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#1
Old 09-03-2002, 12:55 AM
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12-year old girls love Harry Potter toy that "vibrates between their legs"

Check out this hot product on Amazon:

http://amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...451022-8604837


It's a replica of the Nimbus 200 broom from the Harry Potter book/movie. Read the user comments--they're hilarious:

"It wasn't until after she opened her gift and started playing with it that I realized that the toy may offer a more than sensational experience. The broomstick has cute sound effects and ***VIBRATES*** when they put it between their legs to fly. Come on---what were the creators of this toy thinking? She'll keep playing with the Nimbus 2000, but with the batteries removed."



"I was afraid she would think it was too babyish, but she LOVES this toy. Even my daughter's friends enjoy playing with this fun toy. I was surprised at how long they can just sit in her room and play with this magic broomstick."


"My only problem I see with the toy is the batteries drain too fast and his sister fights him over it, so now I need to buy her one."


Is this all a funny coincidence or are the folks at Mattel smarter than we think? Notice how the comments are all about how much the GIRLS love it, rather than the boys. A vibrating, battery-power stick to hold against the crotch. Perhaps in ten years we'll have a large population of young women with fond, fond memories of their first Harry Potter toy?

Of course, the Christian Anti-Satan Lobby folks will have a field day with this..."They're turning our little girls into scarlet women with their evil sensations of pleasure!"

#2
Old 09-03-2002, 12:59 AM
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Quote:
When my 12 year old daughter asked for this for her birthday, I kind of wondered if she was too old for it, but she seems to LOVE it. Her friends love it too! They play for hours in her bedroom with this great toy. They really seem to like the special effects it offers (the sound effects and vibrating). My oldest daughter (17) really likes it too! I reccomend this for all children.
This is hysterical!!!!!!
#3
Old 09-03-2002, 01:04 AM
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I agree with you on that count, Rhythmdvl!
#4
Old 09-03-2002, 01:06 AM
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With recommendations like that how can a gal resist.

......just off to order my new very own Harry Potter Vibrator uh I mean Broomstick.....
#5
Old 09-03-2002, 01:12 AM
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From the manufacturer's description:

"Enhancing the excitement are the vibrating effects."

I'll say. Perhaps they're planning an upcoming version with C-cell batteries? Or better yet, a 9-volt...


#6
Old 09-03-2002, 01:21 AM
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Are these parents dumb or just retarded?
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#7
Old 09-03-2002, 01:25 AM
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Wow! That's hilarious, I wonder how long those will be up?

Nuts, I was hoping at least one of the funny ones would show other products they've reviewed.

*shakes head chuckling*
#8
Old 09-03-2002, 01:36 AM
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Here's another one. Yahoo

I doubt they're parents at all, except for the one who took the batteries out.
#9
Old 09-03-2002, 01:37 AM
lee lee is offline
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Gee, to me this sounds like a good idea. Give your daughter her first vibrator in such an innocent disguise she won't blush that is cme from dear old mom.

I'd want may daughter to know her body and be able to give herself orgasms. Why is this a bad thing? All the better if I don't have to talk to her and embarrass her!
#10
Old 09-03-2002, 01:44 AM
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I know I'm kinda out of the loop on some things, but is this bullshit on the up?

Sounds like PR stuff to me..

Either way, it is funny as Hell!

Have to get my wife one, maybe she'll start cleaning the house.
#11
Old 09-03-2002, 02:22 AM
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I especially like the "Add to wedding registry" option next to the product on the Amazon link.
#12
Old 09-03-2002, 02:46 AM
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One of the lady dopers should buy one and see if it gives the desired effect.

I will be glad to stand watch, and take notes of course.
#13
Old 09-03-2002, 03:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by JimSox5
Are these parents dumb or just retarded?
No, some people are that dumb.
#14
Old 09-03-2002, 03:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mudshark


No, some people are that dumb.

I don't think that they're dumb, just unconsciously clueless. I mean if you have pre-teen children, you don't think about Harry Potter toys as potential sex aids. You're too busy worrying about UL safety inspections, durability, and whether one kid's gonna use it to hit his sibling on the head. You don't think about little Janie's first big O. Just like little Janie doesn't want to think about you and your spouse gettin' it on. Instinctively we de-sexualize our blood relatives.

Plus, I assume these are Americans, who as we all know, are conditioned to cram their natural sexuality into closets. And frankly this one is probably best left alone. Let the girls have their fun, as Lee has suggested. It's either that or the hand-held shower nozzle...


But it's still hilarious.
#15
Old 09-03-2002, 05:33 AM
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Quote:
the Nimbus 2000 features a grooved stick and handle for easy riding.
Jesus! This is better than the whole "mouse balls" instructions! ROTFLMAO
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#16
Old 09-03-2002, 06:57 AM
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*Ahem*
Maybe you get it but then again maybe you don't. These are not idiots or clueless people. They all understand exactly what's and they are making a joke. A joke that was extremely successful judging by the number of blogs this is appearing on. The only serious reviews are the toy enthusist from NJ (and probably the review who prompted the others to submit joke reviews) and the toy enthusiast from Maine, USA.

I mean come on, don't you want to write one too?
#17
Old 09-03-2002, 07:42 AM
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I guess there's no need to mention the picture or the use of the phrase "box size", huh?
#18
Old 09-03-2002, 08:41 AM
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Maybe anthropologist Michael Harner should try marketing a real "witch broome" for adults with atropine balm and see if anyone buys it.
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#19
Old 09-03-2002, 09:57 AM
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I'm with Osiris on this - these are joke reviews.

IMHO there is a hobby industry in joke reviews on Amazon and the like - the more subtle, the more artistic, and the less likely they'll be deleted out of hand by a vigilant Amazon drone. Check out this guy's reviews.
note: I trimmed the URL slightly because I think the one offered by Amazon has my ID in it as a referral tag. Tested this one, seems to work. If not, search for reviewer name "Henry Raddick."

AmbushBug
#20
Old 09-03-2002, 10:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Karellen
Instinctively we de-sexualize our blood relatives.
Obviously you're not from the Ozarks.





OW! Stop throwing things. It's a joke, don't hurt me.
#21
Old 09-03-2002, 10:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by AmbushBug
Henry Raddick
I love his attempt to end his sons porn habit. 9 hour marathon, whew!
#22
Old 09-03-2002, 10:38 AM
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Ah man AmbushBug, you don't mind if I call you Bug do you? That's giving me some of the best laughs this month. I love this quote about a guide book for dogs.
Quote:
A tremendous guide and one which has worked wonders in re-establishing my dog's sense of self-worth after the reaming he recently took.
Now I wont get to sleep till the sun comes up!
#23
Old 09-03-2002, 10:41 AM
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My son got this for Christmas from his aunt--who had no idea of it's----um----potential. He zealously opened his gifts in front of all the relatives and was so excited to get yet another Harry Potter related piece of plastic. He ripped it out of the box, turned it on and hopped aboard and at that precise moment every adult in the room did a collective jaw drop as we all realized what my innocent little son was, ahem, riding. As he zoomed out of the room in search of the golden snitch (yeah, that's what they're calling it now), I leaned over to my cousin and said "well, at least you didn't supply the K-Y, too."

So, anyone want to know where to find a 24 inch vibrator for $4.99?
#24
Old 09-03-2002, 10:53 AM
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Finally some competition for the pony clubs.
#25
Old 09-03-2002, 11:00 AM
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Holy Crap, that is hilarious! AmbushBug, those reviews are great.

Tibs.
#26
Old 09-03-2002, 11:22 AM
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Hawthorne

Ive noted the pony thing too but my take on it is different. Some friend and I in England had a game going (horseback riding is much more common or just noticeable over there) where we would count how many girls we would see riding before we saw a boy or man. My total got to 131 before a hunt came by and spoiled it.

If you think about it a girl spends a lot more time taking care of her horse and training it than riding. I occurred to me, "what other activity that girls enjoy involves caring for and training a large, hairy, smelly, stupid animal that you only occasionally get to use for recreation?"
#27
Old 09-03-2002, 02:33 PM
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Check out the reviews of Bil Keane's Family Circus books. They came from the defunct Dysfunctional Family Circus website.
#28
Old 09-03-2002, 02:47 PM
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Why couldn't thay've had toys like this when I was a kid? My mom wouldn't have been suspicious if I spent hours in my room with an actual toy, instead of my dad's electric shaver.
#29
Old 09-03-2002, 03:10 PM
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Quote:
Have to get my wife one, maybe she'll start cleaning the house.
OK, now THAT'S funny..."Mmmmm...broom vibe 2000? Honey, you don't spill NEARLY enough stuff on the floor...let me help you. Whoops! Better sweep THAT up!"

Quote:
My mom wouldn't have been suspicious if I spent hours in my room with an actual toy, instead of my dad's electric shaver.
It was a beautiful, wonderful day when God brought forth the electric toothbrush. Awwwww YEAH!
#30
Old 09-03-2002, 03:25 PM
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Wow. I feel so utterly and horribly naive.

I never commandeered anyone's shaver or toothbrush!

--scout "by hand" 1222

#31
Old 09-03-2002, 07:10 PM
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Less expensive than horsebackriding lessons.
#32
Old 09-03-2002, 08:05 PM
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I never thought of using an electric shaver like that.
#33
Old 09-03-2002, 08:24 PM
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Most of the reviews were made up by members of the SomethingAwful forum.
#34
Old 09-03-2002, 11:21 PM
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Henry Raddick is an unsung comic genius. I've been giggling uncontrollably for 20mins now.
#35
Old 09-03-2002, 11:32 PM
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Hey, I used to sit on the washing machine during spin cycle when I was 10.
#36
Old 09-04-2002, 12:40 AM
Ell Ell is offline
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Quote:
Reviewing the Krups 215-17 Citizen Home Shoeshine Kit by Henry Raddick
An excellent kit for keeping those shoes nicely buffed. I also found an additional useful feature when I accidentally dropped a coin next to my home shoeshine kit and it told me that word on the street was the Gambinis had been taking heat from the DA's office on account of that business with Frankie the Snake.
#37
Old 09-04-2002, 01:48 AM
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I love his review for The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Women
Be careful and think long and hard before you give this book to your wife or girlfriend as a gift. As I learnt to my cost, if she looks at it in horror you won't be able to tell her that you are a little drunk and just slipped."

But that book just has some of the best reviews anyway filled with wonderful quotes like A reader from Wisconsin. GO look it up, it's worth it.
#38
Old 09-04-2002, 01:48 AM
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I love his review for The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Women
Be careful and think long and hard before you give this book to your wife or girlfriend as a gift. As I learnt to my cost, if she looks at it in horror you won't be able to tell her that you are a little drunk and just slipped."

But that book just has some of the best reviews anyway filled with wonderful quotes like A reader from Wisconsin. GO look it up, it's worth it.
#39
Old 09-04-2002, 01:49 AM
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I love his review for The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Women But that book just has some of the best reviews anyway filled with wonderful quotes like A reader from Wisconsin. GO look it up, it's worth it.
#40
Old 09-04-2002, 01:55 AM
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Thanks for the Henry Raddick link AmbushBug! The shoeshine review was one of my favorites too.
#41
Old 09-04-2002, 02:06 AM
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So the Broom Reviews are fake--how disappointing. But I suspect the playtime that some girls are getting out of it is still real.
#42
Old 09-04-2002, 08:52 PM
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Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas : A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream
by Hunter S. Thompson, Ralph Steadman
Quote:
I had heard so much about this book that I had to read it. While there were some entertaining bits I was slightly disappointed that the author didn't make his condemnation of drugs a little clearer. Look, I'm no square, drugs are a fact of life and therefore an issue open for discussion in literature. But I do believe that authors such as Mr Thompson have a duty to their readers to stress the dangers of drugs so that they can then make an informed decision not to take them. That's really my only gripe apart from the sick illustrations.
BWAH. HAH. HAH. HAH. HAH.
I love this universe.
#43
Old 09-05-2002, 12:05 AM
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Henry Raddick, reviewing the video Obesity:Bypass Surgery:
Quote:
An outrageous laugh-til-it-hurts video-blunderama of bariatric bloopers and outtakes. With priceless footage of hapless laparoscopies and catatstrophic gastroplasty this cavalcade of ham-handed stomach staplings is guaranteed to make you both laugh and launch your lunch.
Brilliant!
#44
Old 09-05-2002, 03:25 AM
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And we most certainly can't be mentioning humorous Amazon reviews and ignore this little gem, can we now?
#45
Old 09-13-2002, 10:59 AM
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Update from the Seattle Weekly

Small World - Unclean Sweep
#46
Old 09-13-2002, 02:49 PM
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Raddick's review of The Maltese: Diminutive Aristocrat had me gasping for air:

http://amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...122762-8955274
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#47
Old 09-13-2002, 05:02 PM
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Oh, lord! This guy Henry Raddick is a freaking god! The guy is weaving in comic themes through his work like a pro. Take for example the prequel to the above dog-reaming comment:

Quote:
Pets-R-Permitted: Hotel, Motel Kennel and Petsitter Directory

A truly wonderful guide which I wish I had bought prior to recently boarding my dog Grendel. I'm told he got himself a...-jacket for putting himself under the wing of an old timer daddy bulldog during his kennel stay. This superb guide will help us consider the alternative community-based disposals on offer since Grendel clearly can't do the time without unacceptable compromises.
...And if you think Grendel is in for an easy time of it now that he's out of the hoosegow, think again:

Quote:
Taxidermy, a Complete Manual

A fantastic guide to a lost art, and one which has greatly assisted me in the difficult task of reassembling my dearly departed spaniel Barry. First rate.
I want to find this guy and shake his hand. Or at least wave to him from the other side of the plexiglass window.
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