim
03-17-2011, 08:38 AM
I submit the CANONICAL LIST OF FULLDECKISMS (http://herbison.com/canon/fulldeck.html)

Nawth Chucka
03-17-2011, 09:09 AM
Not the brightest candle in the menorah.

03-17-2011, 09:18 AM
The gates are down, the lights are flashin', and the bells are ringin', but there's no train a'comin'.

03-17-2011, 09:23 AM
Not the straightest dope on the SDMB.

03-17-2011, 09:33 AM
As dumb as a mailbox.

03-17-2011, 10:02 AM
I does that make me the biggest prick in the thread? :D :D

Yes, I does. ;)

Freddy the Pig
03-17-2011, 10:10 AM
Not the deepest well in the oilfield.

03-18-2011, 04:05 PM
His elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.

03-18-2011, 04:14 PM
Not the brightest chicken in the sea.

Wile E
03-18-2011, 05:06 PM
If I point out that this one was in the OP, what crayon does that make you :D ?

... :D

Burnt Sienna.

not the deadest zombie in the graveyard...


Not the winningest win in the Sheen.

Earl Snake-Hips Tucker
03-18-2011, 05:17 PM
Boxer Vinny Pazienza once said of an opponent, "He's not the sharpest marble in the box."

Drunky Smurf
03-18-2011, 05:22 PM
Not the Pepsiest Pepsi in the Pepsi vending machine.

*Why yes I am drinking a Pepsi right now.

03-19-2011, 01:19 AM
"Tubelight" is a favourite word here in India.

Little Nemo
03-19-2011, 01:54 AM
Not the smartest person in the room.

We were poor and couldn't afford luxuries like metaphors.

03-19-2011, 01:45 PM
Listen up, people. In order for this metaphor to work as an insult to someone's intelligence, you have to use adjectives that are synonymous with "smart." You can't just pick up any old adjective and noun and throw them together.

"Bright," "sharp,""quick," etc., are all effective adjectives because they are commonly used to mean "smart."

"He's not the sharpest tool in the shed." Works
"He's not the steepest hill in the mountains." Does not work
"She's not the quickest sprinter in the race." Works
"He's not the creamiest ice cream in the parlor." Does not work
"She's not the slickest popsicle in the freezer." Works

Also, "He's not the swiftest crayon in the box." does not work, either, unless you are trying to be deliberately ironic. Crayons aren't known to be swift.

Thank you.

Justin Credible
03-19-2011, 06:15 PM
Not the brightest bulb in the drawer where you keep the lightbulbs, which is probably, but not necessarily, in the kitchen or basement or maybe even in a cabinet somewhere behind some paper towels and stuff that you forgot all about buying.

03-19-2011, 06:52 PM
Not the smartest peanut in the turd!

I cant believe that one wasnt posted yet!

Wow, me either!!

The Niply Elder
03-19-2011, 07:36 PM
Not the wittiest metaphor in Utopia ...

surrounded by literalists
03-19-2011, 07:43 PM
"Tubelight" is a favourite word here in India.

OMG! As I read your post I am right now watching a Bollywood film. I am a late start Bollywood fan. I just found fabulous last summer.


03-21-2011, 01:58 AM
A bollywood fan!:cool::)

How do you find it, when our hero and heroine suddenly start singing and runnning around trees?

ETA: Namaste !

surrounded by literalists
03-21-2011, 02:50 AM
It is totally AWSOME! They are such a terrific departure from the stuff Hollywood forces on us. This afternoon I was watching Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham and just SOBBING through most of it. It was so tragically beautiful. The film industry of India has much to be proud of.

03-21-2011, 02:59 AM
Not the foggiest clue in the world.

03-21-2011, 03:19 AM
Not the closest boule in the set.

03-21-2011, 03:21 AM
Not the fattest cross-dresser in that Botero.

Best Topics: mcmxcvii meaning upsidedown v acid container pimentos jar define proust don't be obtuse asperger speech pattern my ruthschris israelites lyrics meaning cracking nose whitey tidies innoculation gun shinbone town vampire body fedex address change window mounted dehumidifier salted earth arigato meaning democratic republics red blue background penile sebaceous cyst ac moore leather andrea gail found marlene singing taxicab movie casting blowjob the albino in ultio pace best krumblor slang tossed salad turbo weedeater 700 area code invisible email meaning cf who calls from unavailable numbers medical grade nitrous oxide tanks world's smallest violin meaning chances of getting pregnant without ejaculation can lightning go through glass car battery memory saver what to write on mail when person has moved german word for pig joining the airforce with a bachelor's degree skunk smells like weed ball you bounce on why do i have small veins miss susie had a steamboat full lyrics teeth drifting after extraction garrote wire watch for sale jeep inline 6 for sale what is vsop brandy put mail in mailbox songs about first love reuniting transferring high schools sophomore year where was gilligan's island located why do my ankles hurt in the morning mice in the stove round hay bale prices how to learn to weld rod stewart someone like you car squealing when started how to cash a payroll check with no id fast songs are always in major keys. things remembered engraving prices profile xt assessment test answers can you use river rock in a fire pit where did the term johnson come from who said all things in moderation