Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
#1
Old 02-16-2005, 10:05 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 19,673
Do women enjoy compliments from strangers

In this thread it almost appears that major compliments is a good way to gain a woman's attention. Is this actually true or do they just blow it off? Hell, maybe I did it/do it all wrong, I just talk to women I never actually compliment them.

Where is that stick I threw out yesterday, I want to beat this dead horse with it.
#2
Old 02-16-2005, 11:17 PM
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: WV
Posts: 2,465
If a stranger (particularly a guy) complimented me I'd be so stunned I would either freeze up, which might be taken as a blow-off, or I'd get pissed because I'd assume they were making fun of me.

If I knew the person was totally sincere, though, yeah, I'd dig it.
#3
Old 02-16-2005, 11:19 PM
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Atlantic Canada
Posts: 2,637
Sincere compliments are always welcome.

/Ms Cyros
#4
Old 02-17-2005, 12:13 AM
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,111
While I've had a few compliments that pissed me off (usually given by a guy who is showing off for his buddies), for the most part I really appreciate them.

Sometimes I'll be having a bad day, and a nice young man will hold a door for me and tell me I'm pretty, and suddenly it's okay again. You never know what a kind word will mean to somebody.

Of course, you have to be sincere about it, and don't leer.
#5
Old 02-17-2005, 01:02 AM
Guest
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 455
Susan is right: sincerity, no leering.
I would like to add 'not creepy'. Being told I'm pretty could be a compliment (another student at the library) or creepy and kinda scary (drunk guy, doesn't-seem-to-be-quite-all-there guy, I'm alone and it's late at night).
As mentioned in the photo thread, I don't think of myself as particularly attractive (though I've been assured I'm not ugly, I think of myself primarily in terms of my brain, not my body, if that makes sense), so a sincere compliment is a genuine surprise, and usually makes me smile to myself.
If I weren't so shy, I would compliment people more often, men and women. But it's hard to overcome the 'don't-talk-to-strangers' 'rule', and often hard to express the difference between flirting and a simple compliment.
#6
Old 02-17-2005, 01:45 AM
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,599
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wesley Clark
In this thread it almost appears that major compliments is a good way to gain a woman's attention. Is this actually true or do they just blow it off? Hell, maybe I did it/do it all wrong, I just talk to women I never actually compliment them.

Where is that stick I threw out yesterday, I want to beat this dead horse with it.

From a stranger, a compliment about my clothes would be more welcome than a compliment about my physical self.

VCNJ~
#7
Old 02-17-2005, 02:27 AM
BANNED
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Green Lake, TX
Posts: 2,708
If I don't get a creepy vibe from it, getting an unsolcitied compliment is very nice. Since I'm usually with Mrs. Six, who is gorgeous, we usually get a group comment such as "Looking nice, ladies."

Other women are much more likely to compliment me on my clothes than men.
#8
Old 02-17-2005, 02:29 AM
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bagaces, Costa Rica
Posts: 2,147
As a lot of the other females have said, if they are nice and not creepy about it, then it's a great way to chat up a girl!
#9
Old 02-17-2005, 05:34 AM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: USA/female/40s
Posts: 3,985
It's kind of a tough call, because it's in the eye of the beholder whether the person is sincere or not.

My advice would be, that if you're just trying to meet women and you're just reaching for compliments to use, don't do it. Don't say, "Nice hair" to every woman you see for a day and see who falls for it.

But if you see a woman who isn't already hunched over in a defensive posture, and she seems open to being talked to by a stranger, you might say, "Those are the longest eyelashes I've ever seen," if that happens to be the case.

Something like, "Your smile made my day" tends to go over well.

Something like, "What, am I supposed to look but not touch?" while leering down blouse or up skirt will not likely go over well.

Either way, all you're going to get out of it is a very brief, verbal encounter with a stranger. I don't see how it's going to lead to anything.

Personally, I don't like attention drawn to my looks or my clothes, but if it seems to be a well-meaning stranger, it sometimes pleases me, as long as they don't then try to make a big deal about it. Now, if a coworker compliments me on my looks or clothes, I discourage that. I'm there to work, dammit. If you like what you see, keep it to yourself.
#10
Old 02-17-2005, 06:17 AM
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Yorkshire, England
Posts: 4,056
It's happened a couple of times, from men and women. I've always found it very flattering.
#11
Old 02-17-2005, 07:38 AM
Guest
Join Date: May 2000
Posts: 2,595
I expect that it varies according to the people & situations involved.

If I were well-dressed & on my way to work, and complimented a lady in the elevator lobby, I imagine she'd receive it better than if I were drunk and passing her in a lonely alleyway at 2:30AM
#12
Old 02-17-2005, 08:02 AM
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Small City, Michigan
Posts: 5,162
I find it annoying to be complimented on something I didn't do. So I try to keep them oriented to something a person might have had a hand in, such as a choice of hairstyle or jewlery. That seems to go over fairly well in terms of brightening someone's day a little.

I often want to compliment women on their looks, or some aspect of it, e.g. their eyes, or things that I seem to uniquely notice such as beautiful hands or a fantastic nose. I've learned that all those tend to go over like lead balloons.

Since I can't pick up women no matter how badly I'd like to, I just do it to be nice.

One compliment that always goes over well is "Wow! What a rock!"
#13
Old 02-17-2005, 08:02 AM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Present and Accounted For
Posts: 18,256
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wesley Clark
I just talk to women I never actually compliment them.

Where is that stick I threw out yesterday, I want to beat this dead horse with it.
There's your first mistake--we love compliments. Can't get enough of 'em--IF they are sincere.

For me, it depends on the compliment and the stranger. I have had drunks come up to me and tell me: "mm, mm, good!"--but I'm assuming you don't mean that sort of thing......

Other compliments that could go unsaid include: "mighty fine" "help me. Jesus" and the one I have never figured out, "do you want a Boulder handshake?" (I was a freshman at CU, first day on campus--I still dont' know what this means!).
#14
Old 02-17-2005, 08:23 AM
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: STLMO
Posts: 6,241
I'm generally totally confused. You know, looking behind me, looking up, down and all around, trying to figure out who the hell this person is complimenting. Oh, you mean me? Um, thanks. *blushes*

Compliments are really nice if the guy doesn't leer at me or start following me. Or keep complimenting me even after I've said thanks and am obviously trying to leave.
Each time one of these situations has happened to me, it left me feeling really vulnerable and creeped out.

If a guy or a woman just gives me a well-worded compliment (read: not necessarily flowerly or grammatically correct, but not about my ass or tits), I'm usually quite flattered. Other than loving compliments from my husband (who loves to give them), I think I'm more flattered when a woman compliments me because women don't tend to offer compliments unless they're responding to another woman's negative self-image. "You do not have acne." Getting a compliment from a woman for no reason is unusual and very nice.
#15
Old 02-17-2005, 08:51 AM
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,368
Compliments tend to make me a bit uncomfortable, actually. The less specific, the worse it is for me. Especially when someone tells me I'm pretty or makes a comment about my body... I never know how to respond to it besides being polite and just saying thank you. I like to think I've taught myself to be courteous and how to graciously accept compliments, but to be honest whenever anyone does it, I try to thank them and quickly change the subject to something I feel more comfortable talking about. I think most of it stems from being called fat and ridiculed so much as a kid; I didn't like it when people judged me because I was fat, and a lot of times when people compliment me I still feel manipulated or find myself questioning their motives/sincerity. I know they just mean to be nice in most cases, but I still feel compelled to skirt out of it/change the subject as soon as I can.

Fortunately I'm such a weirdo, usually people are more curious about whatever I'm doing/wearing, than paying attention to my body. I really only have experienced random compliments about my appearance when I am working in a situation where I deal with the public (and thus wearing some kind of uniform or standardized business dress) or just out doing something like shopping in a t-shirt and jeans.

I have a much easier time dealing with compliments about everything else. If I was holding a book and you said, "I've read that and loved it, you have really great taste," I would enjoy it much more because then I could talk with you about the book, rather than standing there in uncomfortable silence wondering why you just told me I have pretty eyes.
#16
Old 02-17-2005, 08:52 AM
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Obama-napolis
Posts: 4,976
Yes, I enjoy compliments from anyone who wishes to give them, as long as they aren't rude about it.
#17
Old 02-17-2005, 08:58 AM
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Small City, Michigan
Posts: 5,162
Quote:
Originally Posted by overlyverbose
Compliments are really nice if the guy doesn't leer at me or start following me. Or keep complimenting me even after I've said thanks and am obviously trying to leave.
Would you walk up to insert your favorite work of visual art here and say "that piece of art is beautiful" and then not stare at it or follow it around, if it walked off?
#18
Old 02-17-2005, 09:01 AM
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Blackwater Park
Posts: 9,100
IANAW, but the other day a woman I'd never met before commented on my hair, telling me it looked beautiful and healthy. I sure didn't mind getting that compliment, so I don't think a woman would either (so long as it is genuine).
#19
Old 02-17-2005, 09:03 AM
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: KCMO
Posts: 11,217
I've found that observations like "That's a very becoming hairstyle" or "That's a lovely outfit" tend to be well-received. I don't go any further with anyone other than my wife.
#20
Old 02-17-2005, 09:10 AM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,282
As has been mentioned countless times, sincerity is the key. I'm always happy to hear a compliment.
#21
Old 02-17-2005, 09:16 AM
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: STLMO
Posts: 6,241
Quote:
Originally Posted by js_africanus
Would you walk up to insert your favorite work of visual art here and say "that piece of art is beautiful" and then not stare at it or follow it around, if it walked off?
I might wet my pants if a Rueben walked off. That'd probably inhibit my chances of further compliments, though, so I'll have to learn to hold it.
#22
Old 02-17-2005, 09:31 AM
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,590
Almost any time a strange man gives me a compliment it's just flattery and it only makes me hostile. I'm the type to say things like "I don't want to discuss my looks with you." I guess I am not very warm towards strange men. But really, no man I would respect would dream of walking up to a strange woman and giving his critique of her appearance. Just because the final judgement was positive doesn't mean I want to be reminded that I'm being judged. I guess another thing is that most of the time the guy who feels comfortable complimenting a strange woman is a guy who is willfully ignoring the little voice that is telling him not to do that. I prefer it when people pay attention to the little voice that tells them not to be obnoxious. That's generally more my type of person in the first place.
#23
Old 02-17-2005, 09:33 AM
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Obama-napolis
Posts: 4,976
Damn, Pokey, that's harsh.
#24
Old 02-17-2005, 10:01 AM
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Small City, Michigan
Posts: 5,162
Quote:
Originally Posted by overlyverbose
I might wet my pants if a Rueben walked off. That'd probably inhibit my chances of further compliments, though, so I'll have to learn to hold it.
You never know—the museum curator might have that sort of fetish.
#25
Old 02-17-2005, 10:15 AM
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: At work
Posts: 3,803
I'd be flattered but I might be a little flustered. So if the woman says something strange or stutters or whatever, just give her a second to recoup. I always like to think that I'll be suave and sophisticated, but the times when someone I don't know talks to me, I still get tongue-tied. Don't assume that means that I'm insulted or not interested.
#26
Old 02-17-2005, 10:50 AM
BANNED
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Green Lake, TX
Posts: 2,708
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluethree
Now, if a coworker compliments me on my looks or clothes, I discourage that. I'm there to work, dammit. If you like what you see, keep it to yourself.
I enjoy it when I get a comlement on my clothes at work, but then I'm a clothes horse, and I often dress for the purpose of creating a specific image. For example, on valentines day, I wore a pink denim miniskirt, white tights with little pink hearts on them (do you realize how hard it is to find those in an adult size?), pink sneakers, a white short sleeved t-shirt with pink ribbon edging, hair in pig tails with pink ribbons, and dangly earrings with pink heart pendants, pink lip gloss, and my nails were polished to match.

I'd have been deeply dissapointed if nobody had commented on my outfit.

I figure, if you're going to dress up for Valentine's day, might as well go way off the deep end.
#27
Old 02-17-2005, 10:54 AM
BANNED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: The Great Black Swamp
Posts: 9,178
Anecdotal evidence:
About a week and a half ago I was being waited on by a waitress that really caught my fancy. She had a very tiny diamond point labret that really set her features off and upped her pretty factor by 3. I commented, "That is a very tasteful and pretty piercing." She thanked me and smiled. After I had eaten, I decided to try and find out more about her and see if I had a chance at maybe asking her out eventually and also because she seemed like an interesting person just by appearence and I was curious about her story.
I complimented her on her glasses which also really set off her features and where quite unique, it seems she went to quite a lot of trouble to find them. We talked for some time and I asked if she had a boyfriend or husband. Turns out she doesn't (actually, she's going through a divorce.) and I alluded to maybe doing something sometime. She didn't shoot me down and told me the nights she works. I decided to take a slow and non-desperate approach and told her I'd come back in some night and would look forward to seeing her and talking some more.
It was my most successful attempt at meeting a girl and trying to get a date in my recent history and it all started because I complimented her. It was a genuine compliment though, just be sincere.
#28
Old 02-17-2005, 11:09 AM
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Under The Pink
Posts: 772
Most women love compliments. I really do. Women are constantly pressured to look nice and the standards keep rising. So, since I haven't been able to keep up everything (30 is getting closer, gravity and all), when I get a compliment it makes my day.

The gross oogling can get annoying, but I try to keep in mind how men are and try not to take offence to it. When they cross the line is when I get upset. But men can be very primal animals when it comes to a pretty girl, so I try to keep that in perspective.

That's all.
#29
Old 02-17-2005, 11:55 AM
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Obama-napolis
Posts: 4,976
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaitlyn
For example, on valentines day, I wore a pink denim miniskirt, white tights with little pink hearts on them (do you realize how hard it is to find those in an adult size?), pink sneakers, a white short sleeved t-shirt with pink ribbon edging, hair in pig tails with pink ribbons, and dangly earrings with pink heart pendants, pink lip gloss, and my nails were polished to match.
As a joke, right?

If not, wow, I bet you do get a lot of commentary on your wardrobe.
#30
Old 02-17-2005, 12:09 PM
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: T. O.
Posts: 464
I don't get complimented by strangers myself, but in my pt job as a cashier, complimenting other women's hair, hats, jewellery, etc., is a surefire way to get them to open up and, you know, actually notice you. Of course, these are only compliments that imply "You have good taste", not "How you doin'?".
#31
Old 02-17-2005, 12:23 PM
Member
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Flatlander in NH
Posts: 25,528
I'm with pokey. I would find a compliment uncomfortable and threatening. At work I don't believe it's acceptable at all to comment on appearance.
#32
Old 02-17-2005, 12:40 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Lethbridge, AB.
Posts: 49,082
I agree with veuve and js_africanus - a compliment on my looks are not as well received as compliments on something I can take credit for. "You have lovely eyes." "Thanks, I grew them myself."
#33
Old 02-17-2005, 12:44 PM
Member
Join Date: Jun 1999
Location: Near the GT eeehhhh...
Posts: 27,573
I always thought that it was not polite or a good idea to compliment a women who you don't already know. After all, what is 'polite interest' to you may be 'leer factor' to her.

This isn't really a general rule, just something for me. It relates to facility in social communications--knowing how to interpret body language, being aware of the other person instead of being lost in your own images, etc.

Looking at the difference between, say, pokey's reaction, on one hand, and those of PinkMarabou andindygrrl, you can see why social perception would be important. This pretty much confirms what bluethree said.

For someone like me, who has had to learn social communications relatively late in life, it was always safer to say nothing.

There was quite a thread a while back about the 'creepy factor': what is it, does the perception of 'creepy' differ between men and women, can someone be projecting creepiness without their knowledge, can someone be projecting it with their knowledge, etc. I seem to remember it was a bit of a trainwreck at times.
__________________
Rigardu, kaj vi ekvidos.
Look, and you will begin to see.
#34
Old 02-17-2005, 12:46 PM
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 3,077
Quote:
Originally Posted by pokey
Almost any time a strange man gives me a compliment it's just flattery and it only makes me hostile. I'm the type to say things like "I don't want to discuss my looks with you." I guess I am not very warm towards strange men. But really, no man I would respect would dream of walking up to a strange woman and giving his critique of her appearance. Just because the final judgement was positive doesn't mean I want to be reminded that I'm being judged. I guess another thing is that most of the time the guy who feels comfortable complimenting a strange woman is a guy who is willfully ignoring the little voice that is telling him not to do that. I prefer it when people pay attention to the little voice that tells them not to be obnoxious. That's generally more my type of person in the first place.
I just can't figure out why men find it intimidating to approach women. Does anybody have any idea? Because I'm totally stumped.
#35
Old 02-17-2005, 01:22 PM
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Somewhere cold 'n squishy
Posts: 5,286
[mr. microphone]
"Hey, good-looking, we'll be back to pick you up later!"
[/mr. microphone]

What, you mean the media has lied to me about what women like?
#36
Old 02-17-2005, 01:38 PM
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Terre d'Ange
Posts: 453
Once I was shopping in Lowe's (of all places) with my mother. While wandering around looking for whatever it was we were looking for, a man walked up to me and said I had the most beautiful hair he'd ever seen. I said thank you, and he went on about his business. It really made my day!
#37
Old 02-17-2005, 02:12 PM
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma
Posts: 5,565
If there's no smirking, no innuendo, and no touching, I love a compliment from a stranger.

Occasionally a bit of innuendo is even OK. Depends on the circumstances.

Something I definitely do not like is overhearing a guy who is addressing his remarks about my physical attributes to another guy, and not directly to me. "Hey, Vinny, get a load of the earlobes on that chick" is not good. "Gee, Miss, you have nice earlobes" is fine, unless the speaker immediately grabs one of my earlobes and starts fondling it.
#38
Old 02-17-2005, 02:14 PM
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Obama-napolis
Posts: 4,976
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkfreud
Something I definitely do not like is overhearing a guy who is addressing his remarks about my physical attributes to another guy, and not directly to me. "Hey, Vinny, get a load of the earlobes on that chick" is not good. "Gee, Miss, you have nice earlobes" is fine, unless the speaker immediately grabs one of my earlobes and starts fondling it.
Haha, I assume by "earlobes" you actually mean "ass."
#39
Old 02-17-2005, 02:30 PM
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,111
devilsknew: that is a great story, and is exactly the kind of compliment I love to get.

I try to compliment other women, and men if they seem fashion-conscious. For the guy in the old jeans and used-to-be-white T-shirt, I never know what to say, even if he's cute. "Hot" isn't as much of an accomplishment for men (since there is less they can do about it), so it is almost impossible to compliment a man that you don't know very well.

OTOH, I do ballroom and swing dances, and I've found that the best way to get asked for a second dance is to tell my partner that "he makes me look good" on the dance floor. It's worked almost every time.
#40
Old 02-17-2005, 03:15 PM
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma
Posts: 5,565
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indygrrl
Haha, I assume by "earlobes" you actually mean "ass."
D'oh! I always get those body parts mixed up. Y'know, it gets really ouchy sitting on chandelier earrings all day long.
#41
Old 02-17-2005, 04:57 PM
BANNED
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Green Lake, TX
Posts: 2,708
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indygrrl
As a joke, right?

If not, wow, I bet you do get a lot of commentary on your wardrobe.
I did that day. The other teachers all think I'm a little weird.

It was a bit more extreme than most days, but no, it wasn't a joke. The kids loved it, both those in my class, and those in the other classes. During my plan period, I crashed four other Valentine's party and shamelessly shilled for any extras the kids had brought.

The great thing about being a young-looking female, elementary school teacher is that I can get away with murder when it comes to dressing up. I wear a kimono to work once a week and go in a kind of theme costume about once a week. People notice if I come dressed as Belle from Beauty and the Beast (the blue pinafore from the first scene), but nobody objects, and my students love it. We even play "Guess who Miss Kaitlyn is today" sometimes.

My mother in law is making me a Pocahontas outfit, and I already have a bunny suit ready for Easter (and for reading Goodnight Opus).

Mrs. Six and I are going to a convention later on this year as Chun Li Blue and Chun Li Red, and people damn well better notice what we're wearing and comment on it.
#42
Old 02-17-2005, 05:26 PM
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 2,797
Honestly? I'd think the guy was making fun of me. And then I'd think it was creepy. I might not think that if the comment was about a piece of clothing I was wearing (I got a sincere compliment about a scarf I knitted from a girl the other day and was thrilled), or about my hair since I have some control over how it looks, but I really don't know how to respond to something like "you have nice eyes." Um, thanks, I got it from my genes?

If you really want to give me a compliment, remark on the book I'm reading. Now that can be a conversation starter.
#43
Old 02-17-2005, 05:49 PM
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: noitacol
Posts: 4,562
We can probably all benefit from remembering to voice more sincere compliments to the people we do know. Even that coworker who doesn't welcome a comment about dress or hair will probably appreciate a sincere compliment about a well organized desk or a job well done.

As far as compliments from strangers, I'm probably only a little happier about them than pokey is. I have to admit that being a little older, a little fatter, and happily very married, I appreciate not getting many uncomfortable compliments anymore.

I remember explaining to a young male friend of mine that anything, even if they're trying to be nice, that a car full of guys yells at a young woman walking down the street alone, will be perceived as a threat, not a compliment. I think for women there is a huge undercurrent of "whatever you did to attract attention from that strange man on the street, you shouldn't have done it, and now you deserve whatever happens to you..." that is very disconcerting.

So let charity start at home. Think of those women you know who may think you overlook their good qualities or take them for granted. Spread a little sunshine with them.
#44
Old 02-17-2005, 07:10 PM
Member
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: NH
Posts: 22,221
If I don't know you, I'd rather that you didn't comment on my looks. If you must say something, pick something I have control over, rather than what genetics wrought.
#45
Old 02-17-2005, 07:32 PM
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Durham, NC
Posts: 1,588
I don't really mind compliments. It's ....what am I supposed to do next?

There are two compliments that stand out in my mind for making me feel good and then uncomfortable.

One, I was about 23. A guy approached me as I was getting on my bike outside the library. He said, "I saw you earlier today on your bike. You looked so beautiful with that scarf in your hair, your hair streaming out behind you. I swore if I ever saw you again I would talk to you and here you are!"

Well, on the one hand, I love that I was the beautiful girl with the scarf and the hair blowing in the wind. If you're out there, library guy, thank you, that made me feel great.

But on the other hand, I was living with the love of my life (now my husband) and I wasn't quite sure what library guy was hoping for, so I said "Well, thanks" and he said, "So, what kinds of things do you like to do?" and I said "Mostly, hang out with my boyfriend. Sorry." and rode off. Doper guys, was there a better response?


The other was more recently. I was at the grocery store without my children for once. I had recently lost 30 lbs and was feeling great. So, when the meat clerk said "Hi beautiful!" my initial reaction was a huge smile, but what next? Was I supposed to compliment the meat clerk in response? The rest of the transaction--me: asking for andouille sausage, him:getting the sausage, wrapping it up, handing it to me, I stood there feeling embarassed with an ever deepening blush.

Those stand out because they actually made me feel good before they made me feel awkward. Most compliments I have gotten from strangers just make me feel awkward, or worse threatened--especially when I was a waitress because then I was trapped into a relationship for a time.

The problem with a compliment is that the guy often does want something---a phone number, a chance of an ongoing relationship.

What I would like, I think, if I guy just wanted to make me feel good without asking anything, would be an appreciative look, a flirtly exchanged glance before moving on. That, I 've never gotten.
#46
Old 02-17-2005, 08:25 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Penumbra
Posts: 6,583
There has been a few times when I was having a bad day but I spotted a cute guy and smiled at him.. only to have them stop, smile back and tell me I should do it more often as I have a pretty smile.

Always makes my day.

Unless it's done creepily with a leer or even like carlotta when I'm waitressing/working. If it's not creepy I'm fine at work, but when they are creepy it's just multiplied because you are trapped for that time.
#47
Old 02-18-2005, 06:02 AM
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Slumerville
Posts: 1,614
I like the non-leering compliment in passing. It always makes me smile a bit. Bad: "woah, did you know you have amazing breasts." Yup, thanks, move right along please. Good: I have very full lips and I wear glossy red lipstick some days when I'm in the mood to, one day I was walking through a set of double glass doors at work and a guy I don't know was going the other way, and he took one look and said "Wow." and looked kinda moonstruck, and we both kept walking. That worked for me. Actually for all I know it could have been horror, but it came off as a sincere, spontaneous compliment.

I tend to compliment other women I see on their clothes, if anything, but I'm pretty shy myself so I have to work up a bit of nerve to say "hey, fantastic dress!" I've had many nice conversations with strangers who like my taste in jewelry though.
#48
Old 02-18-2005, 07:51 AM
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Under The Pink
Posts: 772
I ususally get compliments on my hair (which I love, it's one of the things I am conceited about). From men and women.

There was one time though, that although a little creepy, I didn't mind so much. I was in a gas station and this guy came up to me and said something to the effect of "you have gorgeous hair, can I touch it?". So I obliged. We were in a public place with cameras, so I knew he wouldn't try anything weird.

I also get a lot of compliments about my breasts. A friend of my DH came up to me at a party and said that I have perfect breasts. I was not offended or creeped out. My hubby was right there and his fiancee was not far.

Mostly the comments are about my hair though. The women I work with want me to cut it off so I can make them a wig. I know, it's odd but I love compliments.
#49
Old 02-18-2005, 09:49 AM
Guest
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Belfast, Ireland.
Posts: 6,380
From a complete stranger...no. Not at all, not ever.
I'm not available, and I don't rely on others to give me my self esteem, so I don't find it particularly pleasant or appropriate. I get very edgy when I feel like I'm being hit on. I realise that this is probably just me, and is based on some unpleasant past experiences, but it's how I feel.

From a salesperson or shop assistant, yes. Tell me my choice was a good one, tell me I have great taste, tell me that the whatever I bought really suits me. It's your job, and it would genuinely make my day.

From an acquaintance, or someone I see every day (say the man behind the counter in my corner shop) "you're looking nice this morning" or "that new haircut/outfit/necklace is very becoming" is about as much as I'd take without thinking it was creepy.

From my friends...anything, if meant sincerely, is fine. My ooginess is really with people I don't know or trust, my friends get a lot of leeway. I've even let the occasional absentminded comment on my boobs go.
#50
Old 02-18-2005, 10:42 AM
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Chili-con-valley
Posts: 8,506
I think if you have a problem with receiving a sincere compliment then you have a problem.
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:49 AM.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: [email protected]

Send comments about this website to:

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Copyright © 2018 STM Reader, LLC.

Copyright © 2017
Best Topics: kitten wont nurse half floor worst sore throat wine freezing point 1.1 times 1.1 1980 headphones jerry springer guests love embrace necklace cctv1 live za vashe zdorovye oil light blinking blue mammals dry bob wavy keyboard gave a girl my number 5w-20 vs 5w-30 beef its whats for dinner song code sunshine at walmart lyrics sweet baby james where does audible store files on android where is roy firestone native american warrior hairstyles wearing belt buckle to the side can you bring dogs into petco how does ink come out of pens