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#1
Old 02-09-2003, 09:08 PM
ski ski is offline
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New girlfriend, Valentine's Day! Ack!

Oh how I hate this time of year. Especially since I was in almost the exact same situation last Valentine's Day.

So I met this girl. We went to lunch last week, and then went out this weekend. Had a great time, we seemed to really get along well. I'm hoping this lasts for more than about 3 dates (my average). Well, then this whole Valentine's Day crap comes up. If we had been going out for a month or so, it would be easy to come up with something to do for her (comparatively). But since we've only been out a couple of times, I'm not sure what to do. Chances are we won't see each other on Friday due to work schedules, but Saturday is a definite possibility.

So, keeping in mind that I really like this girl so far and don't want to screw things up by overdoing it, what do I do? I mean, I could do nothing, but then she might think I'm not really interested. Or maybe I'm just overanalyzing the whole thing. Argh!

Just something little to let her know I'm thinking of her? Or is that even too much since we've only gone out 1.5 times (lunch counting as a half)? Do girls really make as big of a deal about Valentine's Day as I'm making it out to be?

(Other points in case they're salient to the discussion - we are both in our late 20's, we seem to so far have been really open and honest with each other, and yes, there has been a little bit of kissing involved but that has been it so far.)

Help!
#2
Old 02-09-2003, 09:22 PM
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Dude, you broke the rule. Never start dating a new girl after January 1. (This according to my husband.) You end up with exactly this sort of awkwardness.

Well, what's done is done, so now what to do? Don't make a big deal out of it. You've only had two dates so far. If you do end up going out on Saturday, I'd say a V-day card might be appropriate, especially a humorous one (think Shoebox Greetings type), but anything more than that will probably come off as overeager.
#3
Old 02-09-2003, 09:26 PM
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Last year, I gave my GF one of those little stuffed Valentine bears that you see at the drugstores/Wal*Mart, etc...non-comittal, cute, and lets her know I was thinking of her in a special way, but not too overboard. And they don't really cost that much, which is really nice, 'specially if you're a cheap barstard like me.
#4
Old 02-09-2003, 09:26 PM
Domo Arigato Mister Moderato
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She's right (and left...we still miss you, Geobabe!)

Get her something small if you like her. Nothing to fancy or expensive. Give it to her personally while telling her you know it's kind of flaky but you wanted her to have it. Something small and funny. That's the ticket.
#5
Old 02-09-2003, 09:45 PM
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It's situations like this that make me wish they made more valentines day cards that were blank on the inside.
#6
Old 02-09-2003, 09:49 PM
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ah, sorry, meant to add advice to that too.

I'd say stick with a card at least, maybe the sort of small gift you'd see on a checkout line. Flowers might also be cool, especially since they're the sort of thing you could bring on a random date anyway.
#7
Old 02-09-2003, 10:54 PM
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Yeah, I'd say flowers-- nice, traditional, ambiguous in strength and meaning, ephemeral so if things don't work out there isn't lingering embarassing physical evidence to remind anyone of anything.
#8
Old 02-10-2003, 08:02 AM
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Third vote for flowers. Roses aren't even expensive anymore - I'd do maybe a dozen PINK roses - not red. That can't freak a girl out. Maybe the card should read: Looking forward to the possibilities. . . . or something like that.
#9
Old 02-10-2003, 09:04 AM
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The flower shops around here, at least, have pretty pink-and-red bouquets for Valentine's. One of those would be a good choice, too, maybe less "threatening" than the roses. But, as Schmeese says, if you want to go for roses, stick with pink.

If you know she likes and can eat them, a smallish box of chocolates would be a nice surprise. But these days, with the popularity of low carb diets and whatnot, the flowers are safer.
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#10
Old 02-10-2003, 12:02 PM
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Definitely flowers, but not roses. Maybe carnations or mums. They last a really long time and are nice, not too many not more than a half dozen or so. If you are in your late 20s, I'd stay away from the stuffed bears. And a nice humorous card.
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#11
Old 02-10-2003, 12:54 PM
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Speaking as a woman... In response to one of your other questions as far as whether or not Valentine's is a big deal to all women - I would say more than half truly enjoy the holiday and expect a gift. Another large percentage are fairly indifferent. A very very small percent are annoyed with it. Better to be safe than sorry. What woman doesn't like a thoughtful gift for no particular reason as long as it isn't scary? I say stick with a light-hearted card and a small gift costing $15 or less. Flowers, good. Stuffed animal - only if you are younger than 22. Candy - not good. Personall, I think a good choice would be a scented candle. Very few women dislike candles - a gift more original and lasts longer than flowers, and you might end up having some romance by its light some time. Just my two cents.
#12
Old 02-10-2003, 02:23 PM
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Ok, the love doctor is in to help you out.

I really like the idea of flowers. You are right to be cautious of roses (of any kind) as they are fraught with symbolism. I would also reject the mums or chrysanthemums as too pedestrian. Here is what I am seeing:

A hand built bouquet, the center piece being a Gold Band Lily. Very fragrant and also beautiful. Surrounding this perhaps some Purple Iris. Finally, I would accent this with a few Daisies and and Forget Me Nots and probably some fern type greens.

This will have a wonderful, unique look that you obviously picked out yourself. As to the card, I would stick with something like "just wanted to let you know that you charm me" or something somewhat romantic, but not "I am a stalker".
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#13
Old 02-10-2003, 03:27 PM
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All you flower people - whoa. I went on a first date on February 10, 1990 with an acquaintance of a few months. On Valentine's Day of that year I bought her some roses, and right away the questions started. What does this mean? Why are they red and not white? How much did they cost? Why did you buy a whole dozen? What a bleeding nightmare. I vowed never to buy flowers for her again.

I have mostly kept my vow, in the nine years we've been married now.
#14
Old 02-10-2003, 04:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hyperelastic
All you flower people - whoa. I went on a first date on February 10, 1990 with an acquaintance of a few months. On Valentine's Day of that year I bought her some roses, and right away the questions started. What does this mean? Why are they red and not white? How much did they cost? Why did you buy a whole dozen? What a bleeding nightmare. I vowed never to buy flowers for her again.

I have mostly kept my vow, in the nine years we've been married now.
This is why we recommend the non-rose variety. Thoughtful, but not overly symbolic. Besides, we are talking about the proverbial third date here, not the first. Also, you did marry her, right?

To the OP I say dare a little (within bounds). Not to get all philosophical here, but I have it on very good authority that when we are all lying on our deathbeds, what we will regret is not that which we tried to do and failed, but rather the things that we were too afraid to try.
#15
Old 02-10-2003, 04:23 PM
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Why not just take her on a normal date? You guys could have dinner on Sat. and it wouldn't have to be a "Valentine's" thing, just a date.
#16
Old 02-10-2003, 04:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by chrisk72
Speaking as a woman... In response to one of your other questions as far as whether or not Valentine's is a big deal to all women - I would say more than half truly enjoy the holiday and expect a gift. Another large percentage are fairly indifferent. A very very small percent are annoyed with it.
I'm one of the women who is really annoyed with Valentine's Day.

That said, I cast my vote for flowers. Something small - doesn't even have to be a full bouquet. A single stem of something of the non-rose variety would be a sweet gesture (unless she is allergic to flowers). Tell her you know you've only started seeing each other so you didn't want to jump the gun, but was thinking about her anyway.
#17
Old 02-10-2003, 04:50 PM
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Flowers, yes. Roses, NO. I would suggest staying away from stuffed animals unless you know she likes them (I don't). I would err on the funny side of a card.

It may sound "cheap," but my local grocery store usually has nice mixed bouquets for $12 - $20, and usually only charge a couple of bucks for a vase (if you need one).

Good luck and keep us posted!!
#18
Old 02-10-2003, 07:00 PM
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Definitely no roses. Some sort of spring bouquet, some lovely mixed flowers, but no roses. Roses are more of a "I Love You" kind of thing, IMHO. You don't have to make a big deal about the whole "V-Day" aspect; maybe you were slick and you were planning on giving her flowers!

And if the flowers make you nervous, you can throw in a silly V-Day card for her. That will help balance it out.
#19
Old 02-10-2003, 07:09 PM
Cyn Cyn is offline
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Tulips----gorgeous, classy.
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#20
Old 02-10-2003, 07:31 PM
I'm nice, dammit!
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Quote:
Originally posted by InTransit
I'm one of the women who is really annoyed with Valentine's Day.
Me too. Lucky for me, my spousal unit always forgets about it anyway.

I suggest you start a movement to downplay the idiocy that Valentine's Day has become. I'm right behind you. I'll sign the petition. I promise not to send any valen... oops, too late for that. But I think a funny card and a small generic bunch of flowers would be a nice surprise on any occasion.
#21
Old 02-11-2003, 05:43 AM
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[BELCH]

Just give her a smack on the ass and say "Happy Valentines day bitch!"

I'm kidding of course..

Just throw her a card and say something to the effect of "Hey look, I'm not a stalker or anything I just wasn't sure what the proper protocall is for this situation. So I figured I'd play it safe and get you a card becuase I really dug our last two get-togethers."

Anything else besides this would be a game by your own admition; as you already said "I don't know what to do.."
#22
Old 02-11-2003, 12:29 PM
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Definitely no stuffed animals...they take up room and they end up being cute for all of five minutes.

I'm also a girl who's not real into Valentine's...in fact this is the first time every I'm actually going to DO anything for it...

I'm with everyone on flowers...a small bright bouquet shows that you're aware of the date and also aware of the newness of a relationship thingie that you're enjoying...

Jeez, I hope that made sense *grin*
#23
Old 02-13-2003, 10:18 AM
ski ski is offline
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Wow, thanks everyone for all your hints and ideas. After talking with a couple of friends' wives too, I think the best way to go is as some of you said, with just a simple card to show that I realize what day it is. I was leaning toward some kind of flowers, but then I remembered that she told me her last boyfriend WAY overdid stuff like this, in fact he told her he loved her on the second date! She was (understandably) a little freaked out by this, so I want to handle this VERY carefully.

I will of course let you know how it goes. But I now have another problem!!! I'll make a new post.

Here it is:
http://boards.academicpursuits.us/sdmb/...hreadid=162867
#24
Old 02-13-2003, 01:50 PM
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Flowers? Aren't they the sex organ of a plant? Why give her a bunch of sex organs for VD?

Chocolates!
#25
Old 02-13-2003, 02:13 PM
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Once when I was the girl in this situation a guy bought be coloring books, and crayons. He also took me to Pizza Hut.

It sounds totally cheesy, but it really was one of the nicest v-day gifts I'd ever been given.

It was clever, he obviously came up with the idea himself. He wasn't going overboard, so I didn't get freaked out by it. It was just really thoughtful and clever!!
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