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Old 11-10-2006, 11:18 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: 3000 miles from home
Posts: 6,209
Can I have a funeral pyre?

I would actually prefer a Viking funeral (well I'd prefer to skip dieing altogether) but I'm willing to settle.

Can I get a funeral pyre? In which states? Is it legal anywhere? I want to be cremated but not so thrilled about about being put in an oven like a holiday ham.

Any restriction about dancing naked around my burning corpes or toasting mashmallows?
Old 11-10-2006, 11:27 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: KNOXTN
Posts: 4,334
Quote:
Originally Posted by betenoir
I would actually prefer a Viking funeral but I'm willing to settle.
Perhaps there is someone who, for a price, will find a locale, and make the arrangements. Getting there on time will be up to you.

Quote:
Can I get a funeral pyre? In which states? Is it legal anywhere? I want to be cremated but not so thrilled about about being put in an oven like a holiday ham.
Most likely it is not leagal anywhere in US. Might try the desert though.

Quote:
Any restriction about dancing naked around my burning corpes or toasting mashmallows?
You can do all the naked dancing you like at your funeral.
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spingears
Old 11-11-2006, 06:34 AM
Charter Member
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Dogpatch/Middle TN.
Posts: 30,649
betenoir--to get a Viking Funeral, you must be a fully-qualified Viking.

Have you sacrificed to Odin, Lord of the Hanged? Was the sacrifice a chicken? A bull? A Thrall? Your Baseball Card Collection? (Preferrred by Lords of the Hanged everywhere.)

Have you pillaged? Recently?

Do you like Spam? If the answer to this last is "yes", then you may qualify for a Silly Viking Funeral, in which your body is placed on a Giant Rubber Duckie, set ablaze, & cast out to sea.
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PRAY FOR THE SOUL OF THE DEMOISELLE JEANNE D'Ys,
WHO DIED IN HER YOUTH FOR LOVE OF
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Old 11-11-2006, 08:21 AM
Charter Member
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Flavortown
Posts: 34,324
Not in Minnesota:
Quote:
Subdivision 1. License required. No person shall
cremate a dead human body or cause any dead human body to be
cremated in this state without being licensed by the
commissioner of health.

...

Subd. 9. Cremation chamber for human remains. A
licensed crematory shall knowingly cremate only dead human
bodies or human remains in a cremation chamber, along with the
cremation container or casket and a sheet or pouch used for
disease control.
I suspect the law is similar in other states.
Old 11-11-2006, 03:52 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Chicago's Northside
Posts: 2,543
How about if you held the pyre offshore? Make a raft, lottsa wood and shove off 50 miles from land. The best of pyre and viking..together.
Old 11-11-2006, 04:09 PM
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 5,365
Well, get a local permit for burning yard waste, and make sure you topple over out in your yard.
Old 11-11-2006, 06:37 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Seabrook, Maryland
Posts: 3,045
What if you go offshore, outside the territorial limits of the state and the United States?
Old 11-11-2006, 06:54 PM
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 13,628
Quote:
Originally Posted by mks57
What if you go offshore, outside the territorial limits of the state and the United States?
You're still governed by the laws of whatever state or nation your boat is licensed in.
Old 11-11-2006, 07:00 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Chicago's Northside
Posts: 2,543
Quote:
Originally Posted by [email protected]
You're still governed by the laws of whatever state or nation your boat is licensed in.
What about burial at sea?
Old 11-11-2006, 07:22 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: N/A
Posts: 5,368
Wouldn't cremation, by definition, eliminate the risk of spreading disease? If there's something out there that is A) going to cause disease and B) can survive the amount of heat required to reduce an average-sized person to ash, I don't think we'd be able to do a whole hell of a lot about it regardless.
Old 11-11-2006, 11:17 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: OKIE LAND
Posts: 9
Yes, we've had this question before - no problem, for you. Before the moderator closes the thread, there is an unanswered question. Are there legal, moral, or ethical questions for the undead/uncharred/dancers/toasters? It will be big trouble anywhere in the east and midwest. Long histories of law, tight union/trade/professional organizations who have lobbied for exclusive rights to BBQ your remains. Best bet is out west preferably in an unincorporated area - fewer laws, less interest. Also, you and fellow cavorters should convert to an appropriate religion that practices funeral pyres as standard practice to introduce you to your eternal afterlife. By all means, the guests should have a death certificate for you as well - clears up a lot if you're already dead. Local constables more likely to just blow off the event, "Man we've got enough sh** going on without chasing this crap."
And this is paramount - use enough fuel (wood, propane for the weber if that's your choice). No one wants to deal with some smoking ooze. It'll just piss off the authorities. Go for complete reduction to ash. You can probably search the archives under "spontaneous human combustion" to get some data on what and how much burns.
Old 11-11-2006, 11:28 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 50,817
I don't believe a funeral pyre can sustain enough heat to reduce a body to ash-you'll be left with a lot of charred remains.

I believe the remaining bone fragments have to be ground up.
Old 11-11-2006, 11:37 PM
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Taiwan
Posts: 9,108
Quote:
Originally Posted by mks57
What if you go offshore, outside the territorial limits of the state and the United States?
IANAL but I believe the problem is with the unlicenced transportation of a body.
Old 11-12-2006, 11:25 AM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 930
We have a crematorium in town and I know two of the people who operate it. Even in a chamber, cremated remains are not reduced to ash. Most of the remains of your dearly departed in that jar on the mantle are ground bone.
Old 11-12-2006, 12:22 PM
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,951
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guinastasia
I don't believe a funeral pyre can sustain enough heat to reduce a body to ash-you'll be left with a lot of charred remains.

I believe the remaining bone fragments have to be ground up.
The famous Gram Parsons cremation apparently had less than stellar results.
Quote:
Parsons' family alleged that Kaufman's cremation was little more than a drunken hatchet job and succeeded only in mutilating roughly 60% of the corpse.
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