PDA

View Full Version : "What Not to Name A Dog"


kinoons
06-27-2000, 02:46 AM
Email spam is a great thing

"What Not to Name A Dog"

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover or Spot". I call mine "Sex". Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for "Sex". He said, "I'd like to have one too". Then I said, "But this
is a dog". He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was nine years old". He said, "You must have been quite a kid". When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said, "Every room in the place is for sex." I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night". The clerk
said, "Me too".

One day I entered sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on T. V." He called me a "Show-off".

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married". The Judge said, "Me too". Then I told him that after I was married Sex left me. He said, "Me too".
Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning"? I said, "I'm looking for Sex". My case comes up Friday.
Author Unknown

GaWd
06-27-2000, 08:20 AM
Ahh...I'm personally a bit more fond of the old "Stains" dog-naming.

::Owner yelling on front porch::

COME STAINS!, COME STAINS, COME HERE BOY! COME STAINS!

::Ownder walks back into house grumbling::

Damned Stains.

-Sam

SwimmingRiddles
06-27-2000, 08:30 AM
I knew a fellow once (really) who named his dog "Girl." This dog was trained to walk without a leash. So Girl is trotting ahead of my friend, and there is a woman walking ahead of Girl. My friend, nervous that Girl is walking too fast, calls "Hey, girl! Come here! Come to papa." He claims he almost got a heal in his face.

NothingMan
06-27-2000, 08:48 AM
Why I'd name him "Stay".


Heal "Stay".

Come "Stay".

Sit "Stay".


Damned confused dog that "Stay".


(with apologies to Steven Wright)


- NM

Spolvy
06-27-2000, 09:17 AM
My Stepdad actually had a dog named Dammit. really. It seemed sorta cool at first but in public it got sort of embarassing.

I was never sure if he was talking to the dog or me...

He thought it was a riot...always...Jerk.

MannyL
07-02-2000, 12:38 AM
Ahh...I'm personally a bit more fond of the old "Stains" dog-naming.

::Owner yelling on front porch::

COME STAINS!, COME STAINS, COME HERE BOY! COME STAINS!

::Ownder walks back into house grumbling::

Damned Stains.



I was thinking of naming a dog My Penis

:-:Owner yelling at dog:-:

Come My Penis Come!
My Penis stop humping that man's Leg
Who'se My Penis yes you are My Penis, good boy
My Penis! Get off that Bitch!


:-: Owner Looking for dog :-:

Excuse me Officer have you seen My Penis?

big_yellow_kingswood
07-02-2000, 12:47 AM
or the old one about naming your racing greyhound 'nads'

go, nads, go...

iampunha
07-02-2000, 12:51 AM
There was a movie a long time ago (for an 18-YO) with either Jim Carrey or Steve Martin, and the dog was named Shithead.

Sunspace
07-04-2000, 02:16 PM
Friend of mine had a dog named Human...

ChiefScott
07-04-2000, 02:23 PM
I know a dude who had the balls to name his dog, "Mom."

"My Mom's a bitch," he'd say. "No really."

It cracked him up.

my85car
07-04-2000, 03:23 PM
Originally posted by iampunha
There was a movie a long time ago (for an 18-YO) with either Jim Carrey or Steve Martin, and the dog was named Shithead.

I think that the movie you are refering to was "The Jerk" with Steve Martin. The dogs name was "Stupid". However, I may be wrong. There may be other movies also that I haven't seen.

Myself
07-04-2000, 05:07 PM
My Uncle named his German Shepard "Honey" so when he called the dog, both she and his wife would come running.

The dog died suddenly....

Anti Pro
07-04-2000, 07:41 PM
I love ya'll's stories, especially the 'mom''s a bitch one. This is a true story. We have a female dog named Molly, we hadn't lived here very long, so our neighbors didn't know us yet. My husband was out back and I could hear him yelling at Molly. I opened the window and he was screaming at her to run.

'Run you fat girl, run Molly, get off your fat rear end and run!'

I took off downstairs (you can only reach the backyard by way of the basement) to tell my husband to cut it out, people were in their yards laughing since they couldn't see who he was yelling at, it sounded as though he was yelling at me! :o Boy would I get teased about this for YEARS by those that heard him, luckily they are now moving away!

tbea925
07-04-2000, 09:34 PM
Originally posted by my85car

I think that the movie you are refering to was "The Jerk" with Steve Martin. The dogs name was "Stupid". However, I may be wrong. There may be other movies also that I haven't seen.

The original name for the dog in "The Jerk" was Shithead. It was changed to Stupid to be shown on TeeVee.

Whammo
07-04-2000, 09:45 PM
Originally posted by iampunha
There was a movie a long time ago (for an 18-YO) with either Jim Carrey or Steve Martin, and the dog was named Shithead.

This statement makes me sooooo sad.... :(

I'm not old am I? *pout*

BTW

Jim Carrey?!?!?!?!? you mistook Steve Martin for JIM CARREY! ...Oh glory day.....

Best Topics: pogue mahone pronunciation smoke walls forklift bomb street walker blowjob flesh crayon keeping live lobster wetting toothbrush lord lao's furnace pamela reed imdb pawn shop fucking tip hotel shuttle i can't whistle hamster generator ss boat accordian rock cvs glasses repair incall meaning double lane road what is 138 increasing arrow doctors lawyers engineers hodges-directory.us meaning of disembowelment harvard mascot animal get goosed nurofen usa qvc keurig recall handicapped porn lubricating wooden drawers firefighter volunteer pay define gop jpeterman catalog musescore repeat joe bag of donuts is the dollar sign before or after xenon vs led flashlight choose a job you love and you will never can you ship yourself how old can prescription be for drug test can russian speakers understand ukrainian holly type bush with blue berries 24-hour flu panera bread balsamic vinaigrette recipe height of a 2 story house life in maximum security prison how much sugar is in bacardi rum charlotte web spider type ac recovery vacuum pump i beam vs rectangular beam what would happen if i ate poop who invented pita bread you kill em we chill em what is a t3 bulb candle in the window meaning how can i thicken spaghetti sauce why is true religion so expensive what do you call your sister in law's husband garage door making grinding noise why are the beatles so great is it illegal to make thermite ge dishwasher water usage cannot detect printer on network jeux sans frontieres translation can i use coffee creamer instead of milk how good is imax 3d leon uris the haj