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View Full Version : Have you ever used your sock to masturbate?


MovieMogul
07-04-2011, 04:38 PM
I'll be honest. I'm a dude so have choked the chicken quite a bit over my lifetime, but I'd never heard of using a sock to masturbate until I saw the film American Pie (well into adulthood). But from cultural jokes and references, it appears to be a common enough Go-To for boys who want to self-pleasure.

So (private poll), which choice best characterizes you in relation to this behavior?

Morgenstern
07-04-2011, 04:42 PM
I thought socks were frowned on here.

Locrian
07-04-2011, 05:05 PM
Ah, HA HA HA HA!

No. I haven't heard of it. Yes, I'm male.

Has anyone ever heard of chafing?? :D

Mr Downtown
07-04-2011, 05:20 PM
For the circumcised, more for cleanup than stimulation.

EvilTOJ
07-04-2011, 05:27 PM
I have, but only as something to clean up with. From what I've heard, it's been used as an actual rubbing aid? I don't know how that'd work because it sounds like it would hurt like hell.

Locrian
07-04-2011, 05:42 PM
I have, but only as something to clean up with. From what I've heard, it's been used as an actual rubbing aid? I don't know how that'd work because it sounds like it would hurt like hell.

Yeah. The sock in question must be a very nice one, pure turkish wool perhaps?

MovieMogul
07-04-2011, 06:07 PM
I don't know the mechanics at all, but in the film, insertion was part of the process (presumably before it later doubled as a receptacle). In the film, it was an athletic sock, though I would think a dress sock would have a softer consistency...

Hari Seldon
07-04-2011, 08:10 PM
Never heard of it till just now. I didn't vote because I am beyond adulthood.

FloatyGimpy
07-04-2011, 08:16 PM
Until I was a married adult and my husband set me straight, I thought that when a guy masturbated with a playboy, he rolled it up and stuck his penis in the end and masturbated like that. I thought it had something to do with having a penis touch a picture of a boob.

Joey P
07-04-2011, 09:11 PM
I've always heard of it, but never done it* as it always seemed like an extra step in the process when it's so much easier to use something that can just be thrown away/flushed.

*The only time I've done it was many many years ago when I was fooling around with my then GF. For whatever reason we weren't going to have sex that night (either we hadn't had sex yet, she wasn't in the mood or her parents we're in the next room, don't remember) and she grabbed a near by sock when I told her that we either needed to stop messing around or grab something before we have a mess to clean up.

msmith537
07-04-2011, 09:19 PM
I don't remember the sock. I remember the pie from the first movie and the mixup with the superglue/lube in the second.

BigT
07-04-2011, 09:20 PM
Well, I learned to masturbate from a book--a book telling me about the horrors of it called God, Sex, and Me or similar. It even said it was okay to discuss it since anyone would discover it on their own anyways. I hadn't. And it took me an hour of experimenting for it to happen the first time.

The reason I bring that up is that it didn't go into cleanup, but it did mention wet dreams, and it discussed how, if you woke up with it, you didn't have to clean up because your body would absorb it by morning.

So I was always under the impression that it would clean itself up.

Freddy the Pig
07-04-2011, 09:25 PM
The implication from the poll choices appears to be that if you can survive adolescence without sock-whacking, you won't take it up as an adult.

I'm tempted to sock-whack right now, for the first time, at age 51, to prove this theory wrong. But really, why ruin a perfectly good sock?

palacheck
07-04-2011, 09:53 PM
I've used socks before. It's easier(I imagine) if you're uncircumcised with a bit of...slack, so to speak. The cotton never touches the head if you do it right, although I would sometimes accidentally graze the head with force(!). I don't see how that could be avoided unless you are both uncircumcised and morbidly obese.

These days I'm so old and tired that I don't want to waste an orgasm using a sock when there's hardly enough to go around during sex...

elfkin477
07-04-2011, 10:12 PM
Female. I've heard about it for about 1/2 my life but I still don't know: a. if the sock is, um, worn or just aimed into, b. if it's a clean or dirty sock. If it's worn and it's a dirty sock...eww.

brittekland
07-04-2011, 10:29 PM
But really, why ruin a perfectly good sock?

Would semen cause socks to permanently lose softness too (http://boards.academicpursuits.us/sdmb/showthread.php?t=614203&highlight=semen+towel)?

Larry Mudd
07-04-2011, 10:36 PM
Female. I've heard about it for about 1/2 my life but I still don't know: a. if the sock is, um, worn or just aimed into, b. if it's a clean or dirty sock. If it's worn and it's a dirty sock...eww.I doubt there's a universal answer there - it's not like we went to school for it or asked our friends what they thought might be best - I think that most boys who ended up using a sock to wank probably hit on the method through improvisation.

As near as I can recall (as this would have been three decades ago) clean sock (quite certain of that much at least) sock slipped over the end when finishing seemed imminent, index finger under the sock.

Years later I worked with a west indian fella who described finding his son's wank sock stuffed down between the bed and the wall: "Stiff as a board!" he said, "He must have of used that sock a hundred times - it was flat as a pancake and as stiff as board! If I'd 'a hit ya in the eye with it you'd be blind, man! That thing was dangerous!"

Personally (even if I don't recall the circumstances that made a sock seem more sensible than tissue paper, which we must have had available) I at least felt that wank-socks ought to go into the laundry hamper after the first use. E

antonio107
07-04-2011, 11:09 PM
I voted number 1. The only American Pie film I saw was that abortion known as "Band Camp," and I pretended to like it because this girl I liked did.

Until now, I have NEVER, EVER heard of this practice. Gross.

Shalmanese
07-04-2011, 11:58 PM
I had a roommate who once explained his system to me:

He owned 7 pairs of socks.
He would wear a fresh pair every day and be left with a dirty pair by the end of the day.
He would masturbate twice a day, once in the evening with one sock and once the next morning with the other socks.
Every weekend, he would do the laundry and throw in his 7 pairs of dirty, semen encrusted socks.

After he told me that, I proceeded to give him shit the rest of the time we lived together than every single piece of clothing he owned had a fine miasma of semen on it.

panache45
07-05-2011, 02:14 AM
Damn, I thought that was toe jam!

Boyo Jim
07-05-2011, 03:20 AM
Do they make socks out of Teflon or something? Can you buy a sock full of Vaseline at the drug store? Maybe then I would try it.

ralph124c
07-05-2011, 07:06 AM
Sox sex sucks.

Joey P
07-05-2011, 08:03 AM
Sox sex sucks.

If only it could.

msmith537
07-05-2011, 08:28 AM
If I'd 'a hit ya in the eye with it you'd be blind, man! That thing was dangerous!"


So it can cause you to go blind.



I voted number 1. The only American Pie film I saw was that abortion known as "Band Camp," and I pretended to like it because this girl I liked did.


That's like judging the movie Caddyshack from only seeing Caddyshack 2. The three theatrical release American Pie films were actually quite good.

And actually, that's Band Camp was probably the best of the direct to DVD American Pie films. Not like that sets a high bar or anything. But I did manage to sit through the whole thing while watching it on TBS.

Hypno-Toad
07-05-2011, 08:58 AM
I have never socked it to me. Never heard of it until this thread.

RTFirefly
07-05-2011, 09:07 AM
Never heard of it till just now. I didn't vote because I am beyond adulthood.Hey, holographs from beyond the grave usually don't post on message boards at all, so you shouldn't let it stop you here. :)

RTFirefly
07-05-2011, 09:09 AM
I have never socked it to me. Never heard of it until this thread.I heard about it on "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In" which certainly dates me. :)

tdn
07-05-2011, 09:14 AM
I have a hard enough time keeping track of my socks. By the end of the wash cycle I'm wearing whatever mismatched socks I can scrounge up.

It's not like I have spares that I can use for something that wouldn't even feel good.

Happy Lendervedder
07-05-2011, 09:55 AM
I heard about it on "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In" which certainly dates me. :)

So do you date yourself with or without a sock?



Sometimes there just aren't enough socks laying around. (http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/2m)

awldune
07-05-2011, 11:31 AM
A shirt from the clothes hamper is both softer and more absorbent for cleanup.

Wearing it during is hard to figure, I guess the appeal is if you are REALLY concerned about containment.

MOIDALIZE
12-12-2011, 02:17 PM
Oops, wrong thread.

YogSothoth
12-12-2011, 02:56 PM
You just have to get the right kind of sock

Czarcasm
12-12-2011, 03:19 PM
My sock?
No.

Peeta Mellark
12-12-2011, 03:24 PM
Socks? Pfft. Amateurs. You want to get a dish towel, rubber bands, two sponges, a microwave, and a condom.

Gotta be safe, you know.

Marconi N. Cheese
12-12-2011, 03:36 PM
So, tube socks are aptly named then?

What about Bobby socks?

Blank Slate
12-12-2011, 03:41 PM
Can a moderator make this poll public?

Jack Batty
12-12-2011, 03:47 PM
I don't get the attraction.

Now if said sock were made of skin, and it lubricated itself, and it had a woman envloping it ... maybe. But it just doesn't sound like it would feel that good. Besides ... even jerkin' the gherkin' I appreciate a good money shot.

corkboard
12-12-2011, 04:09 PM
Not a sock. A t-shirt, or a pair of dirty underwear, yes. A sock? I wouldn't want something that stinky near my winky.

Freddy the Pig
12-12-2011, 04:29 PM
Oops, wrong thread.Was it ever.

Czarcasm
12-12-2011, 04:33 PM
As I post this, the next thread up is "Help me fill my wife's Christmas stocking!"

Um.....okay.

Yumblie
12-13-2011, 12:31 AM
As I post this, the next thread up is "Help me fill my wife's Christmas stocking!"

Um.....okay.


This holiday season, instead of dick in the box, give her jizz in the sock!

slm2955
12-13-2011, 10:35 AM
Socks to masturbate? That's new to me lol....

Diceman
12-13-2011, 11:41 AM
Heard of it, never used one. A tissue or some toilet paper has always been perfectly adequate for containing the mess.

kayaker
12-13-2011, 11:44 AM
"Hey, your dick smells like feet."

Ruby
12-13-2011, 09:01 PM
My g/f used to work with the mentally handicapped and they actually taught some of the male clients to do their business in a sock to keep the rest of the clients in the house from accidentally coming in contact with...stuff.

Peanuthead
12-13-2011, 09:57 PM
In days of old when knights were bold
and condoms weren't invented.
They wrapped their socks around their cocks
and walked away contented.

Bumbershoot
12-13-2011, 10:04 PM
I used to, until I developed a case of Athlete's Dick.

Omniscient
12-13-2011, 10:10 PM
I think the OP is missing the point. It's not for jerking off it's for clean up.

drewtwo99
12-13-2011, 10:10 PM
Yes and I'll still do it on occasion.

Trinopus
12-13-2011, 10:13 PM
. . . every single piece of clothing he owned had a fine miasma of semen on it.

Okay, serious question: would that be so? Or would it dissolve in the laundry, like all the other gross stuff -- dead skin cells, dead bacteria, sebum, oils, dandruff, etc. -- that gets on our clothes from our bodies? Or *are* our clothes suffused with a fine miasma of our precious bodily fluids? What about laundering the bed sheets after a night of hunka-hunka-burnin'-love? Do the love juices spread to our shirts and slacks anyway?

If one had a magical semen detecting ray, and shone it around the typical house, would the stuff be everywhere?

I almost went to post this in General Questions, but decided to have mercy...

panache45
12-13-2011, 11:27 PM
I'd have to get bigger socks.

bengangmo
12-13-2011, 11:38 PM
Okay, serious question: would that be so? Or would it dissolve in the laundry, like all the other gross stuff -- dead skin cells, dead bacteria, sebum, oils, dandruff, etc. -- that gets on our clothes from our bodies? Or *are* our clothes suffused with a fine miasma of our precious bodily fluids? What about laundering the bed sheets after a night of hunka-hunka-burnin'-love? Do the love juices spread to our shirts and slacks anyway?

If one had a magical semen detecting ray, and shone it around the typical house, would the stuff be everywhere?

I almost went to post this in General Questions, but decided to have mercy...

The average male produces around 130,000,000 sperm heads in each ejaculation. A peer-reviewed international study has found that cotton underwear retains 43% of the DNA after it's been through each wash. "So you have to do quite a few washes to reduce DNA below the detectability of the tests," he says. That means the contamination could well have occurred in an earlier handwash.

From here: http://stuff.co.nz/sunday-star-times/features/feature-archive/456379/What-the-public-didn-t-hear-about-the-death-of-Charlene-Makaza

Having said that - I would imagine all sorts of things affect it - however, whether or not it's true, you can still tease someone about it :D

AngelSoft
12-13-2011, 11:55 PM
As a girl in high school, I had of course heard of it here and there but for some reason, I have this idea set in my head that there was a specific reason for using a sock. That, when a teenage boy was living at home, he would use a sock as a 'secret' cleanup method, something that he could use that wouldn't arouse suspicion from mom/family members. So instead of using an suspiciously large amount of tissue and having the evidence clear for all to see in his trashcan, he could use a sock, throw it in the hamper as he would normally do and no one would be the wiser. No idea WHERE I got this idea but it's stuck with me throughout the years.

Trinopus
12-14-2011, 01:01 AM
The average male produces around 130,000,000 sperm heads in each ejaculation. A peer-reviewed international study has found that cotton underwear retains 43% of the DNA after it's been through each wash. . . .

It might help a little if one pre-rinses socks that have been used for...um...

Count Blucher
12-14-2011, 09:01 AM
I used to, until I developed a case of Athlete's Dick.

I'm not sure Tinactin will increase sales with commercials of that (http://bit.ly/sbePKQ) bursting into flames at half-time.

Peeta Mellark
12-14-2011, 09:41 AM
As a girl in high school, I had of course heard of it here and there but for some reason, I have this idea set in my head that there was a specific reason for using a sock. That, when a teenage boy was living at home, he would use a sock as a 'secret' cleanup method, something that he could use that wouldn't arouse suspicion from mom/family members. So instead of using an suspiciously large amount of tissue and having the evidence clear for all to see in his trashcan, he could use a sock, throw it in the hamper as he would normally do and no one would be the wiser. No idea WHERE I got this idea but it's stuck with me throughout the years.

I suppose I can see the logic there, but tissue can flush down the toilet so it's not really an issue.

Revtim
12-14-2011, 09:50 AM
I don't understand, if you don't use a sock, then what do you use to tie around your neck?

Bumbershoot
12-14-2011, 10:06 AM
I'm not sure Tinactin will increase sales with commercials of that (http://bit.ly/sbePKQ) bursting into flames at half-time.

Let me tell you, rubbing that stuff on my peepee sure tingled! :eek::D

It got rid of the fungus, though.

njtt
12-14-2011, 11:55 AM
I'd have thought the texture would be wrong. I use a handkerchief.

kayaker
12-14-2011, 12:02 PM
I'd have thought the texture would be wrong. I use a handkerchief.

May I suggest you refer to it as your spankey hankey?

njtt
12-14-2011, 12:27 PM
May I suggest you refer to it as your spankey hankey?

Thanks, but no thanks.

Until today, I don't think I have ever had the need to refer to it at all.

studmuffin
12-14-2011, 01:36 PM
Ah, the humble sock, not a mastubatory system I used, the unpleasant chafing seemed out of proportion to the pleasure gained.

I preferred the Lemon Curd method, smear the curd on the tumescent member and get the family dog to lick it off, risky but rewarding.

How can you tell if a Canadian girl is on her period ?
She's only wearing one sock.

tdn
12-14-2011, 01:43 PM
The problem with cumming in a sock is that you only do it in one, so when you put them on, they won't feel "even." I suppose you could get a friend to help with the other one...

Count Blucher
12-15-2011, 06:56 AM
Let me tell you, rubbing that stuff on my peepee sure tingled! :eek::D

It got rid of the fungus, though.

Hers too, I'm sure.

"New, from Johnson & Johnson: Sport Vagisil....!"
*applicator not included

No, huh?

Sunshine and Smiles
12-15-2011, 11:16 AM
Yeah, but I only don the sock at the very end to play a bit of catcher, as it were. Much less mess than the tissue-paper runway method because the blast radius is contained.

It is not considered proper to wear jerk-socks on the feet after they've been tampered with.

Gozu Tashoya
12-15-2011, 06:04 PM
Gotta admit, I've considered using socks just because I feel bad about all the tissues I go through. Save the trees and all that, y'know?

DWMarch
12-16-2011, 02:43 AM
An expert on the topic of socks, masturbation and alternate methods:

(from Weeds, contains explicit language)

http://youtu.be/FWzOQTFwRBE

Mr Downtown
12-16-2011, 10:32 AM
Gotta admit, I've considered using socks just because I feel bad about all the tissues I go through. Save the trees and all that, y'know?
Perhaps there's a method involving Four Seashells.

Skywatcher
12-16-2011, 11:08 AM
Never heard of it until I saw this thread.

Trinopus
12-16-2011, 05:58 PM
. . . the unpleasant chafing seemed out of proportion to the pleasure gained.

A lot of people here have said that. Maybe I've got an iron pecker, because I don't sense the chafing at all. Sure, it isn't as smooth as a lady's lovelies, but it doesn't "chafe." Socks seem soft and comfy.

. . . It is not considered proper to wear jerk-socks on the feet after they've been tampered with.

One learns to segregate one's lingerie...

But I'm still intrigued by the notion, upthread, that I'm soaking all of my clothes in a miasma of sperm cells. How powerful a microscope would I need to see traces of this? How would I even prepare the slide? Or are there chemicals that react strongly to sperm cells, and nothing else, that I could use to detect traces in my clothing?

It's a classic that a UV lamp will show where urine has splashed in the bathroom, a technique used to shame men who don't aim properly. Is there something like that for sperm?

Mein Gott, what a discussion!

Quasimodem
12-16-2011, 06:19 PM
Once upon a time (SHUP, Younguns!:)), when I was 13 (in the US at that time), I was invited to an overnight campout.

We had a big tent (there were 10 of us) and we were deep in the woods which were then right across Stockmar Road in Villa Rica, Georgia. A goddam subdivision is there now.

Anyway, after all the ghost stories, the "parking tales", and such, our host invited the rest of us to "take 'em out, boys, and let's start to be men!"

I didn't know what in the fuck they were talking about until the guy said, "Think about what you saw in the Sears and Roebuck catalog, and get that thing hard, boys!"

So I did that, but although I knew I was supposed to have my penis (okay, dick) in my hand, I didn't know what was supposed to happen, so I just started slapping my belly, thinking that would fool them into thinking I was doing whatever it was I was supposed to be doing.

Now I know it's a "Circle Jerk", right, guys? :)

It didn't work. So kind friend that he was (may he rest in peace) he showed me what was supposed to happen, and I got my "masturbation education" from him that day, and no we didn't make love to each other, okay?

But I digress, don't I?

Back when I could get it up, I always used toilet paper as my "Catcher's Mitt".

Pleeeeeez don't tell anyone about this, okay???? ;)

Thanks

Quasi

MovieMogul
03-29-2013, 02:33 PM
bump

ralph124c
03-29-2013, 02:45 PM
Sox sex sux:D

drewtwo99
03-29-2013, 03:51 PM
what a meaningful resurrection!!!

Cartooniverse
03-30-2013, 12:47 AM
"Hey, your dick smells like feet."

You got semen in my toejam !!

Hey, you got toejam in my semen!!

Two great tastes that......uh.....well, you know.

Quasimodem
03-30-2013, 03:14 PM
I hate reading my old posts. It makes me go, "what were you thinking, dumb ass???"

Quasi

Cartooniverse
03-30-2013, 03:48 PM
That describes 10% of my posts.

Trinopus
03-30-2013, 09:14 PM
I once tried using toothpaste as a lubricant... My thought was that the "tingle" might be erotic.

Bad idea... The "tingle" turned into a very uncomfortable burning sensation.

Ah, to be young again!

EmilyG
03-31-2013, 09:53 AM
nm

Face Intentionally Left Blank
03-31-2013, 11:49 AM
I had a roommate who once explained his system to me:

He owned 7 pairs of socks.
He would wear a fresh pair every day and be left with a dirty pair by the end of the day.
He would masturbate twice a day, once in the evening with one sock and once the next morning with the other socks.
Every weekend, he would do the laundry and throw in his 7 pairs of dirty, semen encrusted socks.

After he told me that, I proceeded to give him shit the rest of the time we lived together than every single piece of clothing he owned had a fine miasma of semen on it.

I had a friend that used to call bathing "filth averaging", in that it broke up concentrations of dirt and deposited it evenly over your body (he ignored the portion that went down the drain, I guess). I'm reminded of that because what you said brought to mind the phrase "semen averaging".

kayaker
03-31-2013, 08:59 PM
nm

The real explanation for the post is likely way tamer than my what my sick imagination has produced. I hope.

EmilyG
03-31-2013, 09:19 PM
The real explanation for the post is likely way tamer than my what my sick imagination has produced. I hope.

It was because I realized it was a zombie thread and felt embarrassed. ;)

kayaker
03-31-2013, 09:28 PM
It was because I realized it was a zombie thread and felt embarrassed. ;)

Yes, but now we are all curious about your sock experience(s).:D

EmilyG
04-01-2013, 11:28 AM
Yes, but now we are all curious about your sock experience(s).:D

Okay. I'm female, and I do use socks in the situation mentioned in the thread title. I won't go into further details.

You're welcome. :P

kayaker
04-01-2013, 12:10 PM
Okay. I'm female, and I do use socks in the situation mentioned in the thread title. I won't go into further details.

You're welcome. :P

I'm speechless.:)

Count Blucher
04-01-2013, 07:44 PM
I'm speechless.:)

O gets the Square. next question please...

drachillix
04-01-2013, 08:17 PM
No, but I have made extensive use of this method

Take two pillows put the one onto of the other. Then get a sandwich bag put some kind of lube like olive oil of baby oil and lightly coat the inside of the bag. Not to much though because it can leek out and make a mess. Get naked get an erection (when your penis is hard) put the bag on your penis. Then put your penis with the bag in between the pillows adjust your penis to a comfortable position and hump away but make sure that you penis isn't hitting the back of the bag because if it dose you'll brake the bag and have to start all over.

The other bonus was basically, the mess was in the bag and the skin of my penis was always so soft. Literally the iron fist in the velvet glove :D

Of course this is less workable when you are trying to crank one out while the SO is snoozing beside you.

OK this concludes my TMI baring of the soul for the day

Trinopus
04-01-2013, 10:02 PM
Ah, to be young again! drachillix' technique would have been fine for me...fifteen years ago. Today? Between lumbago and sciatica, my spine just can't do what's required!

cougar58
04-02-2013, 12:04 PM
many mothers wondered why they had to darn the socks 6 inches from the opening, long before the usual heel or toe areas.

now they know

cougar58
04-02-2013, 12:06 PM
Okay. I'm female, and I do use socks in the situation mentioned in the thread title. I won't go into further details.

You're welcome. :P

several socks tied end to end, like a magician does with hankercheifs?

Freddy the Pig
04-02-2013, 01:40 PM
I hate reading my old posts. It makes me go, "what were you thinking, dumb ass???"That's funny--when I read your post, I thought the same thing. :eek:

For you sock-whackers out there: Does the sock ever get filled up? If so, how long does it take?

Doctor Jackson
04-02-2013, 01:57 PM
several socks tied end to end, like a magician does with hankercheifs?

Watch while I pull a rabbit out of my...

Trinopus
04-02-2013, 03:39 PM
. . . For you sock-whackers out there: Does the sock ever get filled up? If so, how long does it take?

Use once, then launder (with a pre-soak to keep the -- ah -- material from solidifying.)

Long before it would fill up, it would solidify into a hard, nasty, crusty mass, and be useless for the purpose.

(Of course, there are some people who.........)

tdn
04-02-2013, 03:47 PM
For you sock-whackers out there: Does the sock ever get filled up? If so, how long does it take?

As in, how many sessions? :confused:

Freddy the Pig
04-02-2013, 03:56 PM
As in, how many sessions? :confused:Well, yeah. How many ejaculations would it take?

And another thing . . . does one "wear" the sock like a condom while whacking, or merely use it as a receptacle to catch the "output"?

Trinopus
04-02-2013, 11:07 PM
Like a condom.

Freddy the Pig
04-03-2013, 09:41 AM
OK, then I see your point about matters becoming uncomfortable long before fill.

msmith537
04-03-2013, 10:35 AM
Whose sock should we be using?

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