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#1
Old 12-04-2011, 04:42 PM
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I burst into uncontrollable laughter in Target today...

My wife was looking for an inexpensive hand mixer for a present. We saw one in Target for $5.98 - it was a Chefmate 5-speed mixer. She asked me if I thought that $6 mixer could be decent quality, and I said I'd look up the reviews on my iPhone. So I Googled it, and this was what I found.

After I read the title of the first review, I tried to tell her what it said, and couldn't - I started laughing so hard I couldn't speak. I can't remember the last time had laughed that long or hard.

We didn't buy it.
#2
Old 12-04-2011, 05:12 PM
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That review is a thing of beauty. I marked it as "helpful" because really, he's right.
#3
Old 12-04-2011, 05:17 PM
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But what if I really want a mixer that will bake the cake as I mix it?
#4
Old 12-04-2011, 05:36 PM
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My favorite sentence:

Quote:
All I asked was that it didn't shoot flames.

mmm
#5
Old 12-04-2011, 05:37 PM
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Cool, you don't see a whole lot of products rated and a flat 1.0 on Amazon. Usually there is at least someone who likes the color, or feel of something enough to give it a 2.
#6
Old 12-04-2011, 05:43 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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That is one universally disliked product. Wow.

Flakes of metal in the whipped cream?

Flames coming from motor?

Yea, I think I might pass on that baby, too.
#7
Old 12-04-2011, 06:01 PM
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But C'mon, it's only $5.98! How can you pass up such a great deal?!
#8
Old 12-04-2011, 06:01 PM
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You people just need some perspective, six bucks is incredibly reasonable for a blowtorch.
#9
Old 12-04-2011, 06:30 PM
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Sounds like a great gift to give someone you really don't like....

"oh honey, I just found the BEST gift for your mother!!!!!"
#10
Old 12-04-2011, 07:15 PM
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Cool! I love kitchen multi-tools! That blowtorch can be used for toasting and Banana Flambe!

Last edited by blondebear; 12-04-2011 at 07:17 PM.
#11
Old 12-04-2011, 07:21 PM
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Dear og-- there's a used one for sale!
#12
Old 12-04-2011, 07:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashes, Ashes View Post
Dear og-- there's a used one for sale!
Username/topic.
#13
Old 12-04-2011, 07:32 PM
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duplicate post, sorry!

Last edited by Sarabellum1976; 12-04-2011 at 07:33 PM. Reason: whoops
#14
Old 12-04-2011, 07:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by runner pat View Post
Username/topic.
I didn't think I could laugh any harder until I read this. Thank you for pointing it out runner pat!
#15
Old 12-04-2011, 07:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blondebear View Post
Cool! I love kitchen multi-tools! That blowtorch can be used for toasting and Banana Flambe!
It's not a multi-tool though. It doesn't actually mix! I could dismiss it if it was one customer complaining about flames, but it seems as if every customer mentioned either flames, sparks, or burning smells. Wow.
#16
Old 12-04-2011, 07:44 PM
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Just think of it this way: you've now got creme brule down to one tool. Alton Brown would be proud.
#17
Old 12-04-2011, 08:14 PM
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In defense of the Chefmate brand, I have one of their spatulas and flames have yet to shoot out of it.
#18
Old 12-04-2011, 08:35 PM
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I totally cracked up. Thanks so much for sharing that
#19
Old 12-04-2011, 08:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gaffa View Post
I have one of their spatulas and flames have yet to shoot out of it.
Possibly it's defective.
#20
Old 12-04-2011, 08:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gaffa View Post
In defense of the Chefmate brand, I have one of their spatulas and flames have yet to shoot out of it.
Mine melted while stirring scrambled eggs. I've another that is relegated only to (very carefully) flipping over grilled sandwiches. Chefmate simply sucks.

And as a hijack, I'd like to ask why manufacturers can't send the same product to all retail stores. It shouldn't matter whether I buy a Presto electric frying pan from Wal-Mart, Target, Sears, or Macy's. But it does.
#21
Old 12-04-2011, 08:47 PM
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I'm going out to the kitchen to give my Argos value mixer a big hug* It cost a fiver, it's still going after three years and has never set anything on fire. I don't think it's the price that's the problem here.

* not really.
#22
Old 12-04-2011, 08:50 PM
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Anyone got a photo of this bad boy? I wanna see the mixer that is so bad, it warrants such a low rating. Why hasn't it been recalled?
#23
Old 12-04-2011, 08:53 PM
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I am laughing my ass off.

I can't believe Amazon continues to offer such a non-product when it's obvious that it's absolutely useless.

I feel sorry for whoever buys that used one!
#24
Old 12-04-2011, 08:56 PM
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Better than shooting flames into it.

Hmm. I'm not actually sure what that means.
#25
Old 12-04-2011, 09:14 PM
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I love the way it consistently got one star. It should be possible to give something zero stars.
#26
Old 12-04-2011, 09:23 PM
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Chefmate stuff is abysmal. Every product I've bought from them (before I finally put two and two together and stopped) is awful. Warped plastic, flimsy metal. Etc.

I have a Chefmate bread knife that won't cut bread without using so much pressure that you're simply cleaving the bread. Also, an egg seperator which WILL NOT seperate eggs. Not to mention various whisks and spatulas and such that have gone to the @#(*! jammed kitchen drawer in the sky.
#27
Old 12-04-2011, 09:25 PM
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I had a hair dryer that shot flames out of it once - I wanted my hair dried, not fried.

I bought a relatively cheap hand mixer many, many years ago. It still works fine - nary a flame.
#28
Old 12-04-2011, 09:32 PM
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After reading this thread, I have to say - I love you people.
#29
Old 12-04-2011, 09:34 PM
Nope! I said stop!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashes, Ashes View Post
Dear og-- there's a used one for sale!
Is its color smoky black?
#30
Old 12-04-2011, 09:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gaffa View Post
In defense of the Chefmate brand, I have one of their spatulas and flames have yet to shoot out of it.
My, where did you get that lovely spatula?
#31
Old 12-04-2011, 09:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IvoryTowerDenizen View Post
Is its color smoky black?
Eventually, I'm guessing yes!
#32
Old 12-04-2011, 09:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robot Arm View Post
My, where did you get that lovely spatula?
Spatula City!

Last edited by gaffa; 12-04-2011 at 09:41 PM.
#33
Old 12-04-2011, 10:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mahaloth View Post
Anyone got a photo of this bad boy? I wanna see the mixer that is so bad, it warrants such a low rating.
Target Black Friday Ad


(I resisted the urge to photoshop some flames coming out of it)

Last edited by blondebear; 12-04-2011 at 10:04 PM.
#34
Old 12-04-2011, 10:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blondebear View Post
<snip>

(I resisted the urge to photoshop some flames coming out of it)
Would you mind? I'd love to see that.
#35
Old 12-04-2011, 10:23 PM
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I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would think buying a $6 mixer would be a good idea.

oh, but hey, that's why everything is made in China now.
#36
Old 12-04-2011, 10:26 PM
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Damn It.

I have had one. ONE. drink. I was trying to tell the SO that I am not tipsy.

And then I read that.

Now he thinks I drank a pint in that one drink.

It's OK now though. I read the review to him and he's laughing, too.
#37
Old 12-04-2011, 10:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blondebear View Post
Target Black Friday Ad


(I resisted the urge to photoshop some flames coming out of it)
$3!!!
And I thought $5.98 was too damn cheap.

Did you notice the fine print? Limit 6 per guest.
You probably need to buy 6 mixers just to make one cake...
#38
Old 12-04-2011, 10:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chimera View Post
But what if I really want a mixer that will bake the cake as I mix it?
#39
Old 12-04-2011, 11:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer View Post
Would you mind? I'd love to see that.
A crummy photoshopped image of a hot product
#40
Old 12-04-2011, 11:11 PM
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Ok, I just read that aloud to my wife and like you, I could barely finish any of the sentences. We were in stitches.

Thank you. I feel the need to spread this on Facebook.
#41
Old 12-04-2011, 11:58 PM
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From a review further down.
Quote:
I didn't get flames like the last reviewer, just smoke.
See, it's not that bad.
#42
Old 12-05-2011, 12:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blondebear View Post
Very nice. You should email that to the manufacturer.
#43
Old 12-05-2011, 12:41 AM
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I, for one, didn’t believe those one-star Amazonian product reviews, and I was in the market for a cost-effective hand mixer, so I decided to purchase the Chefmate 5-Speed Mixer for myself. I take product reviews very seriously and planned to post an honest review on Amazon after putting my Chefmate 5-Speed Mixer to an honest test. I always start with 5-stars and only deduct stars when I feel a significant problem is inherent in the products I review. Seeing multiple 1-star reviews for the Chefmate 5-Speed Mixer, made me think something was amiss. No product should receive that few stars, multiple times and exclusively.

I was rather giddy with joy when my Chefmate 5-Speed Mixer arrived, and so I feverishly unpacked the kitchen utensil and put it to immediate use—whipping up a bowl of my much-requested homemade whipped cream (to be dolloped liberally on my equally much-requested homemade pumpkin pie)!

Indeed, everything seemed to be going exquisitely well at first; the cream was firming up nicely into a frothy-fine consistency. But, then, quite unexpectantly, an alien material of unknown origin began to extrude from the Chefmate 5-Speed Mixer ventilation holes and into my cream. It was a semi-liquidy goo that had the consistency, color and taste (don't ask) of opossum feces, and therefore not a positive enhancement to my dessert topping. But, I was willing to overlook this little glitch. I simply explained to my family that I made a cocoa variation of my whipped cream and they were none the wiser. Unfortunately, I felt compelled to deduct one star from my Chefmate 5-Speed Mixer review.

Things did not improved on the next occasion I used my Chefmate 5-Speed Mixer. This time I was mixing up some eggs for my family-famous Rancho Eggeroso Mexicaly Breakfast (I’m of decidedly non-Spanish English/German decent, but I whip up a very convincing Mexican breakfast, mixing habanera peppers, ketchup and guacamole into my eggs while donning a large sombrero). Anyway, my Chefmate 5-Speed Mixer began shaking, shimmering and gyroscoping against my grip, out of the bowl and beatering wildly onto my scrotum (yes, I wear a sombrero on Rancho Eggeroso mornings, but nothing else). As a result, I sustained a complete double orchiectomy, rendering me unable to sire more children. On the other hand, I did develop an appreciation for show tunes, so I consider the experience somewhat of a draw, but, still, I had to deduct 2 additional stars.

I was hoping for some product redemption on my last occasion using the Chefmate 5-Speed Mixer. But alas, it was not to be. While frappéeing a cup of beetle grubs for my delectable carrot stick dip (I'll IM you the recipe upon request), flames shot out of it! No, really, flames shot out of my Chefmate 5-Speed Mixer, arcing 5 feet, onto, into and out of our little toddler,Timmy, electrocuting him. Granted, Timmy was only 2 years old, hardly enough time to bond with him. But, still, it was a bit inconvenient and somewhat of a loss for his mother and I. This, along with my inability to easily replace the child, due to my double Chefmate 5-Speed orchiectomy, compelled me to deduct yet another star from my product review.

One-Star review for the Chefmate 5-Speed Mixer. I didn't believe it, but there you have it.
__________________
“Do you believe in such nonsense?” "No, but they say it works even if you don't believe in it.”—Niels Bohr
#44
Old 12-05-2011, 01:03 AM
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So what happened to your balls, dude? Where there two more ‘huevos’ in the rancheros that morning? Or did the dog find them under the fridge later that afternoon?
#45
Old 12-05-2011, 01:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tibbytoes View Post
As a result, I sustained a complete double orchiectomy, rendering me unable to sire more children.
On the bright side, you have qualified for a rare non-posthumous Darwin Award.
#46
Old 12-05-2011, 01:31 AM
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There is a recent (perhaps still current) thread nearby (sorry, I'm not going to bother hunting for it now), in which OP says his kid received an obnoxiously noisy toy from someone, and OP seeks suggestions for an awful revenge gift to give in return.

I think we have found it. Hope that OP is reading this.
#47
Old 12-05-2011, 01:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer View Post
I had a hair dryer that shot flames out of it once
Same here. But I didn't give it a bad online review; after all it dried my hair nicely, right up until it went into flamethrower mode.

You just can't satisfy some people.
#48
Old 12-05-2011, 06:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jz78817 View Post
I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would think buying a $6 mixer would be a good idea.

oh, but hey, that's why everything is made in China now.
See my post above. Still mixing cakes after three years.
#49
Old 12-05-2011, 08:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blondebear View Post
Ironically, the toaster leaves ice crystals all over your bread.
#50
Old 12-05-2011, 08:28 AM
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Reminds me of the Woody Allen and an apprehensive Mia Farrow bedroom scene in Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex... where he's trying to cure her frigidity, plugs the vibrator into the wall and smoke and sparks start shooting out.

If the kitchen makes you frigid, this mixer's for you!
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