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View Full Version : Mild insults: Not the ______est _____ in the _____


Mangetout
03-11-2003, 03:54 AM
Not the sharpest tool in the shed
Not the brightest crayon in the box...

I'm looking for more along these lines (but not the closely related "one brick short of a full load" type, perhaps we can do that in another thread)...

Motarts
03-11-2003, 04:02 AM
Not the quickest of cats at the best of times.

Stolen from Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrells...

samarm
03-11-2003, 05:24 AM
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

longjohn
03-11-2003, 08:29 AM
Not the coldest beer in the fridge.

J.

bibliophage
03-11-2003, 08:32 AM
Not the brightest bulb [in/on] the [box/tree/ Christmas tree/chandelier]
Not the brightest lamp [on/in] the [street/house/store/block].

It's not what you're looking for, but my favorite insult is "a few vermin short of a plague."

flodnak
03-11-2003, 10:39 AM
Not the brightest candle on the birthday cake.
Not the sharpest nail in the toolbox.
Not the sharpest needle in the pincushion.

AHunter3
03-11-2003, 12:23 PM
Not the swiftest pony in the race.

beegirl13
03-11-2003, 12:29 PM
If only you had started this thread a few hours earlier! I was looking for insults like this just last night, but couldn't think of any appropriate to the situation.

hocow
03-11-2003, 02:09 PM
Not the brightest star in the sky.

Not the fastest car in the race.

Not the sharpest pencil on the desk.

UrbanChic
03-11-2003, 02:20 PM
Not the brightest bulb in the marquee.

Standup Karmic
03-11-2003, 02:52 PM
Not the crispiest cracker in the box.

Not the yellowest banana in the bunch.

Not the biggest book on the shelf.

elsa32
03-11-2003, 07:33 PM
not the shiniest coin in the fountain.

VarlosZ
03-12-2003, 05:38 AM
Not the swiftest deer in the forest.

MSU 1978
03-12-2003, 08:25 AM
Not the most absorbent tampon in the box.

Avarie537
03-12-2003, 12:58 PM
Not the brightest crayon in the box.

broccoli!
03-12-2003, 01:22 PM
Not the smartest peanut in the turd!

I cant believe that one wasnt posted yet!

bleach
03-12-2003, 02:21 PM
Not the brightest penny in the roll.

welby
03-12-2003, 02:40 PM
Not the roundest rock in the box.

CoileŠn
03-12-2003, 03:20 PM
Though it doesn't quite make sense, I've always rather enjoyed "Not the brightest pumpkin in the patch." Methinks it kind of captures the idiocy of what one's trying to express.

And along the same lines:
Dumber* than a box of bricks.
Dumber thant a bag o' hammers.
Dumb as a stump/rock/post.

I mean no offense to the mutes of the world.

greck
03-12-2003, 04:04 PM
In the great tool shed of life, that boy's a mallet.

TheFunkySpaceCowboy
03-12-2003, 04:14 PM
Not the cleverest insult in this thread!

KeithT
03-12-2003, 04:20 PM
Grrr.. hamsters ate my post yesterday.

Not the fastest server in the cluster.

Not the slickest shark in the cards.

Not the freshest apple in the barrel.

southernfrog1
03-12-2003, 09:35 PM
If you are not too bright I might call you " five watt".
If someone does something really stupid I might make a snide remark like " you are my hero".

GrinnaGirla
03-12-2003, 10:00 PM
Not the sharpest tack in the drawer.

Not the stickiest PostIt on the pad.

Not the sharpest quill on the porcupine.

betenoir
03-13-2003, 12:40 AM
Originally posted by Avarie537
Not the brightest crayon in the box.


If I point out that this one was in the OP, what crayon does that make you :D ?

I does that make me the biggest prick in the thread? :D :D

Zenster
03-13-2003, 04:21 AM
A Foghorn Leghorn quote mentioned in another thread:

"... about as sharp as a sack full of dead mice."

And some of my personal favorites:

"Kid's about as sharp as ten pounds of wet leather."

"Kid's about as sharp as a bowling ball."


Some other all time (though off topic) winners:

Someone shot the dots off his dice.

Not all of his dogs are barking.

Dark Brown
03-13-2003, 11:03 AM
How about:

....ten pounds of dumb in a five pound bag.

greck
03-13-2003, 12:30 PM
From "the green mile:"
"That boy's cheese done slid off his cracker"

pastordon316
03-17-2011, 02:11 AM
Not the swiftest crayon in the box.

CT_Damsel
03-17-2011, 04:00 AM
Not the highest card in the deck
Not the freshest loaf on the shelf

Aspidistra
03-17-2011, 06:05 AM
not the deadest zombie in the graveyard...

dawson
03-17-2011, 07:48 AM
Not the quickest bunny in the forest.

Not the hardest penis in the Porn.

Jimson Jim
03-17-2011, 08:38 AM
I submit the CANONICAL LIST OF FULLDECKISMS (http://herbison.com/canon/fulldeck.html)

Nawth Chucka
03-17-2011, 09:09 AM
Not the brightest candle in the menorah.

feppytweed
03-17-2011, 09:18 AM
The gates are down, the lights are flashin', and the bells are ringin', but there's no train a'comin'.

Giles
03-17-2011, 09:23 AM
Not the straightest dope on the SDMB.

campp
03-17-2011, 09:33 AM
As dumb as a mailbox.

tdn
03-17-2011, 10:02 AM
I does that make me the biggest prick in the thread? :D :D

Yes, I does. ;)

Freddy the Pig
03-17-2011, 10:10 AM
Not the deepest well in the oilfield.

Snickers
03-18-2011, 04:05 PM
His elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.

blondebear
03-18-2011, 04:14 PM
Not the brightest chicken in the sea.

Wile E
03-18-2011, 05:06 PM
If I point out that this one was in the OP, what crayon does that make you :D ?

... :D

Burnt Sienna.

not the deadest zombie in the graveyard...

Win.

Not the winningest win in the Sheen.

Earl Snake-Hips Tucker
03-18-2011, 05:17 PM
Boxer Vinny Pazienza once said of an opponent, "He's not the sharpest marble in the box."

Drunky Smurf
03-18-2011, 05:22 PM
Not the Pepsiest Pepsi in the Pepsi vending machine.


*Why yes I am drinking a Pepsi right now.

Indian
03-19-2011, 01:19 AM
"Tubelight" is a favourite word here in India.

Little Nemo
03-19-2011, 01:54 AM
Not the smartest person in the room.

We were poor and couldn't afford luxuries like metaphors.

PunditLisa
03-19-2011, 01:45 PM
Listen up, people. In order for this metaphor to work as an insult to someone's intelligence, you have to use adjectives that are synonymous with "smart." You can't just pick up any old adjective and noun and throw them together.

"Bright," "sharp,""quick," etc., are all effective adjectives because they are commonly used to mean "smart."

"He's not the sharpest tool in the shed." Works
"He's not the steepest hill in the mountains." Does not work
"She's not the quickest sprinter in the race." Works
"He's not the creamiest ice cream in the parlor." Does not work
"She's not the slickest popsicle in the freezer." Works

Also, "He's not the swiftest crayon in the box." does not work, either, unless you are trying to be deliberately ironic. Crayons aren't known to be swift.

Thank you.

Justin Credible
03-19-2011, 06:15 PM
Not the brightest bulb in the drawer where you keep the lightbulbs, which is probably, but not necessarily, in the kitchen or basement or maybe even in a cabinet somewhere behind some paper towels and stuff that you forgot all about buying.

impatien
03-19-2011, 06:52 PM
Not the smartest peanut in the turd!

I cant believe that one wasnt posted yet!

Wow, me either!!

The Niply Elder
03-19-2011, 07:36 PM
Not the wittiest metaphor in Utopia ...

surrounded by literalists
03-19-2011, 07:43 PM
"Tubelight" is a favourite word here in India.

OMG! As I read your post I am right now watching a Bollywood film. I am a late start Bollywood fan. I just found fabulous last summer.

Namaste

Indian
03-21-2011, 01:58 AM
A bollywood fan!:cool::)

How do you find it, when our hero and heroine suddenly start singing and runnning around trees?

ETA: Namaste !

surrounded by literalists
03-21-2011, 02:50 AM
It is totally AWSOME! They are such a terrific departure from the stuff Hollywood forces on us. This afternoon I was watching Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham and just SOBBING through most of it. It was so tragically beautiful. The film industry of India has much to be proud of.

devilsknew
03-21-2011, 02:59 AM
Not the foggiest clue in the world.

devilsknew
03-21-2011, 03:19 AM
Not the closest boule in the set.

devilsknew
03-21-2011, 03:21 AM
Not the fattest cross-dresser in that Botero.

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