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View Full Version : I need some new insults for the referees!


SnakesCatLady
10-07-2005, 03:54 PM
Hockey season is fast approaching, and I need some new insults for the referees and the opposing team. I prefer clever ones to really obscene ones, because I don't like to cuss if there are small children seated near me. I have the old standards:

Hey ref, get off your knees, you're blowing the game!

Hey ref, I don't know what game you're watching but you're missing a hell of a good one out there!

Hey Player - I've seen better legs in a box of KFC!

Hey ref, two words: Precision Optical.

Hey ref, can I pet your seeing eye dog?

but I could use some new ones. Any help is appreciated!

lieu
10-07-2005, 04:04 PM
"Hey [insert player's name], I didn't recognize your wife since she shaved her back."

marque elf
10-07-2005, 05:10 PM
Hey ref, how much is the other team paying you for this hatchet job?

Hey, player x. It is true you still use double bladed skates?

Cliffy
10-07-2005, 05:15 PM
Sorry, the only one I've got is obscene. ;)

Back at school, the regular chant was "The ref fucks sheep! The ref fucks sheep!"

--Cliffy

running coach
10-07-2005, 05:42 PM
Hal Briston is a ref?




:d&r:

Gary Robson
10-07-2005, 05:59 PM
Can't help you. I'm one of those people who actually watches the game without acting obnoxious and yelling insults so that nobody else can hear the announcer.

GorillaMan
10-07-2005, 06:01 PM
I can't help either. I'm one of those people who prefers to sing foul unoriginal insults along with thousands of others. I'm guessing this isn't the done thing with hockey. ;)

Linus Van Pelt
10-07-2005, 06:19 PM
Here's one I heard from a friend:

Hey ref! If you had one more eye, you'd be a cyclops!

And there's nothing wrong with yelling at the ref - as long as that's not all you do the whole game (and I agree that profanity is less then cool, especially when there are families with kids around). But when they blow a call, it's part of the fun to yell at them.

SnakesCatLady
10-07-2005, 10:50 PM
I only yell when they blow a call pretty badly - it's a tough job and I sure wouldn't want it. And as far as hearing the announcer - I sit right behind the glass so no one around me can hear the announcer anyway, for some reason of acoustics in our barn.

ccwaterback
10-07-2005, 11:16 PM
If an opposing player backs down from a fight.

"Hey X, hit him with your purse!!!"

The Mad Hermit
10-08-2005, 01:14 PM
Hostility toward players and referees by fans is unsportsmanlike. It's irrational at best, and outright thuggish at it's worst.

Put yourself in the place of the referee you want to insult, and tell me honestly that you like being the target of their agression, and at any given time half (or more) of the crowd hates you for your last work decision.

If this is what everyone wants, then sports players and referees should be able to insult back and defend themselves with appropriate force. A mob of mad fans vs. a ref who made a questionable call = time to use the pepper spray. The baseball player who gets obscene gestures cast at him should be able to return the favor. The football player who gets doused with beer gets a fire hose to wet down the section that attacked him. The hockey player who gets a bottle thrown at his head gets the thrower on the ice for an even fistfight.

Just don't do it.

Hung Mung
10-08-2005, 03:24 PM
One of the few games in college in which my friends and I got awesome seats near the front row was one of the worst officiated games I've ever seen. At one point we had an awful pass interference call. The crowd got quiet to watch the replay on the jumbotron and I screamed the following:

"You fucking zebra, I hope you die, you legless, son-of-a-whore."

Yeeeeah, I got some funny looks...even though everyone agreed with me, even some of the players turned around and looked like they couldn't believe their ears. A little embarrassing, but I know for a FACT that that ref heard me. He deserved it and was roundly booed for that terrible call.

SnakesCatLady
10-08-2005, 03:33 PM
The Mad Hermit - thanks for playing.

Hung Mung, I try to refrain from using profanity - it's really more fun to use a clever insult. Had a list around here somewhere but lost it when I moved.

Wolfian
10-08-2005, 03:48 PM
Hey, ref! I know you're blind! I've seen your life partner!

Hung Mung
10-08-2005, 05:23 PM
Hey, to each his/her own. I'd rather cut straight to the point and make the guy's toes curl. I'm not smart enough to think of clever things when I'm that angry.

Enright3
10-08-2005, 06:05 PM
As an umpire who officiates everything from Division I to 10 & Under, let me just say:

:rolleyes:

First of all we've heard most of them. Second of all you're only making yourself look like an idiot except to the like minded people around you who think you've just said something original.

Even back when I used to vend beer at the Texas Rangers games, and you'd pass a beer down to someone in one of the middle seats who would pay with a 20, and the person handing the money back to you says "Keep the Change". Hardy har har! You said "keep the change", and the person who ordered the beer wouldn't know why he's not getting any change back! That's so funny!

Only small minded people believe that yelling at the officials is part of the game. If you're unhappy with the officiating, the right thing to do is get involved and officiate games yourself.

Wow... and parents wonder why it costs so much to have their youth games officiated, or why there's a nationwide shortage of officials.

~sigh~

E3

Jman
10-08-2005, 06:07 PM
Visit a Cornell hockey game, and you'll get enough material for the next 3 years. :) (Gotta plug my alma mater (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lynah_Rink) especially since we're a bit rabid for our hockey team.)

One that is usually reserved for the opposing goalie, but can be used for a ref as well is:

One person yells: "Hey (ref's name), your mom called....she said"
Whole arena yells: "You suck!"

It's pretty effective, since we actually did do the whole "you suck" as a unified group of 3,800 people.

Most of my good cheers are goalie cheers, though. :)

Jman
10-08-2005, 06:09 PM
Oh...a dirty follow on for that cheer (that has slowly died out due to its vulgarity) is a potential:

"Hey (ref's name), your boyfriend called....he said"
well, you can come up with the response. :)

Gangster Octopus
10-08-2005, 06:16 PM
As an umpire who officiates everything from Division I to 10 & Under, let me just say:

:rolleyes:

First of all we've heard most of them. Second of all you're only making yourself look like an idiot except to the like minded people around you who think you've just said something original.

Even back when I used to vend beer at the Texas Rangers games, and you'd pass a beer down to someone in one of the middle seats who would pay with a 20, and the person handing the money back to you says "Keep the Change". Hardy har har! You said "keep the change", and the person who ordered the beer wouldn't know why he's not getting any change back! That's so funny!

Only small minded people believe that yelling at the officials is part of the game. If you're unhappy with the officiating, the right thing to do is get involved and officiate games yourself.

Wow... and parents wonder why it costs so much to have their youth games officiated, or why there's a nationwide shortage of officials.

~sigh~

E3
AIr a bit thin up there on your high horse?

Enright3
10-08-2005, 06:54 PM
Oh, that's rich. I'm on my high horse because I'm saying that yelling at refs is never as original as the person who'd doing the yelling does?

Maybe it's just my imagination that I've see car damage too many times to count on my umpire colleagues' vehicles. I've had to listen to threats of violence and even death. I've had "fans" wating for my crew after the game. It's not enough that I have to hear parents coach their kids to take other players out of the game, and then laugh it off and say "it's part of the game".

More and more legislation is being presented and passed every day to deal with the violence that sports officials have to endure, yet I'm on my high horse to suggest that wanting to learn more insults is a little stupid.

I think I'll stay up here on my high horse, thank you.

That being said, don't get me wrong. If it was all bad, I wouldn't do it. No one would. 99% of the time it's fun, rewarding, a great way to stay involved in a game I'm too old to play competitively anymore, and good exercise from sitting behind a desk all day long.

On the whole, the insults are meaningless to the officials. Like I said, we've heard all of them before. The insults in-and-of themselves are harmless except that it feeds into the mentality of hating sports officials.

Here you go, have fun at your hockey game. (Sorry these are for baseball umps)
Hey ump ...
Stevie Wonder could have gotten that call right!
move around a little bit, you're killing the grass!
move around a little bit, you're growing roots!
move around a little bit, when they the umpire is part of the field, they don't mean literally!
flip the plate over and read the directions!
did your glass eye get fogged up on that one?
are the stadium lights keeping you awake?
is the plate round? because you're not calling the corners!
you couldn't call a cab!
turn that mask around!
nice call, Mr. Magoo!
I didn't know they printed rule book in braille!
Phone a friend!
it's a good thing you didn't have three choices!
kick your seeing eye dog, he just lied to you!
woof means strike!, woof woof means ball!
give me an I!, give me another I!... now give them to the umpire!
if you're just going to watch the game, you should have bought a ticket!
how'd you become an umpire? did you flunk out of beauty school?
now I know why there's only one "I" in umpire!
that's called a BAT, not a GOLF CLUB!
mix in some consistancy, once in a while!
don't bother brushing off the corners, you're not calling them anyway!

Hung Mung
10-08-2005, 07:53 PM
[QUOTE=Enright3]As an umpire who officiates everything from Division I to 10 & Under.../QUOTE]
Dude, have you ever met Ed Hochuli? That guy could wrestle a bull moose to the ground with a smile on his face.

SnakesCatLady
10-08-2005, 08:40 PM
Enright3, I never have and never will condone violence toward an official or a member of the opposing team. If I see them after the game when we're feeding the opposing team, I always invite them to fix a plate, and thank them for their work. I know it is a thankless job. However, minor league hockey gets a wide assortment of refs - some of which are good, some are mediocre and a very few who couldn't find their ass with both hands and a flashlight. When I see a bad call, I have to say something or I will sit there and explode! So I try not to be profane. Besides, where I sit (front row) they can't hear me for the glass anyway. It's just a juvenile way of releasing tension.

By the way - thanks for the great lines! I don't watch baseball, but some of these can be adapted...

Balle_M
10-08-2005, 09:03 PM
Actually, wouldn't the correct Doper response to a bad call be


"CITE!"?

Gary Robson
10-09-2005, 12:34 AM
It's just a juvenile way of releasing tension.You've summed it up beautifully.

Marley23
10-09-2005, 12:41 AM
I agree about the wrongs of harassing officials. But if we're cataloguing, here's a chant I heard only once at a college football game:

"The ref needs a wife! The ref needs a wife! The ref needs a wife so he'll stop screwing us!"

Right after that ended, I added "Or at least a dog..." that shocked my friend next to me pretty good...

Wolfian
10-09-2005, 09:28 AM
[QUOTE=Enright3]As an umpire who officiates everything from Division I to 10 & Under.../QUOTE]
Dude, have you ever met Ed Hochuli? That guy could wrestle a bull moose to the ground with a smile on his face.
Hochuli? He's no Brasky.

To Bill Brasky!

Enright3
10-14-2005, 10:13 AM
I feel compelled to add this on...
http://davesdaily.com/pictures/131-hockeyfans.htm

don't ask
10-14-2005, 10:20 AM
Excuse me sir I believe you made an error with that last call.

Trunk
10-14-2005, 11:28 AM
One time there was an Orioles game and Mike Timlin fielded a come-backer with 1 down, runners on 1st & 2nd. He threw to THIRD.

The next day, I'm at a game in the bleachers, and the exact same situation came up. Pitcher fielded the ball, threw to second and turned 2.

When it quieted down, I stood up and yelled to the bullpen, "Hey Timlin, you see that? He went to second."

Not only did half the bleachers start cracking up (anyone who watched the game the night before), but so did a player sitting next to Timlin.

My point here is: Heckling is a longstanding honorable tradition. But, if you're going to heckle, make it timely, original, and somewhat funny. Repeating anything from the long list of cliche-heckles pegs you as a douche.

Classic heckle: the guy who said to Al Belle, "Hey Joey, keg part at my house."

Al Belle drilled him in the chest with the ball.

Wolfgrrl
10-14-2005, 01:51 PM
As a long-time security guard at an NHL/NBA arena, I agree that violence, profanity and threats, as well as anything that gets a little too personal - say, fans in the front row too-loudly toasting a player who's known to be in treatment for alcoholism, or a sign that refers to a player's publicized domestic disputes - toward officials, players, and other fans is NEVER cool. We have to escort officials to and from the dressing room to the court, and from the building to their taxi after the game. If the fans were halfway intelligent and respectful, this shouldn't even be an issue. (The NBA's current security requirements, following last year's melee in Detroit, were largely based on what we have always practiced where I work.)

But, I also attend a fair number of hockey games, mostly AHL, as a fan, and yeah, heckling is a time-honored tradition that the game wouldn't be the same without. I don't personally do a whole lot of it myself, but on those rare occasions when I do hear someone come out with something particularly original and witty it gives me a chuckle, and I know it does to many of the officials I know too, at least the ones for hockey. I don't have as much contact with the NBA officials so I can't really say what they think. Then again, I also work at perhaps the only arena where a ref has ever gotten a standing ovation (Paul Stewart's first game post-cancer treatment). And, even though they can't heckle back, I've had officials make comments to me on the side about the fans too. Most of 'em do have a sense of humor. And they do watch replays later to see if they really did blow a call, and they have their "oh, shit," moments when they realize they did. They're human. It just all comes down to not crossing the line and leaving it in your seat at the end of the game.

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