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Old 12-18-2000, 09:15 AM
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 283
Post your favorite Red Dwarf quotes.

Kryten: It's the old, old story:
Droid meets Droid,
Droid becomes Chameleon,
Droid loses Chameleon,
Chameleon turns into Blob,
Droid gets Blob back again,
Blob meets Blob,
Blob goes off with Blob,
and Droid loses Blob, Chameleon, and Droid.
How many times have we seen that story?
Given that God is infinite, and that the Universe is also infinite, would you like a toasted tea cake?
Cat: Hi, buddy!
Inq: This is your judgment day, bud. I gotta be cruel. There can be no favours.
Cat: I'm hearing you on FM.
Inq: I have to ask you the question. Justify your existence. What contribution have you made?
Cat: I have given pleasure to the world because I have such a beautiful ass.
Inq: Well, that's true.
Cat: Can I go now?
Inq: That's your case?
Cat: You need more?
Inq: Some might say that's a pretty shallow argument.
Cat: Some might say I'm a pretty shallow guy, but a shallow guy with a great ass.
Inq: Somtimes you astonish even me.
Cat: Thank you.
We're all tired of dying - So sick of not trying
Scared that we might fail - We'll accomplish nothing

Not even Failure.
Old 12-18-2000, 10:12 AM
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 4,751
You spent two years playing the pratt version of Rimmer? [Tim Spall as tech]

This is mutiny Mr Queeg. [Holly]

Puncture repair kit on standby sir. [Kryten]

Red alert? It'll mean changing the bulb. [Kryten]

[Oh, and in case Smeghead gets here: wasn't your sig quote said by Kryten not Rimmer?]
Old 12-18-2000, 11:43 AM
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: North of Canada. Really.
Posts: 7,710
Maybe someone can tell me who these lines come from--I've only heard them repeated by my brother-in-law.

"Let's blow up the asteroid with our phasers!"
"Two points. One, we don't have any phasers, and, two, we don't have any phasers. I know it's only one point, but, it's such a good point, I felt it had to be made twice."
"Good point. Well made."
"I don't sit on the ground. Animals do things on the ground...terrible, terrible things." -- Adrian Monk, Monk
Old 12-18-2000, 12:13 PM
Join Date: Oct 1999
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 360
Lister: "Great cornflakes, Kryten. Nice and onion-y!"

Lister: Love is what separates us from animals
Rimmer: No, Lister -- what separates us from animals is that we don't use our tongues to clean our own genitals.

Rimmer: Erm, I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is "What are we going to call ourselves?" erm, and I think it comes down to a choice between `The League Against Salivating Monsters' or my own personal preference, which is `The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society'. Erm, one drawback with that -- the abbreviation is `CLITORIS'.
Old 12-18-2000, 02:39 PM
Join Date: Mar 2000
Posts: 8,117
Lister, we all bring something to this discussion, I suggest you bring silence.

Hey why should I care if you're dying, it's your death.

Marvellous,smegging marvelous, deepest medieval space, much better than deepest modern space.

Hi there goalpost head.
Old 12-18-2000, 03:11 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: Seattle, WA, USA
Posts: 3,707
Rimmer: "That's about as smart as putting your wedding tackle into a lion's mouth and snapping him in the love spuds with a wet towel."

Old 12-18-2000, 03:20 PM
Join Date: Dec 2000
Posts: 918
My favorite one was "Red Alert? It'll mean changing the bulb" but it was already taken by picmr. So, I guess I'll have to go with...

Cat: "We are Deader than Tanktops!"
One of Nocturnes many virtual hubbies.
Type my name! It goes "Digga Digga Dun Dun!" Thanks Saph!
Violence solves nothing, except that feeling that I really need to beat something up.
Old 12-18-2000, 03:42 PM
Join Date: Jun 1999
Posts: 3,419
An oldie but a goodie:

Holly: Emergency. Emergency. There's an emergency going on. It's still going on. It's still an emergency. This is an emergency announcement.
Old 12-18-2000, 03:46 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: NoWA
Posts: 57,946
CAT (spraying with an aerosol can): This is mine... This is mine... All this is mine! Except that little part there. I don't want that.
'Never say "no" to adventure. Always say "yes". Otherwise you'll lead a very dull life.' -- Commander Caractacus Pott, R.N. (Retired)

'Do not act incautiously when confronting a little bald wrinkly smiling man.' -- Lu-Tze
Old 12-19-2000, 03:46 AM
Join Date: Apr 2000
Posts: 18,765
See below.

Originally posted by picmr
[Oh, and in case Smeghead gets here: wasn't your sig quote said by Kryten not Rimmer?]
Nope. I wrote it in 5 minutes after hearing it on the show.

Like I would miss this thread!
"Opinions are like arms. Everybody has them, but you look like an idiot when you try to show off how strong yours are." - Miles Jupp
Old 12-19-2000, 05:05 AM
Join Date: Jul 1999
Posts: 208
Rimmer - What are you rebelling against?
Kryten - I don't know, What have you got?

Lister - Thinking about electrical appliances should not get you into double polaroids!

kryten - I've found the recharge socket, but I just can't seem to get the plug to stay in.

Kryten - Smeeeeeeééé Heeeeééé´

All apocryphal, It's been something like 2 years since I have seen it. but they are pretty much how they go.
More later if I remember them
Old 12-19-2000, 05:52 AM
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Columbus, OH, USA
Posts: 941
[About rescuing Rimmer and Kryten]

Cat: We ain't gonna find them. They're gone, buddy. But look on the bright side. They're gone, buddy!


Kryten: What about the Space Corps directive which states that our primary goal is to seek out contact with other life forms?

Rimmer: What about the Rimmer directive which states, "Never tangle with anything that has more teeth than the entire Osmond family"?


[After eating dog food]

Lister: Now I know why dogs lick their testicles! It's to take away the taste of the food!

[Lister's first words upon meeting a cute girl]

Lister: All right, if you'll just take your clothes off, we can begin the examination.


[And, of course, the piece de resistance: ]

Cat: Dwayne Dibley?! Dwayne Dibley?!
"Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position."
"Yes, but that isn't just saying 'No, it isn't!'"
"Yes, it is!"
"No, it isn't!"
Old 12-19-2000, 05:57 AM
Join Date: Jan 2000
Posts: 174
Johnny LA beat me to it. The visual of Cat spraying has to be one of the alltime great scenes.

Although, the uneating of the eclair in teh backwards time show (?Timeslip) was awesome.
Old 12-19-2000, 06:50 AM
Charter Member
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: Where the wild roses grow
Posts: 23,622
Got him, hook, line, rod, sinker, and copy of Angler's Monthly, I think, sir.
Old 12-19-2000, 11:37 AM
Charter Member
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: NoWA
Posts: 57,946
Although, the uneating of the eclair in teh backwards time show (?Timeslip) was awesome.
Actually, I liked the last scene.

"Where's the Cat?"

"He had to go to the bushes to... you know..."

(shocked looks) "We have to stop him!"

Shot of the cat with a terrified/shocked expression of the Cat's face as he rises from the bushes.
'Never say "no" to adventure. Always say "yes". Otherwise you'll lead a very dull life.' -- Commander Caractacus Pott, R.N. (Retired)

'Do not act incautiously when confronting a little bald wrinkly smiling man.' -- Lu-Tze
Old 12-19-2000, 12:12 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Schenectady, NY, USA
Posts: 40,814
Kryten: But you would not profit by it. You would gamble your safety for a mere android. Is this human value you call friendship?
Lister: Don't give me this Star Trek crap. It's too early in the morning.

Holly: Nothing wrong with dog's milk: full of goodness; full of vitamins; full of marrow-bone jelly! Lasts longer than any other type of milk, dog's milk.
Lister: Why's that?
Holly: No bugger will drink it!
"Deck us all with Boston Charlie,/Walla Walla, Wash., an’ Kalamazoo!/Nora’s freezin’ on the trolley,/Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!
Purveyor of fine science fiction since 1982.
Old 12-19-2000, 05:34 PM
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 9,515
Can't say that I'm a big fan of the show. However, I'm a huge fan of the Cat. His character can make me howl in seconds.


I think I'll have... Fish!

I think I'll have... Fish!

I think I'll have... Fish!

I think I'll have... Fish!

I think I'll have... Fish!


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