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View Full Version : What's worse, getting caught masturbating at work or having sex at work?


Incubus
05-30-2014, 01:23 PM
Co workers were casually discussing which is worse- getting caught at work masturbating or getting caught at work having sex. They thought being caught masturbating was worse because they consider it more "pathetic". At least if it involves another person there is somebody to share the blame. But I guess it might depend on location, and in the case of sex, the other person.

Location: Bathroom, supply closet, employees cubicle, other cubicle, dumpster, company vehicle, crawl space, boss's desk.

Other person (either the one catching the masturbator Or the one that the employee is having sex with: Co worker, person of same sex, person very old, person who 'looks' underage (but swears they are 18), co worker, large breed of dog, homeless person, security guard, contractor, supervisor.

Since the poll feature can't cover every possible combination it's better to just think about the overall effect of each category.

I would say an employee getting caught having sex is worse because there is a potential security risk if the other person is not an employee. Also, what boss wants to walk in on one of their employees having sex with some homeless guy out back? :eek: Then again, the last thing the contractor running phone lines through the crawl space wants to see in his flashlight is some employee enthusiastically jerking off down there. But he may not care enough to make a big deal about it.

Vinyl Turnip
05-30-2014, 02:09 PM
"Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here, that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know, 'cause I've worked in a lot of offices and I tell you, people do that all the time!"

kayaker
05-30-2014, 02:11 PM
Absolutely worst is getting stuck staying overtime when you have plans. But that's missing from the poll.

Incubus
05-30-2014, 02:23 PM
"Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here, that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know, 'cause I've worked in a lot of offices and I tell you, people do that all the time!"

While jerking off or having sex with the boss's dog?

"Bitch lead me on!"

Lowdown
05-30-2014, 02:49 PM
Dude it's gotta be running manual override. You get caught doing that and you're a sad-sack forever after. Get caught getting your freak on in the conference room and you become a legend. Everyone kind of wishes they'd get laid in the conference room! Not so much with the rubbing one out in the cleaning supply closet. Either way, you've gained some notoriety and will be a topic of conversation at your work's holiday parties for years to come.

lieu
05-30-2014, 03:03 PM
What's worse, driving a Yugo or a Porsche Twin Turbo on the Autobahn?

PastTense
05-30-2014, 03:04 PM
I thought having sex with the boss was a traditional method of getting a promotion and/or other perks.

madmonk28
05-30-2014, 03:07 PM
I will confess that I have been caught having sex at work. When I was in grad school, I was working this night temp job with a woman I was dating. We would sneak off during our breaks to have sex (this was an office building at night, so most of the building was empty). We got in trouble, but neither of us cared, it was a college temp job. It was just one of those funny stories young couples have.

If I had been jerking off at work and caught, I would have resigned the next day.

Aquadementia
05-30-2014, 03:18 PM
I thought having sex with the boss was a traditional method of getting a promotion and/or other perks.

That should be near the top or the last line of your résumé.

Grrr!
05-30-2014, 03:30 PM
At least if you get caught having sex you can always use the George Costanza defense:

Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices and I tell you people do that all the time.

ouryL
05-30-2014, 03:30 PM
The first is being antisocial, the second merely is boundery issue.:D

panache45
05-30-2014, 03:35 PM
The worst is returning from a bathroom break with fresh cum on your tie.

Been there.

Incubus
05-30-2014, 03:42 PM
But what if the other person is really ugly? Or fat?

kayaker
05-30-2014, 05:19 PM
But what if the other person is really ugly? Or fat?

Or gagged and bound with duct tape?

Vinyl Turnip
05-30-2014, 05:28 PM
At least if you get caught having sex you can always use the George Costanza defense:

Well, now I know who has me on ignore!

fuchsiagroan
05-30-2014, 05:38 PM
It's not going to look good, professionally, either way.

Why does it matter if the partner is ugly or not? Just make a sdmb account and bring it up as much as possible that your wife is hot. You instantly win as a human being.

ZenBeam
05-30-2014, 06:00 PM
Clearly masturbating at work is worse. What, you can't save that shit for a few hours?

Maybe the person's sexual partner is only available then, like she's another employee or something.

Malthus
05-30-2014, 06:05 PM
No "... need answer fast"? :D

racepug
05-30-2014, 06:16 PM
I voted for "getting caught jerking off." Not sure why. I guess because of what the OP mentioned about getting caught masturbating (or I guess the term now is "'bating" - here in "Merka" I guess we've never met a word we can't try to shorten one way or another) being more "pathetic."

Robot Arm
05-30-2014, 06:20 PM
Location: Bathroom, supply closet, employees cubicle, other cubicle, dumpster, company vehicle, crawl space, boss's desk.

Other person (either the one catching the masturbator Or the one that the employee is having sex with: Co worker, person of same sex, person very old, person who 'looks' underage (but swears they are 18), co worker, large breed of dog, homeless person, security guard, contractor, supervisor.Sex, with a dog, in the crawl space; it's like some demented game of Clue.

Green Bean
05-30-2014, 06:36 PM
The worst is returning from a bathroom break with fresh cum on your tie.

Been there.

I request, no DEMAND that you tell this story.


Why does it matter if the partner is ugly or not? Just make a sdmb account and bring it up as much as possible that your wife is hot. You instantly win as a human being.:D

Grrr!
05-30-2014, 06:42 PM
Well, now I know who has me on ignore!

Damn, right there in post number two. I can't believe I missed that.

I guess it's true what they say, too much jerking off will make you go blind.

handsomeharry
05-30-2014, 07:10 PM
What's worse, driving a Yugo or a Porsche Twin Turbo on the Autobahn?

I like.:D

Cognoscant
06-01-2014, 02:45 PM
I was reading this title with amusement...then I thought to myself that I know of at least three incidents where people were fired over having sex at work (all of them involving two employees of the same company), but nobody fired for whacking it on the job. I think there might be an out for somebody caught pulling the pud at work--at least for anybody with enough brains to be hiding behind their desks--but it's a little harder to justify why two employees are trying to hurriedly redress.

Plus, when two employees are caught having sex, oh what gossip. None of the three incidents happened in the company where I worked, but within a week I swear everybody in my field in the whole state had heard about it. You wouldn't get that just because Mr. Jones got bored one day and started beating off. So I'm going to take the minority view that getting caught having sex in the office is worse.

/And one of the incidents was the big boss walking in on a lady being bent over a desk by one of her subordinates...I still hear people in the industry talking about that one, ten years later.

Bam Boo Gut
06-01-2014, 08:21 PM
The company is getting shafted twice with the shagging since you've got two staff members recreating on the job, whereas with fapping it's only one set of wo/man hours.

I knew of a hotel which had a 'staff changing room'. Management had basically tried to contain activities and staff could reserve the room either before or after their shift. :eek:

Morgenstern
06-01-2014, 08:53 PM
What's worse, driving a Yugo or a Porsche Twin Turbo on the Autobahn?

Is the Porsche pink?

The Other Waldo Pepper
06-01-2014, 09:07 PM
Is the Porsche pink?

The Yugo is also cursed.

Lamia
06-01-2014, 10:45 PM
I'd say it depends on what you mean by "worse". If the masturbation is taking place in a location like a bathroom stall where the employee has a reasonable expectation of privacy then I don't think the employee would be guilty of a crime, and is probably not in violation of any company policy. Masturbating in an office cubicle, supply closet, etc., where the employee knew there was a reasonable chance that a coworker might see them could be a violation of indecent exposure or lewd behavior laws though, or possibly company sexual harassment policy.

With sex, the fact that someone else is involved makes the situation more complicated in terms of the law and company policy. Depending on who the other person is, it could be illegal or a policy violation to have sex with them even in the privacy of your own home. As the OP notes, depending on the workplace then bringing in an outside person might be forbidden even if it wasn't for the purpose of sex. Even if there's nothing forbidden about the relationship itself or the other person's presence, they might be so embarrassed or upset about getting caught that their reaction would lead to trouble. So in general I'd say that getting caught having sex at work is more likely to result in serious consequences like losing the job, being arrested, being accused of sexual harassment, or being broken up with by the other person.

That said, in most cases I think being caught masturbating would make the employee seem more pathetic/perverted. Only getting caught having sex with someone really inappropriate or disgusting would be worse in that regard. Generally though I think others would have more sympathy for a couple that got carried away in a moment of passion than someone who just couldn't wait until they got off to...get off.

Voyager
06-01-2014, 11:51 PM
Well, if the person works in a restaurant and is caught masturbating into the soup ...
It depends on the circumstances.

kayaker
06-02-2014, 07:29 AM
Well, if the person works in a restaurant and is caught masturbating into the soup ...
It depends on the circumstances.

Ahh, the infamous Cream of Sum Yung Guy.

Gus Gusterson
06-02-2014, 09:19 AM
I have had sex at work. I know of four other people who also had sex here (two couples). When I did it the guy in the next office was aware of it, and I and several others were aware of the other two couples. It was always after hours and nobody was bothered by it. I think it would be different if it happened during the day when there were more people around.

At my previous job an employee was caught masturbating. As another employee put it so eloquently, the masturbater "was discharged".

Count Blucher
06-02-2014, 09:23 AM
Ahh, the infamous Cream of Sum Yung Guy.

...served at Yung Ho's...

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