#1
Old 01-17-2005, 12:16 PM
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So, I had my first prostate exam today

Paper and pencil not necessary. No Mazoots, this is what they call a 'digital' exam--and we're not talking I-Pod stuff here.

Oh the horrors of getting old. I put off the physical partially because i knew this was coming. Almost escaped too, but with the holiday i figured what the hell. looks good so far, 102/72, need to lose about 5 pounds. Towards the end he's looking at the chart and says "oh, you're over 40 now right? We have to do a prostate exam." His enthusiasm was not shared by me. The smile was out of place. He reaches for the rubber gloves.

"umm, yeah I guess so." Rats!

So, got up, dropped them, bend over and.....Point the toes in?? I didn't ask. Just agree and hope it will be over with quickly!

[edited for the young, and partially because I'm doing my darndest to block it out of my mind]

Well, so far so....Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Farther and farther and farther....Hurry up in there! I'm now high enough up on my toes to qualify for your better ballet schools. What seems like 10 minutes later...

"OK, that's it. Everything looks good." Looks?? You were looking in there? How wide did you.....I didn't ask again.

He hands me the box of kleenex, "You might want to clean up down there." Huh?? I thought I wiped pretty good that morning, evidently he didn't agree with that. I attempt to pull the underpants up and he repeats the suggestion. So I reluctantly grab a peice and make a swoop or two. Oh my. He was right. It's clear though. Where was that hiding? I guess he did get up there a bit. Now i know why doctors make so much money.

I get dressed, sit back down. I guess I 'passed'. I feel like I'm going to vomit.

Some may use that orifice in both directions, and if they do, more power to them. Nope, not this guy. I think I'll keep that a 1-way street-exit only, except for once every two years.

I'm not sure why i had to share this, but one of the words in this tile is 'Stuff I must SHARE'... I know prostate cancer is a killer. But a different way of doing this wouldn't be frowned upon by this writer...
#2
Old 01-17-2005, 12:19 PM
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*bleeech*

*hunts for 'vomit' smiley*

Makes me EVER so grateful I've got that extra X chromosome in there.
#3
Old 01-17-2005, 12:20 PM
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*giggle*! I don't have to worry about this for a good 22 years.

Colon cancer runs in my family, though. Think about it this way... you're lucky that they only have to go as deep as the prostate.
#4
Old 01-17-2005, 12:22 PM
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Ouch! Well, as I recently turned 40 myself, I suppose this "experience" awaits me as well. Actually, I've sorta been putting off going to the doctor.

In a totally unrelated hijack, This thread has absolutely nothing to do with prostate exams, despite the title.
#5
Old 01-17-2005, 12:27 PM
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Fun, ain't it?

Be glad you don't currently have an enlarged prostate. That once every two years experience will become every 3-6 months And no, it doesn't get any less uncomfortable with practice.
#6
Old 01-17-2005, 12:30 PM
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Very strange. This thread has been viewed less than 10 times, while the virginity one scored over a thousand.
#7
Old 01-17-2005, 12:39 PM
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Be extra glad your prostate wasn't infected. I had my infected prostate examined once and as a result have since viewed the prospect of global nuclear annihilation with considerable philosophical detachment.
#8
Old 01-17-2005, 12:48 PM
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When I was in the service, my job required that I have an annual and very thorough physical exam. I'm not certain at what age exactly they were included, but I do recall I was getting yearly prostate exams as early as the late 80s, I being in my late 20s then. Possibly that's looked on as overkill now (and not then), or it could have been an example of military bureaucracy invading even the medical field. I do think that Time does little to diminish the indignity of the act, at least as involuntarily practiced in a medical environment.
#9
Old 01-17-2005, 12:52 PM
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pssst...
(The clear stuff wasn't from you silly.
That's what he used on his glove to get up there.)

Does make you feel quite violated doesn't it. I think the expression on my face afterwards looked like raising your eyebrows as high as you can, then squint at the same time.
#10
Old 01-17-2005, 12:57 PM
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I had it done last year for the first time. You'd think that, as a gay man, it wouldn't be such a big deal for me, but I'll tell you, doctors have a lot to learn about being gentle down there.
#11
Old 01-17-2005, 02:27 PM
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Warning! Link may not be work-safe.

Couldn't resist this

Heh, heh, heh

Last edited by Larry Griffin-Kentzel; 01-20-2005 at 10:30 AM. Reason: added warning
#12
Old 01-17-2005, 02:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kythereia
Makes me EVER so grateful I've got that extra X chromosome in there.
That doesn't necessarily matter. I had a gyno exam that involved both orifices being "checked digitally" at the same time - and then she pushed down with her other hand on my uterus to palpate it better, too. Lovely.
#13
Old 01-17-2005, 03:55 PM
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They're not that bad. Just don't get one from a gay proctologist with no hands.
#14
Old 01-17-2005, 05:41 PM
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One of the reasons I like my doctor is that a couple of years ago during a physical he said,

"OK, you're late 30's and have no family history that would make a prostrate exam necessary so we don't have to do it."

Whistlepig: "Damn, that makes ME happy."

Doctor: "Me too."

Maybe this spring (when a prostrate exam is likely because of my age) I'll tell him the joke about, "Wait, read the card!"

Whistlepig
#15
Old 01-17-2005, 06:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Napier
Be extra glad your prostate wasn't infected. I had my infected prostate examined once and as a result have since viewed the prospect of global nuclear annihilation with considerable philosophical detachment.
I am just getting over a case of Prostatitis. The exam WAS uncomfortable, but I'd say not being able to pee (at all) was much, much worse. I was seriously considering catheterizing myself somehow.....

Thank Og for antibiotics.
#16
Old 01-17-2005, 06:59 PM
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I'm over 40 too, which seems to override coming from a large extended family in which no one has ever died of cancer of any form. Interesting that gobear found it, uh, uncomfortable too. At least my doctor and my nurse practitioner are women. Smaller fingers, if nothing else.

What I want to know is, how the heck did anyone "discover" that the male erogenous zone is up in that locale?

And who needed the money badly enough to be a test subject?
#17
Old 01-17-2005, 07:14 PM
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Heh heh. Wait 'til you get your first colonoscopy.
#18
Old 01-17-2005, 07:55 PM
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Having had annual girl-part checks, plus the ever-delightful mammogram, plus a colonoscopy, may I just offer that they're all less intolerable if you can relax and detach yourself mentally. Considering the potential alternatives, momentary discomfort is a small bother.

My appointment is next week. Yeah, I'm excited...
#19
Old 01-17-2005, 08:37 PM
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thanks for the cartoon Clothahump. I can't jump, otherwise....

Yea, it was clear.....I thought he just ...well, you know. So it must have been that jar I thought i saw him grab for in the bottom drawer. Well, better than not using it i guess.

Not looking forward to any of those other things. I think i can imagine what those are though. But it beats the alternative I guess.
#20
Old 01-17-2005, 08:44 PM
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I went into the ER because I had a pain in my side.The doctor wanted to make sure I didn't have a hernia and said he had to do a rectal exam. I told him that I wasn't too happy but that he had to do what he had to do.

So there I was...lying on the exam table in a room with some guy's fingers up my butt when the nurse walked in. I had rolled over onto the nurse call button. Not one of my prouder moments.

And DAMN, if he didn't have the looongest fingers.
#21
Old 01-17-2005, 09:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gobear
I had it done last year for the first time. You'd think that, as a gay man, it wouldn't be such a big deal for me, but I'll tell you, doctors have a lot to learn about being gentle down there.
Do they ever.

From what I hear, the ladies in turn get to face docs who keep the requisite probing apparatus in the freezer until a minute before the examination
#22
Old 01-17-2005, 09:29 PM
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I had my first prostate exam a couple years ago.

My first fart afterwards sounded like a tuba!
#23
Old 01-17-2005, 09:50 PM
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My doctor for my first one was a woman. I was a bit timid about it until she held up her slim female-type finger and said "If this is the biggest thing you ever have stuck up there, feel extremely lucky." I still have a woman doctor.
#24
Old 01-17-2005, 10:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Surb
And DAMN, if he didn't have the looongest fingers.
What, would you rather have the doc have long fingers and not have to put all of his finger in to reach the spot, or would you rather him have short fingers and have him cram his hand in to reach??

Just glad I haven't had one yet .... had a scare there my last physical when my doc snapped on a rubber glove, but he just had to check my balls. *phew*
#25
Old 01-17-2005, 10:36 PM
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I was never too thrilled with prostate exams either. HOWEVER .... as nivlac mentioned, a colonoscopy is worse !!!
Fortunately, I have never had one. From those that have had one, I hear it is a triple discomfort because: (perhaps TMI)
1) The night before, you have to drink about a gallon of laxative which is NOT the most refreshing beverage in the world.
2) Then, because of Step 1, you end up evacuating everything that could possibly be in your intestinal tract all the way back to your tonsils. (It may be exaggeration, but some folks have said that you'll use up a roll of toilet paper).
3) The next day you get probed (you know where), and I hear THAT is somewhat uncomfortable.

Well, by comparison, a prostate exam seems like a walk in the park doesn't it?

Personally, I've had a spinal fluid exam (hurts), countless kidney stone attacks, upper and lower GI tests, etc. With the experience that middle age has brought me, the dread of a prostate exam pales in comparison to a great many other tests I've undergone.
#26
Old 01-17-2005, 10:49 PM
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What do you say to your doctor after a prostate examination? "Call me"
#27
Old 01-18-2005, 03:53 AM
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My doctor (the one with the short fingers) performed such an examination on me.
He pushed so hard that I thought he was trying to work up to the elbow; while simulatneously making the remark "You big guys are the hardest to do."

My response?
"I can't change the distance from my anus to my prostate any more than you can make your fingers longer and more nimble."

Me and my big mouth.
Yeah... THAT was an uncomfortable moment all-around!
#28
Old 01-18-2005, 04:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nivlac
Heh heh. Wait 'til you get your first colonoscopy.

Now see that's just wrong. You'd think doctors could come up with another way to check for that stuff....

.. But no! they're too busy figuring out how to make womens tits bigger!


Can't they just make a mini-sized MRI to stick your penis in??
#29
Old 01-18-2005, 04:53 AM
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So, I had my first prostate exam today

I've had a few. Now I don't even bother to study.
#30
Old 01-18-2005, 08:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SHAKES
Now see that's just wrong. You'd think doctors could come up with another way to check for that stuff....

.. But no! they're too busy figuring out how to make womens tits bigger!


Can't they just make a mini-sized MRI to stick your penis in??
Now THERE'S a patent just waiting to happen.
#31
Old 01-18-2005, 08:21 AM
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Had one at 21 when I became a sperm donor (no, it wasn't a method of collection).

Had one a couple of months ago from my woman doctor. No big deal.
#32
Old 01-18-2005, 08:29 AM
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Oh, man, here's to you for surviving that ordeal. The first time I had it done when the doctor started to insert his finger(s?) I started walking forward and he had to follow me until my head was against a wall before he could complete it. I told a friend that he (the doctor) must've really had large finger(s?). He commented, "Are you sure it was his finger?" I told him I couldn't answer that because my eyes were watering way too much to see anything. I wrote finger(s?) because I am not sure whether it was one digit or multiples.
#33
Old 01-18-2005, 09:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JRDelirious
From what I hear, the ladies in turn get to face docs who keep the requisite probing apparatus in the freezer until a minute before the examination
It used to feel like that, but lately, the docs seem to have switched from the old stainless steel speculum to a plastic, disposable model. Much more comfortable, but still has the same discomfort when they start opening the thing up inside you...

Still, various gynecological problems seem to run in my family, so a once-a-year visit is well worth the peace of mind.
#34
Old 01-18-2005, 09:13 AM
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True Story

Ahh Yes, I just had a full physical myself. As a man of 42. In my case, I was on my side on the exam table, no bending over for me. I think the biggest indignity of the whole thing is wiping your arse afterwords.

A few years ago, when I had my very first prostate exam (different Dr.), I told the doc I was uncomfortable with this procedure. He calmly replied; "Enright3, you don't worry unless you feel both of my hands on your hips".


Why I oughta....!
#35
Old 01-18-2005, 09:17 AM
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I had a colonoscopy about six months ago-- I'm young (32) but my uncle, my dad's twin, died of colon cancer at 44 and his son, my cousin (28), discovered recently he had benign polyps in there, so off I went.

You have to drink about four gallons of stuff that tastes like warm sweat, and about every hour it makes your stomach say GROOORRP, and you run off to the bathroom to feel like a booster rocket for 5 minutes.

I dutifully abandoned all pride for my time there, so the rest wasn't so bad. They give you something to make you loopy and then cram a techno-garden-hose up there and look around. I think it took 30-45 minutes but I was so high we might as well have been blowing bubbles and giggling for as much as I cared.

The only really uncomfortable part was that I was in Japan, and although I understood the doctors and nurses fairly well (with my limited Japanese and their limited English and cell phone English dictionaries), there was the whole novelty of a six foot tall foreigner coming in for this procedure that no one seemed able to ignore. So when they're probing around, before the procedure or the drugs, and I'm trying to think of a clear blue ocean, or a tropical rain forest, or whatever, the nurse says in Japanese, "Do you think you could give me English lessons?".
#36
Old 01-18-2005, 10:00 AM
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Can you be anaetha....aneetha...... knocked out for it?
#37
Old 01-18-2005, 07:19 PM
MLS MLS is offline
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First of all, I feel no sympathy at all for the persons of the male persuasion and their whining about discomfort and loss of personal dignity during a medical exam. Gimme a break.

Secondly, my experience with colonoscopy was that it was no big deal. They put me in a state called "twilight sleep," which is, I believe, a very light anaesthesia, and I remembered nothing of the experience. The prep ordeal is annoying, though.
#38
Old 01-18-2005, 08:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MLS
First of all, I feel no sympathy at all for the persons of the male persuasion and their whining about discomfort and loss of personal dignity during a medical exam. Gimme a break.
Nor should you feel any sympathy.

Had the prostate exam a few times now, all at the hands (or fingers, anyway) of woman docs. No biggie. Maybe they're gentler than guy docs, I don't know. But it lasts just a minute (if that), and I know the gyn exam prodding goes on for a lot longer than that. And then there's mammograms. Yeah, you wimmin definitely got the wrong end of the deal, with respect to physical exams.

Quote:
Secondly, my experience with colonoscopy was that it was no big deal. They put me in a state called "twilight sleep," which is, I believe, a very light anaesthesia, and I remembered nothing of the experience. The prep ordeal is annoying, though.
Annoying prep, but that's about the extent of it. I did wake up to mild discomfort a coupla times during the colonoscopy, but then went back under again. Woke up afterwards, went home, went on with life.
#39
Old 01-18-2005, 09:41 PM
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For those of the male persuasion who don't understand how anybody could find anything shoved up there to be pleasurable (ignoring the fact that I don't like the idea at all myself) my experience is that in a medical context I am not at all fond of having things put in my vagina...while in a sexual context, all is good. It's just a mind game, people.

In case of infection or something awful like that, you do have my sympathy, but not for a quick poke. At least you don't have them cranking it open!
#40
Old 01-18-2005, 10:51 PM
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I'm thirty seven. I will never be forty. Thirty ten, thirty eleven, thirthy twelve, etc.... but this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragwyr
What do you say to your doctor after a prostate examination? "Call me"
almost makes me want to tell 'em I'm forty NOW, just so I can use the joke!

It's my understanding that Prostate Cancer is no big deal because usually you die of old age before it spreads or outright kills you. Given that, why do they bother checking anyway? And why can't they do vaginal MRIs instead of ... uh... "speculating?" Does an MRI have to be that expensive
#41
Old 01-19-2005, 04:05 AM
Lok Lok is offline
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No, it can be nasty and fast. You want to catch it early if you get it.

As for the colonoscopy, I had one last year. Had to drink 1.5 ounces of a laxative in 4 ounces of water the night before, then a couple of ounces of another laxative about 3 hours before the procedure. For the procedure, I was wheeled into the room, rolled onto my side, they stuck in the IV, the next thing I knew I was back in the room, it was all over with.

Haven't had the prostate experience yet. Not really looking forward to it.
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#42
Old 01-19-2005, 08:34 PM
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Jeez, guys. It's just a finger. And it's lubed!

Far worse things have happened to people.

(Yep, still 22 more years :P)
#43
Old 01-20-2005, 08:32 AM
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I keep cancelling my appointments.....I'm all gung-ho for doing it and have set up appointments to get it done. but as the date approaches........i chicken out and don't go.

what makes it harder is the fact that my doctor is a woman and she's beautiful as heck. i'd feel much better doing the examination if my doctor were ugly.
#44
Old 01-20-2005, 09:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EhhMon
what makes it harder is the fact that my doctor is a woman and she's beautiful as heck. i'd feel much better doing the examination if my doctor were ugly.
Unless you've got a serious doctor fetish, there isn't anything remotely erotic about the experience and I doubt that you'll have to worry about becoming too aroused. I enjoy having a finger in my ass as much as the next guy, and my doctor is a very attractive woman, but the setting does nothing for me. If there was some wine involved, some mood lighting, a little comfortable bed...then we'd be talking long term relationship.
#45
Old 01-20-2005, 02:22 PM
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Inigo, I think there are different kinds of cancer that can attack the prostate. Some are pretty agressive and others thankfully are like what you mentioned. I found out yesterday that's what my dad has, a benign form that will kill him at 120 years of age if something else aready hasn't.

I guess this means I have to go get checked now. Tell me again just why in the hell it's gotta be checked with someone's finger and not by X-ray, CAT-scan, MRI, etc???
#46
Old 01-20-2005, 02:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BobLibDem
They're not that bad. Just don't get one from a gay proctologist with no hands.
God no, he'd have to use his left foot.

Mr. Lisa tends to choose female primary care physicians. I thought he was just being a sensitive New-Age guy, until he explained that this was because female doctors generally had smaller fingers.
#47
Old 01-20-2005, 07:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MLS
First of all, I feel no sympathy at all for the persons of the male persuasion and their whining about discomfort and loss of personal dignity during a medical exam. Gimme a break.

Secondly, my experience with colonoscopy was that it was no big deal. They put me in a state called "twilight sleep," which is, I believe, a very light anaesthesia, and I remembered nothing of the experience. The prep ordeal is annoying, though.
I asked two of my older coworkers, one of whom had a colonoscopy yesterday, which was worse, a prostate exam or a colonoscopy. Without hesitiation, they both replied, the prostate exam.

Obviously, I can't speak to any gyn exam, so I can't do a strict comparison. I can say that I've been injured enough to know I handle pain quite well, to the point of impressing EMTs, nurses and such. Prostate exams don't hurt much, but they make me physically nauseas and break out in a sweat. I honestly have to lean on something to keep steady. I've been at some of my wife's exams, and I never saw that reaction.
#48
Old 01-20-2005, 09:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wolf_meister
I was never too thrilled with prostate exams either. HOWEVER .... as nivlac mentioned, a colonoscopy is worse !!!
Fortunately, I have never had one. From those that have had one, I hear it is a triple discomfort because: (perhaps TMI)
1) The night before, you have to drink about a gallon of laxative which is NOT the most refreshing beverage in the world.
2) Then, because of Step 1, you end up evacuating everything that could possibly be in your intestinal tract all the way back to your tonsils. (It may be exaggeration, but some folks have said that you'll use up a roll of toilet paper).
3) The next day you get probed (you know where), and I hear THAT is somewhat uncomfortable.

I had one of these a few years back. The night before I went to the pharmacy to pick up the 10-gallon jug of "cherry-flavored" laxative. It was clear, real thick and very nasty. I also bought a few football magazines so I could have plenty to read when it hit. The stuff is supposed to start working after an hour. Well, two hours passed and nothing. I was getting worried. Then after about 2 1/2 hours, it hit with a vengence. And it kept hitting for hours. When there was nothing left, and I mean NOTHING left, I was exhausted.

Skip to after the procedure. I was knocked out cold for it and I don't remember a thing. After I wake up, I am laying on the hospital bed and the doctor is explaing to my wife and I what he did to me. He even had full-color pictures.

I was drugged up and out-of-it. I remember the doctor saying rectum. I actually said, remember I am was as high as a kite, "rectum, damn near killed him." I don't even know what that means. My poor wife was very embarrassed.
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