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Old 09-29-2011, 12:23 PM
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Why do I have to be the one to call MY mom?

Don't get me wrong, I truly love my mom to pieces. But she is always giving me a guilt trip that I don't call her enough.

I don't say this to her but I'm thinking: "Your fingers ain't broke, you can call me."

Does anybody else get this kind of flak from their parents?

Why is it incumbent on the child to call the parents? WHY!!!
Old 09-29-2011, 12:29 PM
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Not from my parents (I don't care much for them), but my girlfriend complains if I don't call her often enough. I think it's just a female thing.
Old 09-29-2011, 12:31 PM
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For one thing, I'm retired and all my kids have jobs, kids and busy lives. I feel it's up to them to find a time slot to give me a ring, as I'm way less busy than they are and so can be reached much more easily. But they'd rather post inane bullshit on Facebook, so that's about the only contact I have with them on a regular basis.
Old 09-29-2011, 12:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Chefguy View Post
For one thing, I'm retired and all my kids have jobs, kids and busy lives. I feel it's up to them to find a time slot to give me a ring, as I'm way less busy than they are and so can be reached much more easily.
Heh. My mom says this, too, yet I end up trying to get a hold of her for a couple of days every time I give her a call. Especially since she stopped working, the woman is never home, and she's terrible about remembering to use/charge/turn on her cell. I try to just accept it.

The upside is that she doesn't guilt-trip me about it, which helps a lot. Of course, I also try to make sure to call her at least once a week no matter how many times I get call-waiting or have to leave a voice mail.
Old 09-29-2011, 12:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Shakes View Post

Why is it incumbent on the child to call the parents? WHY!!!
Because she carried you for nine months, she was in labor for days and refused all pain meds because she cared about you. But that's OK, she'll just sit there in the dark...alone.

Old 09-29-2011, 12:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Shakes View Post
Does anybody else get this kind of flak from their parents?
Parents, brother, sister. Mostly my sister.

She gives me flak because I only call her twice a year. I call her on her birthday, and I call her on my birthday.
Old 09-29-2011, 03:38 PM
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If I call and it's been a longer time than she thinks is reasonable since we last spoke my mom she'll answer the phone by saying "Oh good, you're NOT dead."

If I wait so long that she has to be the one to call she will say, either to me or to my voicemail, "Why do you hate me?"

My mother starts her day at 6:00am every day. 24/7/365. Doesn't sleep late on Sundays, holiday, her birthday, never. That being the case, although it is my general custom not to phone anyone before 9:00am, every once in a while I decide that 8:30 isn't too early to call her. On those occasions she answers the phone with a brisk "Whats the matter?"
Old 09-29-2011, 03:43 PM
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They're retired down in Florida and I have a busy life up in Minnesota. She will call and leave a message but I like to make sure to have a longer time just in case to talk. I have gotten in the habit of calling during longer commutes. I think she's been trained that if she calls me, it'll roll to voicemail probably. Not intentionally, but I've got etiquette where I don't like to answer a long call around other people. She doesn't have the problem. In fact, last time I called, she was in the dressing room at the club house getting measured for a new golf outfit.
Old 09-29-2011, 03:54 PM
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I talk to my mom about once a week. Sometimes I call, sometimes she calls, sometimes we miss a week.
But I never get any flak. Guess I'm just lucky; Mom's pretty cool.
Old 09-29-2011, 03:56 PM
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My mom absolutely cringes at the thought of paying long distance charges. She also hated that it was costing me money to call her, until I convinced her that it was included in my cell service. She has a cell phone that she uses to call me, but she lives in an area of iffy coverage, and she usually has to go outside to get a signal.

I call her when I have a specific question to ask. Otherwise, we communicate via email. It works a lot better. She doesn't type fast, so her notes tend to be short. If I call, she talks and talks and talks and talks and talks...

My inlaws call my husband more than he calls them. They don't have any daughters, so I don't know if different rules would apply to them.
Old 09-29-2011, 03:57 PM
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They're retired down in Florida
Mine too, but they have a busier social life than I do!
Old 09-29-2011, 04:07 PM
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My parents are either batshit crazy or narcissistic/self-involved. I do not call them. When they wish to blather on about their lives, they call me. Approximately every 3rd call, I will actually pick up, usually because the messages start getting panicky sounding. "Are you dead? Why don't you call me back?" I'm afraid they will call the cops if I don't pick up once in a while, so I throw 'em a bone.

Despite my repeated attempts to share my boundary policy with them: If you leave a specific message and ASK me to call back, I will, asap. If you say you called to talk about nothing and just to say hi, I will pick up next time.

Just to be clear: Neither parent ever inquires after my life or asks how I'm doing. They generally have no clue what's going on in my life and, I'm basing this on the lack of questions, I assume they don't care. I have purposefully avoided divulging any details about me or my life just to see how many conversations it takes/how long it takes, before they finally pull their head outta their ass and actually ask me questions (that aren't self serving, like "Why doesn't my mouse work on this computer?"). It took my mom about three months. My dad still hasn't ever asked, "So. How are you doing?"

If I thought they gave a shit, I would call them more often and volunteer information. On the few occasions I do that, the response is "Oh. Huh." and then crickets chirping for a minute before they change the subject back to themselves.

Incidentally, I live 1200 miles away from them. I've often asked myself the same question as the OP: Why is it my job to fly to them for visits? Don't they know the planes fly in both directions? How come they never come to see me? I'm single and have no kids; I'm not that busy.
Old 09-29-2011, 04:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Dogzilla View Post
Just to be clear: Neither parent ever inquires after my life or asks how I'm doing. They generally have no clue what's going on in my life and, I'm basing this on the lack of questions, I assume they don't care.
My father is the exact opposite, but with e-mail. Maybe someone in my family will post a vacation picture, so I'll post one too. My father will come back with "Where was that taken? When did you go? Who did you go with? What was your favorite part?" and on and on. When I reply, he'll reply back "There. Was that so hard?"
Old 09-29-2011, 04:24 PM
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My mom died in 1998.

I'd give anything to hear her voice again.

When your mom is gone, a huge piece of you goes too.


~VOW
Old 09-29-2011, 04:39 PM
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Thankfully, this is not an issue for me. My mom emails me a couple of times a day for inane things and we both hate chatting on the phone. (If either of us phones, it is because we want something and the call is usually less than 2 minutes.)

However, my dad solved this problem by phoning his mother every week on the same day at the same time. That way, she knows she is getting a call and it is hard for him to forget.
Old 09-29-2011, 04:47 PM
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My father is the exact opposite, but with e-mail. Maybe someone in my family will post a vacation picture, so I'll post one too. My father will come back with "Where was that taken? When did you go? Who did you go with? What was your favorite part?" and on and on. When I reply, he'll reply back "There. Was that so hard?"
I cannot imagine a world in which my father took any interest in anything my sister or I did. Your post is just astonishing to me.
Old 09-29-2011, 05:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Shakes View Post
Don't get me wrong, I truly love my mom to pieces. But she is always giving me a guilt trip that I don't call her enough.

I don't say this to her but I'm thinking: "Your fingers ain't broke, you can call me."

Does anybody else get this kind of flak from their parents?

Why is it incumbent on the child to call the parents? WHY!!!
Because she's needy and she knows it. She is so needy she wants to hear from you and she realizes she is being an inconvenince to you. So she doesn't want to call, because she knows if she did, she'd call you 24 hours a day.

Try writing her a letter instead. I bet she'd get a real thrill out of that, receiving a genuine piece of mail. I bet she'd be bragging to all her friend, her kid takes time to write her a letter.
Old 09-29-2011, 05:39 PM
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Originally Posted by VOW View Post
My mom died in 1998.

I'd give anything to hear her voice again.

When your mom is gone, a huge piece of you goes too.


~VOW
I can't recall the thread, but I know you've done a post like this before. I think it's great that you had a great relationship with your mom and I'm sorry that you miss her so much.

But please do realize that not everyone's parent was great, some peoples' parents are straight up shitty people. My mom's mother is a shitty person and thankfully, after over 50 years of verbal and emotional abuse, Mom has cut off communication with her. I will not expose my unborn child to that woman unless I am forced to. Don't assume that once a person's parent is gone that person will have some gaping hole in there life, often it's the complete opposite.
Old 09-29-2011, 08:21 PM
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Ugh, my dad is like that. His attitude is that he already tried to have a relationship with his kids and we rejected him, so now it is up to us to pursue him. He doesn't understand that being a crazy person and forcing visitation with kids who are afraid of you is not the same as trying to have a loving parent/child relationship.
Old 09-29-2011, 08:25 PM
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I realized, about three years ago now, that for the duration of my entire life, I have always been the one to call my dad, rather than him calling me. Practically the only time I ever remember him calling me was when I was in college, to let me know that my grandmother had died. So about three years ago, I decided, screw this. The guy's a borderline asshole anyway so if he wants me in his life, he knows how to pick up the phone. He can call me for once.

We haven't spoken in three years. Shrug. He knows my number. I'm all over the Internet. I'm not hard to find. If he feels like talking to me again, he knows how to find me.
Old 09-29-2011, 08:31 PM
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My grandmother expects constant attention from her child (my mom) without ever having to reciprocate or even be interested in my mom. Because of that, I suspect, my mom never guilts me about not calling often. I call mom a couple of times a month. I've never called grandma more than once year, even back when she remembered me.
Old 09-30-2011, 05:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Shakes View Post
I don't say this to her but I'm thinking: "Your fingers ain't broke, you can call me."
I love it when people answer themselves.

My mother had this same theory, that it is always the youngest person who must call the eldest. Children call their parents, younger siblings call elder ones. My paternal grandmother died on a Saturday, the call telling my parents came after mine, I found out two weeks later when it was again time for me to call - thanks Mom.

One day, when she started that "oh my God, there's so much I have to tell you, I couldn't wait for you to call, I really wish you'd called me sooner" rant, I cut in with "Mom, I call every two weeks because that's the schedule we set. Calling you eats up my whole Saturday morning. If you want me to call you at any other time, though, you can arrange that easily: call me. Since I've got a job and you've got a pension, call me, tell me you want me to call you and that no-one is bleeding to death, and I'll tell you when can I do it. That work?"

After picking her jaw up from the floor, she agreed.



And if you think getting hold of my mother is easy, I can give you her number and I'll gladly pay for the resulting bill. The woman is always "huddled up inna street" and she appears to be cellphone-incompatible (the deafness she refuses to get an aid for does not help).


Quote:
Originally Posted by tdn View Post
I call her on her birthday, and I call her on my birthday.
If I had to call the Bros on my birthday, they'd eat their own cellphones You're certainly a lot more patient than I am.

Last edited by Nava; 09-30-2011 at 05:04 AM.
Old 09-30-2011, 10:46 AM
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A few months ago, my great aunt died. I didn't find out about it for 3-4 weeks until my mom accidentally referred to the funeral in passing. I was all "Wha...? Auntie Em died? When did this happen?" Mom said, "Oh, well, it's not like you'd fly up here for the funeral so I figured it wouldn't matter to you." Well, maybe so, Mom, but now I look like a total asshole to that side of the family because I didn't send flowers or make a donation or acknowledge this woman's death in any way! Don't you think it's infantilizing to make that decision for me instead of just giving me the news in a timely manner so I can make these decisions for myself?

When her own sister died, she told my sister she wasn't going to tell me, because she didn't want me to spend the money to fly up for the funeral. I loved that aunt! My sister nipped that in the bud and instructed Mom not to treat me like a child and give me the info and I would decide for myself what I wanted to do. What if I wanted to say my goodbyes in person? I'm 42 years old; why does my mommy get to make those choices for me?

After I pretty much told my mom off for keeping family news from me, now I get detailed reports about any relative who sneezes. * face palm *
Old 09-30-2011, 11:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Dogzilla View Post
Just to be clear: Neither parent ever inquires after my life or asks how I'm doing. They generally have no clue what's going on in my life and, I'm basing this on the lack of questions, I assume they don't care. I have purposefully avoided divulging any details about me or my life just to see how many conversations it takes/how long it takes, before they finally pull their head outta their ass and actually ask me questions (that aren't self serving, like "Why doesn't my mouse work on this computer?"). It took my mom about three months. My dad still hasn't ever asked, "So. How are you doing?"

If I thought they gave a shit, I would call them more often and volunteer information. On the few occasions I do that, the response is "Oh. Huh." and then crickets chirping for a minute before they change the subject back to themselves.

Incidentally, I live 1200 miles away from them. I've often asked myself the same question as the OP: Why is it my job to fly to them for visits? Don't they know the planes fly in both directions? How come they never come to see me? I'm single and have no kids; I'm not that busy.
This sounds a lot like me and my mom. My mom NEVER calls to check on me. We have a terrible relationship, and after some of our huge fights where we are reconciling our differences and I tell her what we need to work on our relationship, I always tell her that she could call me to ask me how I'm doing, because from where I'm sitting she just doesn't care. She says she will work on it. She never does.

The other thing is that I don't bother calling her anymore. She has a cell phone that she answers MAYBE 1 time out of 20. When I call the home phone number, she is usually asleep if I call after 7pm. But yet, she can post dozens of times per day on facebook. She says if I really want to get in contact with her, I should email her. I'm sure she is depressed, but that is absolutely no excuse for her behavior. I've been depressed too, but it is something she could intellectually get over by just picking up the damn phone since I have told her it is such a problem to me, she doesn't want to make the effort. She is also my only adult relative within 2000 miles, I can't rely on her to help me WHATSOEVER in an emergency, or even a semi-emergency where I would need help within 5 days. She is utterly useless as a parent.

I'm not sure why my mother not answering my phone calls and insisting that I email her enrages me so much, but it does and I refuse to, so I don't see her or my little sister very much (She lives about 35 minutes away). Also her depression is more recent, it isn't like she has ever called me and asked me if I'm okay even when I was 18 and on my own fresh out of her house...nope, not once.

Last edited by rogerbox; 09-30-2011 at 11:34 AM.
Old 09-30-2011, 11:50 AM
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Ugghh. My grandmother used to pull this sorta thing. For about 7 years she lived about 5 miles down the road from us. A good straight road with light traffic and one light. Mr Magoo could drive it safely. During that time it was just Dad and I living at home. He had to drive a good ways to work. I had to drive across the town to the other side to go to school. Now, keep in mind she wasnt some OLD grandma. She had her duaghter pretty young and my mother had me pretty young. Granny was in very good health too (despite chain smoking for 40 years) and drove another 25 years at least. But not once did she ever driving down to visit us, we ALWAYS had to go see her (and get a little grief for not doing it often enough). Dad and I were busy and drove out. She spend all day watching TV and doing crosswords. Hell, you would thought she go for a drive once in awhile just to get out the damn apartment.
Old 09-30-2011, 11:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Dogzilla View Post
Just to be clear: Neither parent ever inquires after my life or asks how I'm doing. They generally have no clue what's going on in my life and, I'm basing this on the lack of questions, I assume they don't care. I have purposefully avoided divulging any details about me or my life just to see how many conversations it takes/how long it takes, before they finally pull their head outta their ass and actually ask me questions (that aren't self serving, like "Why doesn't my mouse work on this computer?"). It took my mom about three months. My dad still hasn't ever asked, "So. How are you doing?"

If I thought they gave a shit, I would call them more often and volunteer information. On the few occasions I do that, the response is "Oh. Huh." and then crickets chirping for a minute before they change the subject back to themselves.
Hello, darling brother which I didn't know I had. Actually, only my dad is alive, he never asks what's going on in my life and doesn't care, either. He only calls me to get me to do shit for him. Sometimes I tell him information and I can see his eyes visibly glazing over and his attention wandering.

I've decided I'm not going to let it stress me out but I will be far too busy to run his little errands for him. I am not his servant girl and it isn't stuff he can't do for himself. for example, the latest thing was finding him a storage unit. He has storage units down there, but they are cheaper here, so he wants us to find him one here. I told him I was busy (and I honestly am) and he said, "That's OK, look anyway." Before that it was the apartment thing. Despite getting him in touch with a Hindi-speaking real estate agent he still wants me to do the legwork. I did that, but no more.

I wish he lived 1200+ miles away! I want him to move to Florida, but he expects that I shall look after his stuff while he gallivants in India, so that's not happening.

I don't call him anymore. He calls me, never to chat, always to ask me to do something.
Old 09-30-2011, 03:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Anaamika View Post
Hello, darling brother which I didn't know I had. <snip>
You mean me?

That would be "darling sister which you didn't know you had."

And I've noticed that you and post eerily similar posts about our parents. We are siblings in another dimension or lifetime, I'm sure of it.

I've made my peace with my narcissistic parents. I do enjoy reminding them that I will be choosing the nursing homes later. That gives my dad pause sometimes. He used to quote the bible to me "you reap what you sow." Yep, dad. You sure do. His karma sucks.
Old 09-30-2011, 03:32 PM
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Sorry, sister-from-another-mother of mine.
Old 09-30-2011, 03:34 PM
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Sorry, sister-from-another-mother of mine.
No worries.
Old 09-30-2011, 09:46 PM
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And if you think getting hold of my mother is easy, I can give you her number and I'll gladly pay for the resulting bill. The woman is always "huddled up inna street" and she appears to be cellphone-incompatible (the deafness she refuses to get an aid for does not help).

Hearing impairment is NOT like vision impairment. A hearing aid does NOT give the user "normal" or "20/20" hearing like glasses can restore sight.

All a hearing aid does is AMPLIFY. If the hearing has degenerated, amplification doesn't necessarily add CLARITY to what is heard.

And telephones are instruments of the Devil to the hearing impaired. It finally reaches a point where NOTHING can be added or amplified to allow the user to understand a damned thing on the phone.

In cases where a person does receive adequate assistance from a hearing aid, the telephone may not be compatible to the aid. Many cellphones are not. If a hearing aid doesn't have a telephone coil or if the phone is not compatible, trying to use a phone with a hearing aid causes feedback.

I gave up using the phone probably seven years ago, and I had extreme difficulty with it for many years prior. I tried using a TTY, but people simply are not patient enough to revise their phone habits by using a relay operator.

I suggest using emails or text messages to communicate with Mom. She probably refuses to get a cell phone simply because she can't hear worth a damn on a regular phone, so the additional expense is unjustifiable. Welcome her to the world of text messaging.

I finally got a cell phone this past year because of the popularity of text messaging, and I could "talk" to people again.


~VOW

Last edited by VOW; 09-30-2011 at 09:46 PM.
Old 09-30-2011, 10:41 PM
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No, I don't get that from my mom. But she lives next door and I see her every day, sometimes multiple times.

I thought this was going to be about when you have to call both sets of parents to tell them something like where you're having dinner on Christmas Day or when the birthday party for the kids is, and I was going to tell you what I tell my husband. "Because she's YOUR MOM and I'm still a little bit scared of her. YOU call her."
Old 09-30-2011, 10:45 PM
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Call her once in a while when you aren't asking for money, it's the nice thing to do. I have no problem reminding my mother that the telephone works in both directions and she is the one that wants to talk so it is okay to call me. But spare me the guilt trip. I've got enough shit going on without that. You'd think they way she makes it sound that I wait until she leaves the house and then call up and gab with my dad for hours about little stuff and hang up when he says she's pulling in.
Old 09-30-2011, 10:51 PM
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I swear my mom used to keep a gigantic dry erase board in a secret room. I'm talking 10 x 20 feet. I imagined this is where she kept track of all the sleights and wrongs she felt every single friend, family member, and acquaintance did to her. Top of her list would always be whose turn it was to call whom. My fucking brother and sister sometimes fall into this pattern of behavior and I call their asses on it.

As my mom has gotten older she's MUCH better about it, but she still does it. I can always tell when she's doing well physically and mentally because she turns back into Bitch Without a Reason.
Old 10-01-2011, 01:35 AM
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Easy. Parents need/want to feel needed/wanted. Unfortunately, as parents, we tend to need our kids more than they need us as they get older...but it's still nice to think of ourselves as important.
Old 10-01-2011, 09:13 AM
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Originally Posted by gwendee View Post
If I call and it's been a longer time than she thinks is reasonable since we last spoke my mom she'll answer the phone by saying "Oh good, you're NOT dead."

If I wait so long that she has to be the one to call she will say, either to me or to my voicemail, "Why do you hate me?"

My mother starts her day at 6:00am every day. 24/7/365. Doesn't sleep late on Sundays, holiday, her birthday, never. That being the case, although it is my general custom not to phone anyone before 9:00am, every once in a while I decide that 8:30 isn't too early to call her. On those occasions she answers the phone with a brisk "Whats the matter?"
I'd love to meet your mom. And I bet when you go home she says, "Howwasyourtripareyouhungry?"
Old 10-01-2011, 09:21 AM
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Originally Posted by VOW View Post
My mom died in 1998.

I'd give anything to hear her voice again.

When your mom is gone, a huge piece of you goes too.


~VOW
No matter how old you are, when your parents die you become an orphan. Wish I could help.
Old 10-01-2011, 12:55 PM
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Parent- adult child interaction.


I want to have a good relationship with my ma but i cant. she never calls so i never call. *shrugs*

As i see it, she is the mom, she is the one that needs to make an effort
Old 10-01-2011, 02:33 PM
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Originally Posted by VOW View Post
My mom died in 1998.

I'd give anything to hear her voice again.

When your mom is gone, a huge piece of you goes too.


~VOW
This. My mom died last December. I used to call her twice a week. She didn't demand it, but she worried if she didn't hear from me, naturally, because she was my mother. That's what moms do--most of 'em, anyway. If I forgot to call, she'd call me. That was OK, but the deal from the time we went to college was that we called my parents on Sundays--it was easier for us to reach them than vice-versa. After Dad died, I knew Mom was lonely and went to twice-weekly calls. Sometimes when I was busy, it was tough to fit in a phone call, but she was a wonderful mom, and getting my calls meant a lot to her. I still miss hearing her cheerful voice.

If you have crummy parents, you're excused from having to call them. Otherwise, it's part of what you do as their child--just like changing your diapers was part of what they did as parents.
Old 10-01-2011, 02:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Becky2844 View Post
No matter how old you are, when your parents die you become an orphan. Wish I could help.
This is a bit of a tangent, but this reminds me of a conversation that I had once with a coworker. We were talking about parents and I mentioned that I didn't have any, I was orphaned at a young age. She was appropriately appalled and sympathetic - until I added that my parents died when I was a teenager. At which point she said, 'Oh, well you weren't really an orphan, then!' I was a bit . Yeah, according to her, unless you were actually raised in an orphanage and/or had curly red hair and a dog named Sandy, you didn't really qualify as an orphan! I was a bit bemused by that...

Anyway, perhaps because my own parents died when I was young, I never got the appropriate training for the laying on of parental guilt. So maybe your parents just expect of you what their own parents expected of them - remember this thread in a few years when your own children are grown, lol.

(By the way, I have two adult children now and I never nag either of them to call me or keep in touch or whatever. We communicate occasionally by phone, sometimes by email, sometimes by facebook messaging. Whatever, its all good and it seems to be working for us! )
Old 10-01-2011, 05:26 PM
VOW VOW is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Bird View Post
I can't recall the thread, but I know you've done a post like this before. I think it's great that you had a great relationship with your mom and I'm sorry that you miss her so much.

But please do realize that not everyone's parent was great, some peoples' parents are straight up shitty people. My mom's mother is a shitty person and thankfully, after over 50 years of verbal and emotional abuse, Mom has cut off communication with her. I will not expose my unborn child to that woman unless I am forced to. Don't assume that once a person's parent is gone that person will have some gaping hole in there life, often it's the complete opposite.
The OP stated that she loved her mom to pieces, so I made the assumption that while Mom can be a PITA, she's not a "shitty mom."

And PITA or no, as a rule, children outlive their parents.

Just for the record, my mom did her share of nagging, guilt-tripping, and grudge-holding...but you are correct in saying that I had a great relationship with her.

I extend my condolences to Straight Dopers who have genuinely-shitty parents. I agree, once those parents are finally gone, there will be no new gaping holes in anyone's life.

The holes had been there all along.


~VOW
Old 10-01-2011, 05:29 PM
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My mom doesn't have long distance so I *am* the one who has to call.
Old 10-01-2011, 10:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VOW View Post
The OP stated that she loved her mom to pieces, so I made the assumption that while Mom can be a PITA, she's not a "shitty mom."

And PITA or no, as a rule, children outlive their parents.

Just for the record, my mom did her share of nagging, guilt-tripping, and grudge-holding...but you are correct in saying that I had a great relationship with her.

I extend my condolences to Straight Dopers who have genuinely-shitty parents. I agree, once those parents are finally gone, there will be no new gaping holes in anyone's life.

The holes had been there all along.


~VOW

I had a shitty dad so when he died, I wasn't phased. I lost my mom in February and would kill to have one last conversation with her. You couldn't have said it any better.

One thing I'd tell anyone reading this that had a good mom who is still alive -- RECORD HER VOICE!
Old 10-02-2011, 06:27 PM
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My Dad did this too. I mean, he was a shitty Dad, a misery memoir type of Dad, but if he'd called every so often I would still have talked to him. The breaking point was when he complained that I hadn't called about his birthday (66 or something, not a groundbreaking birthday with a big party) but he hadn't mentioned my own birthday since I was a small child. He has no idea of my decade of birth, let alone my birthday, and hasn't ever since I passed puberty.

He called me, I called him, then he just never called me back, for about 7 years.

But the thing is, he's a messed-up kind of parent, so not the kind I'd mention in a thread about do you call your parents, but my step-Mum, who seems to be a pretty good Mum to my younger brother, is just the same.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dogzilla View Post
Just to be clear: Neither parent ever inquires after my life or asks how I'm doing. They generally have no clue what's going on in my life and, I'm basing this on the lack of questions, I assume they don't care. I have purposefully avoided divulging any details about me or my life just to see how many conversations it takes/how long it takes, before they finally pull their head outta their ass and actually ask me questions (that aren't self serving, like "Why doesn't my mouse work on this computer?"). It took my mom about three months. My dad still hasn't ever asked, "So. How are you doing?"
My Dad has actually asked this on the last three occasions we had contact. A bit, anyway - he was surprised that I have a degree, and that was 14 years ago, and I've had postgrads since then.

I get the impression he's not really taking a lot in, because he's slowly dying, which is maybe one of the reasons he's asking, too: he's trying to make up for lost time.

But again, I still find it odd that my stepmum doesn't care enough to prompt him or ask herself. She's been my stepmum since I was 10 years old, but she's always been a polite stranger. I was always an unwanted guest in her house rather than her husband's child. I actually find that harder to understand than being abusive.

Last edited by SciFiSam; 10-02-2011 at 06:28 PM. Reason: coding
Old 10-03-2011, 11:59 AM
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Not exactly the same thing, but... Several years ago, when my wife and I finally disconnected our land line and instructed everybody to call our cell phones exclusively, her grandmother (mid-80s at the time; 94 and kickin' now!) stopped calling altogether. Her reason?

"I don't know how to work those cell phones."
Um, Grandma, you don't have to do anything differently. Just dial the new number.
"Oh, but technology is easier for you young people. I can never figure that stuff out."
(after several variations of the above...) * Sigh * OK, Grandma, we'll call you instead.

She does call my wife once in a while now, but it took a long time. I think she might have forgotten that she's not calling a "regular" phone.
Old 10-04-2011, 05:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VOW View Post
My mom died in 1998.

I'd give anything to hear her voice again.

When your mom is gone, a huge piece of you goes too.
This.

My mother died a couple of months ago. She used to call me every now and then and now I wish that I had called her more often than I did.
Old 10-04-2011, 09:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VOW View Post
Hearing impairment is NOT like vision impairment. A hearing aid does NOT give the user "normal" or "20/20" hearing like glasses can restore sight.

.....I suggest using emails or text messages to communicate with Mom. She probably refuses to get a cell phone simply because she can't hear worth a damn on a regular phone, so the additional expense is unjustifiable. Welcome her to the world of text messaging.
She does have a cellphone, but she does not hear it going off. She does not respond to email because she can't be arsed check it unless we tell her she has email. She does not respond to texts because she does not hear the phone's "you've got a message" or remember to check for them.

Both her and her best friend have hearing that's "good for their age" (71). The friend got a hearing aid and is in 7th heaven; she claimed that she didn't want to end up like her mother, grandmother and great-aunt, all of which would complain constantly about "these young mumblers". Mom didn't on account of "hearing aids are for old people!" (uh, Mom, you've been getting senior discounts for 11 years now), and I can't be in a room in which she's watching TV because my ears hurt: please explain to me why would having the amplifier in her ears instead of the TV set, when she's the one who needs an amplifier, be unacceptable. Or rather, why should I go deaf because SHE is.

Last edited by Nava; 10-04-2011 at 09:16 AM.
Old 08-27-2013, 06:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shakes View Post
Don't get me wrong, I truly love my mom to pieces. But she is always giving me a guilt trip that I don't call her enough.

I don't say this to her but I'm thinking: "Your fingers ain't broke, you can call me."

Does anybody else get this kind of flak from their parents?

Why is it incumbent on the child to call the parents? WHY!!!
My Mom just called me again, only to say, "why haven't you called me". This is so frustrating! I hate to be upset with her. I really have to hold it in. If you ever find out why this is, let me know.
Old 08-27-2013, 06:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by runner pat View Post
Because she carried you for nine months, she was in labor for days and refused all pain meds because she cared about you. But that's OK, she'll just sit there in the dark...alone.

And eat worms........
Old 08-27-2013, 07:38 PM
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The serious bit...

I was lucky that my parents were wonderful.
When they got old, I invited them to come and live near me.
I'm an orphan now, but I have great memories.

The jokey bit...

A man calls his mother:

- "Mom, how are you?"
- "Not too good - I've been very weak."

- "Why are you so weak?"
- "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."

- "That's terrible! Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
- "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
Old 08-27-2013, 09:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FairyChatMom View Post
My mom absolutely cringes at the thought of paying long distance charges. She also hated that it was costing me money to call her, until I convinced her that it was included in my cell service.
I have had that exact same problem with my grandparents over the years. Dirt cheap long distance has been the norm for most of my life and especially these days with unlimited cell phone plans and cable phone and the like. Even a decade ago I still had unlimited minutes nights and weekends on the cell phone. The last time I had to worry about the cost of long distance was making international calls and it was still pretty cheap.

I think it's one of those generational things. A holdover from when long-distance was extremely expensive, operator assisted, and only used for extremely significant events.
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