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Old 11-12-2004, 09:35 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: NJ, Exit #137
Posts: 11,879
Gay Bars for Beginners! (NJ and NYC)

So, I have this friend, see...let's call her Brunhilde.

Now, Brunhilde is in a curious situation. She likes girls way more than she likes boys, but for a variety of reasons, she feels that it isn't prudent to come leaping out of the proverbial closet just yet. In the meantime, she would like to discreetly pursue her Sapphic interests. But she can't exactly go around asking "say, ya know any good lesbo-rific bars around here?" as it would kind of blow her cover.

So, I'm hoping that you all could recommend any bars or coffeehouses that you know of where Brunhilde might feel comfortable and where the people tend to be friendly to newcomers. A younger crowd would probably be preferable. She also has a male buddy in the exact same situation, so a place that caters to both males and females would be great to know about.

We're in north/central Jersey, but anyplace in NYC would be fine. Or preferable, even.

Thanks in advance for your help. Also, Brunhilde might be reading this, so if she decides to register and post, please be nice to her so she'll pony up the $15 for membership.
Old 11-12-2004, 10:31 PM
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Location: New York, New York
Posts: 1,051
A gay bar that caters to both genders? Good luck.

Honestly, I've found most of the lesbian bars in the city to be very un-friendly, especially if you are new to your sexuality, unsure, or looking for the first time.
Old 11-13-2004, 12:51 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: A nice chunk o' NJ
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Not sure if it's still around, but there used to be one called Savage somwhere near the Raritan Bridge (I think the name had an accent on it somewhere, so it was pronounced Sa-vage).

Spent a few fun evenings there with friends*. Not sure if it's still around or not, but it might be worth checking out.

Also, I'm aware of the Colosseum in South Amboy, but I've never been. Hmmm...actually, now that I think about it, South Amboy is right by the Raritan bridge, so they may wind up being one in the same.

Oh, and if you decide to check out the SDMB, then Welcome, Brunhilde!


*For the record, I am straight, with gay friends. And no saying "suuuure you're not gay..."
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Old 11-13-2004, 01:08 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2001
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Sadly, it has been quite awhile since I was last in NYC.

But probably the easiest approach would be to go to Sheridan Square, in the heart of Greenwich Village and go to any Gay bar in the area (not hard to find, trust me) and pick up one of the free rags. You might also try going to the Oscar Wilde Bookstore (if it is still there) and ask a sales clerk.

Actually, one of my old favorite haunts was Marie's Crisis...at night it is a bunch of Gay chorus boys singing around the piano...and I am sure any of those boys will be more than helpful in pointing Brunhilde in the right direction. Plus, often those boys bring their Lesbian girlfriends to tag along.

And you could always try the safest way to get any real dirt about NYC...ask a bartender and leave a big tip. They know everything about everywhere in the city.
Old 11-13-2004, 03:25 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: WV
Posts: 2,465
Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Bean
So, I have this friend, see...let's call her Brunhilde.
Thanks in advance for your help.
No advice, but I've gotta say:


o/ Oh Brunhilde, you're so wuvvvvvvwey o/
Old 11-13-2004, 04:33 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Madison WI
Posts: 22,505
New Jersey bars
Gay nightlife in NYC

Damron is also a good resource. If she can't find what she's looking for through the online site, any bookstore of any size should have guides in stock, or she can perhaps order one or have a friend order one for her.

I know nothing about any of the bars listed in the above links. I just Googled.
Old 11-13-2004, 02:55 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Cincinnati
Posts: 69
I never would have guessed that Gay Bars would make anyone feel uncomfortable.

I'm straight and my first non-homophobic experience was in a gay bar. When I lived in Hawaii my friends and I stumbled into a bar called Hamburger Marys. At first we didn't know it was a gay hangout. There was a pool table that nobody was using, (a rarity in Hawaii) so we shot pool, and people started sending us drinks. Hey, Free drinks and all the pool games we wanted to play. Nobody came on to us or asked us to leave when they found out we were straight.

At any rate, not that I can help in any way, but I wish Brunhilde the best of luck.
Old 11-13-2004, 03:20 PM
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Join Date: Jul 1999
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Why does Joe Piscipo's "I'm from Joisey, you from Joisey?" SNL song keep rolling through my mind.
Old 11-14-2004, 02:07 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: NJ, Exit #137
Posts: 11,879
Thanks for the help so far.

I found Dykes Night Out in NYC through Otto's second link, which should prove very helpful.
Old 11-14-2004, 03:04 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: 8998 miles from home
Posts: 2,380
Quote:
Originally Posted by NorwegianBlue
I never would have guessed that Gay Bars would make anyone feel uncomfortable.

I'm straight and my first non-homophobic experience was in a gay bar. When I lived in Hawaii my friends and I stumbled into a bar called Hamburger Marys. At first we didn't know it was a gay hangout. There was a pool table that nobody was using, (a rarity in Hawaii) so we shot pool, and people started sending us drinks. Hey, Free drinks and all the pool games we wanted to play. Nobody came on to us or asked us to leave when they found out we were straight.

At any rate, not that I can help in any way, but I wish Brunhilde the best of luck.
There's probably just as much (or more) variety in gay bars/clubs than in straight places. Some gay venues are very welcoming to straight customers, but others have hostile door policies, reserving a right to maintain a majority-queer clientele. Some clubs will turn away male/female couples, if it's clear neither of you are gay. I've been to a few lesbian bars where men are only welcome as guests of women.

Still other places are simply no-go areas for anything but gay men; they're just so other the top gay that most straight people would feel extremely uncomfortable. We're not talking show tunes and drag, we're talking shirtless dry-humping men (and the occasional pantless man), dark rooms, sex in the the restrooms and blatant drug-use.

As a gay guy with lots of straight friends, I'm aware of which gay pubs and clubs are straight-friendly enough to bring a mixed group of friends to, and those which are no-go areas but for the gay boys.
Old 11-14-2004, 03:59 PM
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Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Santa Rosa, CA
Posts: 4,000
I know there are a few coffeehouses in New Brunswick that cater to a younger, college crowd, straight, gay, whatever.

There's also The Den, which I think would be perfect.
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