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Old 05-30-2013, 09:58 AM
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Finish this joke if you think you're clever enough...

A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says: I suppose you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says......


If this sound familiar to you here's why:
SPOILER:
It's a Breakfast Club reference. It's the joke Judd Nelson was telling before he fell through the ceiling, RIGHT before he got to the punchline, which we never got to hear.
Old 05-30-2013, 10:06 AM
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"No, but my dachshund could use a bowl of water."


Aside: unfinished jokes are great for the old dial-a-joke shen. You record your answering machine message as "Hi, you're reached Dial-A-Joke! Today's laugher: [tell above joke fragment]...beeep!

Last edited by Amateur Barbarian; 05-30-2013 at 10:07 AM.
Old 05-30-2013, 01:03 PM
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Naked lady says....

Bugger off, asswipe! But get me a beer first!
Old 05-30-2013, 01:18 PM
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"Not me, but the hair of the dog for this one."
Old 05-30-2013, 01:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shakes View Post
A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says: I suppose you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says......
No, but you got any nailclippers I could borrow?



I think I started a thread about the missing punchline a while back, maybe when John Hughes passed.
Old 05-30-2013, 01:32 PM
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Naked lady says...... "No, but I'm going to need a dozen of your pickled eggs, a shot glass and a pair tongs. I call this act 'The Aristocrats'"
Old 05-30-2013, 01:38 PM
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"Not while I'm working."
Old 05-30-2013, 02:15 PM
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Naked lady says, "Weekends were made for Michelob."

Last edited by Prof. Pepperwinkle; 05-30-2013 at 02:15 PM.
Old 05-30-2013, 05:42 PM
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"No, but you could help me out: You see I bought this for my husband, but Fifi here has a very good nose and -- well, I'm wondering if you could help me hide the salami."

---G!
Come on, Sporto, level with me.
Do you slip her the hot beef injection?
--Bender to Clark
The Breakfast Club
Old 05-31-2013, 01:31 AM
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"Now where the heck did I leave my money?"

Last edited by JustinC; 05-31-2013 at 01:33 AM.
Old 05-31-2013, 05:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shakes View Post
A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says: I suppose you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says......

Like hell, I'll have a pitcher of margaritas. Oh, and some mouthwash for the dog.
Old 05-31-2013, 06:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shakes View Post
A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says: I suppose you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says......
Yes, I DO need a drink. I want a Tom Collins, but I'm too afraid ask: look what happened when I said I wanted his hot salami doggy-style?
Old 05-31-2013, 04:08 PM
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It's not so much a puchline as...the rest of the story:

Blonde: A drink? Don't you care about the sex on your table?
Barkeep: What sex on the table
Blonde: I just laid a poodle there
Barkeep: I suppose you did. What are you gonna do with him now?
Blonde: I dunno. I got him expressly for that pupose.
Barkeep: I see. What'd you get the salami for?
Blonde: Two bucks a pound
Old 05-31-2013, 04:37 PM
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I may be misremembering, but I heard once that Nelson ad-libbed this "joke" and there was never a real punchline.
Old 05-31-2013, 04:49 PM
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Naked lady says "I don't get it, what part of 'very kinky' don't they understand?"
Old 05-31-2013, 05:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shakes View Post
A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says: I suppose you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says......
I could use a beer. I tried to get into Oktoberfest, but my sausage is Italian, my dog is French and I'm Swedish. Only my peasant dress was authentic.
Old 05-31-2013, 05:28 PM
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Naked lady says: "No, but I need a cigarette. Also, let me tell you, when I went to the sausage shop down the street and asked for a salami and a hot dog, this wasn't really what I meant."
Old 05-31-2013, 05:34 PM
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Alasti blondi kävelee baariin, jossa villakoira alle yksi käsi ja kaksi jalka salamia toisen alle. Hän asettaa villakoira pöydälle. Baarimikko sanoo: Oletan et tarvitse juoda. Naked lady sanoo.....
Old 05-31-2013, 07:52 PM
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Naked lady says "Man, I really screwed the pooch tonight".
The bartender says "Well, looks like it didn't hurt him any, but I wouldn't eat the salami."
Old 06-01-2013, 03:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joey P View Post
Alasti blondi kävelee baariin, jossa villakoira alle yksi käsi ja kaksi jalka salamia toisen alle. Hän asettaa villakoira pöydälle. Baarimikko sanoo: Oletan et tarvitse juoda. Naked lady sanoo.....
"So Suomi, already!"
Old 06-01-2013, 04:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sampiro View Post
Naked lady says "Man, I really screwed the pooch tonight".
The bartender says "Well, looks like it didn't hurt him any, but I wouldn't eat the salami."
Ok this is pretty good, and includes both the dog and the salami and it's funny. A naked woman holding a salami and a poodle definitely had something go terribly wrong so the phrase "screwed the pooch" is especially appropriate. Still doesn't quite explain why the bartender would automatically assume she wouldn't be having a drink that night though, which would be key to making a truly wonderful punchline.

Last edited by drewtwo99; 06-01-2013 at 04:08 AM.
Old 06-01-2013, 08:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joey P View Post
Alasti blondi kävelee baariin, jossa villakoira alle yksi käsi ja kaksi jalka salamia toisen alle. Hän asettaa villakoira pöydälle. Baarimikko sanoo: Oletan et tarvitse juoda. Naked lady sanoo.....
"Nakedly blonde walks into a bar, where poodle under one hand and two foot salami under other. She place poodle on the table. Bartender says: I presume you no need to drink. Naked lady says..."

... I guess we'll be getting our perfect machine translations the same year a computer passes the Turing test and we all have flying cars.
Old 06-01-2013, 08:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joey P View Post
Alasti blondi kävelee baariin, jossa villakoira alle yksi käsi ja kaksi jalka salamia toisen alle. Hän asettaa villakoira pöydälle. Baarimikko sanoo: Oletan et tarvitse juoda. Naked lady sanoo.....
Do you waaaaaant to come back to my place, bouncy-bouncy.
Old 06-01-2013, 08:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amateur Barbarian View Post
"No, but my dachshund could use a bowl of water."


Aside: unfinished jokes are great for the old dial-a-joke shen. You record your answering machine message as "Hi, you're reached Dial-A-Joke! Today's laugher: [tell above joke fragment]...beeep!
I read this one, took me a moment to understand it. But it's my favorite.
Old 06-01-2013, 01:28 PM
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A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says: I suppose you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says......"My boyfriend said he wanted to play hide the salami with me and a French bitch, and when I show up ready to go, he throws me out!"
Old 06-01-2013, 01:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shakes View Post
A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says: I suppose you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says......
"Don't think, pour; anything cold & strong. And don't ever date a 'deli-man'. They're all -ssholes."
Old 06-01-2013, 03:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arrogance Ex Machina View Post
"Nakedly blonde walks into a bar, where poodle under one hand and two foot salami under other. She place poodle on the table. Bartender says: I presume you no need to drink. Naked lady says..."

... I guess we'll be getting our perfect machine translations the same year a computer passes the Turing test and we all have flying cars.
The machine's Finnish is a darn sight better than mine, at that.
Old 06-02-2013, 08:51 AM
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Naked lady says: What do you mean? And the bartender says: Well, by the looks of you, you've already had a Sexin' the Pooch and a Dry Salami.
Old 06-02-2013, 09:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arrogance Ex Machina View Post
"Nakedly blonde walks into a bar, where poodle under one hand and two foot salami under other. She place poodle on the table. Bartender says: I presume you no need to drink. Naked lady says..."

... I guess we'll be getting our perfect machine translations the same year a computer passes the Turing test and we all have flying cars.
So sue me, I'm not that clever, I let Google finnish the joke for me.
Old 06-05-2013, 12:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shakes View Post
A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says: I suppose you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says......
Yes, I'll have a drink. I was the designated driver the last time we went out.
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