Old 07-01-2013, 11:55 AM
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: On the level, if inclined
Posts: 14,337
"That means TWO things"

Origin: Family Guy
Quagmire: "What can I say, I like watching her box."
Peter, with a sly smile to the folks watching in TV land: "That means two things.

Took one of the kids to The Very Large Buy It In Bulk Store yesterday. Among the bounty was something like 30 pounds of chicken. Checkout lady asked me, "Do you want your meat in a box?" Under her breath my spawn muttered, "That means two things." Pretty sure the cashier missed it.

Was at a cuttlery shop a couple decades ago working with a distractingly attractive sales associate to assemble a collection of very nice blades (which I lost in the divorce, tragically). Had already selected a paring knife, bread knife, veggie, and slicer and was pondering over one more to fill out the 5-blade rack I was getting (before "nice rack" was a coomon phrase). "Do you need a boner?" Perfectly valid question under the circumstances followed by a brief but Awkward Silence while my internal censor went on red alert filtering out several inappropriate responses, four eyes not making contact, "Um, no, I don't usually get bone-in cuts." was about the best I could muster.
Y'all are just too damned serious. Lighten up.
Old 07-01-2013, 12:14 PM
Charter Member
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 19,998
My daughter likes to sleep with her mother some times. When that happens, I just go to another room to sleep - don't care to be sharing a bed with my 11yo, to be frank.

Last night, daughter suggested it and I told her "No, I've already made plans to sleep with your mother tonight."

"That's not fair! You can sleep with Mama whenever you want!"

"I wish!"

Sophia left the conversation a bit confused, I would say.
Old 07-01-2013, 12:32 PM
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Challenger Deep
Posts: 11,022
A couple of decades ago I was at a TGIFriday's restaurant with some friends. As we placed our orders, one of my friends inquired about the dimensions of a wrap sand. The waiter dutifully responded thus:

"It's about this long and this big around."

At the same time, he was gesturing with his hands - directly in front of his junk - to indicate the length and girth of the sandwich. My friend and I, in our Beavis-and-Butthead states of mind, immediately busted out laughing, and the waiter turned red in the face at the realization of how his performance had been perceived. Great fun.

Shortly after that, my friend adopted the line into his email sig: John "it's about this long and this big around" Doe (not his real name). After responding to an email from his future father-in-law - in which he accidentally included that sig line - he decided it was best to drop it.

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