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#1
Old 02-02-2005, 12:06 PM
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Non-vulgar interjections and insults that are worse than swearing.

My darling husband, for some reason, says, "mother puss-bucket" as a random interjection, usually in place of motherfucker. I absolutely can't stand the image this puts in my mind—not the mother part, the puss-bucket part—and I tell him he should just say motherfucker instead, which is a fairly unevocative vulgarity, instead of . . . Oh, ick—I'm not typing it again.

I also find "dumb as a bag of hair" particularly gross and disturbing. I'm not quite sure why. Honestly, I'd rather someone call me a c*nt than a bag of hair, and I really hate the c-word.

Is there anything they could say on broadcast TV during primetime that bugs you more than the usual obscene words?
#2
Old 02-02-2005, 12:21 PM
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Mother Puss-bucket, for reference, originates as far as I can tell with Ghostbusters, from the lips of Peter Venkman.
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#3
Old 02-02-2005, 12:40 PM
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Ah, so that's where he got it! Thanks!
#4
Old 02-02-2005, 06:55 PM
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One that I just made up today, to describe a guy I work with:

"You big, nasty, candy-crunching, soda-slurping, talking-to-yourself goofball!"



Of course, I only think it, but it's satisfying nonetheless....
#5
Old 02-02-2005, 07:08 PM
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A bucket full of cats?
#6
Old 02-02-2005, 07:56 PM
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Hmm. I went to look it up in the dictionary to get a smartass fancy definition, and discovered that pus only has one s. D'oh.

One more for the "List of Words I'll Never Spell Wrong Again."
#7
Old 02-02-2005, 08:32 PM
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paraphrased from Babylon 5

You have a well-earned and charming humility.

From somewhere else

You have delusions of adequacy.

My own

Your not the brightest bulb in the greenhouse.
#8
Old 02-02-2005, 08:46 PM
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Personally, I think it is much more insulting to call a woman a cow than to call her a bitch, but that might just be me.
#9
Old 02-03-2005, 04:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cervaise
Personally, I think it is much more insulting to call a woman a cow than to call her a bitch, but that might just be me.
Not just you. Probably because bitch often gets used for women who're perceived as being aggressive/pushy/etc when they're being assertive, plus a bunch of other things.

But there's no way of slicing it for cows -- they just stand there and moo at you.
#10
Old 02-03-2005, 05:20 AM
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'Run along, the grown-ups are talking.'
#11
Old 02-03-2005, 10:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Podkayne
My darling husband, for some reason, says, "mother puss-bucket" as a random interjection, usually in place of motherfucker.
I think we might have the same husband.
And I feel the same way. Ick! Just swear, goshdarnit!
#12
Old 02-03-2005, 10:32 AM
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"Scum-sucking guttersnipe!"

There's a more obscene version of this, but since I don't know how to do the whole Spolier-box thing, and I'm at work, I'm loathe to post it...
It rolls trippingly off the tongue, tho'.
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#13
Old 02-03-2005, 10:36 AM
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"Ok, you're speakering privallages have officially been revoked." Then upon that person's next attempt at saying anything: "What did I say about the talking? Yeah, no more of it."
And then of course there's always: "Every time your mouth opens, I die a little inside." and: "shut you're mouth and know you're role."
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#14
Old 02-03-2005, 10:42 AM
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Ok, Daithi Lacha, I really want to hear the thing. What you do to quote is on the advanced reply page hit the little "talky blurb" on the toolbar, then enter the dirty stuff in the pop up.

Or do like this, only replace the "<" bits with "[" bits.
<QUOTE>this is the hidden bit</QUOTE>
#15
Old 02-03-2005, 10:59 AM
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Actually the code is [ spoiler]
SPOILER:
hidden text
[ / spoiler](without the spaces), not "quote".
#16
Old 02-03-2005, 11:36 AM
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OOOOH! My bad! It's early. kinda. Is that an excuse?
#17
Old 02-03-2005, 12:29 PM
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And another classic: "Oh, I'm sorry, were you talking? Because all I heard was someone scraping their fingers against a chalk board."
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#18
Old 02-03-2005, 12:40 PM
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I always gross my husband out with this one, but there's no way they'd say it on primetime:

SPOILER:
Eat my menstrual chunks.


Yay! My first spoiler! Thank you, Homebrew.

Hmmm, I'm trying to think of a less gross one. Perhaps crusty butt-nugget? Then again, maybe not.
#19
Old 02-03-2005, 12:50 PM
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Dimwad

Lemme check the heel of your boot. (for piss-pouring instructions)
#20
Old 02-03-2005, 01:56 PM
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OK - check it out:
SPOILER:
cum-guzzling gutter-slut


Little Bird & Homebrew, thanks for my cool new superpowers!
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#21
Old 02-03-2005, 09:06 PM
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Similar to Regallag's, is the classic "Just don't talk."

Another simple, deep cutting insult is "No one likes you." You could be the most confident person in the world, but if someone says that with conviction you're going to be doing some questioning.
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#22
Old 02-03-2005, 09:08 PM
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If you are addressing a Democrat: "Republican!"
And vice-versa.
#23
Old 02-03-2005, 09:41 PM
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From Invader Zim (and thus safe enough for Nickelodeon): "Shut your noise-tube, taco human!"
#24
Old 02-03-2005, 09:49 PM
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I find myself using these quite often (tongue-in-cheek, because they probably aren't very effective anyway), both from Dodgeball:

You're adopted, your parents don't even love you.

and

You're about as useful as a poopy-flavored lollipop.
#25
Old 02-04-2005, 08:19 AM
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My Old Man used to say to me "You're about as helpful as extra ugly on a warthog."
Sometimes, "extra lumps," or "extra tits."
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#26
Old 02-04-2005, 08:44 AM
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This is a battle of wits, and...
...you volunteered as a stretcher bearer
...you brought a knife to a gunfight

You...
Got hit with the ugly stick
Fell out of the ugly tree, hitting every branch on the way down
are a card carrying Member of the ugly Forest Basejumping Team.

I'd suggest you were of equal worth to pond scum, but I think pond scum produces oxygen.

you rate higher on the food chain than (other stupid guy) - but only because i think you could eat him, lardy.

You're the Durex Poster Boy

(mutual enemy) said you weren't fit to sleep with pigs. But as I am your freind, I stood up for you. I assured him you were.
#27
Old 02-04-2005, 08:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetfreak
If you are addressing a Democrat: "Republican!"
And vice-versa.

Personally, i'd be pretty offended if anyone called me a liberal

#28
Old 02-04-2005, 09:17 AM
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For some reason "shut your pie hole" has always oogied me out. On the other hand I really like "you are a waste of my air."
#29
Old 02-04-2005, 09:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tupug Anachi
For some reason "shut your pie hole" has always oogied me out.
My personal favorite is "Shut your filthy pie-hole." I think the "filthy" really adds something to the image.

Borrowing from Red Dwarf, another favorite is "We all have something to bring to the conversation. Fron now on, I think you should bring silence."

I like 'em long and obtuse.
#30
Old 02-04-2005, 10:06 AM
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Said in anger to a very liberated female friend:

"Don't you have dishes to do?".
#31
Old 02-04-2005, 10:12 AM
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The one that really, really annoys me is non-verbal (and in my experience most commonly implemented by high-power career folks, whatever the hell that means...) - it's the stop-talking-because-I'm-going-to-speak-and-the-world-must-hush-and-listen gesture.

You know; manager demands an explanation as to why the widgets aren't on display yet, in your zeal to give a complete and informative answer, you begin by saying "Well, I've been checking the deliveries for a week now and chasing the suppliers six times a day, but despite their promises, the widgets haven't arrived yet", except you only get as far as saying the bit in red, when the manager abruptly presents your face with his outstretched palm and says "I didn't ask you for your life story, just tell me why the widgets aren't on the shelf!"
After that, a lengthy interrogation ensues as to
Why haven't you checked the deliveries? / I have checked the deliveries
Why haven't you chased the supplierd? / I have, six times a day
Well why didn't you tell me that in the first place? / Because I would have to cut off your fucking ARM in order to complete a sentence!
#32
Old 02-04-2005, 11:18 AM
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I'm a fig ban of the spoonerised insult.

For example:

"You bon of a sitch"

or

"You chit-eating sockcucker"

not that there's anything wrong with cucking sock

wrenchslinger
#33
Old 02-04-2005, 02:43 PM
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I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
#34
Old 02-04-2005, 03:52 PM
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I've always been partial to "Son (or daughter) of a syphilitic whoremonger".

Robin
#35
Old 02-04-2005, 03:56 PM
Ale Ale is offline
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"Oligophrenic" works wonders.
#36
Old 02-04-2005, 04:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daithi Lacha
OK - check it out:
SPOILER:
cum-guzzling gutter-slut


Little Bird & Homebrew, thanks for my cool new superpowers!
Ieuuuu.
#37
Old 02-04-2005, 09:25 PM
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Here's one that I'd rather not hear: lung butter. Geez, boss, I could have completely done without that image--it grosses me out just typing it. Fortunately, he doesn't interject it into everyday conversations, just when he's discussing what he coughed up, but I'd much prefer to hear "man, I got a lot of shit in my chest" instead of "man, that was a wad of lung butter."
#38
Old 02-04-2005, 11:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daithi Lacha
OK - check it out:
SPOILER:
cum-guzzling gutter-slut


Little Bird & Homebrew, thanks for my cool new superpowers!
A That brings back such fond memories! An old friend of mine used to use a variation of that phrase (burping in place of guzzling) all the time. Not, I might note, directed at me, that I recall
#39
Old 02-04-2005, 11:39 PM
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Would "lung cookies" improve the visual? My husband introduced me to this term. I have fallen in love with it.
#40
Old 02-05-2005, 03:00 AM
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"I hope someone you love dies."
#41
Old 02-05-2005, 07:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vinniepaz
"I hope someone you love dies."

which is very similar to:

"I hope that if you ever have a son, his dog dies."

A Jester No-Prize for the one who can answer where that's from
#42
Old 02-05-2005, 03:01 PM
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Quote:
poopy-flavored lollipop
Band name!
#43
Old 02-05-2005, 05:11 PM
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How about ...
Knock-kneed, buck-toothed, pin-headed incestous offspring of a dog-faced syphilitic whore.

Also, when my young ones were young ones, I had to be somewhat creative with the insults I hurled at the insane drivers (who seem to be everywhere). The more fitting adjectives were replaced by moron, bonehead, twit, halfwit, brainless, dead-from-the-neck-up, dip-wad, and jerk.
#44
Old 02-05-2005, 06:18 PM
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My new favorite:

"I thought you'd be nicer since you're not very good-looking."

I can't wait to use it.
#45
Old 02-05-2005, 07:27 PM
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"Go crawl back under your rock."

"You little maggot."
#46
Old 02-05-2005, 10:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Silverfire
You're adopted, your parents don't even love you.
I like this one!

The version I have heard is: "Oh by the way, your mum called. She said to tell you that you were adopted"
#47
Old 02-06-2005, 04:06 AM
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I mock your value system. You also appear foolish in the eyes of others.

Past instances in which I professed to like you were fraudulent.

I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other.
#48
Old 02-06-2005, 05:17 AM
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I'm personally for any variation on "Shut your pie hole!" Warning: when using "cake" instead of "pie," said insult can easily become vulgar, since all those food words that start with "c" sound the same.
#49
Old 02-07-2005, 10:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harimad-sol
I'm personally for any variation on "Shut your pie hole!" Warning: when using "cake" instead of "pie," said insult can easily become vulgar, since all those food words that start with "c" sound the same.
a la Monty Python:

"Shut your festering gob, you tit!"
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#50
Old 02-07-2005, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ale
"Oligophrenic" works wonders.
All right! My cats just got a new epithet!
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