#1
Old 04-24-2001, 10:58 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: a pineapple under the sea
Posts: 1,485
That's right! Manservant Hecubus will kiss your ass, free of charge, right here, right now. Impossible, you say? No, not at all... Manservant Hecubus has been honing his ass-kissing skills for years, resulting in ass-kissery at it's finest, all the while hoping and praying for an opportunity like this to arise where he could put all his hard work to good use.

Having a shitty day? Feeling blue? Have Manservant Hecubus lift your spirits with his praise! Feel like no one appreciates you? Manservant Hecubus will remind you why you are so very special.

Step up and have a go at it!
#2
Old 04-24-2001, 11:03 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: NW 'burbs of Chicago
Posts: 4,184
Well, you've heard me complain in chat enough to know what I need. Give it to me, baby. A nice ass-kissin'.
#3
Old 04-24-2001, 11:10 PM
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Join Date: Oct 1999
Location: Canada, eh!
Posts: 2,533
Count me in..pucker up Brian....

Keith
#4
Old 04-24-2001, 11:17 PM
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Hawthorne, CA
Posts: 1,533
Oh, oh! Me next! ::unzips his pants::
Give me a good go around with those sexy Manservant Lips, Hickie
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Gimme gimme your hand, gimme gimme your mind.
#5
Old 04-24-2001, 11:19 PM
Straight Dope Science Advisory Board
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Location: Between the Moon and NYC
Posts: 13,023
Yeah, I'm in. I'll even wear a skirt to make it easier for you.

Robin
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I would if I could, but I can't so I won't.
#6
Old 04-24-2001, 11:22 PM
BANNED
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Va.
Posts: 2,189
K i s s

m y

a s s !!!!




Now eat shit and die, you monkeyf*ck loser!


#7
Old 04-24-2001, 11:46 PM
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Join Date: May 1999
Location: Columbia, Maryland
Posts: 4,799
Come here, Bri hon......plant one right on me.
#8
Old 04-25-2001, 01:10 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 6
Evil!
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Remind me to get a signature.
#9
Old 04-25-2001, 06:53 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 3,014
Smooch away Manservent Hecubus....anyone cool enough to use a KITH reference as a username ...
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I'm overrated, desecrated. Still somehow illuminated.
Hang on to me forever baby...I could always swim
#10
Old 04-25-2001, 09:49 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Luriekistan
Posts: 2,869
What the hell, I haven't had a good ass-kissing in ....well, ever.

Pucker up, my friend
#11
Old 04-25-2001, 09:54 AM
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Chicago Burbs
Posts: 1,571
<Getting in line>

I could use a good ass kissing. I'm ready whenever you are.
#12
Old 04-25-2001, 12:16 PM
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 4,795
A good 'ol fashioned ass-kissing for Wicked Blue

I have to admit, I've seen some good OP's since I've been here, but this is by far the best!

Look at how well defined my task is! It couldn't be clearer if it were made of glass. I'm speechless!

Not only this, but she's a knockout as well. Oh yes, I've seen your picture on the people pages, you minx. What a rare jewel, and here on our board, blessing us all with her presence!

I dedicate all my further posts to Wicked Blue, and hope that each and every one shines half so bright as she does!
#13
Old 04-25-2001, 12:19 PM
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Join Date: Oct 1999
Location: Santa Rosa, CA
Posts: 4,609
You know what to do.

I want a reach-around with mine...

#14
Old 04-25-2001, 12:24 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 4,795
Quote:
Originally posted by porcupine
Well, you've heard me complain in chat enough to know what I need. Give it to me, baby. A nice ass-kissin'.
If only I could give you what you need, I would be among the happiest men on the face of the earth. To touch your skin, to fluff your pillows at night, to supply you with and endless cache of batteries, what more could a man aspire for?

One night, I saw a feather float to the ground, and I watched motionless as it came to rest on autumn leaves. Every time I think of you, I recall that moment, as if your grage were descending to me, a husk of a man.

And,I would mow your lawn daily.
#15
Old 04-25-2001, 12:26 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 1999
Posts: 3,226
If Manservant Hecubus is whom I suspect he is, I'd like a little ass-kissing too!

Sign me up!
#16
Old 04-25-2001, 12:59 PM
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 8,578
I've never known anyone is as much need of a good ass-kissing as myself right now.

fingers resting on zipper pull

Do you have a cheek preference? Or do you just want the one with the fewest blemishes?
#17
Old 04-25-2001, 01:11 PM
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: A quaint Wisconsin burg
Posts: 1,400
Pucker up, Portnoy. My ass is in need of some smoochin'.
#18
Old 04-25-2001, 05:04 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 4,795
Odieman. You, sir, are godlike. When I need to smile, I always turn to you. Each and every one of your posts are a breath of fresh spring air in this stale winter of originality.

I sense that you are a crafty individual as well, able to mend broken items around the house with the most rudimentary of tools.

And, I've heard stories about you! A generous lover, indeed! Well, most of the ladies I've ehard from say that nobody compares to you.

In a world of Color Me Badd, you are Prince.
#19
Old 04-25-2001, 05:04 PM
Guest
Join Date: Oct 1999
Location: Santa Rosa, CA
Posts: 4,609
Quote:
Originally posted by Sue Duhnym
If Manservant Hecubus is whom I suspect he is, I'd like a little ass-kissing too!

Sign me up!
Nope, sorry Sue, I'm still Demo.
#20
Old 04-25-2001, 05:10 PM
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 4,795
Quote:
Originally posted by Mercutio
Oh, oh! Me next! ::unzips his pants::
Give me a good go around with those sexy Manservant Lips, Hickie
Mercutio, if I were any man other than myself, I would be you.

I have NEVER seen anyone so quick witted before. Your ability to turn a conversation from a dull slow depressionfest into a riot of laughter goes unmatched.

He's handsome as well, folks.

Merc, can I make you a sandwich, or something? Would you like a drink? You just name it, and I'll see what I can do for you.

Merc is the man. Deal with it, lesser beings.
#21
Old 04-25-2001, 05:14 PM
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Join Date: Oct 1999
Location: Canada, eh!
Posts: 2,533
Thanks a lot Portnoy err MrCynical ahhManservant Hecubus for the ass kissing. Unfortunately that was the second best offer in that area I received today .

Keith
#22
Old 04-25-2001, 05:20 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 1999
Posts: 3,226
Quote:
Originally posted by Democritus
Quote:
Originally posted by Sue Duhnym
If Manservant Hecubus is whom I suspect he is, I'd like a little ass-kissing too!

Sign me up!
Nope, sorry Sue, I'm still Demo. [/B]
DAMMIT!!!

Oh well, I'd still like a little ass-kissing, so Manservant will have to do.
#23
Old 04-25-2001, 06:08 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: East of Lake Wobegone
Posts: 4,514
Me too, please ... but what if it's not my ass I want kissed?
#24
Old 05-02-2001, 08:41 AM
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 4,795
MsRobyn,

Allow me to apologize for taking so long to get to you. I'm such a worm.

You may have felt that your esteem wasn't important to me, but rest assured that it is! Of all the asses I could be kissing, yours is surely the most deserving!

You may now feel a tiny bit jealous of your little brother, what with his lawyerdom and all. I say PTOOI! He's nothing next to you! I know for fact that you're smarter, hipper, and much funnier than he could ever dream of being.

Now now now, don't you deny it. You know it's true, Robyn. We all do.
#25
Old 05-02-2001, 08:46 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 4,795
Silo,

You're a misunderstood genius. You are.

I've recognized your talents from way back in the day when you appeared as "The Big Bad Booty Daddy". That was funny! Too bad everyone was so stuffy, and couldn't recognize the blatant, in-your-face style of humor that you had adopted!

You are a pillar of patience, and a paragon of virtue.

I look forward to meeting you some day, so that I, too, can have the honor of hanging out with Michael Masterson.
#26
Old 05-02-2001, 08:53 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 4,795
Falcon,

You've been so patient. And, you've been so busty and redheaded, too.

You are pretty much the Queen of the Dopefest. Aren't you? Name ONE person who has been to more than you. You know what, even if there IS someone, they suck, and you rule.

Such dedication! Such good humor! So much willingness to flaunt your large bosoms for us!

You are a goddess.
#27
Old 05-02-2001, 12:54 PM
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 4,795
Quote:
Originally posted by hardygrrl
Smooch away Manservent Hecubus....anyone cool enough to use a KITH reference as a username ...
You think that was random?

Of course not. I've been trying to learn more and more about you each and every day. My sole purpose in life is to impress and entertain you!

I follow you from thread to thread, each time more eager than the last to read the words you write. Every sentence so clear, every thought so lucid! Could you be a professional writer hiding out incognito on these boards? I would think so, with the way you put thoughts down so smoothly.
#28
Old 05-02-2001, 12:58 PM
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 4,795
Mauvaise,

What can I say about you? That you're a shining example of beauty unfettered? Everyone already knows that.

That you're as kind as you are pretty? Ditto.

Folks, this lady drove all the way to the airport to meet me just long enough to have one beer before I hopped my next flight. Do friends get any better than this? I think not.

Mauvaise, your man is a lucky man indeed. If he ever forgets that, let me know, and I'll knock him over the head till he remembers.

And, you smell nice.
#29
Old 05-02-2001, 01:01 PM
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Sneaking up behind you
Posts: 2,961
My ass is ready for some kissing here!
#30
Old 05-02-2001, 01:09 PM
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 4,795
monster,

Your ass will be a pleasure to kiss.

Did anyone ever tell you that you're just the right height to be perfectly adorable? You are.

Guys, I don't care if you're jealous of me. I've touched monster. That's right. I have. And, given half the chance, I would do it again. Imagine going to a museum. The Louvre, say. The most beautiful pieces of art are there, but you have to view them from a distance.

Well, I got to touch them. HA!

And, in addition to being a drop-dead stunner, she's smart! I've had her as a customer. This is a lady with whom it's a pleasure to deal, and it is an honor to have her as a friend.
#31
Old 05-02-2001, 01:38 PM
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Chicago Burbs
Posts: 1,571
Holy shit! I think I'm ready to have that affair now!
#32
Old 05-02-2001, 03:17 PM
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 4,795
Quote:
Originally posted by Demo
You know what to do.

I want a reach-around with mine...

Demo,

I'll stroke your ego hard enough to where you don't need a reach-around.

You don't post as often as you used to, and that's a damn shame, it is. As one of the least-full-of-it members of this board, I value, nay CHERISH every one of your posts.

Who else is as versed as you in matters of poetry? oldscratch comes close, but I don't think he appreciates it as you. You are a man who can appreciate the tragic peals of Der Erlkoenig, and express the strength of emotion it brings in you.

You are also more handsome than I, which chaps my ass no end.

I wish that you lived closer to me, that I might have the opportunity to kick back with you a couple times a month, drink a few beers, and just talk talk talk.
#33
Old 05-02-2001, 03:24 PM
Guest
Join Date: May 1999
Location: Columbia, Maryland
Posts: 4,799
*smooch*

Why thank you, my dear....c'mere and I'll give you a private showing for that ass-kissing.
#34
Old 05-02-2001, 03:25 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 22,075
Just what I need. I'm a little stressed, Mr. Hecubus, so if you please...

KISS MY ASS.
#35
Old 05-02-2001, 03:35 PM
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 4,795
Quote:
Originally posted by Sue Duhnym
If Manservant Hecubus is whom I suspect he is, I'd like a little ass-kissing too!

Sign me up!
Sue Duhnym,

I don't know if I'm who you wanted me to be, but I'll gladly take a moment to lavish attention upon your tantalizing buttocks.

I have a crush on you. That's right. I think you're hotter than the SUN. Even your nosejob pics. I could overlook the bruising and swelling as if it weren't there.

Every time I see a duck, I think of you. Especially if it's been eating mayonnaise.

One day, I hope to assume the identity of your husband, and have you for my very own.

You're so hot. And cool. Technically, that should make you lukewarm, but I don't think that way. I think it just gives you convection, drawing me to you on the trade winds of lust.
#36
Old 05-02-2001, 03:36 PM
Guest
Join Date: Oct 1999
Location: Santa Rosa, CA
Posts: 4,609
You've really outdone yourself, sir. Thank you, from the bottom of my...boxer-briefs...thank you.

And don't forget, there's always a beer in the fridge for you, buddy.
#37
Old 05-02-2001, 08:32 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Chitown
Posts: 1,951
Well, shucks, Mistah Hecubus, sir...you don't have to be all nice and stuff to lil' ol' me, I mean, I'm just trying to emulate your glory, sir. I only wish that I could be as...as nifty as you are, massuh Hecubus.

Hey, I decided that you'd been working overtime here, and you could use a little encouragement yourself. Guess I'm just not as good as the master. Carry on, Manservant, carry on.
#38
Old 05-02-2001, 10:54 PM
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Luriekistan
Posts: 2,869
:: blushes prettily ::

Thank you, that was a lovely arse kissing
#39
Old 05-03-2001, 10:39 AM
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 4,795
Quote:
Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan
Do you have a cheek preference? Or do you just want the one with the fewest blemishes?
Cranky,

Either of your cheeks is as perfect as a ripe nectarine, if not as fuzzy.

Where have you been? I've missed you, you know. I miss your uncanny wit, your ability to squeeze a smile out of me even when I'm in my most dour of moods.

I miss flirting at you, as well.

You're such a great lady. I wish you'd come back to chat more often, you have so much to offer!
#40
Old 05-03-2001, 10:50 AM
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Streamwood, IL
Posts: 4,795
Quote:
Originally posted by Bottle of Smoke
Pucker up, Portnoy. My ass is in need of some smoochin'.
Where the *hell* have you been?

You're one of the posters that I *get*. You know? The stuff you put up makes sense to me. Damn funny sense, I must say.

I know where you've been. You've been fighting off lusty women with a stick, I imagine. They all love you here, that's for sure. I mean, I *TRY* to get their attention, but the women here just gravitate to you as if you were a magnet.

I hate you for it, but I admire you so much that the hate is mitigated to a general envy.
#41
Old 05-03-2001, 11:23 AM
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,342
Me next! Me next!!

Perty please?
#42
Old 05-03-2001, 01:23 PM
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: A quaint Wisconsin burg
Posts: 1,400
Well, day-um. That was some mighty fine ass-kissin you did there, MH. I'm taking notes on this whole thread. Got me a performance evaluation coming up at work.
#43
Old 05-03-2001, 07:32 PM
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 668
I could use ego boost. Sign me up.
#44
Old 05-03-2001, 07:50 PM
Guest
Join Date: May 1999
Location: Bat country
Posts: 1,942
I have to get some of this. Pucker up, Hec.
#45
Old 05-03-2001, 10:24 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,916
Unveils buttocks for a much needed ass kissing.....

Turns around quickly just before the lips make contact.
#46
Old 05-04-2001, 03:56 PM
Guest
Join Date: Aug 1999
Posts: 3,226
My ass has been kissed and I LIKE IT!

Thank you kindly!
#47
Old 05-04-2001, 08:20 PM
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: #JOey
Posts: 6,403
Kiss my ass!

And say it like you mean it.
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#48
Old 05-04-2001, 09:16 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Dogpatch/Middle TN.
Posts: 30,790
Manservant Hecubus---

I'm depressed, tired, sad...and I have heat rash.


Smooch away. I need it more than most.
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~~~ Pliny the Elder
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