Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
#1
Old 08-21-2007, 09:06 AM
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Evanstonia
Posts: 9,624
Spongebob Squarepants - Is Squidward Gay?

With my son visiting us for the entire summer, we've been subjected to hours upon hours of Spongebob Squarepants. I really don't mind too much as it's a pretty funny show and it beats a lot of the other crap he could be making me watch.

Anyway, I've always wondered if Squidward is supposed to be gay (subtley of course). There aren't any outright stereotyes going on or anything, but there are enough little clues that I think build a case. For example:

He loves interpretive dance (and wears a full leotard w/ headband while performing).
He's sort of persnickety (not a reason in itself, but combined with everything else.)
He's an artist/musician

Mostly, I'm thinking of certain lines and actions that they give Squidward. One of the recent examples being the episode where Spongebob has to have his butt put back together after it was shattered in an accident. He has to avoid any damage to his behind or else face the prospect of living his life with an iron butt. He's walking past many obstacles when someone says, "Hey Spongebob, we finally have enough people for a seven mile long spanking machine..." SB runs away to safety and the scene ends with Squidward walking up and asking, "Is this where the line starts."

Ok, so I can't think of any other big examples - but I know there have been several more. I believe he's had a female love interest in the past, but that's not proof of anything.

So, am I completely nuts or does anybody else think Squidward Tenticles could be gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course!

More likely, I've just been watching waaaaaay too much Nickelodeon.

PS, Don't get me started on Drake & Josh.
#2
Old 08-21-2007, 09:19 AM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: LIC
Posts: 20,673
I've always thought Spongebob and Patrick were the gay ones.
#3
Old 08-21-2007, 09:26 AM
BANNED
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Buford, Georgia
Posts: 8,011
With the exception of Mr. Krabs, I was under the assumption they were all gay.

Which is just deserts for Ernest Borgnine (Mermaid Man,) who, as an academy member, refused to watch "Brokeback Mountain."
#4
Old 08-21-2007, 09:31 AM
Une merveilleuse cerise
Moderator
Join Date: May 1999
Location: Near Eskippakithiki
Posts: 11,497
Oh, pfft. They're all asexual. My theory is they're all little boys who haven't discovered girls yet ... the era when farts are the apex of funny and girls have cooties.

If Plankton gets his own fan club, I'm so joining.
#5
Old 08-21-2007, 09:57 AM
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Up in Rottenchester
Posts: 6,264
I think a big part of it is that Squiward sounds vaguely like Paul Lynnde.
#6
Old 08-21-2007, 10:03 AM
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: SE Virginia
Posts: 4,933
He might sound like Paul Lynde, but I've always thought Squidward had more in common with Tony Randall.
#7
Old 08-21-2007, 10:14 AM
Guest
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: 221B Baker st. Colorado
Posts: 4,056
I think he's just your basic, thinks-he-has-culture, elitist... Um, what do they call those folks? The ones that live in NY City or Boston because of the Culture? Like liberals, but with symphony season tickets.
One of them.

The spanking line - I suspect Squid wanted to join the line because he dislikes SpongeBob. Being a kids show, sometimes a spanking is just a spanking.
#8
Old 08-21-2007, 10:15 AM
Guest
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: New York, NY, USA
Posts: 12,972
He's just a high-brow, pretentious fop. Or a wanna-be, at any rate.
#9
Old 08-21-2007, 10:18 AM
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Schlaraffenland
Posts: 20,611
Quote:
Originally Posted by HelloNinja
PS, Don't get me started on Drake & Josh.
I'm fairly sure that neither Drake or Josh are supposed to be gay. Also, their little sister is the best character on children's television.
#10
Old 08-21-2007, 11:03 AM
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Evanstonia
Posts: 9,624
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShibbOleth
I'm fairly sure that neither Drake or Josh are supposed to be gay. Also, their little sister is the best character on children's television.
Don't worry, I wasn't suggesting that either Drake or Josh are gay... just that I watch enough of it to ramble on for a good long while about the show.

I agree about their little sister, I believe she has her own show starting soon. I-Carly or something. Drake Bell I'm ho-hum about but Josh Peck has some great comedic acting chops for someone his age working with that bad of writing.
#11
Old 08-21-2007, 11:04 AM
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Evanstonia
Posts: 9,624
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobotheoptimist
The spanking line - I suspect Squid wanted to join the line because he dislikes SpongeBob. Being a kids show, sometimes a spanking is just a spanking.
Except that I think he means that he'd like to go through the spanking machine, not necessarily administer the spankings....

Someone above compared him to a Tony Randall type...that's probably more accurate than my original theory.
#12
Old 08-21-2007, 11:14 AM
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: I'm right behind you!
Posts: 7,176
They're MEN! But really, they're lucky. They get to live under the sea in a world where their sexuality will never come into question on the show, not only because it's a show for pre-pubescents (but yeah, I like it, too), but because not a single one of them will ever be expected to have intercourse with an animal of either sex.
#13
Old 08-21-2007, 11:23 AM
Guest
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: 221B Baker st. Colorado
Posts: 4,056
Quote:
Originally Posted by HelloNinja
Except that I think he means that he'd like to go through the spanking machine, not necessarily administer the spankings....
See, I took it the other way, that the line was of spankers and he wanted to be first to smack SpongeBob.
I think you have a dirty mind. Whatcha doin' later?
#14
Old 08-21-2007, 11:43 AM
Charter Member
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 5,333
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zebra
I've always thought Spongebob and Patrick were the gay ones.
Heh...that's what Focus on the Family says. Are they still boycotting Spongebob?
#15
Old 08-21-2007, 03:01 PM
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Philladelphia-Mummer city
Posts: 11,681
Plankton can also be concluded to be straight. He has a wife and had a crush on Mr Krabs' mother.
__________________
Nothing is impossible if you can imagine it. That's the wonder of being a scientist!
Prof Hubert Farnsworth, Futurama
#16
Old 08-21-2007, 03:08 PM
Member
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: TX
Posts: 13,386
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean Factotum
He might sound like Paul Lynde, but I've always thought Squidward had more in common with Tony Randall.
Exactly what I was going to say.
#17
Old 08-21-2007, 03:11 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Banks of the Assabet
Posts: 3,906
Quote:
Originally Posted by HelloNinja
...

Mostly, I'm thinking of certain lines and actions that they give Squidward. One of the recent examples being the episode where Spongebob has to have his butt put back together after it was shattered in an accident. He has to avoid any damage to his behind or else face the prospect of living his life with an iron butt. He's walking past many obstacles when someone says, "Hey Spongebob, we finally have enough people for a seven mile long spanking machine..." SB runs away to safety and the scene ends with Squidward walking up and asking, "Is this where the line starts."

....
So only gay people are into spanking?
#18
Old 08-21-2007, 03:17 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in this here chair
Posts: 5,555
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmkeller
He's just a high-brow, pretentious fop. Or a wanna-be, at any rate.
That's how I have always thought Squidward was presented.

I keep thinking of the episode where Squidward dressed up and went to the fancy restaurant but couldn't go in because Spongebob and Patrick had rented the whole place for the night. Squidward laments, "But this is my one night to be fancy!"

Cracks me right up.
#19
Old 08-21-2007, 03:54 PM
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Bloomingdale, NJ
Posts: 9,387
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slithy Tove
Which is just deserts for Ernest Borgnine (Mermaid Man,) who, as an academy member, refused to watch "Brokeback Mountain."
EVIL! EVIL! (Which I believe actually were Mr. Borgnine's exact words when asked to watch the movie.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by DocCathode
Plankton can also be concluded to be straight. He has a wife
His wife is a computer- but that's only because he has no friends and presumably built his wife for companionship.

Last edited by mobo85; 08-21-2007 at 03:56 PM.
#20
Old 08-21-2007, 03:59 PM
BANNED
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 136
Quote:
Originally Posted by mobo85
EVIL! EVIL! [...]
Every
Villain
Is
Lemons
#21
Old 08-21-2007, 04:20 PM
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: R-O-C-K in the U-S-A
Posts: 1,370
He's a guy that plays the clarinet. 'Nuff said.




j/k, only half of the male clarinetists I know are gay.
#22
Old 08-21-2007, 04:22 PM
Guest
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Obama Mama
Posts: 5,461
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean Factotum
He might sound like Paul Lynde, but I've always thought Squidward had more in common with Tony Randall.
ROFL
#23
Old 08-21-2007, 04:59 PM
Member
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NE Ohio (the 'burbs)
Posts: 39,811
Quote:
Originally Posted by HelloNinja
. . . someone says, "Hey Spongebob, we finally have enough people for a seven mile long spanking machine..." SB runs away to safety and the scene ends with Squidward walking up and asking, "Is this where the line starts."
Why on earth would you associate spanking (or getting spanked) with being gay???
#24
Old 08-21-2007, 05:35 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Banks of the Assabet
Posts: 3,906
Getting back to the question asked in the OP whatever else you might say about him Squidward is clearly a narcissist. Most (all?) of his artistic endeavors are images of himself, and there was at least one episode where there was a running gag with him being caught admiring himself in a mirror.

I don't think he loves any other creature as much as he loves himself.
#25
Old 08-21-2007, 06:44 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: SoCal
Posts: 1,878
I think they're all asexual. OK, maybe not Patrick; after all, in the SpongeBob theatrical movie, he had a crush on King Neptune's daughter Mindy. And I remember a Season 1 episode in which SpongeBob was caught by a fishing hook and had to take off his clothes to free himself, only to end up naked. He didn't seem too self-conscious about it until he realized Pearl and her girlfriends were watching and giggling.
#26
Old 08-21-2007, 07:19 PM
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Philladelphia-Mummer city
Posts: 11,681
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky 13
I think they're all asexual. OK, maybe not Patrick; after all, in the SpongeBob theatrical movie, he had a crush on King Neptune's daughter Mindy.
"Didja see my underwear?- Do you want to?"
#27
Old 08-21-2007, 08:45 PM
BANNED
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Posts: 6,376
Quote:
Originally Posted by DocCathode
"Didja see my underwear?- Do you want to?"
That's an adorable childish crush. Unless you want to contemplate an anthropomorphic starfish having sex with a mermaid.
#28
Old 08-21-2007, 08:57 PM
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Denver, CO, USA
Posts: 2,455
I always thought Sandy was a little butch.
#29
Old 08-21-2007, 09:12 PM
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Inside
Posts: 3,937
Hey man no way is Patrick asexual:

Cite


The thing that always pissed me off about Spongebob is the guy is a freaking frycook, no way he can afford that sweet Pineapple on his own.

Last edited by pool; 08-21-2007 at 09:13 PM.
#30
Old 08-21-2007, 09:43 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in this here chair
Posts: 5,555
Quote:
Originally Posted by pool
Hey man no way is Patrick asexual:

Cite


The thing that always pissed me off about Spongebob is the guy is a freaking frycook, no way he can afford that sweet Pineapple on his own.
But it grew! He doesn't have rent or a mortgage.

As evidence, I offer the nematode episode.
#31
Old 08-21-2007, 10:05 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: SoCal
Posts: 1,878
Quote:
Originally Posted by pool
Hey man no way is Patrick asexual:

Cite
I really didn't need to see that.

My favorite episode is "Karate Choppers," the one in which SpongeBob and Sandy become obsessed with fighting with each other: at his house, on the phone, at the grocery store, at the Krusty Krab... finally Mr. Krabs threatens to fire SpongeBob unless he gives up karate. Sandy takes him on a picnic to distract him, but soon they break down and start fighting again. It seems weird, but I found an odd sexual subtext in all this. The voice actors did too, judging by the commentary on the DVD.
#32
Old 08-22-2007, 12:07 AM
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: DUDE, in boston
Posts: 4,869
Stolen haiku warning!

Squishing yello brick
Has Brokeback style "friendship" with
A nude pink starfish
#33
Old 08-22-2007, 04:52 AM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: SoCal
Posts: 1,878
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbabysweets2000
Squishing yello brick
Has Brokeback style "friendship" with
A nude pink starfish

Er, Patrick wears green flowered shorts.
#34
Old 08-22-2007, 10:46 AM
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Evanstonia
Posts: 9,624
Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45
Why on earth would you associate spanking (or getting spanked) with being gay???
When the only people you see comprising the Spanking Machine are male characters, and when a fellow male character is overly enthusiastic about going through said Spanking Machine - then I would make that association.

Also, don't know if everyone knows this, but Patrick is voiced by Dauber from "Coach".
#35
Old 08-22-2007, 11:07 AM
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Philladelphia-Mummer city
Posts: 11,681
Quote:
Originally Posted by HelloNinja
Also, don't know if everyone knows this, but Patrick is voiced by Dauber from "Coach".

And Mr Krabbs is voiced by the Kurgan from Highlander.

"Ramirez was an effete snob he died on his knees. Uggugug"
#36
Old 08-23-2007, 09:53 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 7,989
Wow.

This is loaded. It's about to get heavier.

I am not going to talk about Patrick, Krabs, Plankton, or Sandy (Directly).

Spongebob:

Has a poster in a season 1 episode that reads "I Love Pain".

Shows up in a French Maid's Uniform in an episode where Squidward loses his job. Brother can you spare a dime? is the titale of that ep, I believe. Squidward has him doing a lot of far fetched things, in the bedroom no less.

Has a strong allusion to being 'under' Sandy and or Sandy's ""bottom"" . He is even shown as "Property of Sandy Cheeks". Sandy talks about how she ((basically)) takes care of Spongebob, and how he couldn't survive with out her.

I can continue on this angle, but I dont think we need to ask if S. Bob is 'gay'. That is, we should not ask WHO he has in bed with him, but rather WHAT it is they do in bed. (( I'm just stating something that NEEDS to be addressed given the OP and where the responses have gone.))

Squidward:

I would argue that Squid is Metrosexual, he is overconcerened for how he looks etc. (He pampers himself, takes him self out on occasion, etc. But then, Patrick once asked Bob for bath beads as well.)

Squid is perhaps in love with himself, more than others. Nearly all his artwork is of him. (He comments in one episode, that he has portrayed him self in every medium.)

Krabs once said "Squidward is, you know.......(pause) Artsy" which I think is as close as Krabs is going to come 'personally' stating Squid's orientation. (As seen on TV -- Krusty Krabs commercial).

Squid once said that he had a date with some one..... Named Claire Annette.

I don't know about Squid. I think he has been single for too long, and can't invest in a SO (of any gender) for a number of various and small reasons that all add up at the end of the day.

Last edited by Meeko; 08-23-2007 at 09:54 PM.
#37
Old 08-26-2007, 10:39 PM
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Burbank, CA
Posts: 2,883
In a badly drawn Pineapple under the sea,

Spongebob, Squarepants!

His neighbor is gay and we think so is he!

Spongebob Sqaurepants!
#38
Old 08-27-2007, 09:07 AM
Guest
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 3,145
Well, I was watching an episode yesterd. Ahem. My daughter was watching an episode yesterday wherein Patrick dressed in drag to avoid some lawyer-to-the-Mob-looking fish who appeared to be trying to evict him from Bikini Bottom. "Patricia", clad in a green bikini and sporting blonde pigtails, was given a job at the Crusty Crab where "she" had to endure the lusty attentions of the male customers and fend off romantic advancements from both Mr. Crabs and Squidward. Unable to sustain the illusion a moment longer, "Patricia" tears away "her" swimsuit in the middle of the dining room, declares his identity as a male of the species, and announces to one and all that he shall no longer pretend to be someone he is not. Were it the writers' intent to portray Squidward as being gay, I think the expression of horror on the aforesaid decapod's face at the sudden display of masculine anatomy would have been far less pronounced.
#39
Old 08-27-2007, 12:22 PM
Guest
Join Date: May 1999
Location: Somewhere in the Middle.
Posts: 21,387
I loves me some Spongebob. It is the best kids cartoon out there, bar none.


I've waffled between Squidward being gay and Squidward being an elitist I-love-myself-snob since the first viewing.





Personally, my burning question has always been: If Mr. Krabbs is a crab, and his daughter Pearl is a Whale then what is Mrs. Crabbs and where is she?







P.O.O.P: People Order Our Patties
#40
Old 08-27-2007, 03:44 PM
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Philladelphia-Mummer city
Posts: 11,681
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shirley Ujest
Personally, my burning question has always been: If Mr. Krabbs is a crab, and his daughter Pearl is a Whale then what is Mrs. Crabbs

I thought Pearl was adopted.
#41
Old 08-27-2007, 03:52 PM
Guest
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: New York, NY, USA
Posts: 12,972
Pearl is definitely adopted. I don't remember the exact episode, but Mister Krabs definitely mentions finding her.
#42
Old 10-28-2007, 10:17 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 7,989
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shirley Ujest


Personally, my burning question has always been: If Mr. Krabbs is a crab, and his daughter Pearl is a Whale then what is Mrs. Crabbs and where is she?


There is an Ep where Krabbs dates Ms.Puff (The Driving instructor)

So Krabbs considers himself availible. One way or the other.
















No. this isnt a bump.
#43
Old 10-29-2007, 04:15 AM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Starbucksistan
Posts: 3,157
Then there's the episode where the rich squid (Squilliam?)shows up, and Squidward tries to tell himself 'imagine him in his underwear' to make him seem like everyone else. Of course, when he does this, Squilliam has ripped chiseled abs, and Squidward thinks "Oh no! He's totally hot!"
#44
Old 10-29-2007, 02:04 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 7,989
Quote:
Originally Posted by lawoot
Then there's the episode where the rich squid (Squilliam?)shows up, and Squidward tries to tell himself 'imagine him in his underwear' to make him seem like everyone else. Of course, when he does this, Squilliam has ripped chiseled abs, and Squidward thinks "Oh no! He's totally hot!"
Squilliam Fancyson.

Or something like that.

And that fact would have totally passed me by, if someone didn't point it out.
#45
Old 10-29-2007, 03:12 PM
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 9,925
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky 13
My favorite episode is "Karate Choppers," the one in which SpongeBob and Sandy become obsessed with fighting with each other: at his house, on the phone, at the grocery store, at the Krusty Krab... finally Mr. Krabs threatens to fire SpongeBob unless he gives up karate. Sandy takes him on a picnic to distract him, but soon they break down and start fighting again. It seems weird, but I found an odd sexual subtext in all this. The voice actors did too, judging by the commentary on the DVD.
That was my thinking: Sandy was supposed to be the requisite girl and/or love interest (as much as there can be on, you know, a cartoon for 2-11 year olds).

Spongebob and Patrick's love is epic, though.
#46
Old 10-29-2007, 03:53 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 23,209
Quote:
Originally Posted by HelloNinja
When the only people you see comprising the Spanking Machine are male characters, and when a fellow male character is overly enthusiastic about going through said Spanking Machine - then I would make that association.

Also, don't know if everyone knows this, but Patrick is voiced by Dauber from "Coach".
Heh. I always thought it was someone doing a bad Dauber imitation.
#47
Old 10-30-2007, 01:01 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: perfidious albion
Posts: 6,422
Typical stereotyping,if you're a squid then you simply MUST be gay,well let me tell you mister not all squids ARE gay,so you can put that in your pipe and smoke it.
#48
Old 10-30-2007, 01:26 PM
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: NJ, Exit #137
Posts: 12,024
Quote:
Originally Posted by HelloNinja
Don't worry, I wasn't suggesting that either Drake or Josh are gay...
They're not gay, but I'd bet you a dollar that Drake's gonna do some "experimenting" once he hits college.

Oh, and Squidward? Like others say--not gay, but definitely a prissy sissy. I think he tends toward the asexual side because sex is messy and doing it means that you have to tolerate another person/creature/whatever. (I mean except for masturbation. But I really don't want to think about Squidward spankin' it...)
#49
Old 10-30-2007, 01:39 PM
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Almost Silicon Valley
Posts: 9,095
The last time we were in France, I had a lot of fun watching SS in French. I had never seen any episodes of this cartoon before, ever, so I did not know the nature of the various characters. I thought the self-absorbed neighbor was the stereotypical "crabby old man next door" character, but this thread tells me he must have been Squidward.

The French episode I remember most is Patrick and SS excitedly awaiting the arrival of a television in a big box; their object is apparently only the box, as they promptly toss the TV and climb into the box to play. Squidward nabs the TV for himself and then is bewildered by hearing sounds of jet planes, dinosaurs, etc. coming from the box. When he checks out the box, he sees nothing inside but the two guys, who are apparently experts in using their "imaginations." It's much funnier in French! As is Popeye, BTW.

Last edited by teela brown; 10-30-2007 at 01:42 PM.
#50
Old 10-30-2007, 01:44 PM
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Virginia
Posts: 12,312
Love this show. Favorite episode is Pizza Delivery, and maybe SB129(?).

Squidward isn't gay. He probably wouldn't be any happier with a male than a female, he's all about himself. Spongebob is only gay in the historical meaning of the word gay; happy. And oblivious. Patrick is just dumb, if he acts fruity it's because he doesn't know any better.
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:39 AM.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: [email protected]

Send comments about this website to:

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Copyright 2018 STM Reader, LLC.

Copyright © 2017
Best Topics: one legged sex hitlers nickname tan wave gnat cloud aberdeen accent is pseudoephedrine addictive sneeze after eating office flowchart tri edged bayonet duff man quotes home hematocrit test best athletes foot cream or spray count of monte cristo countess g largest in game map who was lbj veep how to get your taste back when sick how to dispose of old gasoline safely living in quincy ma can you drive from north america to south america global collection agency phone number gasoline and orange juice