View Full Version : Did you know that Firehouse subs is NOT Subway?

04-22-2004, 09:14 AM
Went to a Firehouse subs about 6 months ago. Blindly ordered a 6-inch sub. They said "the smallest size is 8 inches here." Okay, gotcha ya. You're not Subway. My bad, next time I'll be more careful.

Went to a different Firehouse subs about a month ago. Looked for any information that would help me find the magical words to order a sub without any snarky corrections. No information on the inch length of the subs. No information even on the NAMES of the sizes (the 8-inch size could be supermegagrande for all I know).

I guess, and order a small sub. Big mistake. You mean a medium?. Check. Your smallest size is a medium. I get it. YOU'RE NOT FUCKING SUBWAY.

Now, an exercise for those in the audience. When I pay for my Megalogrande non-Subway sub, is there any information about what credit cards they accept? I think you know the answer to this.

"Do you accept Discover?" "We accept all major credit cards". Well, duh, I should have known that before I walked in!!!! All of these helpful corrections are given in a very singsong, patronizing voice that doesnt go through in text, which amplifies the implied snarkiness of the comments.

The final straw, and the one I just remembered, that made me post here, is after I ordered the sub, the attendant said "you can sit down while your sub is being made". Who the fuck cares where I am located while my sub is being made? There's no one else in line, and if I do stand next to the counter it is not blocking anybody's way.

I bet Firehouse employees are trained to give these "edgy" comments. I bet they designed the sub bar with no glass, so that you can't see your sub being made, on purpose. So that you will know THEY ARE NOT SUBWAY.

04-22-2004, 09:20 AM
Next time you should ask them if that Jared guy is going to make any appearances anytime soon.

Angel of the Lord
04-22-2004, 09:28 AM
So the smallest size they have is a medium? And when you order a "small" sub, thereby ordering the smallest sub on the menu, you are somehow incorrect and have to be informed that you *should* be ordering a medium? Therefore, the term medium means not "in the middle of two other sizes," but "in between of no sub and a BigFreakingSub"?

Pfft. That's insane troll logic. Don't go back. Who wants a sandwich made by a troll?

04-22-2004, 09:43 AM
I HATE the "we have no small, it's a medium" thing.

Once I ordered a medium soda and the girl at the counter said "we only have large, extra large and superduperpiggy large" so I just rolled my eyes and in an exasperated tone said "just give me the size in the middle". Sheesh.

04-22-2004, 09:54 AM
Sheesh. If you're going to the trouble of pitting Firehouse Subs, you should at least mention that their meats taste like the cheap stuff from the grocery store - and not the Boar's Head from the deli section, either.

04-22-2004, 09:59 AM
Ah...it's the Starbucks model writ deli.

"We have a unique size and drink/sub name system that doesn't jibe with any other known store and we're contractually required to talk down to you if you don't have a genetically-stored knowledge of that system."

04-22-2004, 10:10 AM
Heh. Fucking with those tossers would be too easy.

"Yeah, I want a six-inch subway* and a small drink. And how 'bout <mention Subway promo>?

What? Ya mean you can't do that? Don't you serve subways here? Well, make mine six inches. And give me a small drink."

Watch as a vein begins to go into thrombosis.

*(Yes, that was deliberate. Say in kinda quickly, so they aren't sure what you said. Make it a subliminal jab. ;))

Not that I'd ever do this, of course, but you might. :D

04-22-2004, 10:47 AM
On another size related note, I can't fucking stand it when I go to a movie theater, and rather than having samples of the cups and popcorn bags on display, they only have PICTURES of the sizes posted up next to the menu.

Ah, I see: you have three sizes of popcorn. The smallest size appears to be a bag that is 16 inches high, and eight inches wide... and the largest appears on the sign to be a tub 30 inches tall, and 26 inches in diameter.

SO WHY THE FUCK DID I GET A SMALL SIZE POPCORN THAT HAS THE VOLUME OF A SANDWICH BAG? Can't they just display the actual containers, rather than having an enlarged photograph of them displayed above the counter?

04-22-2004, 10:47 AM
Actually, the meat tastes quite good. Mmmm, good roast beef. But it's pretty bland, I can't tell whether I prefer their high-quality meat or Subway's spicy but rancid-y looking meat (I'd prefer only the OIL it's cooked in to be rancid, thankyouvery much*)

But I am not going back to Firehouse, due to their attitude.

*that's no lie. Real hot subs have meat cooked in barely legal grease, but for some reason chain shops tend to frown on that sort of thing :)

04-22-2004, 10:50 AM
Ah, I see: you have three sizes of popcorn. The smallest size appears to be a bag that is 16 inches high, and eight inches wide... and the largest appears on the sign to be a tub 30 inches tall, and 26 inches in diameter.
Don't have a solution for the size/picture disparity, but I have a solution for when they, like Firehouse, don't even tell you the names of the sizes.

In theatres, if I am ordering the smallest size popcorn, I say "I'd like the $4.25 popcorn." Specifies the size AND makes a subtle comment on the price. I thought about doing that at Firehouse, but their prices are not all that bad.

Hey, It's That Guy!
04-22-2004, 12:22 PM
I only went to Firehouse Subs once, after friends in other cities raved about it. It wasn't bad, but it didn't wow me. I loved their variety of hot sauces, though, since I am a mark for hot sauces and spicy food.

Now Quizno's--I love that place, but they are so expensive! I'm the kind of guy who can happily eat the biggest sub at Quizno's, and for those prices, I might as well go to a sit-down restaurant!

04-22-2004, 01:17 PM
I know how annoying it is when someone does that (FOR GOD'S SAKE, I'M TRYING TO BE HELPFUL HERE, IF YOU HAD A DECENT MENU AND OPENING TIMES POSTED I WOULDN'T BE DITHERING AT THE COUNTER!) but to be fair to them, what should they have said? In reply to "Do you accept..." saying "We accept all major credit cards" is the best response - agreeing, letting you know for next time - the employee can make if the employer hasn't bothered to actully helpfully put a sign up.

Have you tried asking for a sub "About this [hold hands up] long"? :D

04-22-2004, 01:26 PM
Not to take away from the OP or anything, but couldn't you have just asked, "How big is the medium-sized sub?" or something similar?

But yes, places that don't indicate how big their drinks and/or popcorn are annoy me as well.

04-22-2004, 01:47 PM
The good thing about Potbelly (http://potbelly.com/) is that their sandwiches only come in one size and their drinks are either in cans or bottles. Unfortunately, they're only in the upper Midwest or the DC area so far.

04-22-2004, 02:25 PM
"I want a sandwich the size of my GIANT PENIS!!!"

04-22-2004, 05:03 PM
"I want a sandwich the size of my GIANT PENIS!!!"—hands Smeghead a couple of ladyfingers and a pepperoncini—

04-22-2004, 05:22 PM
I too find discomfort in the whole retail sizing debacle, though find my comfort at Schlotzkys deli, two sizes, no waiting. (now only if we could keep the bloody things open around here)

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