View Full Version : Dial 1-800-FUCK-YOU

12-11-1999, 06:01 AM
I always thought that would be really funny. But, hey, who would call? Masochists looking for a fun night on the phone?

"Yeah, hi, this is Dominique the Dominatrix. How can I fuck you?" (Can't you just HEAR that voice?)


That could get some responses. I'll bet that's a real number, though.

What other fun 1-800 numbers can YOU think up? I'm putting this in the pit because I just KNOW the language will get dirty. Hell, I'm looking forward to it!


Troy McClure SF
12-11-1999, 01:44 PM
1-800 FELCH-ME
1-800 MT FLAPS

JMcC, San Francisco, JJM's page from the Bay (http://members.tripod.com/~weirdstuff/index.html)
If I were a baseball player, and I got beaned by a fastball, I wouldn't want medical attention. I'd want my limp, lifeless body flung to 1st, cause, dammit, I earned it!

12-11-1999, 02:44 PM
Well I'm sure you've seen the 1 800 EAT SHIT stickers around. Several years ago I and some drunk buddies called it just for fun. Turned out to be an ad to order more bumper stickers. Last year I heard the number didn't work anymore tho.

12-11-1999, 03:46 PM

"Hello, welcome to the Monkey Hot Line!

If you'd like to hear 1,000 monkeys typing randomly on 1,000 typewriters, press "1".

If you'd like to hear a monkey chew you out like the pig that you are, press "2".

If you'd like to hear the sound of monkeys flinging feces, press "3".

If you'd like to hear the sound of monkeys screaming to the haunting tune of The Lion Sleeps Tonight, press "4".

Press "5" to schedule a one-on-one session with the actor from B.J. and the Bear! Don't worry, he has plenty of time!"

Ohhhh, man. Someone help me out of the Bad Place.

You say "cheesy" like that's a BAD thing.

12-11-1999, 07:54 PM
If you'd like to hear the sound of monkeys screaming to the haunting tune of The Lion Sleeps Tonight, press "4".

I actually own that CD. Barnyard Beat, it's called. Also on the CD is a seal singing "I Feel Good" and a chicken singing "Born to Be Wild".

I know this is more appropriate for the "Embarrassing things you won't admit IRL" thread in MPSIMS, but then I guess no one would know what made me think of it. . .

"I'm just too much for human existence -- I should be animated."
--Wayne Knight

12-12-1999, 10:17 AM
Lenny was right, 'fuck' is feel nice thing.
'fuck you dad!' Should be positive thing, no?

Anyway, register.com (http://register.com) says that
1-800-fuck-you.com/org/net is NOT available. you know what that means? 'fuck' can't be in a web site name, or so it seems.

Patty O'Furniture
12-14-1999, 01:01 PM
Try this, it's a real message recorded for all of those who like to tell polish jokes:


You just won't believe it...

Patty O'Furniture
12-14-1999, 03:19 PM
Of course I meant Polish jokes.

12-14-1999, 04:54 PM
Um, how'd you get a phone with a 'Q'?

12-15-1999, 07:47 AM

I do tech support for a webhosting provider. Believe me, you can use "fuck" in a domain name. Network Solutions and the other name registers don't care one way or another.

On a random search, fuck.com (http://fuck.com) didn't come up, but fuckingfantasy.com (http://fuckingfantasy.com) (a customer of my company), and fucking.com (http://fucking.com) both came up.

Um . . . they both resolved.

Will work for sig line.

12-15-1999, 08:19 AM
I thought the Felch-Hotline was 1-800-EAT-SHIT.

Fluff yer hair Beula, Is feelin frisky - M.S.

Patty O'Furniture
12-15-1999, 09:49 AM
Crick, now you've ruined it for all the half-wits who would have otherwise picked up the phone & dialed, hunt-and-peck style, through the whole number only to realize by the time they got to the Q...


12-15-1999, 01:27 PM
Hi this is my first post on this board, and wanted to let you all know about registering "dirty-word" domain names. Internic and Network SOlutions will not register them. That is simply their policy.
The place i have registered my "dirty-word" domains, and i have several is: http://netwiz.net
i am not affiliated with them in any way other than i register with them and think they provide GREAT service.
Hope this helps!

12-15-1999, 08:23 PM
Sealemon88 wrote, re 1-800-MONKEYS:

Press "5" to schedule a one-on-one session with the actor from B.J. and the Bear! Don't worry, he has plenty of time!"

Wait a minute! The critter on B.J. and the Bear was a chimpanzee, not a monkey!

12-16-1999, 12:11 AM
Sorry to walk on yer 'Prince Albert in a Can' gag there Opus, but Jaysus H. Washington, I dialed that number ye posted and me bleedin' mother answered!

That just wasn't very nice. 1-800-BAD-JOKE.

Dr. Watson
"Once more, with feeling . . . "

12-17-1999, 12:32 AM

For all you men who like the flat haired women.


For all you men who like the fluffy women.


This is just for you know who!


12-17-1999, 03:11 AM
re: the monkey hotline

to hear "hey, hey we're the Monkees..."

"There's a snake in my boot!"

12-18-1999, 10:45 AM
phouka, what you sayd & what webslave says, don't seem to agree....

12-18-1999, 11:46 PM

For that boomerang penis thing. Come on, those dicks are just trying to hit the G-spot!


For any man that THINKS those 976 number women really look anything like those ads!


For any woman that THINKS those 976 number men really look anything like those ads!


For anyone who is taking any of these numbers seriously...

12-19-1999, 09:31 AM

12-19-1999, 07:50 PM
How about 1-800-Getalife? I am amazed that people have time to sit around and think up these topics...I can only post to someone else's topic...I don't have time to think them up....

12-21-1999, 01:54 PM
How about 1-800-Getalife? I am amazed that people have time to sit around and think up these topics...I can only post to someone else's topic...I don't have time to think them up....


P.S. Funny, it doesn't take some of us all that long to think this stuff up.



"Damn, I don't get all them guys that complain about their wimmen just lying there! I like that! If they move, or breathe? Ewwwwwwww!!! < shudder >"

You say "cheesy" like that's a BAD thing.

12-21-1999, 03:16 PM

I stand corrected. I checked with the DNS ladies at work, and here is the list of words that Network Solutions will not register in a domain name:


Those last three words left me wondering, but the DNS ladies say they won't let you register a domain with them unless you're a member of the Olympic committee or on the board for the Red Cross. Go figure.

Will work for sig line.

12-23-1999, 01:52 AM

Obvious, isn't it?


Another fairly obvious one


Just for you know who!


12-24-1999, 12:32 AM

For the gift that keeps on giving.


For those hard to reach places.


"Hey, thanks for calling the Troll Hotline! What kind of a fucking moron ARE you, that you'd call this number?

Press 1 to help me with my homework!

Press 2 to justify your existance to our operators (they've all passed junior high, so watch out!)

Press 3 if you know the answer to the daily question. Better make sure it's the answer I'm looking for, or you're in soooo much trouble!"

You say "cheesy" like that's a BAD thing.

12-26-1999, 08:58 PM
matt: I haven't tried, so I don't know. My guess is that they'd let you do something with "redcross" that was, by context, obviously not infringing on the Red Cross.

Of course, Network Solutions (Internic, Worldnic, et al) used to be a government agency, and they still retain a lot of the Standard Operational Bullshit procedures that leave out the flexible thinking that could allow a person to recognize that redcrosseknight.com has nothing to do with the American Red Cross.

Of course, you could still register it to your heart's content at register.com or one of the other competitors.

Will work for sig line.

12-26-1999, 09:22 PM
Okay you two, yeah YOU two! Darn you, coming in, taking this thread to Cuba! Darn it all to hell! This is all just a joke! Don't have a serious, enlightening discussion in here about what you can and can't register! What are you, nuts?! This is about lame 1-800 jokes... get with the program! May I suggest:


And there you can talk about what you would like to discuss.


Cause, like, this is MY thread and you two are on a tangent. (Whaaa, whaa!)


This is because I'm just kidding around! :) :) ;)

Please, again, I'm just digging at you... I just really wanted to see if anyone else out there sits around, brain full, stomach empty, and thinks up weird assed 1-800 numbers. If you really want to discuss web address you can call my NEW number


If you can't reach me, keep trying. Results may vary. Offer void in Utah, Tennessee, Virgin Islands and Rhode Island...

This has been a joke. If I were really pissed you would see my head explode in phantasmagoric splendor... if you are unsure about the joke in this, or ANY post I've made, please, ask. After I dump a beer on my head I will get back to you!


12-26-1999, 10:10 PM
No slights intended - but I am amazed this thread has survived this far...

- Message NOT scanned for typos...

12-26-1999, 10:21 PM
ramesh might I suggest


That's what you have to do to keep the dream alive! Come, dream with me!


12-27-1999, 12:53 AM

You mean you couldn't register redcrosseknight.com, (http://redcrosseknight.com,) even if it were a sight about Edmund Spenser and The Faerie Queene?

12-27-1999, 07:56 PM
And my mom wonders why I'm in here laughing so hard.

Okay, okay. Here's my contribution:

1-800-FELCH-ME (what? it's been done?)

1-800-BAK-2-BYZ (for timely reminders that hijacking is not appreciated)

1-800-FWAP-YOU (for those in need of dope slaps. Should I put it on speed dial?)

1-800-I-MADE-IT (for those who want to mark the milestone that Byz actually noticed them. Woohoo! I'm in! Another checkbox marked.)

Will work for sig line.

12-31-1999, 04:16 AM
Driving home from work at midnight (and thank God I don't have to do that again for another six months), I get to hear a lot of commercials on the car radio. My normal mode is to get offended at the dipshits who ask us to dial a number with more than seven digits (e.g., "call 1-800-LOSEWEIGHTNOW). More to the point might be to get offended about the dipshits who call the number, I suppose, but let that lie for now. Being in a philosophical if-you-can't-beat-them,-join-them frame of mind one evening, I decided that a good toll-free number to have for my company (in the event that I ever lose sight of my principles to the point where I become an entrepreneur), would be 1-800-ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM. It would be real easy to remember.

Of course truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
Mark Twain

the first supraliminal
12-31-1999, 08:28 AM

Lucky I got speed dial.

There's always another beer.

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