Old 12-01-2008, 01:15 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Puget Sound basin
Posts: 2,640
Eye Need Some Eyeball Puns

And maypea pod puns too.

So, TikkiSis's birthday is coming up in a few days. I got her a card with a peapod full of eyeballs on the front. It's delightfully surrealistic. Inside it says: For your birthday, I got you an Eye Pod.

I'm sure she'll like it, but I thought I could make it even better by adding some puns. Problem is, I'm not coming up with anything on my own. So I'm asking for your esteemed help, dear Dopers. Give me your funny, give me your weird, give me your puns that will elicit eye-rolling groans. If anyone can do it, I know you can. Heaven knows you've had enough experience hanging out here day after day.

Thanks so much, everyone!
Old 12-01-2008, 01:28 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: The Mitt
Posts: 14,069
Y'know. To play your Black Eyed Peas.

Happy Birthday!
Love, Tikki



Then punch her. In the eye.
Old 12-01-2008, 03:48 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Surefall Glade, Antonica
Posts: 18,790
So you want to give her a cornea-copia of puns?

Iris I'd known that earlier.

No crying! Don't make me get out the duct tape....
Old 12-01-2008, 04:04 AM
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Posts: 5,715
My friend Earl's father (also named Earl) has a glass eye as the result of a childhood injury. Earl Senior loves to embarrass people... particularly his son. In high school, when Earl brought his first girlfriend home to meet his folks, Senior said to her, "so you're the girl my son's been seeing, eh? You're cute - I've got my eye on you." And without further ado, he plucked out his eye and set it gently on her shoulder.

Earl's girlfriends seldom returned to his parents house.
Old 12-01-2008, 04:12 AM
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Join Date: Mar 1999
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This is not what you're looking for, but I love telling it.

An artist's eyesight is getting weak, but she has no insurance and can't afford glasses or contacts. An optometrist who has seen her work offers to comp her glasses if she'll paint a mural for his waiting room. So she spends the weekend painting eyes, of all colors and various sizes, on all four walls of the waiting room. Just eyes, chockablock everywhere you look. The doc comes in on Monday, and the artist says, "So what do you think?"

"I think I'm glad I'm not a gynecologist."
Old 12-01-2008, 04:40 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: London
Posts: 2,344
Looking for something to tickle her funny bone?

Make a couple of hum-iris witticisms.
Old 12-01-2008, 04:45 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 980
These jokes are getting cornea and cornea.
Old 12-01-2008, 05:42 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NE Ohio (the 'burbs)
Posts: 39,399
This calls for some vitreous humor.
Old 12-01-2008, 05:43 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NE Ohio (the 'burbs)
Posts: 39,399
I know, I deserve 20 lashes for that.
Old 12-01-2008, 12:43 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Puget Sound basin
Posts: 2,640
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rilchiam View Post
"I think I'm glad I'm not a gynecologist."
Snork! I nearly choked on my oatmeal on that one! He he.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cmyk
Y'know. To play your Black Eyed Peas.
Woohoo, a double pun! And TikkiSis could also add Elvis's "Love Me Tendril" too. Now that would be de-vine!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Enginerd
"...I've got my eye on you."
I have to tell that one to my brother-in-law. He's always saying that to his daughters when they start misbehaving. Would be fun to find a glass eye for him.

panache45 doesn't deserve 20 lashes. Let's make it 40 instead.

Oakminster, Devorin and AllWalker, thanks for your cornea contributions too. You guys have helped me a lot! Iris I was a sclera of the pun as you orb-viously are. (Try decyphering that. Hah!)

Sorry I didn't reply to your suggestions last night. I didn't realize how late it was when I posted and I still had to take the dogs I'm watching out for a potty break before bed. Since they're only partly house-trained, you can bet I didn't want to wait too long before getting them out there!

Anyway, keep on pulling my legume with your puns and jokes too. Thanks!
Old 12-01-2008, 12:53 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Making Another Kite!!
Posts: 536
My optometrist and her husband are getting a divorce!

They couldn't see eye to eye!!!
Old 12-01-2008, 01:25 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: The Astral Plane.
Posts: 14,328
Not sure if this works for you in the least, but it cracked me up so I have to share it.

I was having a conversation with my sister about I-Phones -- my point running along the lines of all I want out of a phone is the ability to make a phone call ... what's with this I-Phone, and I-Pod, and I-Toaster Oven and I-Refrigerator ... which sent us onto a jag of inventing I-Things ... which brings me to my favorite one:

The I-Shower, where I can wash my I-Hair, my I-Elbows and possibly even my eyeballs.
Old 12-01-2008, 02:46 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Obamatic for the people
Posts: 1,504
It's always nice to have a few puns to break the eyes.
Old 12-01-2008, 03:50 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Over by dere
Posts: 27,023
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enginerd View Post
My friend Earl's father (also named Earl) has a glass eye as the result of a childhood injury. Earl Senior loves to embarrass people... particularly his son. In high school, when Earl brought his first girlfriend home to meet his folks, Senior said to her, "so you're the girl my son's been seeing, eh? You're cute - I've got my eye on you." And without further ado, he plucked out his eye and set it gently on her shoulder.

Earl's girlfriends seldom returned to his parents house.
My husband told me there was a guy in his neighborhood who'd take out his glass eye and drop it into his beer.
Old 12-01-2008, 06:35 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Planet Funk-O-Tron
Posts: 4,241
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kalhoun View Post
My husband told me there was a guy in his neighborhood who'd take out his glass eye and drop it into his beer.
Puts a whole new meaning to the phrase "Beer Goggles".
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