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Old 08-03-2008, 06:01 PM
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Obama-napolis
Posts: 4,976
I'm just so fucking.....angry

It's not one thing, it's every. fucking. thing. The house is a mess, the lawn needs mowed, the bills need to be paid, the car needs to be fixed, the child needs to go to the dentist, the husband is infinitum..........and I'm the ONLY one who is here to handle the shit. No one is going to help me in any way, shape, or form. I know, I need to grow up and handle my shit. And I will, because I always do, but it doesn't suck any less and I can't help being angry, frustrated, and tired.

I feel like no matter how much I do it isn't enough, no one is happy and everyone looks to me to fix it. What I want to know is, who do I get to go to when I need something?????? There isn't anyone, because they all rely on me.

Then, to top is all off, my friend who was supposed to give me a massage today flaked out on me. I've been trying to get this arranged for two weeks. My neck muscles are as hard as a rock and I've had a tension headache for three weeks. I need a massage more than anything. I've told her this. And no, it's not her responsibility to take care of me, but she said she would do it and I pay her generously. This is just the straw that is breaking the camel's back. It's the ONE thing I was really looking forward to all week. It's the ONLY thing that got me through a nine hour shift last night, just knowing I'd get some sweet relief today. And instead I get to mow the fucking grass and clean up after everyone in this house.

Oh, and I went to the gas station to fill my little can so that I can mow, and this dickbag motherfucker kept brushing up against me. What the fuck, asshole? Do I look like I want you to touch me? Am I really giving off a flirty vibe that says "Please put your hand on my ass?" I don't fucking think so, you dirty slimeball, piece-of-shit. The sight of you makes me want to vomit, and the idea of you touching me makes me want to scrape my skin off to get your pervo germs off of me. Jesus-fucking-christ, I mean, seriously.

Life fucking sucks.

Last edited by Indygrrl; 08-03-2008 at 06:04 PM.
Old 08-03-2008, 06:08 PM
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Obama-napolis
Posts: 4,976
Motherfucking tiny edit window, I wasn't finished! I wanted to add:

It'd be great if I had someone to talk to, but unfortunately my husband is in bed sick, as usual. It's not his fault, and I'm not mad AT him, but I am so very angry about this situation. I've been married for two years and there hasn't been one day that he's been well. I don't even know what normal married life is. Sex? Oh yeah right, I remember sex, that's what we used to do three years ago. Partnership? Oh haha, that's a funny idea. I might be able to laugh if I could get out from underneath this crushing weight that's on my shoulders.

Just ignore me, I'm ranting. I'm sure I'll be over it soon. I fucking hope I'll be over it soon.
Old 08-03-2008, 06:19 PM
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Melbourne, VIC, Australia
Posts: 2,090
You have my best wishes, for what little that's worth. Don't let the bastards grind you down.
Old 08-03-2008, 06:28 PM
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Southern Pennsylvania
Posts: 21,599
I'm sorry to hear things are in the crapper. I have not had your problems, but have had some of my own and know a little bit of what it is like to go through them alone.

I have been lucky, I have a pretty good support team and my friends called regularly.

But it still sucks to be alone when you are hurting.

Sending supporting thoughts your way.
Old 08-03-2008, 06:41 PM
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: PDX-It's Obama Country!
Posts: 4,175
Wow, that sucks, ma'am--you have my sympathies...

If your husband is chronically ill, is there any sort of respite care you can apply for through his health insurance, or is it just that he's kinda "poorly" all the time?

All I can advise from my own experience of being in similar circumstances is A) give yourself permission to flake sometimes--as in find a neighbor kid who'll mow the lawn for ten bucks or something (or just say fuckit until next week--sure, it'll still be there but maybe you'll feel a bit better then) and B) do whatever you can to make yourself feel better. You pay your friend for massages, how about just looking up a local spa or masseuse and making an appointment instead? Or go to the movies by yourself, or to lunch and a beer with a good book? When you're taking care of other people and don't have a lot of backup it's crucial to take care of your own needs otherwise you're gonna go apeshit someday and then nobody's gonna get taken care of.

I used to run off for the weekend and stay in a motel room without letting anyone know where I was. I had a husband who'd be gone on field work all week long, two kids, a full slate of college courses and a spoiled rotten, entitled sister who lived with me along with her totally bratty kid. Sometimes by Friday afternoon I'd be eyeing shotgun ads very favorably... So when the hubby came home, every so often it'd just be "seeya Sunday, love ya, can't stand my life this weekend, byee!" and I'd drive to Los Angeles to buy books at Change of Hobbit or to the coast to watch the waves break or basically just anywhere--the main thing was that nobody knew how to find me or contact me and unless I decided to call home I didn't have to talk to anybody. This little habit probably saved several lives... If you can figure out a way to do something similar I highly recommend it!
Old 08-03-2008, 07:43 PM
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Sweet Home Chicago
Posts: 33,496
While I know you posted this just to vent, I can't help myself from helping. Sue me, I'm the Doper Mom.

All massage students in your state need clinical hours to graduate. Most massage schools run a low-cost or sliding scale clinic to help their students get these hours. The massage isn't always the best massage ever, but they don't cancel on you.

Here are the four massage schools in Indianapolis, with their phone numbers. Call and ask about clinic appointments:

Indiana Therapeutic Massage School (link goes to their website information about their clinic: $30 for an hour, $10 off Monday-Friday during the day): 317-439-4448 to make an appointment

Kaplan College: 888-295-3936

Midwest Academy of Healing Arts 317-293-8076

Indiana Business College: 1-888-544-4IBC

If I was in Indy, I'd come help clean and mow, really I would! As it is, you'll have to settle for little drips and drabs of long distance help.
Old 08-03-2008, 08:57 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Nangarhar Province
Posts: 8,040
Does your husband have some kind of chronic illness? Or is he just being a fucking cry baby?? I mean how long does he have to be sick for you to need to mow the grass?

Okay, universal gender roles and all that... bla bla bla. But I am assuming that is something he normally does, or should do in your opinion. How fucking sick can he be? I mean he at least should be better 1 day a week, right? He needs to get off his cry baby ass and do some fucking work. Don't take that shit.

Now if he has leukoplakia or level 9 AIDS or something, then I apologize. Otherwise, he's being a fucking douchebag.
Old 08-03-2008, 09:23 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: The Middle of Nowhere, WI
Posts: 10,702
:: sends virtual wine, chocolate, bubble bath, and a padlock for the door ::
Old 08-03-2008, 09:53 PM
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Vegas
Posts: 7,555
Hell, my wife is usually healthy and I don't ever get sex. At least you have an excuse!
Old 08-04-2008, 01:01 AM
Zoe Zoe is offline
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Liberal South
Posts: 14,266
You are going to have to carve out some time for yourself. Put that at the top of your list. Do you have any family at all in Indianapolis? What about your husband's family? Where are they at a time like this?

And sweetie, you can let that grass grow. You don't have to be perfect.
Old 08-04-2008, 03:00 AM
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: PDX-It's Obama Country!
Posts: 4,175
Yeah, really--fuck that grass, man! That husband I had, the one I used to bail out on? Sometimes he'd come home after being gone the whole week, we'd wake up on a gorgeous Saturday morning and I'd suggest we stay in bed for a while--but he'd decline, because the motherfucking lawn needed mowing! WTF!? I'm offering grubby morning sex and getting turned down in favor of yard work? Bullshit.

Fuck mowing the lawn, dammit! If you really must, throw that gas out there and burn that shit down--and next time that nasty gas station bastard touches you, tase the fucker!

Hey, think mebbe I oughta switch to decaf?
Old 08-04-2008, 04:38 AM
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Atlantic Canada
Posts: 3,069
It's probably too late but I would suggest using the money you had planned to spend on the massage and pay someone to mow the lawn. For that matter, if you can afford it, pay someone to clean the house and give yourself a break; it sounds like you need it.
Old 08-04-2008, 05:25 AM
Charter Member
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Australia
Posts: 9,155
Take a break- if you possibly can. At times it seems so intolerable a burden when you feel that no one else can do anything without your assistance or input. And it will drain the hell out of you. And as for that guy rubbing himself against you- I would have felt like decking him.
Old 08-04-2008, 05:31 AM
Charter Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 863
Seriously, pay someone to mow the lawn. Pay someone to clean the house. It's waaaaaay cheaper than therapy (unless someone has a health plan). You do sound really mad at your husband though, and pretty sexually frustrated. Not sure how to help there...
Old 08-04-2008, 09:09 AM
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,644
I completely understand what you mean. Why do you have to be the only adult in the house?

My husband traveled 2/3 - 3/4 of the year for about 15 years. I know all about doing everything, and when he was home he couldn't do anything because he didn't know the routine. If I did ask him to do something he would fuck it up. And every little cold or headache he would make a big deal about but heaven forbid he could even take a few weeks off from travel when the kids were born.

Bad flashbacks. I better get out of this thread, before I lose all progress I've made not hating him.
Old 08-04-2008, 09:15 AM
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ainran
Posts: 11,449
That sucks... wellness vibes goin' your way.
Old 08-04-2008, 09:22 AM
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Applachia
Posts: 2,068
Wellness and peace vibes coming your way.
Life without horses is possible but pointless.
Old 08-04-2008, 10:34 AM
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: 60601
Posts: 3,539
Indy you have my sympathy. I've been in the same boat for years. The light is at the end of the tunnel, you've just got to turn the switch on yourself.

Best wishes.
Old 08-04-2008, 10:43 AM
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 16,587
Originally Posted by Indygrrl
It's not one thing, it's every. fucking. thing. The house is a mess, the lawn needs mowed, the bills need to be paid, the car needs to be fixed, the child needs to go to the dentist, the husband is infinitum..........

I feel like no matter how much I do it isn't enough, no one is happy and everyone looks to me to fix it. What I want to know is, who do I get to go to when I need something?????? Life fucking sucks.

You must either be my girlfriend or my doppleganger...

Old 08-04-2008, 11:22 AM
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Down the rabbit, whole!
Posts: 12,535

I think you should leave the lawn (the grass will still be there tomorrow), call up one of your girlfriends and go for coffee, or a walk, or just somewhere to chill out. Surly hubby can watch your child for a couple of hours while you relax and vent, no?
Old 08-04-2008, 11:56 AM
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 16,310
Indy, you in there? Can you get me a beer?

Only kidding. My heart goes out to you. As others have said, you have to be as good at providing for your own needs as those of the people around you. And that means realizing that you have needs. Have some heart-to-hearts with your husband and the kids. Then, go about scheduling time just doing things you want to do: massages, movies, whatever. You really need to do these things.
Old 08-04-2008, 01:11 PM
Registered User
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Garden Spot of the South
Posts: 9,135
Originally Posted by alice_in_wonderland
Surly hubby
If he's surly then I'd leave without telling him !
Old 08-04-2008, 01:34 PM
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Present and Accounted For
Posts: 18,256
What is wrong with your husband? It sounds to me like you are mad at him and rightly so--just because someone is ill, that doesn't mean you don't resent their lack of contribution and sex etc. It's ok to be mad at him, even if he is ill. What could make him so ill he can't do ANYthing around the house, yet is still at home? If he can't mow the grass, surely he can do something else? Is he a paraplegic? Quadraplegic? Even wheelchair bound folk can (and do) do lots around the house.

I used to be you (without the sick husband) and then one day I said fuck it. I now make time for me and the housework can go hang. It may be messier around here, but I'm sane(er) than I was before. Do something for YOU everyday, even if it's something really small, like a bubble bath or watching a TV show. Make a plan for a treat, too. Something you can look forward to. Go to the movies alone (it's very freeing). Buy that CD or DVD you've wanted forever. Small treats scattered across the monotony of the daily round can really help.

Make lists--it helps me feel like I've got some control over the shit in life. I also don't have to keep it all in my head when I've got a list. Crossing things off is a real source of satisfaction for me. The key is to make short lists every day, so that you feel a sense of accomplishment.

Say NO to people. If you must, say "sorry, but no." No is a wonderful word that doesn't get enough play in some women's lives.

Re the asshole in the gas station? Next time, turn around and say loudly: "do that again and I'll scream the place down." Men like him should be shot in the balls as far as I'm concerned. For me, that would have been the Last Straw.
Old 08-04-2008, 02:25 PM
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Obama-napolis
Posts: 4,976
Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. I'm feeling much better today. Mowing that grass and pulling up a wheelbarrow full of weeds was actually kind of cathartic. And it looks so much better now. I had been saying "fuck it" about the lawn for about three weeks, so it was really really bad. You can only put that stuff off for so long before your property starts looking like someone abandoned it.

And luckily I got a good night's sleep and was able to sleep as late as I wanted today. That always makes me feel better. The car is in the shop for the afternoon, so that's getting taken care of. And I'm going to make some blueberry jam, which will be fun.

My husband suffers from a debilitating head pain condition. It's not migraines or cluster headaches, but something to do with the nerves. He does amazingly well considering the amount of pain he is in on a daily basis. When the weekend finally hits, he really needs that time to rest. He normally does quite a lot around here, but when his head gets bad there's no way he can mow the lawn or do much of anything. He's not a whiner at all, nor is he lazy. In fact, he goes to work and does TOO much most of the time. When he stays in bed for two days, I know it is really bad, and unfortunately there's nothing I can do to help him.

He's been to doctors, specialists, a headache clinic for two weeks, and every combination of pain meds, nerve meds, antidepressants, anti-inflammatories, abortants, etc. that you can imagine. The regimen he's on right now helps him as much as anything could, but he's still in agony almost every day. He rates his pain on the 1-10 scale, and I know he is conservative in that rating. If he says it's at a 7 or 8, I know it's actually a 12 on any other person's scale. He really downplays it as much as he can, but it's still a fact of our daily lives.

I do pretty well with most of the stuff in my life, but every now and then it gets to me and I have to throw myself a pity party (this thread, lol). But I usually get over it fairly quickly and get back in gear. I like to get things done, and when they aren't, that stresses me out more than actually doing them. So getting the yard and house taken care of helped me more than running away from the problem. Something about the organization of it all puts my mind at ease. The less cluttered my house is, the less cluttered my brain is, etc.

Again, thanks for all of the advice and kind words. You guys rock!
Old 09-15-2011, 08:12 AM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1
sound to me like u dont look after him enough and you really feel really guilty about it.
Old 09-15-2011, 08:14 AM
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Old 09-15-2011, 08:18 AM
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 6,791
Fuck. Kill it, kill it with fire.

Also, I wonder how things have changed in three years.
Old 09-15-2011, 08:19 AM
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 6,791
Because yeah, I read the whole thing before I realized it was an old thread.

Actually it was kind of insightful. Bless all you people who are suffering, if I could, I would heal you with a word.
Old 09-15-2011, 09:52 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 18,832
Originally Posted by FXMastermind View Post
Also, I wonder how things have changed in three years.
Happy ending. She's now living with the gas station frotteur and had the lawn replaced with AstroTurf.
Old 09-15-2011, 10:02 AM
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 8,757
Originally Posted by Vinyl Turnip View Post
Happy ending. She's now living with the gas station frotteur and had the lawn replaced with AstroTurf.
The masseuse opened a house cleaning business and there was nary a dirty dish left in the sink or a smelly sock on the floor. The end.
Old 09-15-2011, 10:49 AM
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: mystic water
Posts: 1,779
The end. Until she starred as herself in a rock video, where she was really fucking angry!
Old 09-15-2011, 04:50 PM
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