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Old 06-07-2002, 01:29 AM
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Stupid Hot Sauce Descriptions

Does there exist a more ludicrous hot sauce description on a bottle than this (I doubt it)?: "The bouquet features well defined varietal characters of black currant and red capsicum, with subtle, smoky hints of well integrated oak on the palate. There are rich berry fruit flavors and a lingering after taste of wood smoke, ripe summer fruits, and time has tamed the heat."

First off, the change in tense of the line "and time has tamed the heat", is guffawable (to coin a word), and futhermore, it tastes like a combination of liquid smoke and kerosene. And, what the hell is capsicum? Does anybody know?
Old 06-07-2002, 01:32 AM
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Capsicum is red chili pepper.
Old 06-07-2002, 01:39 AM
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Capsicum is what you other* folk call Bell Peppers or Sweet Peppers. They come in green, red, yellow and orange but do not have any fire in them whatsoever. They ARE however a marvellous source of Vit. C.

* Well, we in Aus call 'em capsicum, anybody who calls 'em something else comes into the category of 'other'.

Oh, and for STUPID labelling, how about this:
I bought a new keyboard recently, and to 'attract' potential customers, the manufacturer had written in Very Big Letters on the box....
'Complete with Tactile Touch'.


Huh? What is 'touch' if not tactile?
Talk about a waste of good ink!!
Old 06-07-2002, 01:42 AM
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Mmmm... I think it sounds good.


then again.. Im a sucker.
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Old 06-07-2002, 02:15 AM
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"Screaming Sphincter" never seemed particularly intelligent to me.
Old 06-07-2002, 02:38 AM
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To an Ausie it's a bell pepper,to another it's a chili pepper,but capsicum is used to describe peppers with heat such as chili,habanero or cayenne peppers.They all come from the same plant genus.

The euros first knew capsicum as cayenne from India,the chiles came from the Indian populations of Mexico and So.America so I'm guessing whenever they were imported back to the homeland of the conquerors they became the same name,tho different fruits.


Columbus called it pimiento from the spanish for pepper (black pepper),but they're from 2 different botanical genii (uses?).

So the pepper fruit in your jar may be any of several species of hot peppers,but shouldn't be black pepper,or bell peppers unless it's from Oz,I guess.


But then again from such a vague label description it could very well contain some festering organism that gives off heat.Those people need marketing help for the goumet buyers.
Old 06-07-2002, 06:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Smeghead
"Screaming Sphincter" never seemed particularly intelligent to me.
Maybe not, but it has a certain lyrical quality that's lacking in my favourite, "Ass on Fire".
Old 06-07-2002, 07:18 AM
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Obviously some bad '70's songwriter(perhaps David Gates?...) has invaded our food labels.
Old 06-07-2002, 05:05 PM
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a useful site for and about pepper heat and tasty sauces:

http://smegghead.com/Hot%20Sauce/hothome.htm
Old 06-07-2002, 06:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Qadgop the Mercotan
a useful site for and about pepper heat and tasty sauces:

http://smegghead.com/Hot%20Sauce/hothome.htm
I had no idea I had a website!
Old 06-07-2002, 07:18 PM
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[shameless plug]

Las Hermanas brand hot sauce says on its label, "This fiery and delicious pepper sauce is made by a secret process with only the finest ingredients: habanero peppers, vinegar, and spices."

Whaddya think?

[/shameless plug]
Old 06-07-2002, 11:04 PM
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I ordered a buffalo chicken cheese steak with extra hot sauce at a hoagie joint in Philly one weekend. The high schooler behind the counter asked me if I was sure I wanted the extra hot sauce. His exact words-

"You don't know how hot this stuff is. THEY USE IT TO TAKE THE CHROME OFF CARS."

The chrome. Off cars. Hot sauce.

And the kicker was the stuff was just regular old grade-A tabasco sauce.
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Old 06-08-2002, 12:50 AM
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My personal favorite is Scorned Woman Hot Sauce, and I just wanna be the first one to say:
Quote:
Screaming Sphincter
Band Name!!!
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