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#1
Old 09-12-2003, 03:05 PM
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The etiquette of the orgy (TMI)

So I went to my first orgy last night, and I think I may have committed a faux pas or two, as I realize I have no idea of good orgy etiquette. On the off-chance that I get invited to another one, and without getting too graphic, I have some questions for those who have gone there before me. Keep in mind that it was all boys so those responses will be most useful, but if your boy-girl advice seems universal or relevant, feel free.

What if you're not really that into one or more of the participants sexually? Should you tell them (gently of course) so they leave you alone? Should you allow them to do things to you without doing them back or is that rude? Is it polite to "cut in" so to speak? Should you try to spend about an equal amount of time with each person or is it OK to sort of stick with one or two favorites?

I'm sure your responses will enlighten and inform and lead to more questions, so I await them eagerly!
#2
Old 09-12-2003, 03:19 PM
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Not interested? A simple "No, thanks." should be enough. If it isn't, the other parties being too pushy.

It is generally considered a little rude to be strictly passive. You may come off as an energy vampire (as I've heard it called).

Don't feel compelled to spread the wealth (or participate at all) if no one there interests you.

All of the above applies to the male/female socials I've attended, but I'd assume they apply to same sex events as well.
#3
Old 09-12-2003, 03:47 PM
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Don't play with people you want to play with. Sitting back and watching is ok. If two people are really involved with eachother, don't assume you are welcome, or unwelcome. Feeling up another while they are playing can be welcome and hot; however, if you get the cold shoulder or they ignore you, go along your way.

Usually non-verbal clues are enough to get the uglies away; although, sometimes you have to be blunt. One of my friends told me about his worst experience where he literally had to throw the asshole who wouldn't take no for an answer to the ground before it finally went through his head that no means no.
#4
Old 09-12-2003, 04:21 PM
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If you're a member of Nerve.com (free registration, zero harassment), one column is entirely about attending an orgy and the various rules and courtesies expected of those who participate. Might be helpful.

Quote:
Don't play with people you want to play with.
Really?
#5
Old 09-12-2003, 04:52 PM
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Never having been to one, I'm just curious. Do orgies just happen, or are they planned out? I mean, do you get ready to go out knowing you are going to wind up at an orgy, or do they develop gradually as the night goes on?
#6
Old 09-12-2003, 05:02 PM
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I should have such problems!
#7
Old 09-12-2003, 05:53 PM
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Someone please tell me that if I pray hard enough Baby Jesus will let me be a hunky gay man in my next life. Please.

#8
Old 09-12-2003, 07:43 PM
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In my experience they're usually planned.
#9
Old 09-12-2003, 08:38 PM
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Well, Casey1505, to answer your question...
#10
Old 09-12-2003, 09:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Casey1505
Never having been to one, I'm just curious. Do orgies just happen, or are they planned out? I mean, do you get ready to go out knowing you are going to wind up at an orgy, or do they develop gradually as the night goes on?
Yes, and yes, and yes, and yes.

The more spontaneous ones usually involve a substantial amount of alcohol and/or drugs. And some of the more "formal" ones often involve a long littany of rules and bylaws (which are invariably broken). The bottom line is that you're still dealing with individuals with individual likes and dislikes. And you're also dealing with issues of safety and responsibility. Relax and have a good time, and if things get out of control in a bad way, it's perfectly ok to leave.
#11
Old 09-12-2003, 09:57 PM
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Really, just curious...do you send out invitations? "Next Friday, 8:30, Dave's house, we're having an orgy. Please bring your favorite desert." I don't want to sound like I'm mocking it, but how much planning actually goes into hosting an orgy? Does the host get first dibs on who he or she has sex with first? Is it all intercourse, or is it mostly foreplay and fondling? This is kind of fascinating, actually, not that I'd join one, necessarily...

I appreciate your patience with my ignorance and curiosity on this topic.
#12
Old 09-12-2003, 11:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Casey1505
Really, just curious...do you send out invitations? "Next Friday, 8:30, Dave's house, we're having an orgy. Please bring your favorite desert."
I hope Casey1505 brings his Mojave Surprise again, it's just divine.
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#13
Old 09-12-2003, 11:10 PM
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Yeah? You like that, don't you? Tell me, how much do you like it?
#14
Old 09-12-2003, 11:11 PM
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What the hell did I just post?!?!
#15
Old 09-13-2003, 12:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Casey1505
What the hell did I just post?!?!
Maybe it's cause you were typing one-handed?
#16
Old 09-13-2003, 09:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Casey1505
do you send out invitations?
You can, and many people do. Since the people you would normally be inviting are into that type of thing, what will be happening is normally said with a bit more flair than "having an orgy". A suggestive line gets the point across that they aren't coming over for a BBQ with the Christian neighbors. "Orgy" type people do actually get together for everyday things, so it is good form to let them know if it is an adult party or a kid's birthday.

The host/ess has no more rights than anybody else, except that they set the ground rules for the home and remind people of the standard ettiquette. No means no. Whether or not observers are allowed, protection rules if any, etc. They are also responsible for making sure everyone follows the rules and ask people to leave if necessary.

Jumping into something that is going on is generally improper, assuming you don't know each other. While some don't mind if you do, some may not appreciate it. Best to make eye contact with them and a couple of head movements will let you ask and then know if you can join in or not.

If it feels uncomfortable, don't do it. You don't have to be with anyone you don't want to and you are not obligated to share with all. If you think it might make someone else feel uncomfortable, don't do it. Just because a pile of people may be going at it, doesn't give you a green light to jump in unannounced. Think of it like a poker game. Asking to be dealt in is never improper, but just pulling up a chair or standing over someone's shoulder looking at their cards is very bad form. Err on the side of general good manners and you'll be fine.
#17
Old 09-13-2003, 10:03 AM
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In my case, it started as an invite to play strip poker.
#18
Old 09-13-2003, 10:22 AM
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Strip, followed by nekkid dare poker (high hand dares low hand to do something to someone) is the greatest icebreaker there is. Gives everyone a chance to slowly work up to things and see who is comfy around who and what they are comfy doing.
#19
Old 09-13-2003, 10:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jonathan Chance
In my experience they're usually planned.
Perhaps you are thinking of doing one at your house soon? Cause you have my email.
#20
Old 09-13-2003, 10:36 AM
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Well, I went to a party, and what did they do?
They took off their socks and they took off their shoes.
They took off their shirts and they took off their pants,
I had a hunch we weren't going to dance...
#21
Old 09-13-2003, 04:56 PM
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I used to belong to a group of people that had a social every month, always at the same hotel. Security was tight, and single males were excluded.
#22
Old 09-13-2003, 05:24 PM
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There is a certain SF Con in the Twin Cities that reserves a floor for "adult activities" Some of these are Open Parties.

(I only know that because I have friends who have run the convention and they were discussion the "Adults Only on the X Floor" signs they had to put up all over the place. Apparently, in addition to participants, there is some amount of "tourist traffic.")
#23
Old 09-14-2003, 12:13 AM
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The book Etiquette for Outlaws by Rob Cohen and David Wollock covers the rules for good manners at an orgy, along with the polite way to tip a stripper, deal drugs, or crash a biker bar.
#24
Old 09-14-2003, 02:16 AM
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There used to be a guy in Berlin who had a room that was nothing but a huge mattress. (Back when the worst disease you could catch was non life-threatening.)

He would invite about 20 guys who all had to be there at 11 pm or the door would be locked.

At exactly 11:05 the guests were told to strip and go into the next room.

Some went in immediately, others had a few more drinks and went in later.

The object of an orgy is to have fun. Thus, if you are not interested in someone, you don't play. Granted, this is an orgy that has more than three people. The trick, so to speak, is to not be rude. You can always roll over, or move to another side of the room/bed.

The best Gay orgies I have been to were designed to have multiple tops and few bottoms. Took the guesswork out of the mix.
#25
Old 09-14-2003, 05:02 AM
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Plnnr, why were single males excluded? I mean, Ralph Halpern aside, we men only have a few charges, but women can keep on going, so shouldn't there be more men than women?
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#26
Old 09-14-2003, 09:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by qts
why were single males excluded?...we men only have a few charges...
Real men don't pull the trigger until they have the target

Can't speak for Plnnr but in the hotel parties and clubs that I've been familiar with, as well as most private home parties, it is a swinger group. Although some differ, mostly single guys, there is no such thing as a swinging single. Singles are excluded because primarily because of numbers. Don't believe me? Put up an ad for a party and see how many single guys reply. For every one couple, you'll get at least a dozen guys thinking that it is a free for all just for them. Which brings the next point, respect and order.

Singles in general don't understand the no means no rule, and have a hard time accepting the fact that in a room where much fun is being had, they aren't involved, and trouble nearly always results. If six couples are getting down and dirty, and a dozen single guys are standing there and not being accepted, at least one guy will always get frustrated and cause a scene. My cite? Being at parties where it has been tried and knowing swing club owners who tried it through the years. Sure there are exceptions to the group, but the "no single guys" rule isn't because of what may happen, it is about what historically does happen because of the one dickhead in any group. You know the guy. He's the one wearing the gold chain in the bar who can't accept the word "no" for a dance. What do you think he's gonna be like in a setting where he thinks he is guaranteed to get laid, and keeps getting told no?

In our last club, single women weren't allowed either except rare times/circumstances where couples could bring a female guest, who was interviewed by the owners to make sure she knew what exactly the place was about. Single women in general can be in that situation and just have fun even if they aren't involved. Single men in general take it as an ego slam, which ruins it for everyone.

I've been to clubs where single men were allowed and the ratio of men to women is about 25 to 1. Few couples ever went to that club twice. The girls wind up spending most the evening driving waves of guys away with a pitchfork.
#27
Old 09-14-2003, 01:59 PM
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There used to be this great series of mixed ... well, they were called tactile parties, and what it was was the host would lay out mattresses and bubble wrap all over his upper floor and then black it out so that no light could get into it at all. Then a bunch of us would go up there and roll around for a while. It was essentially a creative excuse for an orgy.

The main rules, if I can remember them, were:
1) leave watches and glasses on the table on the way up;
2) the safeword is "safeword."

Clothed socialization would go on downstairs where the candy (including a mixture of M&Ms and Skittles called "S&Ms"), chips, alcohol, and pot was. A lot of the time you would hook up downstairs and head upstairs to get funky.

Even though most of the people were straight, there was usually at least one hot gay/bisexual/curious boy per party. It was marvellous. Damn, I miss them.

"Party At Ian's Place... come for the party, stay because you can't find your socks."
#28
Old 09-14-2003, 04:09 PM
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this is facinating... That's as close as I'll ever be from the real thing, keep talking, I am learning !
#29
Old 09-14-2003, 06:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Weirddave
Well, I went to a party, and what did they do?
They took off their socks and they took off their shoes.
They took off their shirts and they took off their pants,
I had a hunch we weren't going to dance...
LMAO! Clever of you.
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#30
Old 09-14-2003, 10:54 PM
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And don't forget to follow up with a thank-you note.
#31
Old 09-15-2003, 06:51 AM
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Thank you... Please cum again......
#32
Old 09-15-2003, 07:30 AM
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Turbo got it right from my experience.

Single guys tend to cause more problems than they're worth (at least as far as mixed couple parties go).
#33
Old 09-15-2003, 11:20 AM
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Well, the orgy organizer (orgynizer?) emailed me last night to see if I was interested in attending another one. Since I was not into about 2/3 of the people at the last one I don't think that I will accept his kind invitation. Still, nice to know I was thought well enough of to warrant the second invite.
#34
Old 09-15-2003, 05:38 PM
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What about the 1/3 that you are into?

Every orgy you turn down, is one less orgy that you will ever attend, and that my friend, is something you just can't make up

Remember, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. If nothing else, it beats watching PBS (most nights, that is) and allows you to "circulate".
#35
Old 09-15-2003, 10:18 PM
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Meh. Dodging the ones I'm not into seems like more trouble than it's worth to get to the ones I do like, and truth be told I can probably hook up with them separately (or maybe even throw a little gathering of my own).
#36
Old 09-15-2003, 11:55 PM
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I am curious...what is stopping a single guy from hiring an escort to pose as his girlfriend so that he can participate in the orgy? Sounds like a good deal on his part, kinda a Buy one, get one,two, three,etc free deal.
#37
Old 09-16-2003, 06:34 AM
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Finding an escort that will go for something like that isn't an easy task (according to escort friends that I asked this same question to years ago). The few that will actually agree to it generally will charge a much higher fee. If you have the cash, you can find one.

Assuming that you found one, it will work for the most part. At least the first time. At least in the better clubs and more organized "freelance" social gatherings, if you show up two weeks later with a different girl, you are under the microscope. Single guys who bring friends posing as a girlfriend just to get them in are nothing new, as are the ones who try the escort method. The main club we used to frequent specifically made it clear that escorts were not allowed. If it was discovered that you hired an escort to get you in the door, you were blacklisted, not only at that club, but among many others as well. Clubs have their own network and word spreads quickly if you are the type to pull a fast one.

In other clubs/situations, it can work though, depending on how much dough you want to spend.
#38
Old 09-16-2003, 07:25 AM
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Also, in the more organized settings, I should have added that it can work provided the preliminary steps are taken care of, which usually means a phone and/or personal interview with both of you days or even weeks before being invited to a get together, followed by ID verification.

Even in most informal gatherings, you generally don't get invited if nobody knows you. There are exceptions of course, but it's not like you can just crash the basic party as a stranger.
#39
Old 09-16-2003, 07:26 AM
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You can go to pcmagazine.com and some other related sites to find the costs per page on most inkjet printers.

They run between 3 - 50 cents depending on the coverage.

Laser printers cost between 2 - 10 cents per page depending on the coverage.

In the laser printing world, vendors base their yields and costs per copy on 5% coverage. Keep in mind that average coverage has increased in the last 7 years because of the web (more graphics), and more image intensive applications (PowerPoint, emailed photos, clip art, ect).

The cost per page on most copiers, including machine depreciation is between 1 - 1.5 cents. If the machine is older than 3-4 years it may be closer to 0.8 cents (the machine is already depreciated).

If the copier is digital (scans once, prints many) it will maintain about 75% of the quality of the original print (assuming a decent quality inkjet paper was used; otherwise the inkjet won't look too great anyway).

Let me know if you want more info. I'm a consultant for a company otherwise known as "The big red X".
#40
Old 09-16-2003, 07:28 AM
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Um.....somehow I've responded to the wrong post...please ignore.....
#41
Old 09-16-2003, 07:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Synthesis
You can go to pcmagazine.com and some other related sites to find the costs per page on most inkjet printers.

They run between 3 - 50 cents depending on the coverage.

Laser printers cost between 2 - 10 cents per page depending on the coverage.

In the laser printing world, vendors base their yields and costs per copy on 5% coverage. Keep in mind that average coverage has increased in the last 7 years because of the web (more graphics), and more image intensive applications (PowerPoint, emailed photos, clip art, ect).

The cost per page on most copiers, including machine depreciation is between 1 - 1.5 cents. If the machine is older than 3-4 years it may be closer to 0.8 cents (the machine is already depreciated).

If the copier is digital (scans once, prints many) it will maintain about 75% of the quality of the original print (assuming a decent quality inkjet paper was used; otherwise the inkjet won't look too great anyway).

Let me know if you want more info. I'm a consultant for a company otherwise known as "The big red X".
Well if that didnt kill the mood, I don't know what will!
#42
Old 09-16-2003, 08:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by mojave66
Someone please tell me that if I pray hard enough Baby Jesus will let me be a hunky gay man in my next life. Please.
Me too.
#43
Old 09-16-2003, 09:30 AM
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And in contrast to the gold chain wearing studmuffin, there is the occasional Poindexter with a pocket protector taped to his bare chest who gets excited by talking about laser printers while everyone is gettin Roman.



#44
Old 09-16-2003, 01:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by pezpunk
Well if that didnt kill the mood, I don't know what will!
PRINTER ORGY AT PEZPUNK'S HOUSE!!!!!
#45
Old 09-16-2003, 03:18 PM
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Keg of toner and a reem of paper....sounds like PARTY to me!
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