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Old 07-09-2005, 12:58 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Central WA
Posts: 1,378
Stuck out like a ... / alternatives to common phrases

So I broke my poor pinky toe last Saturday and I got to thinking that "stuck out like a sore toe" would be just as good as "stuck out like a sore thumb".

Which reminded me of mr.stretch's alternative to that common phrase: Stuck out like a sore dick.

Another alternative to a common phrase that I've picked up over the years is "serious as dick cancer" in place of "serious as a heart attack".

mr.stretch tells me that both of these phrases are pretty damn evocative for menfolk.

I think these alternatives are as descriptive as the originals, and they get the same point across.

On a slightly different note, mr.stretch also has alternatives to common phrases that I think are just wrong and don't make any sense. For example, when being asked a bunch of questions: Why are you drilling me? I'm not drilling you; I'm grilling you.

Also, I've always heard and used "dead as a doornail"; he says "dead as a doorknob". I googled mine and at least it makes (some) sense. Where he got his I have no idea, though apparently other people say it as well.

What alternate phrases/idioms do you use or have you heard?
Old 07-09-2005, 04:47 PM
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: My Own Private Iowa
Posts: 15,380
My favorite is probably dumb as a box of rocks, although dumber than a barrel of hair rates a close second.
Old 07-09-2005, 05:26 PM
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Megalopolis
Posts: 4,810
Sticks out like a dick on a cake.

Lower than whale turds.

Dumb as a can of paint.
Old 07-09-2005, 09:51 PM
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Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Raiderville, TX
Posts: 10,395
Sticks out like a turd in a punchbowl.

Dumb as a stump.

Dumb as a sack of hammers.
Old 07-10-2005, 12:22 AM
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Madison WI
Posts: 22,505
Similar thread from a while back.
Old 07-10-2005, 12:37 AM
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Douglas, Isle of Man
Posts: 18,214
My brother uses a good one...


(Alternative to Dick-head)
Old 07-10-2005, 03:00 AM
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Look up...look waaaaay up
Posts: 314
A few of my favorites are:

"He has the I.Q. of an average bowling ball"

"Tighter than a fish's ass...and that's water tight" (when referring to someone who is less than relaxed, or chincy, or a tightwad)

"Useless as a dick on a cow"
Old 07-10-2005, 05:15 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Houston, Texas, USA
Posts: 1,516
A friend of mine once tried to come up with alternatives to "get two birds with one stone." He tried to think of what you would use to "get" two of other kinds of animals. The best one he came up with was "get two monkeys with one sucker punch."
Old 07-10-2005, 08:02 PM
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 1,483
I didn't make any of these up. I heard them or read them in various places over the years.

Cranky as a bag of weasels
Sticks out like dog's balls
Head like a smacked arse
Head like a hat full of arse holes
Head like a sack of spanners*

*A spanner is known in the US as a wrench
Old 07-10-2005, 08:38 PM
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: High Desert, California
Posts: 4,454
Sticks out like a porcupine at a nudist's colony.
Old 07-10-2005, 10:48 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Raiderville, TX
Posts: 10,395
Originally Posted by ReBusEniGma
"Useless as a dick on a cow"
In the same vein, there's: "useless as tits on a boar hog."
Old 07-10-2005, 11:13 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: NoWA
Posts: 57,793
Sticks out like a tumescent teenager.
Old 07-10-2005, 11:24 PM
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,544
Okay, brainstorming here (maybe I won't need an umbrella)...

...stuck out like [insert name of favorite NBA center] in a jockey's locker room.
Old 07-11-2005, 12:19 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Raiderville, TX
Posts: 10,395
When someone asks how I've been, I sometimes answer: "Busy as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest."
Old 07-11-2005, 12:21 PM
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Charm City, Hon
Posts: 3,380
"Smooth as a burlap bag of hammers" (obviously: NOT smooth at all, best used when someone really botches a pick-up line or similar)
Old 07-11-2005, 12:29 PM
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Female in Kansas
Posts: 6,953
"As inconspicous as a tall tree in the middle of the open prairie."
Old 07-11-2005, 03:20 PM
vix vix is offline
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Hypoluxo, FL
Posts: 1,575
I've often heard "Does a bear shit in the woods?" or "Is the Pope Catholic." The other day, my mother surprised me by saying instead, "Does a cat have an ass?"
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