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Cluricaun
04-23-2003, 01:04 PM
I was watching the rather insipid TV show "Jim" last night when guest star Dan Akroyd made mention of having to "Take the Browns to the Superbowl". Purile it may be, but what's the best euphanism for going #2

Caricci
04-23-2003, 01:07 PM
Dropping the kids off at the pool is one of my favorites.

Johnny L.A.
04-23-2003, 01:07 PM
I usually just say, "I have to defecate."

Odieman
04-23-2003, 01:08 PM
[Ozzy Osbourne] I've got to take a f***ing piss....[/Ozzy Osbourne]. Well that might not be the best but it is the one that err sprung to mind right away.... :D

P.S. Euphemism

Earl Snake-Hips Tucker
04-23-2003, 01:25 PM
A local reporter who was living in [what was left of] Yugoslavia during the American bombing of Serbia several years ago said that one of the common euphemisms was "I have to vote for Milosevic."

roadrunner70
04-23-2003, 01:33 PM
There's 2 guys here at work that I can't stand, so I usually tell someone I'm "going to take a (HP#1) and then wipe my (HP#2)"

HP=Hated Employee

tiny ham
04-23-2003, 01:35 PM
Sprout a monkey tail.

Kalhoun
04-23-2003, 01:38 PM
SPROUT A MONKEY TAIL!!!!

Oh my gawd...that's hilarious.

Ethilrist
04-23-2003, 01:44 PM
Got some unfinished business to take care of.

Going to see a man about a horse.

No, I have no idea what that second one means.

AuntPam
04-23-2003, 01:47 PM
English guy I knew once stood up and casually announced "Well, I'm off to shake hands with the unemployed."

Johnny B. Goode
04-23-2003, 02:02 PM
Release the chocolate hostage.

A short list here: http://goofball.com/feces_list

NoGoodNamesLeft
04-23-2003, 02:09 PM
Deliver warm muffins.

Meatros
04-23-2003, 02:10 PM
Babtising a babyruth

fighting the bowl boa

Encountering the chocolate monster

Speaking your peace

Giving an offering to the Porceline God....

World Eater
04-23-2003, 02:13 PM
From the link above.

Euphemism #89.

People who like sausages shouldn't see how they're made!!

Wtf?

Harvey The Heavy
04-23-2003, 02:15 PM
#1: Tap a kidney.

#2: Drop a deuce.

Vomiting: Talking to Ralph on the big white telephone.

Skydive101
04-23-2003, 02:22 PM
"Time to go bake some brownies."

"Time to give birth to a brown baby boy."

"I'm going to go make a picture of you."

love that last one...:D

betenoir
04-23-2003, 02:40 PM
I've actually posted these here before, but i still like

"I have a cigar on the tip of my lip."

from Jean Genet's "Our Lady of the Flowers"

I'm sure it sound even classier in the original French :D.

DeVena
04-23-2003, 02:44 PM
My brother's favorite?

Time to lop off a log.

ick

Saltire
04-23-2003, 02:45 PM
In a linguistics textbook I once had, there was a discussion of slang which used "Australian euphemisms for male urination" as examples. The two best (or at least the only two I still remember):

"Point Percy at the porcelain"
"Syphon the python"

Sorry that I don't know any good ones for #2.

Photog
04-23-2003, 02:55 PM
Well, since all of my favorites have been mentioned, I'll share two that don't really fit the OP (that is, the act of actually going), but more precisely refer to the urgency of one's need to go:

Prairie Doggin'
TC (touching cotton)

Tusculan
04-23-2003, 04:14 PM
Well, mouthbreather had an interesting one in the Courtesy Flush thread:
negotiate the release of some brown hostages (http://boards.academicpursuits.us/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=3320727#3320727).

(and I still can't get the 'link to a specific post' to work, even after reading the technical issues FAQ (http://boards.academicpursuits.us/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=1982344#1982344))

big alex
04-23-2003, 04:15 PM
We always just bawl out
"I'm goin' to the bog"
But that's not really a euphemism.

doomraisin
04-23-2003, 04:16 PM
Pinch a loaf.

lieu
04-23-2003, 04:18 PM
Launch a sea pickle.

scout1222
04-23-2003, 04:19 PM
I swear, I had an ex who would say he was going in to "squat in the sandbox and snap one off".

Cluricaun
04-23-2003, 04:35 PM
Some here just came in with:

Beaming down a Shatner

and

Birthing Earth

Belrix
04-23-2003, 05:47 PM
Personally, since this is one of the rare times to read when you have young children I "visit the library."

Cheesesteak
04-23-2003, 05:51 PM
#1 - spending some pennies

TheLoadedDog
04-23-2003, 06:10 PM
Originally posted by AuntPam
English guy I knew once stood up and casually announced "Well, I'm off to shake hands with the unemployed."
That's fairly common here in Australia too. I posted it to a similar thread last year, and one of the American Dopers (sorry, forgot which one) responded with "shake hands with the Governor", which I also liked. IIRC, it is a southern thing.

"Strain th' main vein" is used a bit here too.


It is also customary when returning from the gents' room to a mixed gender table at a bar or restaurant to say very seriously to another bloke, and so the women can hear it, "Careful if you go out there mate. That trough is bloody cold today." The other guy will know the joke, and nod solemnly, "Right. Ta for that. I'll watch out."

Scarlett67
04-23-2003, 11:46 PM
There was a short-lived sitcom called "Sibs" back in the early 90s in which Margaret Colin played a really brassy broad. In one episode Dan Castellaneta (Homer Simpson) took her out on a date to impress his friends with her looks, and kept trying (unsuccessfully) to get her to be polite instead of herself, annoying her in the process. At one point she excuses herself from the dinner table to "go to the bathroom," and Dan says proddingly, "What was that?" to which she snarkily replies, "Oh, excuse me, I mean I have to go powder my ass."

I loved that line.

Ell
04-24-2003, 12:20 AM
Amongst my friends:
- "Drop a brogan" (Although could be grogan)
- "Hang a turkey"

Charming, aren't we?

Monster104
04-24-2003, 12:32 AM
"Gotta leave a shit"

js_africanus
04-24-2003, 12:41 AM
"Giving birth to a cop."

Hometownboy
04-24-2003, 12:49 AM
"Gotta go drain the radiator."

ghandi5569
04-24-2003, 01:16 AM
At work, I say I'm going to my office. The office with one seat, no window, no view and a closed door policy.

Other places...gotta drop one in the thunder mug.

Zoe
04-24-2003, 01:54 AM
Ethilrist said:
Going to see a man about a horse

You mentioned that you didn't understand that one. Actually it has been used as an exit line for about a hundred years or so -- when you want to leave for any reason. It is not just for the bathroom. But I have no idea of its origin. I've also heard dog used instead of horse.

I can't believe I am actually reading and posting to this thread.

Urban Ranger
04-24-2003, 02:29 AM
#1 System flush
#2 Core dump

:D

Dragonblink
04-24-2003, 02:37 AM
My usual exit line is "I gotta race like a pisshorse."

mmmiiikkkeee
04-24-2003, 03:25 AM
Not quite what the OP was asking for, but just outside of Vancouver I once read on a bathroom wall:

Here I sit,
Asshole a hurtin'.
I just gave birth
to another Albertan

Since I am an Albertan, I didn't quite laugh but I did like the poem and remembered it for the past 6 years... this has been the first time I've repeated it.

phraser
04-24-2003, 05:25 AM
originally posted by Zoe
Ethilrist said:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Going to see a man about a horse
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You mentioned that you didn't understand that one. Actually it has been used as an exit line for about a hundred years or so -- when you want to leave for any reason. It is not just for the bathroom. But I have no idea of its origin. I've also heard dog used instead of horse.


Going to see a man about a dog is a 1920's/prohibition term for going to buy illegal whiskey/moonshine from a still.

Annie-Xmas
04-24-2003, 07:24 AM
I'm going into the Oval Office to work something out, and can't leave till the paperwork is done.

interface2x
04-24-2003, 07:47 AM
In the words of Homer Simpson, I have to shake the dew off the lilly.

bayonet1976
04-24-2003, 07:51 AM
"Voy a cagar"

Unless I'm around spanish speakers, in which case I just slink away quietly.

Jammers
04-24-2003, 08:10 AM
No. 1

Drain the main vein
Bleed the dragon
Crack china

No. 2

Ride the porcelain Honda
going for a dump

You gotta love 'em all. There is no phrase choicer than one which lets other people know that you're going to move your bowels.

beagledave
04-24-2003, 08:34 AM
Release a harbor trout.

Coil
04-24-2003, 08:36 AM
Pass some beavers through the lock

Build a bear

Coldfire
04-24-2003, 08:47 AM
There's these two Dutch comedians who pretty much based an entire 15 minute skit on #2 euphemisms. It cracked me up so bad I nearly fell off the couch watching it.

Now, bear in mind, we're not as PC as the average North-American, but I assure you all examples below are harmless, and without ill will.

I'm going to put Nelson Mandela on the train.

I'm going to knit a brown sweater.

I'm going to fax to Darmstadt. (All right, that one needs an explanation. Darmstadt is a German city, but the word darm in Dutch means "colon", so "faxing to colon city")

I'm going to rip open a bag of gardening soil.

I guess you had to be there, and I guess understanding the intricacies of a very thick Rotterdam accent wouldn't hurt either. But it was funny. :)

Philster
04-24-2003, 08:52 AM
My grandfather used to say, and now I say "I have to go visit the Pope".

Frank #2
04-24-2003, 09:42 AM
The euphanisms I hear amongst my friends are:

"Take the Browns to the Superbowl"
"Drop the Cosby's off at the pool"

NurseCarmen
04-24-2003, 09:45 AM
We use "Frank #2" around here. Especially if it's one you know is about to get messy.

Pixelle
04-24-2003, 09:48 AM
"drown a pommie"......(sorry brits)

MSU 1978
04-24-2003, 10:13 AM
Gays only: Download compressed log files.

Otherwise- lay a loaf

If diarrhea- the Hershey Squirts

Moirai
04-24-2003, 03:06 PM
A trip to the mens room - "I have to go consult with my attorney."

El Marko
04-24-2003, 03:27 PM
"taking a dump"
to which a friend of mine would always respond, "why do they call it taking a dump when you a leaving it?" usually in a hilariously exagerated indian accent ala Apu of the Simpsons.

Another friend would say this when he needed to take care of #1: "As Pericles said to the Athenians, 'Where may I drain the lizard?'" I don't know why but this always struck me as hilarious.

I've also been known to say: Time to for a download/system dump.

krisolov
04-24-2003, 03:50 PM
stock the lake with brown trout

tap a kidney

Ryan_Liam
04-24-2003, 06:19 PM
going to the bog

Ryan_Liam
04-24-2003, 06:20 PM
nah that sucks "goin bog" much more better.

djxiii
04-24-2003, 06:29 PM
In school there were a few of us who would say "I'm going to look for Elvis" the usual response when you came back was "Did you find him?" "Nah, but I might have seen *insert name of crappy popular singer of the day*"

Slithy Tove
04-24-2003, 06:33 PM
My wife tells our dog to "go do your business" when she lets him out into the back yard.

So when he goes back and eats his shit, I guess that's what's known as "the Businessman's Lunch."

Roadwalker
04-24-2003, 09:30 PM
My mother called what was in my kids diapers when they woke up:
"their morning constitution"
I hope she didn't use that when I was that young.

serefa99
04-24-2003, 10:40 PM
as a nurse, when i require help from my coworkers to clean up the unfortunate incontinent patient, we call an unofficial code brown.

Zenster
04-24-2003, 11:40 PM
Originally posted by World Eater
From the link above.

Euphemism #89.

People who like sausages shouldn't see how they're made!!

Wtf?Seriously, you don't get this one?

It derives from an old slogan at the pork packing plant.

"Everything except the squeal."

A knowing person, would retort;

"They use the squeal for the noontime whistle."


Sausage has been the historic repository for all the odds and ends not fit for whole consumption. Examine the ingredients for most commercial chorizo. Lips, snouts, lymph nodes (wtf?) unidentified cartilaginous globules, spam and scrapple! A more recent adaptation of this old saw is;

People who like laws or sausages should never watch either being made.
Originally posted by Saltire
In a linguistics textbook I once had, there was a discussion of slang which used "Australian euphemisms for male urination" as examples. The two best (or at least the only two I still remember):

"Point Percy at the porcelain"
"Syphon the python"

Sorry that I don't know any good ones for #2.'Strine euphemisms tend to be a bit racist ...

"Choking a darkie"

or the more politically correct;

"Throttling a non-white."

Their all time best euphemism for urination is;

"Shake hands with the wife's best friend."


Then there are the all purpose forms:

"I've got to inspect the plumbing"

or

"I'm going to check the pipes"

mhendo
04-25-2003, 10:02 AM
Originally posted by Zenster
'Strine euphemisms tend to be a bit racist ...

"Choking a darkie"

or the more politically correct;

"Throttling a non-white."

Their all time best euphemism for urination is;

"Shake hands with the wife's best friend."


Then there are the all purpose forms:

"I've got to inspect the plumbing"

or

"I'm going to check the pipes" [/B] Growing up in Australia, we used a few for urination, some of which have already been mentioned.

Bleed the lizard
Drain the main vein
Siphon the python

My favourite has always been

Unbutton the mutton.

The Stafford Cripps
04-25-2003, 01:15 PM
Downloading corrupt files

Performing the defacatory act

Sending a message to Barking

This last one is a reference to the enormous covered sewer that runs through East London and ends at Barking. People think it's an abandoned railway embankment, and it's visible in the titles for "Eastenders".

Walloon
04-25-2003, 01:26 PM
The most common euphemism is in the OP: "Going to the bathroom". People use it to describe visits to rooms that have no baths in the them, they use it to describe relieving oneself in the outdoors, and they even use it to describe the actions of animals who have never seen the inside of any bathroom ("Look, that elephant is going to the bathroom!").

the_fraulein
04-25-2003, 02:50 PM
My DH (an Army Ranger) is quite fond of saying he's "got a jumper in the door".

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