#1
Old 04-02-2007, 03:36 PM
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I need an Easter joke

OK, maybe not a joke (setup/punchline) but an Easter one-liner, or witticism, or bad pun, or bon mot of some type. One simple criteria is that it has to be safe for general public consumption (not dirty or sacriligious), though if it's funny or irreverent, that's a plus. Help!
#2
Old 04-02-2007, 03:39 PM
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What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?

SPOILER:
Hot, cross bunnies.
#3
Old 04-02-2007, 03:42 PM
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I saw a cartoon once that had two chocolate bunnies, each with a bite missing. The first bunny (with a bite taken out of his rear) says, "My butt hurts!" The second bunny (with ears bitten off) says, "What?"

That's all I got.
#4
Old 04-02-2007, 03:43 PM
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This may be way too long, but it's my favorite Easter joke.

Three Unitarians just died and are at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tells them that they can enter heaven if they can answer one simple question.

St. Peter asks the first Unitarian, "WHAT IS EASTER?"

The first Unitarian replies, "Oh, that's easy, it's the holiday in November when everybody gets together, eats turkey, and is thankful..."

"WRONG," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second Unitarian the same question, "WHAT IS EASTER?"

The second Unitarian replies, "No, Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Santa Claus."

St. Peter looks at the second Unitarian, shakes his head in disgust, goes to the third Unitarian and asks, "WHAT IS EASTER?"

The third Unitarian smiles and looks St. Pete in the eye.

"I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and the disciples were eating at the Last Supper, and He was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by Judas, one of the disciples. The Romans took Him to Pontius Pilate, made Him wear a crown of thorns, and He was hung on a cross. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder. Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out, and if He sees his shadow there will be six more weeks of winter."
#5
Old 04-02-2007, 03:43 PM
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There's nothing funny about Easter.
#6
Old 04-02-2007, 03:43 PM
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How many Easter eggs can you put in an empty basket?
Code:
Only one  after that its not empty any more!
#7
Old 04-02-2007, 03:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rigamarole
There's nothing funny about Easter.
Well, maybe not. I'm pretty devout and consider Easter the most important, holiest day of the year.

But that doesn't mean that jokes like the ones here aren't funny. I especially liked twickster's joke!

I saw a card once with a cartoon rabbit on the front, looking very stern. He was wearing armor and carrying a sword. The front of the card said "HAND OVER THE CHOCOLATE! And when you opened the card it said "Easter greetings from Atilla the Bun" I wouldn't send it, but I still got a chuckle out of it.
#8
Old 04-02-2007, 04:00 PM
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Q - How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
A - Hareobics!

Q - Why did the Easter bunny cross the road?
A - To prove she wasn't chicken!

Q - Why did the Easter bunny cross the road?
A - It was the chicken's day off.

Q - Why does the Easter bunny have a shiny nose?
A - His powder puff is on the wrong end.

Q - How can you find the Easter bunny?
A - Eggs (x) marks the spot.

Q - Why did the Easter egg hide behind the bush?
A - He was a little chicken.

Q - What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?
A - It's been nice gnawing you.

Knock-Knock
Who's there?
Some bunny.
Some bunny who?
Some bunny is eating my Easter candy!

Q - What did the man say when he saw 10 Easter bunnies hopping down a hill?
A - There go 10 Easter bunnies hopping down the hill...
Q - And, then what did the man say when he saw 10 Easter bunnies hopping down a hill wearing sunglasses?
A - Nothing...He didn't recognize them.

Q - How does the Easter bunny paint all the Easter eggs?
A - She hires santa's elves during off-season.
#9
Old 04-02-2007, 04:37 PM
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What did Jesus say when he was up on the cross?

"This was one Hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation."
#10
Old 04-02-2007, 04:48 PM
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If a Muslim and a Buddhist were to pass over Easter Island, where would they bury the irony?

Q: What do the Easter bunny and eggs have to do with the Resurrection of Jesus?
A: We'll start with a discussion of middle eastern fertility cults circa 4000 BCE...


And the old man said to the youngest boy present "Why is this night different from all others?" And the little boy answered, "Because the Easter Bunny comes tomorrow." And the old man said "Oy. Call my daughter, I think I got off at the wrong bus stop again."
#11
Old 04-02-2007, 05:35 PM
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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says Well, I guess we finally answered that question.

Nevermind!
#12
Old 04-02-2007, 07:02 PM
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[QUOTE=Hampshire]What did Jesus say when he was up on the cross?

[QUOTE]

Hey Judas, I can see your house from up here!

Last edited by racer72; 04-02-2007 at 07:02 PM.
#13
Old 04-02-2007, 07:02 PM
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Good Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter.
Bad Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Xmas.
#14
Old 04-02-2007, 07:03 PM
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Good Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter.
Bad Idea: Finding Easter eggs at Christmas.
#15
Old 04-02-2007, 08:35 PM
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How does the Easter Bunny keep his coat looking good?

Harespray!
#16
Old 04-03-2007, 02:04 AM
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What I don't get is why Jesus didn't close the stone door of the tomb - was he born in a barn or something?
#17
Old 04-03-2007, 02:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baker
Well, maybe not. I'm pretty devout and consider Easter the most important, holiest day of the year.

But that doesn't mean that jokes like the ones here aren't funny. I especially liked twickster's joke!
Baker, it's an outtake on a line in Cabaret, in the song Wilkommen.

You know what's funny about Herrrman? There's nothing funny about Herrrman!

Last edited by Nava; 04-03-2007 at 02:14 AM.
#18
Old 04-03-2007, 07:31 AM
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Easter has been cancelled this year:

They found the body.
#19
Old 04-03-2007, 08:13 AM
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The Pope calls together all the cardinals for an important meeting at the Vatican.

"I have some good news and some bad news," said his holiness. "The good news is ... Jesus Christ has returned to earth. In fact, I spoke to him on the phone this morning."

(The crowd goes wild.)

"Wait," said the pope. "The bad news is ... he was calling from Salt Lake City."
#20
Old 04-03-2007, 08:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swampbear
Good Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter.
Bad Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Xmas.
Hey! There's no eggs on me!
#21
Old 04-03-2007, 08:45 AM
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So Jesus walks into a hotel, puts 3 spikes down on the desk and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

Q:Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
A:They fall through the holes in his hands?

Q:Why did they cross Jesus' feet one over another when nailing him up?
A:The Jews only wanted to use 3 nails.

You know - I wonder why my Catholic family and my Lutheran in-laws never invite me over for Easter dinner anymore?
#22
Old 04-03-2007, 09:36 AM
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A favorite in my mom's family ...

What's invisible and smells like carrots?

SPOILER:
A bunny fart!
#23
Old 04-03-2007, 12:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twickster
The Pope calls together all the cardinals for an important meeting at the Vatican.

"I have some good news and some bad news," said his holiness. "The good news is ... Jesus Christ has returned to earth. In fact, I spoke to him on the phone this morning."

(The crowd goes wild.)

"Wait," said the pope. "The bad news is ... he was calling from Salt Lake City."
This was my favorite so far
#24
Old 04-03-2007, 12:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatHappenedNext?
Easter has been cancelled this year:

They found the body.
This is one of my all-time fave jokes -- made especially funny by the announcement this year that they really think they did find Jesus' remains. I posted a thread about it a while back.

My contribution, since you took my fave:

Jesus walks into a hotel with 3 nails and says, "do ya think you could put me up for the night?"
#25
Old 04-03-2007, 01:03 PM
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A variation on a post above:
Roman soldier looking up at Jesus says " Would you mind crossing your legs?
I only have one nail."
#26
Old 04-03-2007, 03:47 PM
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Why did Mary Magdalene spend so much time with Jesus?

Because (spread hands far apart) he was hung like this!
#27
Old 04-03-2007, 08:59 PM
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Okay, I have a clean one. I came up with this today, while standing at the photocopier:

Q: What does the Easter bunny have on his I-Pod?

A: Hip-hop!

Thank you, thank you....
#28
Old 04-03-2007, 09:13 PM
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We went to the church on Easter morning. The sign said, "He is not here, He is risen."
#29
Old 04-03-2007, 11:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rigamarole
There's nothing funny about Easter.
As Judas once said to Jesus, don't get hung up about Easter.
#30
Old 04-03-2007, 11:51 PM
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Why did the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?

He didn't want anyone to know he'd been screwing chickens.
#31
Old 04-04-2007, 12:04 AM
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Easter : The day when Jesus rose from the dead to feast on the brains of the living, which we now symbolize with pretty colored eggs.
#32
Old 04-04-2007, 05:20 PM
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ether.
Ether who?
Ether Bunny. Knock knock!
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Cargo down street and run over Ether Bunny. Knock knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry -- Ether Bunny came through surgery all okay!

Last edited by Sternvogel; 04-04-2007 at 05:21 PM.
#33
Old 04-09-2007, 02:15 PM
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Thanks guys. Several of these came in handy around the dinner table yesterday.

It was just the wife and me and our 3 teens, but things kinda got on the wrong track when I started pouring the passionfruit juice I had bought for the occasion and someone (not me!) observed that it looked more like "the piss of Christ" than his blood.

Well, before you know it someone cracked out the vegetable dye to see what other bodily fluids we could approximate, and everyone regaled each other with our most tasteless Easter/religion jokes.

My kids said it was the "best Easter ever", but I think they were just hopped up on chocolate.
#34
Old 04-09-2007, 02:26 PM
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True story: My first Easter memory was of an Easter joke my grandfather, Mustang, played. It was probably around 1971/72 so I'd have been 4 or 5. Mustang was a notorious prankster.

I was spending the night at his house like we did most weekends and I woke up to hear two shotgun blasts outside the window. Mustang walked into my bedroom a moment later with a rabbit skin and said "I just shot the damnedest rabbit outside... he was dragging along these behind him..." and opened the rabbit skin to reveal some crushed up Easter eggs (a couple that had broken during the dying process).

The next bit's a blur. I remember my own screaming, Mustang being hit repeatedly by my grandmother (Meemaw Mustang) and yelling "I thought he'd be old enough to think it was funny!" Once I found out that I had an Easter basket I really didn't care either way- they had another year to find another Easter bunny and meanwhile I had eggs and a big stuffed Snoopy.
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